Jooeun was crying again and I groaned before rolling out of bed. It was three ing fifteen and I wanted to sleep but I had to go to her.

 

The small room was dimly lit by the small lamp on the side. I rubbed my eyes and approached the cot. She was wailing loudly and I bent down into the crib to pick her up.

 

“Shh” I tried to comfort her by holding her to my chest. I was half asleep still and I rocked her back and forth on my chest but she still cried and I carried on trying to comfort her. “What is wrong?” I begged.

 

Her nappy didn't smell and I had fed her right before bed. “I know you miss mummy, but it's us two now, please stop crying.” I sat down on the chair in the corner and hugged her to me.

 

It took around half an hour but soon she had cried herself out and was fast asleep. I placed her carefully back in the crib and rubbed my exhausted face. This was too much for one man. It was now nearly time for me to get up anyway so I had a quick shower and got dressed. My dark circles were awful.

 

And as I looked at my tired face and body I suddenly broke down into tears. I couldn't do this on my own. The baby monitor went off again and I rubbed my eyes. The tears kept falling and I trudged back to Jooeun to take care of her.

 

I couldn't have my baby thinking I was sad. So I put a smile on my face and picked her up again. “Hey sweetie, what's wrong now?” I croaked out. She stopped crying when she looked at me and reached one podgy arm up to grab my chin.

 

“Da” she gurgled and I smiled for real now. It was moments like this that kept me from going mad, moments where my child recognised me. Oh how I loved her, even if she kept me up all night and wore my spirit down. She looked up at me with adoration in her eyes and I bent down and kissed her forehead.

 

She was up now and I quickly got her into day clothes before carrying her to the kitchen and placing her in the high chair. She slapped her palms against the plastic and gurgled happily.

 

I warmed some milk up in a pan and looked at the clock before quickly feeding it to her. She wasn't in the mood to be rushed, though and I had to plead with her to eat it.

 

Hyunsuk hyung had said that his wife could look after jooeun today whilst I had schedule and I knew that I was going to be falling asleep.

 

I was already late and I quickly wrapped jooeun in her winter clothes and dashed out to the car. When she was strapped in, I drove round to the president's house and walked up to the front door.

 

His wife opened it and cooed and Jooeun. “Aigoo, she gets prettier every time I see her. She has your eyes” She observed. I handed her over and kissed her before squeezing her tiny hand.

 

“I love you Joo” I smiled. Her face fell as I walked backwards, waving.

 

“Da!” she called again. I blew her a kiss. “I'll be back later, sweetie” I called and I felt tears come to my eyes when her face fell and her lip quivered.

 

I got in the car and drove to the YG building. The rest were waiting for me and the interview was already set up in the main studio. The makeup noona rushed me over to the chair. Seunghyun approached me.

 

“ JiYong, you look terrible.” He commented and looked me up and down. I sighed and pushed my hair away from my face. When Seunghyun had left, Youngbae looked over from his own chair.

 

“How's Joo-ie?” he asked.

 

“She's fine.” I commented.

 

“How are you?” came the next question.

 

“I'm fine.” I replied in a monotonel voice. He raised an eyebrow.

 

“No you’re not, you've been crying.” He stated. “Why were you crying?” he said. I shrugged. “I'm your best friend, you don't have to act strong around me all the time.”

 

“I’m fine, I promise Youngbae.” I squeezed his arm and put a small smile on my face. The makeup noona approached me and soon my bags were covered up and my skin looked healthy and glowing.  

 

Seungri had finished his makeup and he came to greet me with a long hug. I smiled into his neck and slid my fingers through his silky hair. “Hey JiYongie” he said quietly. I laughed at how informal he was being but I didn't care either, he was special.

 

“Hi” I said simply. He then let go an pinched my cheek slightly. “I wanna sit next to you in the interview.” Seungri whined slightly.

 

“Of course you can.” I smiled. He air punched and plopped down on my lap. “Hey you overweight panda!” I moaned.

 

“I'm not overweight, just muscular.” He protested. He lifted his shirt up. “Feel that.” I refused so he grabbed my hand and placed it on his stomach.

 

“It's fat I'm telling you.” I giggled.

 

“Yah!” he shouted. “I have abs, more than you anyway.” He smirked. He lifted my top up and revealed my pale white stomach.

 

“Hey, don't be so mean!” I laughed, hastily pulling my shirt down. He made a weird noise in the back of his throat and slid off my lap.

 

“Let's go!” he said enthusiastically. I followed suite and stood up from the chair.

 

The interview was short and sweet and we had the rest of the day off. The others went out for a meal but I remembered Jooeun’s sad little face when I left her this morning so I refused the offer.

 

I went back to hyunsuk hyungs house and his wife invited me in for a cup of tea. Jooeun was having a nap and I her cheek before planting a kiss on her forehead.

 

“Was she good?” I asked.

 

“Oh yes, she cried for a while after you had left but then she was fine again.” I nodded absentmindedly.

 

“How are you JiYong?” she asked sincerely. “It must be hard to look after her without her having a mother.” I nodded. This was the second time somebody had asked me that today.

 

“I'm doing fine, she keeps me up a lot but that should stop when she gets a little older.” I drank the tea and thanked her for looking after Jooeun.

 

“I should get going now, thank you so much for looking after Jooie” she patted my cheek.

