SERIOUS ANGST AHEAD! Trigger warning

Please comment your thoughts afterwards.

Seungri

Who the hell was ringing me at four o’clock in the morning? I muffled my groans with my pillow case and reached out from under my duvet to look at my phone which was still blaring out “y back” by Justin Timberlake. It was JiYong. I slid the answer button up and held the phone to my ear.

“JiYong, hello – why are you calling at this ungodly hour?” there was silence on the other side of the line and I cleared my throat awkwardly. JiYong why-”

“Am I a bad person?” his question took me off guard and I frowned.

“Hyung-”

“I guess it doesn’t matter anymore, I left my mark on the world – even if it was just a scratch. I got half the nation to hate me, I mean – that’s an achievement isn’t it?” He didn’t sound like himself and I sat up in bed.

“Hyung, are you drunk?” I asked. He let out a short hollow laugh.

“Is that what you think of me? Am I just somebody who gets drunk and then phones you because I’m feeling miserable huh?”

“No hyung I didn’t mean that!” I protested. He sighed down the phone.

“I’m tired of being watched all the time” he sounded really weird, really distant and it was starting to worry me. “They never leave me alone.”  His voice was trembling, almost as if he was crying. “I hope the fans understand, I mean – they won’t mind.”

“Won’t mind what, JiYong? What’s wrong? Where are you?” I bombarded him with questions and hurriedly left me bed. “You’re at home, right. I’m coming over now.” He laughed down the phone and I felt chills run down my spine, I had never heard JiYong laugh like that – it sounded almost sadistic.

“I’m lonely, Ri so lonely – I could stand in a room filled with people and still feel like I am drowning in the middle of the ocean.” He sighed “Do you think Youngbae will mind that I called you. I mean, he always tells me to call him when I’m feeling down but I wanted to talk to you.” I heard something rattle on the other end of the line.

“Hyung what are you doing?” I asked, pulling my shoes on and hurrying out of the front door.

“Just sorting the hosepipe out” he said calmly.

“It’s four in the morning, what the hell are you doing with the hosepipe?” I demanded.

“Just…sorting a few things out.” There was more rattling on the other side of the line. “A few things are annoying me though, Seungri. Can you finish off the demo tracks that I left on my desk and tell Daesung to talk to that girl he’s been pining after for months.” I was completely confused before it hit me.

“No, JiYong! Whatever you're thinking about doing, stop!” I yelled down the phone. I sped through the traffic lights and ignored all of the cameras. It had finally hit me he was planning to end everything. He wanted to finalise everything with me.

“That’s JiYong hyung to you” he laughed. I pressed my foot down even harder in an attempt to get to his house.

“I’m nearly there; you have to stay exactly where you are okay!” I panicked, tears building up behind my eyes. His muffled sobs came down the phone line and my stomach sank.

“Do you think people will be angry with me?” all these questions were making me more and more worried and I choked back my sobs. My throat was clogging up with worry and my stomach was tied in knots. There was a sound of a car engine being and I had a feeling of unnerve come over me.

“JiYong, baby please” I started begging. I was only five minutes away from his house and I was desperately crying down the phone.

“I love you, Seungri” his voice was becoming weaker. I turned into his drive and rushed out of my car. “I hope BigBang continues to be as awesome as they already are. You’ll be better off without me – I just bring us down with all my scandals.” It was merely a whisper.

His front door was locked and I pushed and pushed against it with my arm and side. Seeing no other option, I vaulted over his side gate and ran around to the other side of the house. I tore my jacket off and punched my way through the glass of his back door. I rushed into his house and headed straight to the garage.

The door was ajar and I shoved it open and dropped my phone on the concrete, it smashed but I didn’t care and rushed to the vehicle in the centre of the garage. I noted the hosepipe that was stuck into the running exhaust and tore it out before yanking the driver door open to reveal a barely conscious JiYong. He lulled his neck weakly to look at me before his eyes rolled back in his head. He opened them again and they lost their focus. I felt tears come to my eyes and I unstrapped him from the driver’s seat.

He lost consciousness altogether and I hooked my arms under his legs and around his chest before hugging his body to my chest and running to the living room. Using the landline, I frantically called 119 and explained to the lady on the other end what happened. She dispatched an ambulance and gave me the instructions for CPR.

I dropped the phone on the floor and rushed back over to JiYong who was lying, pale and ghostly against the plush red carpet. I did as the lady told me to and wacked his chest with my fists before pressing my mouth against his and breathing oxygen into his system. I repeated it and repeated it until the medics came and dragged me away from his limp body.

Tears were pouring down my face and I kicked and screamed as they tried to drag me away from him. I calmed down once I saw them pressing down an oxygen mask on his face. Rocking back and forth, I watched as they pumped the oxygen into his blood with choked sobs and muffled cries of pain. I heard the words "Carbon monoxide posioning and suicide attempt" but I just felt so numb with shock.

They tried to manoeuvre his body onto a stretcher and I noticed the contrast of how pale his skin was in contrast to his dark circles and dark hair which lay against his fore head. His hands were cold as I took one into my own warm one once we were in the ambulance. The staff kept trying to push me away but I refused adamantly and clutched onto his small fist.

He looked so dead but the hospital kept trying and eventually, the heart monitor gave a small beep. I cried tears of relief and so did the hospital staff. Yet they carried on and carried on whilst I could only watch in heartbroken agony at my best friends attempt on his own life.

WHOAH, ANGSTY I KNOW.

Sorry if that was really bad.

Please comment your thoughts on the chapter below, they make me so happy!

I am still in shock about what happened in Paris on Friday and I hope that we can all pray that it will only make us stronger as human beings. I live in London and it was just so close to home that it frightens me immensely. I hope everybody can also reflect about the Japanese earthquake and I hope that the families of those who died find peace.

Ps. Feel free to make any requests down below, vague or in detail, I don’t mind!