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There was nothing worse than waiting in the hospital area for news. I didn’t want to tell the others but I knew there was no point putting it off. I slid my phone out of my pocket and quickly rubbed away the tears before dialling Youngbae’s number. Youngbae, being JiYong’s best friend was the person that I automatically called first. It rang a few times before he picked up.
 
“Seungri, wassap!” he laughed down the phone. I felt a fresh wave of tears and didn’t speak for a second. “Is this a prank, seriously Seungri!” he chuckled. I sniffled and tried to speak again.
 
“Youngbae…” I held back a choked sob.
 
“Seungri, what’s wrong?” Youngbae suddenly sounded anxious and confused. “Seungri?” he repeated.
 
“I-It’s JiYong-” I managed to choke out.
 
“What happened, Ri? Are you crying?”
 
“Hyung, where are you?” I asked miserably.
 
“With my parents, seriously – what happened?” he was getting more and more frantic. “Where is JiYong, let me talk to him!” this set me off again and I was crying like a maniac. Even though they had let me stay in a private room, away from the public eye, I didn’t want to be too loud and attract attention so I tried to keep it down.
 
“I went to visit him. He…he-” I stopped again. “He was trying to commit suicide, Bae. He was in the car with the hosepipe.” I heard Youngbae gasp and I stammered out a few more intangible words before breaking down again.
 
“Where are you? What hospital?” he stuttered. I told him the name and he said that he would be there right away. He stayed on the phone whilst explaining to his parents that there was an emergency. I heard them asking why he was crying but he didn’t tell them. When he had left his house, he talked to me again “D-Did you find him?”
 
“Yeah” he cried down the phone and I told him to get here safely before hanging up and sitting in silence. The hospital had tried to contact his parents but they were in Malaysia and unreachable for the next week, but Dami was on her way down. I had somehow managed to ask the hospital to contact the entertainment company to tell Mr. Yang and they had said they would. Youngbae could tell Seunghyun and Daesung, I just couldn’t do that again.
 
It was getting dark and I pulled my feet onto the chair before sighing in exhaustion. They still had JiYong in intensive care and only his family was allowed to go and see him. But none of them were her, Dami was still on her way as was Youngbae and I just felt so alone.
 
One of the nurses came in a few minutes later with a woollen blanket and a steaming cup of coffee. She rested her hand on my arm and I sat up whilst she tucked me in like she was my mother. When she offered me the coffee I gladly accepted it with thanks. She then sat down on the plastic chair next to mine.
 
“Seungri-ssi, I have to ask you a few questions about what happened earlier today with JiYong-sii” I nodded numbly and rested my top lip on the mug rim. The warm steam blew across my face and it felt pleasant. “Do you know how long JiYong was in the car for?” I shook my head in answer. She noted it down. “Was he conscious when you found him?”
 
“Yeah, he was tipping on the edge of delirium but he was conscious. I saw what he had done and took him away from the scene, that’s when he fell unconscious.” She noted it down as well. “How is JiYong?” I asked candidly. She bit her lip slightly.
 
“In truth, not good – he is still being given the oxygen treatment and has not regained his consciousness. All we can do is wait and pray that his body is strong enough but Seungri-ssi – JiYong is awfully fragile at the moment. Do you know how much food he consumes a day roughly?” she asked it curiously yet cautiously.
 
“I-I don’t live with him so I couldn’t be sure” I blushed, embarrassed that I knew so little about my own best friend. “you don’t think he has eating problems do you?” I gulped. She shrugged.
 
“We will have to see if-“she stopped herself “when he wakes up” I lowered my eyes to the floor and she left after a minute. The coffee was strong and I finished it soon enough. After another hour of waiting in the dark room for any news, the door opened again only this time it was familiar faces.
 
“Youngbae hyung, Dami noona!” I wept with relief. Dami rushed over to me first and pulled me into a rigid hug. I returned it and cried into her shoulder. Youngbae hugged me next and I clung onto him for longer, letting him convince me that everything was going to be alright.
 
We sat in the room for another two hours – trying to contact JiYong’s parents but apparently they were in a no signal part of Malaysia and there was no way of contacting them until tomorrow. Daesung arrived after a while and he seemed shaken to the core. He was shocked that JiYong had been so ready to give everything up.
 
We sat in silence until past midnight, hands clasped and heads down. Daesung was praying and I was silently crying. Youngbae had wrapped an arm around my shoulder and was comforting me.

 
Seunghyun was in japan but was getting the next flight possible to Seoul. After another few hours, the same nurse as before came in and told us that JiYong was half conscious. We all jumped up from our seats and waited to be ushered to his side. He was still in intensive care and was only half awake so we had to be calm and quiet lest it trigger something. 
 
I held onto Youngbae's hand tightly as we made our way through to the room. The nurse opened the door softly and we followed her to the room. We had to go in one at a time and they all agreed that seeing as I had found him, I should go first. 
 
My stomach dropped when I saw my leader. He lay on the bed, even paler against the white sheets, his arms lay limply by his sides, covered in what could only be seen as cuts. A mask covered his mouth of which they were giving him oxygen to keep him alive. A tube stuck out of his nose connected to a food bag and an IV drip hung on the other side of the bed, with wires leading to the needle stuck into his hand. He was staring at the ceiling with empty eyes and I gulped with nervousness.
 
