Words like knifes

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“I just can’t do this anymore, JiYong.” I stumbled over my words and JiYong’s stare just made me feel like a four year old who had been caught stealing sweets. “What?” he glowered.

“I can’t do this anymore, JiYong.” This fight was the last straw. I couldn’t do it anymore; he just threw a ing lamp at me. His expression darkened even more. Before he could say anything else, I spoke “I’m leaving, don’t try and stop me.” I was trying to stop the tears that were slowly building up behind my eyes and I clenched my jaw to stop myself crying out loud.

He looked on dumbfounded, not believing I would actually leave him. “You’re not leaving, Seunghyun.” He snarled. I went to get the door put his hand caught my wrist and held it in a tight grip. I struggled against his grip. “Let me go!” I shouted, tearing my wrist out of his hand, he reached up and instinctively slapped so hard it caused me to stumble back in shock. He didn’t, he wouldn’t.

JiYong seemed to wake up from his trance and realized what he had just done. “Seungri, I’m so sor-”

“Leave me alone!” I screamed. The tears that had been building up spilled out of my eyes and down my cheeks. I pulled the door open and slammed it behind me, not caring that I had nothing, not even my car keys; I just couldn’t stay in there. I held onto my stinging cheek and got my phone out of my pocket before striding to the lift.

Furiously, I dialed Chaerin’s number and waited for her to pick up the phone. “Seungri?” she answered in a slightly croaky voice and I guess she had just woken up.

“Chae, can I stay with you?” I sobbed out.

“What’s the matter? What happened?” she asked, suddenly sounding alert. When I didn’t say anything she started again. “I’ll pick you up, where are you?”

“Outside my apartment block.” I choked out, exiting through the sliding doors and standing against the wall. She hung up and I pulled my thin jacket around my shoulders to fight off the biting wind. Chae arrived not twenty minutes later and I saw the car and rushed over. I had been worried about paparazzi spotting me with red swollen eyes and an obvious red mark across my cheek. She kept the engine running but turned to look at me. Reaching across, she the red mark with her hand.

“Did he hit you?” she hissed and her expression darkened. When I didn’t answer she raised her voice “Did he ing hit you?” I flinched back and her expression softened.

“I’m sorry sweetie, I didn’t mean to shout.” I pulled the seat belt across and she drove off away from the apartment block. “He did.” I said quietly after a minute and I saw her grip on the steering wheel tighten but she didn’t say anything.

When we arrived at her place, I quietly excused myself to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I looked awful, the hand mark was still showing on my left cheek and I winced just looking at it. After washing my face, I opened the bathroom door and stepped out again.

Chae was on the phone and I flopped down onto her sofa and fell against the cushions. Life was . She hung up after a minute. “I asked Youngbae to go and pick up some of your clothes, yeah?” I nodded and closed my eyes before draping a hand over my eyes.

“Let me see your cheek, Hun.” Chaerin said and I sat up. Her fingers delicately traced the fading mark. “He’s such a , Seungri – you did the right thing.”

“He’s like your best friend” I commented.

“He’s still a . Plus you’re my best best friend.” She sighed, patting my cheek once more. “I don’t know how you put up with him.” I bent my head and felt tears building up again. “Don’t cry sweetie.” Chae pulled me into a hug and rubbed my back affectionately.

“I’m gonna take you out tonight and we’re going to get hella drunk, okay?” she smiled when I nodded and wiped away my tears. “I’m dressing you and you’re gonna look y as hell” it wasn’t a question and I just grinned with a hint of worry.

Youngbae arrived a few hours later but he looked worried. After giving Chaerin the suitcase of clothes he turned to me. “What actually happened between you and JiYong?” I looked down at my toes. “He trashed your apartment and was a mess when I found him. He couldn’t even speak properly, I’m gonna go back to him now – I’m worried about him.” I instantly felt a pang of worry myself.

“Look after him.” Was all I said.

“He hit Seungri.” Chaerin said simply and Youngbae gasped.

“He didn’t.” I just nodded. “Oh my word, Seungri are you okay.” Youngbae stepped forward and I choked out a yes. “Go back to him, Youngbae, I’m worried.” He nodded and soon left us.

Chaerin instantly started rummaging through the bag Youngbae had brought. “Yes, I told him to bring y clothes and he did.” She smirked and held up a black fur coat.

“Do I look like JiYong?” I snorted but she kept it on the side anyway.