 

“Any time, JiYong. I'm happy too” I carefully picked Jooeun up and hugged her to my chest before opening the car door with my right hand and placing her carefully in the car seat at the back.

 

I drove carefully back home and Jooeun woke up just as I was getting her out of the car. “Da!” she shouted. I smiled and booped her nose playfully.

 

We got back to the house and I sat on the sofa with Joo on my lap. She curled up and rested her head on my stomach. And we fell asleep like that, it felt so nice, and I really needed a nap.

 

It was only a few hours later that Joo woke me up by crying. I opened my eyes to see her on my lap bawling her eyes out. “Joo, baby what's wrong?” I asked. I took a guess and decided that she was hungry so I took her to the high chair and warmed some milk up in the microwave.

 

She didn't want any and I sighed. This happened every time. “Do you want cuddles.” I asked. I picked her up our of the chair and rocked her in my arms. She still cried and I wondered why babies cried so much all the time.

 

In the end I changed her nappy and put her to bed before collapsing into mine in complete exhaustion. The whole day had been relaxed but taking care of Joo on my own was taking its toll on me and my mind and body were just completely knackered.

 

I closed my eyes for a second before realising I was still wearing my makeup. So I sluggishly got out of bed and wiped it off, changed into a pair of shorts and fell back on the bed. I checked that the baby monitor was still working before closing my eyes.

 

Two hours of sleep, and she started wailing. I rubbed my eyes and looked around. It was still dark and it had just gone eleven. I had gone to bed extremely early. My body was too exhausted to move and I just listened to Joo’s cries through the baby monitor. I tried to block it out and curled into a ball under the duvet. “Please stop crying, please” I started crying again and I held onto my knees, crying silently into the duvet.

 

“I don't know how to look after a baby, I can't ing do this on my own.” I whimpered. Joo’s cries just got louder and I just lay in my bed crying, like an awful father. I was the worst father ever, how could I just let her cry like that. But I was too tired. Suddenly, the crying stopped and only soft gurgles were heard through the baby monitor.

 

“I'm sorry, Joo” I whispered. I was the worst father ever and I cried and cried into the pillow case. After a few minutes, the door to my bedroom opened.

 

“Oh JiYong…” it was Seungri’s voice. I sniffled, trying to stop my crying. He immediately sat down on the bed and wrapped me in his arms. “Oh baby, you're crying.” He whispered. I turned around and buried my face into his broad chest.

 

“I checked on Joo, she's alright now.” He said into my hair. I nodded. He pushed me away from his chest slightly and wiped the tears away before kissing my forehead and nose. “I didn't realise it was this hard for you.” I gulped at his words.

 

“Don't worry anymore, Ji, I'll stay and if she wakes up, I'll go. You need to sleep.” I kissed his chest and then mumbled an incoherent thank-you before closing my eyes.

 

“It's hard to see you like this, JiYong.” I heard him whisper when he thought I was asleep. “I love you.” He whispered. I held him tighter and willed for us to stay like this forever.

 

It was only a few hours later that Joo started crying again. I woke up immediately and started to stand up but Seungri pushed me back down onto the bed. “Sleep, I'll go.” He whispered.

 

I nodded and curled back up under the duvet. Seungri came back a few minutes later and held me again. “You should go in holiday” he said slowly.

 

“And leave jooeun behind. I don't think so.” I snorted.

 

“I can take care of her.” Seungri protested.

 

“No, she's already been abandoned by her mum, I can't leave her too.”

 

“What her mother did was unacceptable.” Seungri said sadly.

 

“I didn't exactly love her mother anyway.” I mumbled. “It was all a big misunderstanding.” Seungri pressed closer.

 

“I know, but it still happened didn't it.” I nodded at his bluntness “and I'm glad it did because otherwise I wouldn't have Joo with me now would I?” I stated proudly.

 

“I love you so much JiYong” Seungri muttered.

 

“I love you more, Seungri.”

 

“I hope the fans don't mind about Joo, I mean they don't even know yet, do they.” he then said.

 

I tended not to think about the fans when it came to Jooeun, she wasn't something to be worried about. It would be like I was ashamed of her if I kept her secret for the rest of her life. I just couldn't be bothered with all of the media attention. Some would catch on, I was sure, when they noticed that I always had a baby with me when I went out.

 

“You can be her second father.” I said at last.

 

“Yah, I thought I already was!” Seungri exclaimed.

 

“Well officially, you have more experience with babies seeing as you have a baby sister and I only have an older one.” He nodded, agreeing with the statement.

 

“She can call me Appa ie(2)” he stated proudly.

 

“Ew that sounds terrible.” I giggled. It felt so nice to laugh, it was something I hadn't done in a while.

 

“Or just oppa”

 

“I don't like that either.”

 

“What can she call me then!?”

 

“Nothing, she might start preferring you over me.”

 

“Are you seriously already jealous of me about your daughter?!” He burst out laughing.

 

“Yah! Don't make fun of me!” I climbed on top of his waist and banged chest playfully. He tickled me and switch our positions so he was on top. I reached up and kissed his nose before rolling away with a shy smile.

 

“Hey, you can't just leave me with only that!” and he followed me to the other side of the bed making kissy faces.

 

I don't really know about this chapter or where it came from. I'm ill at the moment so it might not make any sense lol.

 

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