“Why don’t we just end it, then?” I spat, not meaning it all.
 
“That sounds like a brilliant idea” Seungri snarled, I grabbed my coat and slammed the door shut as I left Seungri alone in our shared apartment. We had been fighting a lot recently but this one had gotten out of hand when he had started raising his voice and I had followed suite, and it had become a full blown fight, all because he forgot to do the dishes from the last few days. I realised the brunt of my actions now, but my pride refused to let me go back and apologize.
 
I decided to go and stay with Youngbae; he always knew what to do. I felt like crying but I knew that I couldn’t do that in public, or I would be in the media again, and I really didn’t need that. So I lowered my head and called an uber.  After paying, walked up Youngbae’s drive and knocked on his door, hoping he was in.
 
Hyorin answered and I greeted her with a weak smile. She saw that I was upset and ushered me in, offering me tea and food but I just shook my head and asked if Youngbae was in. She called up the stairs to him and he trundled down in trampy looking clothes.
 
The man had known me for nearly sixteen years, he knew when I was about to cry and he just wordlessly took my hand and pulled me into the lounge before cupping my cheeks. “What’s wrong, Ji?” I shook my head, the tears pooling in my eyes. Quietly, he let go of my cheeks and wrapped me in his strong arms. I buried my face into the side of his neck and silently let the tears drip down my face.
 
“I’m scared” I finally whispered.
 
“Of what?” but I didn’t answer and he just hugged me. Hyorin entered the room with a plate of snacks and a warm mug of herbal tea, the kind Youngbae had especially for when I came over. I didn’t want her to see me crying so I wiped my eyes and thanked her with a small smile.
 
“Do you want to stay here?” Youngbae asked, turning to Hyorin “That’s fine isn’t it Hun?” Hyorin nodded kindly.
 
“Of course, JiYong is always welcome under our roof” I bowed slightly.
 
“Thank you” I whispered meekly.
 
Youngbae took me to the spare bedroom and gave me a set of his clothes to wear after I’d showered and then I heard him dialling somebody in the other room.
 
“Seungri?” he started and I groaned but carried on listening. “Why is JiYong upset?” he paused for a second. “Yo man, don’t get angry” he said defensively. “Don’t talk about him like that! Yah!” Youngbae was getting angry. “Why the would you say that about him?” I felt more tears come to my eyes at the thought of what Seungri had been saying about me. “No, Seungri – I’m not going to talk to you if you just insult my best friend like this” I heard a phone being thrown somewhere and I assumed that he had hung up. I just loved Youngbae for defending me like that.
 
After I had showered, I pulled on the clothes Youngbae had given me and went back to my bedroom. I wrapped myself in the duvet and curled up, not wanting to annoy Youngbae and Hyorin by being downstairs. I didn’t really do anything, I didn’t really think either. All I knew was that I missed Seungri, I missed his face, his smile, his voice, annoying habits, everything.
 
I took a deep breath before burying my face in my hands and crying silently. Why was I such an idiot? I wandered if Seungri was as miserable as me right now, probably not; he was probably getting ready to go out clubbing.
 
Evening turned into night and Youngbae called me for dinner. Hyorin’s Eomma had dropped some ribs round for them and we shared them out with some rice and other soups. It was delicious. There was some small talk with me but I mostly let them talk amongst themselves. I didn’t fell like eating and I had a little before pushing the bowl away. I received some concerned glances from the two of them but I just looked down at the table in embarrassment.
 
“We have practice tomorrow don’t we?” Youngbae coughed awkwardly. I hummed in response and he lapsed into silence.
 
“Do you want something else, JiYong, aren’t you hungry?” I looked up and adamantly shook my head.
 
“No, thank you but I’m full” I lied. I just felt sick, I wouldn’t be able to keep the food down. They finished and I helped wash up.
 
“Watch a movie with us” Youngbae suggested. I sat on one of the sofas and curled up in one of the blankets before focusing on the television. It was a boring film and I went on my phone after half an hour. Seungri had put something on his snapchat story and I hesitated before opening it. He was, as I expected, partying.
 
He was in a club with at least four girls grinding on him and my fist clenched in anger. The next video was of him taking shots with his friend David and then more girls in short skirts appeared. I exited out of his story when he kissed the first one and abruptly stood up before walking out of the room quickly. I couldn’t control my tears any longer, he was with someone else, somebody other than me was kissing him, her filthy hands were touching him where only I could touch. He was going to sleep with her, I knew it.
 