“Go take a shower. I’ll sort the outfits out.” I followed her advice and made the most out of her fancy shower. Hair washed, tears gone – I emerged from the bathroom makeup less with my dark circles shining forth. She burst out laughing when she saw me and then came the predictable panda comments. I gave her the middle finger and tightened the bath robe I was wearing.

“Okay, I chose your outfit.” She giggled, twirling one of the two ponytails that sat on either side of her head. I stood with baited breath as she led me to the bedroom. Oh my bloody- what the hell?

“LEATHER PANTS!” I screeched. “They’re not even mine, where’d you find them?” I asked, looking at the pair of shiny leathers with venom in my eyes.

“I have my ways.”

“I bet they belong to you.”

“You guessed it.”

“What the hell chae?”

“I have thick thighs they’ll fit don’t worry.” I sighed and pace palmed. “At least try them on.” She whined and I nodded. I pulled them on under the robe and tried to get them up my thighs. “Ugh let me help.” Chaerin helped me pull them over my bum and I looked in the mirror.

“No no no.” They were so tight. I looked back and saw Chaerin grinning.

“You look hot.” She cackled evilly and I wanted to cry.”It’s like I’m wearing a wet suit” I whined and she ignored as I knew she would and chucked a black roll neck at me. This wasn’t so bad and I pulled it on before looking at myself in the mirror. “I can’t believe I’m wearing your pants.” I laughed.

She gave me thumbs up. “We’re going to look so badass when we turn up, paps are gonna be dazzled.” Then the dreaded fur coat came out. “You have to use the fur, you have to. I requested it from Youngbae especially, her pout did it and I took the hideous piece of clothing from her grip.

“Fine” I moaned and she clapped like a small child as I pulled it round my shoulders. It was huge on me; I looked like a freaking mammoth. “Okay take it off whilst I do your makeup.”

“You are way too excited about this.” I moaned as I threw the coat on her bed and sat down at her makeup table. She was epic with makeup and I was kind of excited to see what she would do with me today.

“We’re gonna make JiYong so jealous when he sees the pictures.” She laughed loudly and I sat whilst she layered my face up. When she was done, I opened my eyes to see that she had gone all out. Eyeliner, foundation, freaking eye shadow…but it worked like crazy.

“Right Imma get changed.” She beamed, admiring her handy work before going into her massive closet. I heard her rummaging around for a few minutes. “I’m gonna match with the black!” she called from the cupboard. After a few minutes she came out in a black jumpsuit that came to just below her bum with fishnet tights and an oversized black bomber jacket. “We look y!” she grinned.

A round of selfies later and my face all over her Instagram, we were ready to go. Chae called her driver and he came round to pick us up. I thought I had gotten away with not wearing the coat but she tossed it at me as we were leaving.

We turned up at the club and immediately got to skip the queue. People had already started taking pictures of us and I winced at the bright flashes and clicks. We were ushered to the VIP section and I sat down on one of the black leather sofas. Chae went to fetch some drinks and company and I pulled my phone out of one of my pockets.

Thirty two missed calls from JiYong.

I instantly felt bad, I wanted to go back but I couldn’t do it again. He needed to learn a lesson so I swiped the calls off of the screen and put my phone back into my pocket. I observed the dance floor where I knew I’d be in a few minutes. I wanted people to see me right now; I wanted JiYong to see that I was having fun without him. So I got my phone out again and wandered until I found the men’s bathroom.

They were posh as and I took a picture in the massive mirror on the opposite wall. My whole outfit showed and I posted it onto my Instagram. It was unlike me to post things like this but I wasn’t feeling myself right now. The likes soured up and I smiled at the kind comments fans left before returning to my seat. Chae was sitting in my place with a glass of bright blue liquid on the table next to her so I plopped down on her lap and took the drink in one hand.

“Cheers m’dear.” I said in English and she clinked glasses with me before we both took deep gulps.

…

We both crashed at Chaerin’s early the next morning, it must have been about four when we got in. I fell onto her comfortable bed and fell asleep promptly. It had been a rough night.

Waking up with a head that feels as though it is about to fall off was not the nicest thing in the world and I groaned when I opened my eyes. The room was dim as the curtains were drawn but I still winced at the change in lighting. Rolling onto my side, I looked at Chaerin’s sleeping figure and groaned again.

She would be too hung over to wake up for another few hours. It was only eleven. Then I remembered, “, I have dance practice!” I swore too myself and stood up from the bed. My head swam and I clung onto the bedstead before shuffling to the kitchen.

Her medicine cabinet had some hangover relief and I made myself a pot of coffee and took two of the tablets. My phone was on 13% and I sighed before texting Youngbae that I was going to be late. My phone charger was at my apartment so I used Chaerin’s and had another cup of coffee.

