This chapter involves themes that readers could find upsetting. So TRIGGER WARNING.

Please comment at the end.

I knew that it only took one comment to set JiYong off. He got upset easily and he hated showing it.

We were backstage at our Osaka concert. The actual concert was done now and we were all waiting for the cars so we could go home. JiYong was slurping on a pot of instant noodles when the stylist tutted. “No wonder you've gained weight, JiYong - if you eat like that." JiYong froze and stopped chewing.

“I-I really gained weight?" He stuttered slightly.

“Yeah JiYong, you're cute and podgy now." Seunghyun added. JiYong slowly pushed the noodles away from him and stood up. He lifted his shirt and looked into the mirror as he pinched the slight fat on his stomach. I could tell that it had been playing around in JiYongs head for a while now, that he had gained weight. It didn't help that the fans constantly reminded him on all of his instagram posts. He frowned and dropped his shirt before picking the pot of noodles up and dropping them in the bin.

Nobody else saw his actions but I scowled subconsciously at seunghyun hyung and the makeup noona, how dare they bring JiYong down like that. He flung his jacket around his shoulders and left the room. I made eye contact with youngbae and he raised his eyebrows before looking back down at his phone.

It seemed that everybody loves bringing up JiYong's weight. It was at the next concert that another noona commented on how podgy he was getting. JiYong had always been naturally skinny, and he was in no way podgy. Sure, his thighs were slightly thicker but I thought everybody had been relieved at the change. His thighs had used to be like sticks, now they were a good size. It worried me that JiYong took these comments to heart but I decided to shake it off.

I didn't really notice when JiYong didn't come with us to meals. I didn't notice how JiYong never ate snacks before the concert anymore. I didn't notice that clothes started to look more and more baggy on him as the months went by.

It was only after a much later concert, in the hotel that I noticed a change. We got back to the hotel at around eleven. We all went straight to our rooms and I decided to sleep in JiYong’s, I often did. He went to shower and I ordered room service. They soon arrived and I munched on the veggie sandwiches happily and flicked through the television programs. JiYong came out of the bathroom in a baggy sweater and equally baggy tracksuits and fell down on the bed. He looked exhausted and I offered him a sandwich, he just shook his head and groaned into the pillow. I frowned and pushed the plate of sandwiches away before swinging my legs over the top of the bed and pushing the duvet over me.

“You sure you don’t want to eat?” I asked.

“I’m not hungry.” He mumbled and I glanced at him worriedly. “Okay then.” He promptly closed his eyes and hugged himself. I shuffled a little bit closer and pulled him towards me before encircling my arm around his waist. I froze slightly, he was so skinny. But I decided not to say anything and hugged him before falling asleep with him wrapped in my arms.

The next morning I woke up to see JiYong on the other side of the bed. He was still fast asleep and I sat up before looking around. My half eaten sandwich was still on the bedside table and I scooped it up before taking a bite and chewing slowly. The thought about JiYong from last night came back and I inched forward. Lifting the duvet, I hesitated – looking down at my best friend with concern. I had to check.

So I leant forward and pulled the edge of his sweater up. What met my eyes was distressing. His stomach was so skinny, too skinny. His ribs were poking through and I dropped the sweater before taking deep breathes and looking away. Picking up his phone from the charger, I entered the code and looked at his apps. He was obsessed.

Fitbit
Diet tips
Calorie intake
 

I clicked on one of them and looked at the sorts of things he was doing. He hadn’t been on it much but he was subscribed to loads of channels where the men were tiny, the woman even tinier. It made me sad to see him so obsessed over it. And he was tiny. Yet I knew if I brought it up, he would just get angry and shout at me.
 

He stirred in the bed next to me and I quickly got rid of the pages and sauntered over to the drawers on the other side of the room. He yawned and sat up in the bed whilst I pretended to be busy with the clothes.

 

“What are you doing?” he asked quietly. I spun around and smiled softly at him.

 

“Looking for clothes.” I answered. He flung the duvet off of his body and shuffled over to the bathroom.

 

“I'm gonna have a shower” I nodded absentmindedly and carried on looking through the drawers. As I turned over his underwear I forze. He wouldn't take it that far, no no no. He would never take those. So why was a half gone pack of laxatives sitting at the bottom of his drawer?

 

…

 

We were at our concert venue, waiting to be called to the side of the stage and I stood uncomfortably between JiYong and daesung. Daesung was texting somebody and JiYong was staring into space. He looked exhausted and had barely spoken a word all day.

 

Finally, the staff guided us to our places and the concert started. It was all going smoothly until we were singing stupid liar. The introduction was playing and I took my place near JiYong where we always did our thing.