Youngbae called my name but I just ran up to the guest room, slammed the door and fell onto the bed. I couldn’t contain my sobs any more, they fell from my lips and I struggled to breathe under the weight of my sorrow. And without thinking, I dialled his number.
 
And to my surprise, he picked up. The music was in the background and I could hear a girl’s high pitched voice in the background. His breathing filled the other side of the line. “Seungri-ah” the girls voice called and I breathed in deeply. “What?” he finally said.
 
“Please don’t” I begged in a whisper “please don’t do that to me.” There was a short unamused laugh from him.
 
“I’ve changed my mind” he said to the girl and I sighed with relief “…I want you against the wall” and my stomach dropped.
 
“Seungri, please no” I begged. I heard the phone being dropped and I closed my eyes as kissing sounds could be heard, the girl’s gasps and moans filled the line but when Seungri grunted in pleasure, I finally hung up. I burst into even more tears; I pulled at my hair and banged my head against the bed.
 
Youngbae rushed into the room and found me on the floor, sobbing into my arms. “JiYong, what’s wrong?” he begged me to answer him. “Is it Seungri’s snapchat story, JiYong, you know he’s only doing that for show. He would never touch them other then that” I looked up at him.

“That’s why when I called him and begged him not to touch her; he puts his phone on speaker so I can hear him ing her.” Youngbae’s face dropped.
 
“H-he did that?” he stuttered and when I nodded, his face contorted in anger.

“That little , I’m going to kill him tomorrow.” He then looked back at me and pulled me into a tight hug.
 
“Hyor” he called. “I’m staying with JiYong tonight yeah?” she yelled that it was okay up the stairs and Youngbae tucked me up in bed before climbing in with me. He wrapped me in his arms and kissed my forehead lightly. “I’m gonna put a picture of us cuddling on instagram to make him jealous.” He pulled his phone out and I buried my face in his chest as he took the picture so none of the fans could see my tears.
 
 
It was a cute picture and I helped him pick a nice filter before smiling as he posted it on instagram. “Thank you bae, thank you for always being here for me.” Youngbae just kissed my forehead again.
 
“And I always will be here so don’t you worry” I smiled at that and cuddled closer before falling asleep in the safety of his arms.
 
 
“Hey, sorry to wake you up but we have practice” I opened my eyes to see Youngbae right above me. I had cried myself to sleep in his arms last night only to wake up every half hour from the worry of everything that was happening. I was dreading seeing Seungri again, my hands were shaking at the thought of it. I decided that when we had done the preparations today, I was going to spend some time away from everything; I just couldn’t deal with it all.
 
I pulled on my jeans from yesterday, a pair of Youngbae’s boxers and one of his hoodies. The car was sent round for us and I got in reluctantly, really not wanting to see any of the band members except from Youngbae. “Can you go first and see if Seungri is there?” I whispered to Youngbae.
 
“Of course” he gave my hand a squeeze before opening the studio door. After a minute, he came back with a reassuring smile.
 
“Yeah he is, do you want to hold my hand?” I nodded, feeling like a small child and took his hand in my own. He gave it another reassuring squeeze and we walked in together. Daesung sat at the computer next to Seunghyun and Seungri sat on the sofa on his phone. Seunghyun looked up when we came in and smiled warmly. Daesung hugged us both and I sat down on one of the chairs, as far away from Seungri as I could.
 
Seungri looked up as I sat down and I saw the guilt in his eyes when he looked at me. I just picked at my sleeve and said nothing. I didn’t need his pity. Every body knew I had been crying all night, my eyes were red and swollen and I just looked like a wreck.
 
“Ji, do you want to take charge?” Seunghyun asked and I nodded, standing up and sitting at the recording desk. We were making some special preparations for the 10^th anniversary concert and we needed to record the rest of the album so that was what we were doing.
 
I had been meek with Seungri even though his voice had been gruff from the alcohol he had consumed last night. I didn’t dare tell him off or scold him; I didn’t even want to communicate with him. He took his jacket off half way through the recording and my breath hitched when I saw purple marks on his neck and collar bones, they hadn’t been put there by me. I couldn’t do it.
 
