You might notice that I changed the title of the ‘book’ and added a picture!

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-A world in which Seungri had cancer-

It had been months, none of us were alright. I was sitting on the floor in his apartment after finally plucking up the courage to go through Seungri’s stuff. BigBang was on an untimed hiatus, it could be a matter of months or possibly we would never step foot on the stage again. I sat in one of his old jumpers and sweatpants on his carpet with empty cardboard boxes around me.
 
His parents had asked me to go through it and I had agreed readily. I picked up the books from the shelves and stacked them into the cardboard boxes and then his numerous albums with them. He hadn’t finished the book he was reading ‘the suffering of two generations’ it was bookmarked around half way through and I thumbed through the remaining pages with tears in my eyes. I put it on top of the other books and carried on riling through. Once I had got through his drawers, I moved on to his cupboard.
 
After carefully folding all of his jumpers up, I wrapped all of his suits in plastic wrapping and piled them onto Seungri’s bed. When I had sorted them into piles, I sat down and examined the contents of his cupboard. There were numerous boxes piled up near the back of the cupboard and I took the nearest one and sat in on my lap before opening the lid.
 
The box was full of photos, some in frames and some without. Most of them were of BigBang but a few were of just Seungri and I and some were of his family. I smiled as I looked at the memories from a few years ago; he was so happy back then, so full of life – so…healthy. Another tear escaped and I pushed the pictures away. The other box was filled with tapes and CDs and my brow furrowed with confusion. I picked one of the jewel cases up and looked at the label on the side.
 
Song 3.
 Opening the case, I picked the CD out and shuffled over to the CD player. It crackled for a moment before Teddy’s voice came through. “Okay, Seungri – you ready?”
 
“Neh hyung” came Seungri’s voice and my breath hitched. The intro to one of the songs I had premade came on and I gasped in surprise. How the hell did Seungri know about these?  When Seungri started singing, I fell down from my haunches and onto the carpeted floor. We had never recorded this, sure I had labelled his part but how he knew about this was a mystery. When he got to the chorus I started crying yet again and I was a blubbering mess when the first song was done.
 
There were video tapes as well, I picked up one and saw that it was labelled Youngbae and I flicked through them all until I found my name. It was scribbled on in Seungri’s hand writing and I clenched it in my fist before leaving his bedroom and going to his front room where I could play the video.
 
His face suddenly appeared right on the screen, his nose right in the camera as he turned it on. He let out a peel of giggles when he realised before retreating back a few steps and sitting on the carpet – practically where I was right now.
 
“JiYong hyung” he started. He looked so cute sitting there in his sweats and jumper, glasses crammed on the end of his nose and I leaned forward to listen. I could that the video had been filmed relatively soon before his death, he looked exhausted and was sinking into the sweater.
 
“By the time you see this – I’ll be dead, most likely. Unless you’re just snooping through all my stuff in which case I’ll have to kill you later. It’s been what – four months since I had the operation and it’s back!” he said it with a grim smile on his face and I choked up at the sight. “I was told today that I was going to die, and I can tell you it – it really . I thought I was over it, I thought that it was gone and I could carry on with life but it has come back to kick me in the nuts” he laughed again.
 
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, Ji – really I am. I honestly thought that I could hide in from you but – I’m most likely dead so I guess that plan failed.
 
“I always respected you, as a leader, as a brother and as a friend…as more than a friend and I promise you that I wasn’t lying when I told you that you’re my favourite hyung.” He grinned cheekily “even though Youngbae hyung gave me more chocolate when I was in hospital.” I smiled through the tears.
 
“Any way I have a few things to confess to you hyung” he looked down at the floor. “I am the one, who ripped the crotch of your Louis Vuitton trousers, I’m sorry hyung” he smiled whilst saying it and I laughed through the mass of tears. “And I did keep your scarf but I liked it way more than you, it was only fair.” He looked up in remembrance.
 
“By the way, you better have given me a good eulogy, if you didn’t I’m gonna come back from the dead and kick your .” He giggled again. “By the way, I left you a box with loads of demos that I recorded. I wanted us to make a comeback as five when I was dead and so I recorded loads of the songs, I did the whole song because e you are such an indecisive person and would probably change your mind later on. You’d better use it – you don’t know how long it took me to record those.”

He stopped again and fiddled with the end of his sweater. “Don’t be too sad for me, hyung. Keep eating and don’t forget to eat the pasta that I put in the freezer. You don’t have to show this tape to anybody if you don’t want to, it’s up to you but know that I loved you with all my heart, Ji. And I’m going to be informal so don’t you correct me you polite bastard.” I let out a heart wrenching sob and cradled my knees to my chest.

“I love you too Seungri, oh, I ing love you too.” I wailed.

He looked straight into the camera. “The batteries running out now, hyung but yours was the longest video anyway and I could go on for hours but you’ll probably get bored anyway so I’ll shut up.” He smiled down at the carpet. “I’m going over to yours for dinner now, so I’ll see you in a minute but when you watch this, I guess I wont being going to yours…” he furrowed his eyes brows “I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore so I’ll go now.”

I laughed through the tears at his confusion; he had always been too damn cute for his own good. “Good bye, Kwon JiYong – don’t forget about me, I love you – even if I didn’t tell you it enough, I love you so much, I love you I love you I love you.” He breathed quietly. “If I don’t go I’ll be late so bye again.” And with that, he crawled to the camera and turned took it off the stand. I could see where I was sitting right now in the recording screen and I smiled as he muttered to himself quietly before turning the recording off.

“Good bye, my love.” I whispered as I cradled the picture of Seungri and I to my chest and fell asleep on his carpet, tears still flowing, eyes still swollen. “I love you more.”

It seems really short but it is really densely packed in with big paragraphs.

Yep, its nearly Christmas and I wrote about seungri dying “GRINCH I KNOW!!!”

Please leave a comment!!

I’m going away from the 24^th to the 4^th of January so I wont be able to update until a while after that, but expect one around the 6^th. Cool.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY! I hope you have a great holiday wherever you are and I hope that you enjoy your turkeys, or nut roasts or whatever you eat!!!

Thanks for reading.