 

I started singing and pushed JiYong's chest slightly as I said the words. He blinked slowly and I walked away as we always did but when his part came, he opened his mouth but nothing came out. I frowned and looked at him with concern. The back music played with his voice echoeing through the stadium. JiYong still had his mouth open but no words were coming out.

 

All of a sudden I saw his legs give out and he collapsed onto the floor. I rushed over to his side. The stadium had gone quiet for a few seconds before there was murmering. I pulled JiYong into my lap and called his name. Somebody had obviously signalled the light directors as the stage went dark. Youngbae was the next to get to us and he squatted down beside me. I cupped JiYong’s cheeks and felt how hot they were.

 

I swung my arm under his leg and my other under his arms before lifting him up. And I nearly cried at how light he was. It was like carrying a ten year old girl. The staff met me half way but I refused to give him to them. The staff immediately surrounded is when we got to the waiting room and started patting him with towels. Eventually he stirred and his eyes opened again.

 

“Are you alright? How do you feel?” Daesung immediately said. I clutched onto his hand.

 

“What- what happened?” JiYong said dazidly. He winced and looked at the people crowding around him.

 

“Please go away, he needs space.” I urged the staff members. They nodded and wandered off elsewhere.

 

He was told that it was exhaustion but I knew better. He hadn't eaten and I knew it. I knew that I couldn't keep silent about his eating habits any longer.

 

…

 

It was two weeks later that I acted on my decision. JiYong, Youngbae and I were in the studio with the members of winner, helping prepare them for there up and coming album.

 

I excused myself quietly and went up to Hyunsuk hyungs office. I knocked twice and waited until he told me to come in. I entered nervously and bit my lip as I hesitantly made my way towards the desk. He was typing away at the computer and gave me a questioning glance as I sat in the chair before returning to his work.

 

I was still contimplating going back to the studio and forgetting about it but I had to speak out. “What brings you here, Seungri?” Hyunsuk asked after a minute.

 

“I um I wanted to talk to you about JiYong.” be raised his eyebrow again and stopped clicking away. I had his full attention.

 

Half an hour later, I left Hyunsuks office after fully explaining my situation. He had been completely shocked and he had said he would talk to JiYong now.  

 

I went down to the studio feeling guilty and sat on the sofa. “Where the hell have you been?” youngbae asked.

 

“Just, here and there.” I replied. The phone rang on the desk and taehyun answered it before handing it to JiYong. After a few humming oohs and aahs, JiYong stood up from his chair.

 

“I'll be back in a minute” he sighed, pushing his feet into his trainers and traipsing out. I gulped, knowing why he was leaving.

 

“JiYong seems kind of sad.” Mino commented. Youngbae shrugged.

 

“He is always sad nowerdays.” Bae said so casually that I was surprised. “I mean not always but -” he corrected himself quickly.

 

We got back to testing different tunes. It was about twenty minutes later that the door to the studio slammed open and I spun around in my chair to see an angry JiYong. “What the is your problem?” he shouted directly at me.

 

I stood up from my chair. “Who the do you think you are?” he shouted. I stammered some intangible words.

 

“He wants to put me in a mental home! Is that what you wanted?!”

 

I finally found my voice. “So what the hell did you want me to do? Huh! Watch you starve yourself to death?! Look at yourself, JiYong - you're wasting away.”

 

He winced at the words. “It doesn't give you the right-” I cut him off.

 

“Yes it does! I have the ing right to stop you from killing yourself.” I took a deep breath. “Do you think I hadn't noticed you loosing weight? How you never ate with us and, when you finally did, you disappeared to the nearest toilet as soon as possible. The laxatives, the weight loss programs, I know everything.” It was his turn to stumble back.

 

“Well I hope you got what you wanted, I'm gonna be shipped off to a mental home. you Seunghyun, you. You don't know anything.” And with that he stormed out of the studio.

 

I collapsed onto the sofa and rested my head in my hands. I had completely forgotten about Winner being here and Youngbae and nobody said a thing. Not a thing until Youngbae broke the silence.

 

“What the was that about?” he breathed and I started crying. I kept my head in my hands and sobbed into them, it was too much.

 

I had never wanted JiYong to hate me. And I hadn't been expecting that reaction. Youngbae crouched in front of me.

 

“Come on Sweetie tell me what's wrong.” he urged. I looked up and saw that the winner members were still standing their in shock at what had happened. Taehyun was looking at seungyoon with confusion and they all looked so awkward.

 

I grabbed Youngbae’s hand and pulled him out of the studio. I didn't want winner to hear. “I told president yang about JiYong's eating issues.”

 

“Are they that bad?” he looked surprised.