My breathing got heavier the more I stared at the ominous love bites, they were taunting me. And finally, I broke. I staggered out of my chair with tears fresh in my eyes and held my hand to my chest which felt constricted and tight as I rushed out of the studio. I thought I was strong enough to face him but seeing those marks given to him by somebody other than me had pushed me over the edge.
 
I came to the balcony at the top of the YG building and sat down on one of the benches, it had been raining and it was cold but I didn’t care. I shivered and tried to take deep breaths to calm myself down; I couldn’t have a panic attack, not now, not here.
 
I pushed the tears that were threatening to spill away and bit my lip in frustration. Was he not at all upset? Didn’t he regret his actions last night? I replayed the noises that made down the phone, his grunts of pleasure as he had her up against the wall like he said. I shuddered again and buried my face in my knees. It was so cold, too cold but I couldn’t move, I was stuck here because I didn’t dare face them inside. I knew they were talking about me, I knew that Youngbae was shouting at Seungri right now.
 
I needed to get away for a bit, I needed to leave. The recording could wait, I needed out.
 
And so I got a taxi back to my shared apartment, it had been trashed, paper lay everywhere, glasses had been smashed and our expensive mirror in the hallway was cracked. I found my suitcase and packed most of my clothes. I found my Louis vuitton bag knifed, most likely by Seungri and I cussed him out loud.
 
“ing little faced ” my equivalent of $4000 pounds bag was destroyed. My $2000 dollar Armani suit was torn and I actually burst into tears. But I was scared of something the most. I held my breath as I rummaged through the piles of vintage I had until I got to the box at the bottom, it was open. “No” I breathed. “He ing wouldn’t” I looked inside the box and burst into tears.
 
My grandfathers watch was smashed. It had been one of the only things he’d left to me when he died. When my grandfather was young, he had been really poor and he’d saved just enough money to buy a nice watch. He had hand written me a letter to go with it, telling me that it had been with him since he was 18 until the day he died and he wanted it to be the same for me, he wanted me to have it. I never wore it though, it was too precious to wear and I didn’t want to damage it. But there it lay, with the face smashed in.
 
I cradled it to my chest and cried loudly. I was so upset, not even about Seungri anymore, about my grandfather. How could Seungri just meaninglessly destroy my most prized possession? I didn’t care about the suits or the suitcases, they were replaceable, and the watch…it just wasn’t.
 
I placed the watch into the box again and wrapped it in one of my t-shirts before placing it in the suitcase with me. I couldn’t stop crying and I packed the rest of my belongings in about three travelling bags. My gaze kept switching to the front door, I was so scared that he’d come in. When I had my belongings, I carried them all down to the underground car park and shoved them in the boot of my car.
 
I needed out, now. And so I just left, I sped away down the motorway. I would get the ferry to Jeju and stay at café monsant for a few weeks, months, I hadn’t decided yet. I booked it on my way to the port and soon I was on the next ferry out there.
 
I arrived at my apartment before dark and opened the door before kicking my bags through. I was too exhausted to eat so I just crashed on the bed and checked my phone. I had oh so many missed calls from Youngbae and I groaned before opening the messages. They were mostly asking where I’d gone, or why I had left. I knew Youngbae would understand if I sent him a picture of the watch so I did.
 
I’m going to stay away for a few weeks. I need some time and space, sorry about the recording and thanks for always being my best friend. 
 
The picture of the watch was attached and Youngbae’s just replied.
 
He ing didn’t, I’m going to murder him Ji. That’s just too far, way too far. I understand, stay away for as long as you feel you need, I’ll cover with YG xx
 
I then turned my phone off and let the darkness envelope me. Only my sobs filled the apartment, I was miserable.
 
Days passed in a numb mess, I barely ate and I couldn’t sleep. The noises of Seungri and that girl haunted me every time I closed my eyes and the smashed watch upset me more and more every time I thought about it. My days basically involved me lying in bed and being lazy for hours and if I was feeling great, I would trek to the fridge and have yoghurt. I hadn’t eaten properly in days though.
 
I could feel myself losing weight but I couldn’t bring myself to care about that right now. I knew I had to be back in Seoul in three weeks time for our concert but I was dreading it. Nobody actually knew where I was at the moment, I hadn’t told a soul.
 
I could feel myself wasting away yet I didn’t mind, maybe it was a good thing. And as much as I tried, I couldn’t bring myself to hate Seungri, and that was the most annoying thing. I still missed his kisses and his hugs, I couldn’t sleep at night with out his arms around me, his face pressed into my neck, his legs between mine, I couldn’t do it.
 