After investigating the duffel bag that Youngbae had left, I picked out a pair of thin sweatpants and an oversized jumper before grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge and leaving a scrawled note on the table and running out of the house. I walked the short(ish) distance to the YG building. My head still hurt awfully and I gulped down a mouthful of water before jogging up to the practice room.

The music was pumping through the speakers and I hesitated before opening the door. Daesung looked over at me mid dance and flashed me a smile before carrying on. I silently dropped my bag and plugged my phone back into the charger before waiting until they had stopped.

JiYong eyed me through the mirror and raised his eyebrows before carrying on with the dance. I was still pissed with him and ignored the glance before sitting on the bench. The music died away and I stood up when they were done.

“Bit late aren’t we maknae.” Youngbae teased. I smiled and took a sip from the bottle I was holding again.

“Okay, let’s do it from the top.” JiYong called, completely ignoring my existence now. I danced alone with them and we only stopped for lunch before carrying on late into the evening. Chaerin texted me the code to her apartment and said that she would be late home tonight. I put my phone away and grabbed my bag from the side. It was nearing midnight and I walked down the corridor with Daesung and Youngbae.

After saying a quick goodbye, I walked back to Chaerin’s apartment, again without anybody noticing me and I sighed with relief when I was in the safety of her living room. I appreciated her letting me stay with her immensely but I knew that I couldn’t stay here forever.

I dropped my bag by the door and raided the fridge until I found some left over’s. I was exhausted and when I had eaten I showered briefly before falling on the bed in a short pair of shorts and a tee. I checked social media and closed my eyes.

It was around two o’clock when Chaerin came in and by the sound of it she wasn’t alone. I soon recognised Dara’s voice and I rolled over onto my side. Chaerin came into the bedroom and her voice hushed a little. I felt her approach me and she gently touched my face. “He ing hit him, Noona – look, it bruised.” I felt Noona lean over.

“JiYong isn’t the type to be violent though.” Chaerin snorted.

“That’s why he trashed their apartment and slapped Seungri” I rolled over again and pretended to be sleeping.

“We should go through to the living room; I don’t want to wake him up.” Dara whispered. They left the room and after a few minutes I fell asleep.

It was early the next morning that I was awakened my shouting and I rubbed my head before sitting up. “Get out the ing way!” it was JiYong and I jumped up from the bed.

“Seungri!” he called and suddenly he appeared in the doorway. He was so obviously drunk and I recoiled away from the stench of alcohol. His eyes were unfocused and he advanced towards me. Chae stumbled in still wearing her pajamas and I looked at her slightly scared.

“Get the hell out of my house, JiYong!” She shouted but JiYong completely ignored her. He stumbled towards me and my back came into contact with the wall.

“I miss you.” JiYong begged and he looked so pathetic that I softened my gaze. He pressed my body against the wall and I saw tears in his eyes as he traced the slight mark that his hand had left.

“I saw the pictures you took; they were to spite me weren’t they.” He said it so softly that I felt ashamed. “You purposely danced with people like that to make me jealous right?” I looked at the floor, tears welling in my own eyes. “You succeeded” he laughed without humour “You ing hurt me, you know that and I know I hurt you and I’ve never been more sorry, but it was a low blow Seungri, you have to admit.” He choked back a sob “Dancing with those woman like that, did you like it?” he whispered.

“You know I would never hurt you in my right mind, don’t you sweetie.” I felt a tear drip onto the floor. “No, don’t cry.” He pleaded and suddenly I realised how much I had missed him.

I missed spontaneously hugging him from the back, I missed cuddling him to sleep, I missed teasing his body and playing with his hair, I missed his voice, his touches. I ing missed him and it had only been two days.

“Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?” he whispered finally.

I just nodded before wrapping my arms around his tiny frame. “I always will.” I whispered. He pulled my head into his neck and I planted a soft kiss there before holding on tighter to him. “I’m so sorry for hurting you, I’m so sorry.” I just held him tightly and pushed my hands through his hair to stop myself from squeezing him to death. His breaths were shaky against the bare skin of my neck and I knew that he was crying.

“Come back home with me.” He whispered.

“I will, I love you.” I choked.

“I love you too.” He whispered and I kissed his shoulder and up his neck. He just shivered under the touch.

Somebody coughed behind me and we turned around to see Chaerin standing next to Dara holding a bottle of pepper spray. “Um, I’m guessing I won’t need this.”