"JiYong" I said softly. His eyes turned to look at me and I sat down on the plastic chair next to his bed. 
 
"Am I dead?" he asked bluntly, taking me by surprise.
 
 "No JiYong, you're very much alive thank goodness, you're in hospital." His eyes filled with tears much to my bewilderment. 
 
"I'm so useless!" he wailed through the oxygen mask and I grabbed his small cold hand into my warm one.
 
 "You're not useless JiYong how can-" he cut me off. 
 
"I can't even kill myself properly" my heart sank at his words and he started crying even more. 
 
"JiYong, how did it get so bad that you would leave this world, leave your family, leave us? I just don't understand." I had started crying and my tired swollen eyes released tears I thought I had already used up. He was silent and let the tears slide down his cheeks. The nurse came in and looked at us in confusion.
 
"I think it's best if you leave, Seungri-ssi" I nodded and let go of his hand. "I'll see you soon JiYong, I'm just outside if you want me" he didn't answer me and just carried on staring at the ceiling. I wiped the tears away and left the room. The nurse sat me down on a hospital chair.
 
"He has been depressed for a while now - we are guessing, and it is only natural for him to act like this so don't take it to heart." I nodded numbly and she patted the back of my hand affectionately. "We want to keep him in hospital for a number of days for the carbon monoxide poisoning but we need to keep him in hospital for the eating problems for much longer. We need to get his weight up with the feeding tubes and then I would recommend that you take him to a specialist of therapy. Group therapy would be suggested but seeing his position and status it is understandable that it is not an option." My phone rang and I saw that it was the president. The nurse got up to leave me in private.
 
"Thank you" I said and she stopped, turning around to look at me with a smile.

“It’s quite alright, Seungri-ssi, I’m just doing my job” with that she left the room and I nervously slid my thumb across the answer button to talk with the president.
 
“What the hell happened?” was all he said as soon as I picked up. He was silent as I told him what had happened and the state that JiYong was in at the moment. When I had finished with my story, he was silent for a few seconds before his voice cut through the silence.
 
“I-I’ve known JiYong since he was twelve, and never – never ever did I think he was capable of doing something like this.” His voice was shaky and I let him take all the information in before speaking again.
 
“I think you should come and see him.” I said through the silence.
 
“Yes, I think I should.” He agreed. When we had made the arrangements he told me that he was on his way and hung up. Youngbae was still waiting outside his room, waiting for Dami to finish up so he could see JiYong.
 
“The presidents coming” I said and he jumped, turning around to look at me.
 
“Now?” he looked shaken up and exhausted and I knew that he needed sleep. I nodded in reply and sat on one of the chairs. “You weren’t in there for very long.” He commented after a minute.
 
“I think JiYong is angry with me.”
 
“Why” he asked in complete confusion.
 
“Because I didn’t let him die. He started crying when I told him he wasn’t dead and then said he was so useless he couldn’t even kill himself properly.” Youngbae bowed his head and looked at the floor with tears pooling.
 
“H-how can he say that, you saved his life – who would let their best friend die if they could save them.” Youngbae turned around and pulled an unsuspecting me into a tight hug. “Thank you, Seungri. I can’t even imagine what it was like finding him like that. Thank you for saving him.” I was silent and let Youngbae cling onto me. He needed comfort right now.

The president came and greeted me shortly before going straight in to see JiYong. I sat outside the hospital room with Youngbae lying on my lap sleeping. I slowly pulled my hands through his hair soothingly. The president soon left JiYong’s room and approached me again. “I’ve cancelled the entire schedule for the next few weeks. I want you to be there for JiYong and held him get better, Okay?” I nodded solemnly and thanked him for cancelling our schedules.

He faltered slightly “on his arms…” he paused “the cuts, they’re not-” he stopped.

“Yeah, I- I think he did that to himself” I finished for him. He visibly gulped before squeezing my shoulder tightly.

“Good bye, Seungri-ah” I returned the farewell and slouched back down in my seat. Daesung was in JiYong’s room with Dami next and I waited patiently for them to return.

The next few days were hectic. JiYong was steadily improving with his condition but his mood was ever low and he had fits of anger and once he tore the feeding tube out of his nose causing a severe nosebleed. He had been kept sedated for hours after the incident. I visited him every day and he didn’t want to talk to me, he merely stared at the wall just past my head whilst I rambled on about everything that everyone was doing at the moment.

It was weeks before he started letting me on again and I tried my best to act like nothing had happened but it was hard to ignore the looming fact which was his suicide attempt. I started sneaking into his hospital room out of visiting hours and spending the night there, our legs tangled together – his arms around me and it just felt so right.

If he had died, I didn’t know what I would have done. I know that part of me would have died with him but I couldn’t dwell on that now, the past was the past and I was going to make sure he would never try and take his own life ever again.

The end of 4AM! Thanks for commenting your ieas. This was for the people who asked for a sequel! If you have requested a fanfiction it will be coming up within the next few weeks, don’t worry!

Thanks again.

Please comment your thoughts about the chapter it gives me motivation.