And Seungri had tried to contact me. He had tried to call me half a million times but I just didn’t pick up, I didn’t want to talk to him, yet I did…so badly.
 
It was only the day before I was going to go back to Seoul that I looked in the mirror and realised what a mess I was. My ribs were showing badly and my thighs were becoming twig like. I had been gone nearly a month and this was the results. My hair was greasy and I, on a whim, decided that I would dye it again. I bought the dye from a local store and dyed it myself over the bath.
 
It washed out to be a pinkie colour and I loved it. So as not to be recognised, I shoved it under a beanie on my way back to Seoul. I texted Youngbae and asked him if I could stay again. He obviously said yes and I rocked up to his door in my new pink hair. His eyebrows rose as he took in my appearance but he didn’t mention the fact I looked like , he knew I knew.

 

“I like your hair” he smiled, pulling me into a hug. I couldn’t smile, I just nodded and hauled my suitcases through the front door. “How long are you going to stay?” he asked.

 

“As long as you let me I guess, I’m sorry to be a nuisance” I looked at the floor. “I’ll get an apartment soon, but I haven’t been looking recently” he nodded.

 

“Your welcome for as long as you like” I squeezed his arm and looked around.

 

“Is Hyor not here?” she was always bustling about in the kitchen somewhere.

 

“No, shes abroad at the moment so it’s just us” I bit my lip and looked around. “You can stay in the main bedroom with me if you want” I looked up at him slightly happier.

“Really?” he nodded and pinched my cheek slightly.

“Of course” I dropped my bag and huffed heavily. “H-has Seungri been around?” I was hesitating to ask as I was scared.

 

“I think he’s slightly scared of me at the moment, I may have slapped him after you ran off – and then threatened to do more than that if he didn’t piss off out of my sight.” Youngbae scratched the back of his head guiltily. “But Daesung told me he’s been a mess.” I lowered my gaze. “Apparently he’s been getting drunk daily, during the day he just sits in bed crying and drinking.” I clenched my fist, not wanting but wanting at the same time, for him to be miserable.

 

“Oh” was all I replied. “He’s tried to call me a lot” Youngbae started.
 

“That little , I told him to leave you alone!” I winced at his loud tone. “Sorry” Youngbae smiled sheepishly. “Do you want dinner?” he was eyeing my frame and I squirmed uncomfortably.

 

“I think I’m fine but thanks” I smiled, not wanting to eat.

 

“JiYong you’re skin and bones” he scolded.

“I’m fine” I snapped and he stopped pressuring me. “Can I just sleep please?” I was so tired, I just wanted to close my eyes and hibernate for ever.

 

“Of course, Ji” Youngbae helped me move my luggage up to his room and I pulled on some pyjamas and slipped under his duvet. He cuddled with me until he fell asleep and I was left to lie awake like all the other nights.

 

Morning approached slowly and I finally fell into restless slumber at five am only to be woken an hour later by Youngbae who was going to the toilet. I couldn’t get back to sleep after that, I needed familiar arms around me. Youngbae’s arms just weren’t the same as Seungri’s; I missed feeling the steady breath on the back of my neck when we spooned. I missed the occasional kisses Seungri would press into my nape as we cuddled to sleep, his arm on my waist, his leg draped over my side, my back flush against his chest.

 

When we finally got up, I was exhausted. I forced myself to eat a multigrain bar and I had a cup of tea. We set off for the studio around eight and I was dreading the dance practice with all my heart. It was still dark in the practice room, nobody was here yet and we set our bags down on the bench and started warming up.

 

“I haven’t come up with a plan for this dance rehearsal” I suddenly cursed, realising how disorganised I had been. I wrung my hands and started to panic.

 

“Hey, Ji – don’t worry, I did one a few days ago, I know you have other things on your mind at the moment so it was likely you’d forget.” I breathed a sigh of utter relief.

“Thank you thank you thank you” I hugged him quickly before going over the sheet of paper he then handed me.

 

“So bang bang bang and tonight in the morning, stupid liar-” I froze “But I have that fan service thing with Seungri at the beginning” Youngbae frowned.