 

“If you count collapsing on stage and weighing the same as a ten year old girl bad then yes, they are bad.” Youngbae looked taken aback.

 

“He never eats out with us and I found laxatives in his drawer.”

 

“Laxatives?! No.”

 

“I know” I pulled Youngbae into a hug when tears started building in his eyes. “I thought that it was the right thing to do.” I choked.

 

“You were right. And we have to go after him now.” He urged and I followed him as he rushed towards the car park. When we got there, he was already gone and Youngbae sighed.

 

“Let's leave him for the moment then shall we?” he looked disheartened but I wiped away another tear.

 

“This is all my fault.” I choked. Youngbae warily looked around for cameras before pulling me back into the YG building.

“Hey, you did the right thing you know. Hyunsuk hyung only wants what's best for him.” 

I didn't chase after him as Youngbae had said. But later that evening, I just felt too bad and I quickly drove around to his house.

 

The hall was dark when I entered. Nobody had answered when I had rung the bell so I was assuming he was sleeping or out. One of the two. I slipped my shoes off and called out his name through the house. There was no answer so I trudged to the bedroom. Only then did I realise that the light in the bathroom was on. I couldn't hear the shower running so I automatically pushed the door open.

 

JiYong was lying in the bath. His eyes were closed and his head lulled back. He hadn't heard me enter and I took the moment to observe. His legs were like twigs. His arms were even worse and his ribs stuck through painfully. I breathed in deeply causing him to snap his head forward. He jumped and grabbed a towel before wrapping himself in it.

 

“What the hell are you doing in my house?” he screeched. He was still furious and I just stood in silence, still shocked at the state his body was in. It just put everything in perspective. I just burst into tears, unable to hold in my feelings anymore. JiYong's gaze softened but he didn't approach me, he just stood in the corner in the huge towel which made him look even smaller than he already was.

 

I tried to wipe my eyes and get rid of some of the tears but it was to no avail. I was still shaken by the sight to do anything but cry. After a minute he spoke. “Why are you crying?” I just sobbed into the back of my hand and fisted my other hand up. He gulped and pulled the towel around him even tighter. So without thinking I just walked over to him and pulled him into the biggest hug I could manage. He tensed in my hold and struggled to get out for a second but I just held him tighter. After  few moments he just relaxed into the hug yet he didn't hug me back.

 

“Why do you do this to yourself?” I whispered into his damp hair. He shuddered against my chest and felt around until he found my hand. And he clasped it in his small cold one. He was so tiny and I cradled him to my chest, not wanting to ever let him out of my hold.

 

“I don't know.” He whispered. I was surprised that he had forgiven me for earlier, even though what I had done was for his own good. Sometimes he was just so stubborn. “I'm too tired to fight with you” he whispered. I pulled him up and pushed my hands under his thighs so they were wrapped around my waist. The towel fell off him and pooled on the floor but neither of us minded. I carried him to the bed and placed him on it gently. I fell down beside him and stared into his eyes.

 

“You have to understand that you're at an unhealthy weight.” He closed his eyes and sighed. I reached out and wrapped my arm around his back. He was but neither of us minded.

 

“I-I know” he whispered after a minute of silence.

 

“So why don't you want help?”

 

“I don't want pity. At first I just wanted to loose a little bit of weight. But it became an obsession.” He sounded like he was about to cry again.

 

“I can help you JiYong. You have to understand that I'm always here for you no matter the problem.”

 

“I know, it was just the fact that you went behind my back that upset me.” He mumbled.

 

“I'm sorry, I was just scared to confront you” I replied.

 

…

It was four weeks later that JiYong took a trip to the hospital. He was ready to go to the specialist clinic. And he had told me to keep his social media updated so the fans didn't know where he was. I drove him to YG in the morning so he could say his goodbyes. He was going to be gone for a little while, until the specialists thought he was alright to go home. We got to the building and I parked the car and turned to look at JiYong. He was huddled in one of my sweaters and some sweatpants. He hadn’t slept at all last night, I had talked to him all night and he had said he was scared about going to the specialist care unit. They had promised to keep his stay top secret and had signed an agreement, I had told him that nobody was going to find out and that it would be fine but he was still worried.

 

I undid my seatbelt and turned to look at him. He was looking at the sleeves of his sweater and bouncing his knee up and down. “Hey, Ji.” He looked up at me and I gave him a small but sincere smile. I reached out and took his hand before giving it a small squeeze. “Are you ready?” I asked and he nodded slightly.

 

“Lets go then.” He sighed. I opened my door and jumped out before hurrying around to JiYong’s side. The fans that usually stood around the building started shouting and taking pictures and I helped JiYong out before we both hurried into the building. I put my arm around his tiny waist and guided him in front of me. