Park Ha’s POV

Coming out of work, I know where to go. I drag myself to the dark alley where I could find Soon Ji. She flashes that devilish smile of hers when she sees me.

            “Finally...I thought you’re still playing V.I.P....Just as I thought...you will never say no to a friend...” she says.

I feel the creep crawl under my skin when she mentions ‘friend’. We never been friends. It’s true....after I ran away from my ex-boyfriend, I have nowhere to go and Myung Hee took me in. Myung Hee used to work under Soon Ji back then and since I’m with Myung Hee, I came with her most of the time. This is the reason why Soon Ji thinks that I am a recruit.

Meeting Myung Hee introduced me to the crazy world of idol pursuit. I found out how the system works and how insane these people could be. Myung Hee is a sasaeng but she’s not the bad type. Following her idols is what she does but she never did extreme acts like most sasaengs do. She’s just in for connections and financial help.

I can’t understand why they are so crazy about these guys but still I chose to go with the flow. We usually waited for hours in front of DBSK dorm and workplaces just to catch a glimpse of them. That’s when I get to know Park Yoochun. Among the five members, he’s the only one who caught my attention. There’s something in his smile that spreads a happy and bright feeling to people. That time, I’m still recovering from what I just experienced but this stranger brings back the first smile in my face. I don’t know him well but his smile made me smile. He never stared my way before yet I always feel thankful towards him. I know he doesn’t even know my existence but he’s already a part of my new life.

I know that I wouldn’t want to live Myung Hee’s lifestyle so not long after, I moved on my own. We parted ways but decided to keep in touch as friends. I started rebuilding my life and walk my own path. I never once thought that it will all come back to me this way.

           “Soon Ji....I came here not to do what you want me to do. I just want to tell you not to expect anything from me. I will never do any work for you.” I declare.

Doing her a ‘favor’ is not an option for me. I did sell out Athena and Jaejoong and I admit to that. I was wrong but God knows I only did that to save a friend. A friend that is so important to me. But to sell Yoochun to them...I would never ever do that. Doing nothing and ignoring the situation was another bad decision I made. I should have done this right away.... If only I faced it the moment I encounter it, it shouldn’t have turned bad and Yoochun wouldn’t be hurt.

            “What?” she smiles while scratching her earlobe as if she couldn’t believe what I said.

            “I have no interest to work for you. I’m not your slave so you have no right to tell me what to do.” I answer looking at her with determined voice.

            “What’s this? You’re playing strong huh?” She stands from her seat and circles around me.

Her minions give me the crooked smiles.

            “You think I’m kidding when I told you that I’ll inform C-Jes and Serenity about what you did? Don’t test me Park Ha....” She stops in front of me. “I’m starting to get annoyed BY...YOUR....STUPID.... COCKINESS..” She pokes my forehead for each word.

            “Tell them....Tell them about what I did I don’t care.” I say staring straight in her eyes. “I will gladly accept my punishment but I will never bring hurt to those innocent people anymore.”

Her eyes widen in anger. She slaps me. I feel my pained cheek.

            “Sasaengs like you are scums in this earth. You always say that you love those idols but that’s not true. People like you don’t know how to love.....all you have are your selfish desires. You can’t have your own life and in the end, you will have nothing but your pathetic selves!”

            “This !”

They swarm towards me like a flock of wild animals. They grab my hair...hit me in the face...punch and kick here and there. I even heard a ripping sound from my shirt. I didn’t fight back...there’s no way that I’ll win against these six crazy sasaengs. I curve myself like a fetus on the ground as I take those beatings.

            “You motherf*cking !”

            “Speaking like a goddamn clean ! Are you trying to be funny?!”

 They keep hitting until they get satisfied. Soon Ji grabs me by the hair and speaks in my face.

            “I’ve been patient for you for old time’s sake but you really got into my nerves. Fine....I won’t ask you to do me a favor anymore...just make sure that you won’t show that face of yours again or else you’ll get more than that.”

She let me go and she leaves with the other girls.

My whole body is shaking but I tried to sit. My shirt has torn on the sleeve. I cough and feel the side of my lips with my hand. I think I have a bruise because it is aching. There is blood.....After a few years; I got myself hit by other people again....

I don’t think I have enough energy to get up on my feet so I crawl. I crawl for as far as I can but my vision starts to become blurry until everything turns black.........

_____________________________________________________________________

I open my eyes and a hanging dextrose is what I first see. The unknown water-like liquid from it is falling in drops. 

            “Ommo! Park Ha….I’m glad you’re finally awake!” I see Chae Kyung’s relieved face.

            “Chae Kyung ah….” My mouth is so dry.

            “What do you feel? Do you need anything now, like food?”

            “W-water….”

She helps me sit and I notice that we are on a hospital. She gives me some water to drink.

            “How long have I slept?”

            “It’s been two days. I was at work when I got a call. Some high school students saw you lying unconsciously on an alley.”

So it’s like that….I’m still lucky I didn’t die there.

            “What did the doctors say?”

            “All the bruises will heal after a few days but you have to be careful about your left rib. The lower part of it got the serious beating. The doctors said that something hard must have been hit on it.”

That explains why it is painful when I try to get up earlier.

            “What happened to you Park Ha? Who did all of this to you?”

            “Some bullies….”

            “Those people are so bad! Why didn’t you call for help?”

            “That didn’t cross my mind…” I give her a frail smile.

            “Maybe we should call Yoochun sshi.”

I stare at her.

            “What? Give me his number.”

            “There’s no need to bother him…”

            “No need? He’s your boyfriend! Don’t you think he deserves to know what’s happening to you?”

            “We broke up.”

            “Y-You w-hat?!”

            “It’s my fault anyway….”

            “What happen? How is it your fault?” she curiously asks.

I’m sure she’s really surprised.

            “Can’t we just.... not talk about this now? Let me sleep a little more Chae Kyung…”

            “But you just woke up……” Chae Kyung sighs and finally gives up digging information. “Anyway, take a rest so that you’ll recover easily.”

She helps me lie down. It is a bit hard because of my sore rib but I managed to lay comfortably. I close my eyes.

As I receive those punches and kicks, all I could think of is Yoochun’s face. I miss him terribly but I know that I have no rights to see him again after what happened. It’s over between us and I ended up hurting him…..

Only knowing Park Yoochun gives me smiles. He’s somebody that’s beyond my reach and getting his attention is something I never even dare to hope for…..A star like him descending from the sky to get a grasp of someone like me is just like a dream but it happened. His love made me feel happy.

Someone like him can’t be with a nobody like me……we don’t suit each other, it is a given. Because of this, I always know that separation is eventually going to happen but why does my heart feel hurt?

Having those happy memories with him….I’m truly thankful,,,I won’t ask for more so I think I’ll leave it like that. I should send him away….let him remain in the sky…where a star like him belongs.

Tears come out even though I keep my eyes shut. I try my best to hold back my sobs and not make some loud noise.

            “Park Ha?! Why? Why are you crying?” I hear Chae Kyung’s worried voice.

But my uncontrollable tears streams down continuously.

            “Park Ha…..why? Is something hurt?” she shakes my arm.

I shut both my eyes and mouth tightly though it didn’t help much because the tears and sobs are still there.

            “Park Ha….what’s happening?” her voice sounds like she wants to cry too.

_____________________________________________________________________

Yoochun’s POV

            “How was it? I mean….how did you feel when she finally called you Oppa?” Jaejoong hyung asks Junsu.

Junsu smiles widely.

            “The truth is….I feel happy and shy at the same time…”

            “I think the two of you became awkward after that.”

            “Yes…that happened…kekeke…”

            “She’ll get used to it…”

Jaejoong hyung then notice me coming in the room. Junsu shows an ‘Oops….’ expression.

            “You don’t have to be that careful around me. I’m fine hearing your sweet stories.” I say.

They already know what happened between Park Ha and me.

            “A person like her is not deserving of my tears. I should feel glad that I finally opened my eyes to see how despicable she is.”

            “Athena and I are not holding any grudge against her. She must have her reason to do that. Don’t let your relationship be in waste because of that.” Jaejoong hyung says.

I told him that Park Ha sold them out on the reporters. Athena and Jaejoong hyung were surprised but they immediately bounced from that and chose to be forgiving.

            “It’s not only that. She’s a sasaeng! How would I date a sasaeng like her?! You know how those sasaengs make it hard for us.” I grit my teeth because of anger.

Junsu and Jaejoong hyung didn’t say a thing. I know, it’s hard to believe that she’s one of them.

            “I don’t know the whole situation Yoochun hyung but I want to know….despite that, do you still love her?” Junsu asks.

            “Is it the time for that? I feel nothing but hatred for her.” I reply.

            “The way I see it, you are just ignoring your real feelings for her. You are angry now and it’s because of what you found out.” Jaejoong hyung says.

He continues.

            “Park Ha might be a real sasaeng but ask yourself, during the entire time that you’ve been together….have you ever felt like her feelings for you are not real? That the things she had shown you are just act?”

_____________________________________________________________________

Park Ha’s POV

            “That Soon Ji! She’s a true devil! How could she do this to you?” Myung Hee says.

She heard what happened and visits me right away. Myung Hee already told Chae Kyung that she’s a sasaeng and the person who beat me up is a sasaeng leader.

            “That is something expected from her anyway. Good thing is she won’t bug me anymore.” I say.

            “She beat you up good….Aigoo! Aigoo….that is making me feel frustrated!” she says while hitting her own chest.

            “So this sasaeng thing is the reason why you told me that you hurt Park Yoochun?” Chae Kyung blurts out.

            “He found out?!” Myung Hee asks me.

I nod.

            “What did you say? Did you explain?”

I shook my head.

            “Chincha…..are you dumb? You could just tell him that you did it because of a friend. If Athena is not as bad as I think like what you told me….she wouldn’t make a big deal about it. She will forgive you for giving those reporters the info.” Chae Kyung says.

          “You know, that’s also one of the things I’m thinking of right now. I should apologize to her and Kim Jaejoong.”

            “I’m so sorry…it’s my fault!” Myung Hee says.

            “Don’t be…I did it so it was my fault.”

            “You are a sasaeng right?” Chae Kyung asks Myung Hee.

            “Yes. Why?” she answers.

            “You should know what Park Yoochun is up to nowadays…”

            “I follow Yunho nowadays….Recently, I don’t know much about JYJ.”

            “Is that so? Then it’s impossible to know how Yoochun is taking their break up….”

            “Chae Kyung ah…..Don’t bother yourself about us…Let’s just let him be...” I say.

            “How about you?”

I smile.

            “Don’t worry….I’ll get through this. After all, I’m not the only one who’s experiencing heartbreak, right?”

I don’t know if I was able to convince her….I can’t convince myself either.

            “Park Ha ah….your eyes say it all….” Myung Hee says.

Chae Kyung breathes out in a harsh way.

            “That’s the reason why I told you not to even think of dating him! Chincha….”

Her expression is a mix of frustration, sadness, and sympathy.