 

“I guess you could just cut it out” he paused “or Daesung and Seunghyun could do it instead” I nodded, that was a good idea. Seunghyun arrived about ten minutes later with his breakfast on a tray, the smells made me feel nauseous and I nearly felt my multigrain bar come up. I knew I should have eaten for a dance practice, it required a lot of energy but the sight and smell of food was repulsive at the moment.

 

Daesung arrived next looking chirpy, he had put his hair in a tiny top knot and looked adorable as always. “JiYong hyung!” he screamed, giving me a tight hug “I haven’t seen you in forever, where’d you disappear off to huh?” I smiled weakly and squeezed him tight before letting go.

 

Seungri was the last to arrive after all the other dancers came. He looked…he looked tired. I bit my lip as I recognised one of my hoodies that hung off of his shoulders. His dark circles were awful, and his face wasn’t shaved, fuzzy stubble sat on his cheeks. I looked away and I felt his gaze on me, I shuffled uncomfortably under the stare and fiddled with the end of my sweater.

 

We started the practice when everybody had settled down and I used all my willpower to stay away from Seungri. I moved to the opposite side of the room whenever he came close. I was so tired and my legs kept wobbling but I ignored he obvious signs of complete fatigue. It was only after an hour and a half that I suggested a break. My hands shook as I gulped from a water bottle, as I stood up from the chair to get to the toilet, I felt suddenly dizzy.

 

“Hey Ji, do you want some crisps” I nodded, knowing it would help the dizziness and gnawing pit of hunger in my stomach. As I approached Daesung though, my eyesight went blurry. I clutched at open air in an attempt to steady myself. “Ji?!” My legs gave way and I felt my head colliding with the floor.

 

“Oh my word!” it was Seungri “Baby can you hear me?” I lost complete consciousness then.

 

“JiYong?” I felt groggy as I opened my eyes. The first thing I noticed was that I was still in the practice room, only on the other side, lying on one of the sofas. “How do you feel?” I squinted up at Seunghyun. He looked worried. “Youngbae went to get some water” I nodded.

 

“He wants to take you to the doctor as well.” I frowned.

“Every body faints sometimes” I argued.

“JiYong, I carried you over here, you hardly weigh anything, I think you need to get that checked out.” I bit my lip angrily. I looked over his shoulder and saw Seungri sitting on the opposite sofa; he was buried in his thoughts and looked guilty. I picked at my finger nails absently before Youngbae came back with a glass of water and a tray of soup.

 

I gulped the water down and then the soup before sitting back against the sofa. My head felt a little clearer and I breathed a sigh of relief. “When did you last have a proper meal, Ji?” Youngbae asked and I merely shrugged, knowing he’d scold me if I told him it was more than a month ago.

 

I gained my strength back and insisted that we carried on with the practice. The others were reluctant but I pushed their worries away with a fake smile and showed that I could do it by starting without them. They reluctantly joined in and soon we were back in full swing of the practice, my episode forgotten hopefully.

 

Daesung insisted that we took more regular breaks and I agreed, knowing we all needed them. Seungri was near silent the whole rehearsal but I felt his gaze on me sometimes but when I looked, he was looking elsewhere. I couldn’t shake off the feeling of being watched by him though.

 

“Lets call it a day” Seunghyun said when it passed eleven in the evening, we had been practicing for hours. I wiped my sweat away and took a swig of water.

 

“Yo Ji, I have to go and see Teddy, wait here yeah?” I waved him off and stood idly in the doorway. The others all left and I was awkwardly faced with Seungri. He approached me and I withered into a corner.

 

“I need to talk to you” he said firmly.

 

“No” I replied steadily. “Go home and sleep.” He shook his head and grabbed my arm. I flinched under the touch. “Let go of me” I whispered, feeling upset again.

“No” he grunted, pushing me against a wall. “I miss you, Ji” he breathed. And then his lips were on mine. I tried to push him away but I was still weak from fatigue and it didn’t do anything.

 

“No, Seungri – get off me” I begged when he left my lips and started kissing and biting my neck. Tears pooled in my eyes and I pushed against his shoulders, but it was futile. His kisses and bites hurt and a tear dripped down my face. “Please” I begged, crying fully now.

 

“Shut up” he grunted, pulling my shirt up. His hands found my hips and he squeezed them before harshly pushing me back against the wall. I cried out in pain. His hands were on my now, grabbing and pushing. I let out a choked sob as he touched me.

 

“I don’t want this” I cried as he ed my jeans and pushed them down.

 

“What the are you doing?” Youngbae screamed from the doorway. I let out a low sob and as Seungri finally let go of me, I sank to the floor in despair. “I told you to leave him the alone!” Seungri looked at me and finally horror crossed his face when he realised what he had done.

 

“JiYong, I’m so sorry” he breathed “I didn’t mean it, baby, I wasn’t in my right mind” I just let my head fall onto my knees as I sobbed. My t-shirt was gone and I wrapped my arms around myself, my jeans were at my ankles and I didn’t have the energy to pull them up.

 

“Get out” Youngbae said to Seungri and I heard him leaving before warm arms embraced me. “Are you alright?” he whispered but I didn’t answer right away.

 

“I-I want to die” was all I stuttered after two minutes and Youngbae kissed my forehead lightly.

 

“Never ever think that” I clenched my jaw and closed my eyes. “Let’s get you home” Youngbae helped me stand and I leant on him as he pulled my jeans back up for me. He handed me my t-shirt which had been thrown across the room. I shrugged it on before following him out of the studio.

 

We got back and Youngbae forced me to eat dinner. I was so tired though and I barely remembered spooning the food into my mouth. We went straight to bed after that and I wrapped my arms about my legs and cried myself to sleep. Just when I thought things were getting better, Seungri had to effect me all over again.

 

It was two am and the doorbell rang. Youngbae was fast asleep and I hesitated before rolling out of bed and padding down the stairs. I looked at the camera and started when I saw Seungri standing there. Why the was he here? I frowned and had an internal battle with myself whether I should open the door or not. I decided on the first and slowly opened the latch before hesitantly opening the door fully.

 

“JiYong?” Seungri questioned. I stood there with my arms wrapped around myself.

 

“What do you want now?” I huffed.

 

“I’m so sorry, JiYong – for what happened earlier, I don’t know what I was thinking to do that to you” I didn’t react “I’m begging you to come back home JiYong.” I shook my head and started to close the door. “Do you still love me after everything? Because I still love you” I faltered.

 

“You know the answer to that, Seunghyun” I said firmly. He breathed outwardly and placed his hands on his hips.

 

“Please come back then” he begged.

 

“You slept with some girl and then smashed my most precious possession in the whole world; I’m not ready to be on civil terms with you Seunghyun.”

 

“I didn’t sleep with her” he uttered bluntly. I raised an eyebrow “The second you hung up I pushed her off and went home.”

 

“But you let me believe you cheated on me. And the worst part is you know I’ve been cheated on before, you know how paranoid and sad I get yet you still tormented me like that.” He looked down guiltily. “What about that time you found me ready to hurt myself after Kiko cheated on me, remember when you kissed me and promised me you would never do that?” His face panicked.

 

“JiYong, tell me you didn’t hurt yourself-”

 

“I didn’t, do you think I would just go and cut my wrists the second you cheated on me, I’m not that pathetic Seunghyun.”

 

“Harming yourself doesn’t make you pathetic” he whispered. “But I’m relieved you didn’t” I looked at the ground.

 

“And my watch? What have you got to say about that?” tears built in his eyes.

 

“JiYong I never meant to” he wiped an eye “You know I would never do that in my right mind”

 

“Theres a lot of things you ‘would never do in your right mind’ practically me is apparently one of them.”

 

“I know I’ve been an . I know I don’t deserve you in the slightest, but I’ve been miserable with out you by my side. I regret everything I did that night Baby, please believe me. And seeing you so thin and frail makes me so angry with myself. When you fainted earlier it was as though my world stopped.”

 

“I don’t want to hear it, none of it” I spat, beginning to close the door again. “I’ll sit out here all night if I have to” he begged.

 

“Do what you want, I don’t care.” I whispered, closing the door abruptly in his face. I stamped my way back upstairs and lay in bed, thinking that Seungri had probably gone home. It got to seven am and I got out of bed and had a quick shower before going downstairs.

 

I eyed the front door warily, he must have gone home by now. So I checked the camera, but there he was. My eyes widened, he must be freezing. Worry pitted in my stomach and I opened the front door again. His head shot up.

 

“Why didn’t you go home you ?” I groaned. He smiled sheepishly.

 

“I t-told you I w-wouldn’t” he stuttered from cold. I stamped my foot impatiently and battled with myself before opening the door fully. “Oh just ing come in before you die of hypothermia” he leapt to his feet and thanked me hurriedly before entering Youngbae’s house.

 

I still kept my distance and looked at him warily whilst he stood by the radiator warming up. “JiYong, what can I do to earn your forgiveness?” he begged, looking at me with pleading eyes.

 

“Can you unkiss that girl and unsmash my watch?” he looked disappointed.

 

“No” he whispered.

 

“Then its up to me, there’s nothing you can do. If I ever forgive you, I’ll do it when I’m ready.” He looked down sorrowfully.

 

“And how long will that take? I’m suffocating every day that you’re not by my side, I’m drowning in sorrow when I see you with out me by your side” I closed my eyes, not wanting him to see how much I wanted him back, how much I wanted to forgive him.

 

“It will take how long it takes.” I said abruptly. “Now your warm, please just leave, we have sound check today and I need everybody in good shape” and with that, I turned and left the kitchen. His cries followed me up the stairs.

 

It was only months after that I decided I could finally be with him again. It had been a miserable few months, I had rented a small flat and stayed there for a little even though I hated it, it was lonely and quiet. Seungri had sent me a good morning text everyday with an I love you on the end but even though it had made me smile a little, I still didn’t come back to him.

 

But after I had talked to my sister about everything that was happening she told me that he had probably suffered enough and that maybe it was time for me to go back to him, if I still loved him that was. And of course I still loved him, I would always love him, no matter how much of a he was to me – I couldn’t shake the feeling of butterflies when I saw his face or the nervous excitement when his arm brushed mine in practice.

 

Youngbae had agreed with my sister, Seungri had been a mess ever since that day. He turned up to rehearsals drunk at first but eventually, he started cleaning himself up a little. He shaved his stubble off and started turning up to the studio sober.

 

Small talk turned into real conversation and I finally felt comfortable around him again. It was a sunny morning and I decided to go and see him. The apartment was empty when I entered it and I looked around the living area before deciding he must still be asleep.

 

The bedroom was dark and messy. Seungri lay on the bed in one of my t-shirts and boxers. He was hugging something and my heart swelled when I saw it was a picture frame with a picture of us in it. I dropped my coat and pulled my bag off my shoulder before sliding into bed next to him. I shuffled as close as I possibly could before burying my face into the back of his neck and sliding my legs between his, where they were meant to go. We just fitted together like a jigsaw puzzle.

 

Seungri mumbled something before turning around and pressing himself against me. “I know this is just a dream but I wish it were real.” I kissed his forehead.

 

“It is real” I whispered and a melancholy smile appeared on his face.

 

“Wouldn’t that be nice” he mumbled. I thumbed his hair away from his forehead and placed a kiss there. They travelled down the side of his face to the tip of his nose and then his lips. The lips I had been dreaming about for months. He responded and I slid my tongue inside his mouth.

 

“If only this were real” he mumbled into my mouth, sliding his tongue along mine. I pushed my hands into his hair. “Wake up, darling, it is real” his eyes opened suddenly and a look of surprise rested on his features.

 

“J-JiYong?” he stuttered. I smiled placidly.

 

“In the flesh.” He looked stunned. “I decided that there was no point making us both suffer and be miserable any more” a grin broke out on his beautiful face.

 

“I love you so much” he whispered, diving in to capture my lips once again. I crawled on top of his figure and straddled his hips before kissing down his neck. He made soft whining sounds and his hips bucked up in anticipation.

 

“And I’m” he panted between kisses “I’m sorry for everything that happened” I shook my head “so sorry” I shut him up by kissing him once again.”

 

“Don’t speak about it, I don’t want anything else, you gave me the time I needed.” He nodded and I continued with my task of claiming him with dark bruises along his thighs and neck.

 

“Mine mine mine” I chanted between every sloppy kiss.

 

“Never leave me again, JiYong” he gasped as I finally felt him.

 

“I wont, trust me” I moved my hand and he became a shivering mess beneath me.

 

 

 

Woah that was soooooo long. Can we appreciate that this chapter is nearly 6500 words long :) and I know it is kinda angsty and he probably forgave him too easily but I just needed some Nyongtory romance in my life. Plus in the last few chapters, they’ve been too fluffy for my liking lololol.

 

Anyway please comment and upvote and stuff, I honestly appreciate it to the moon and back.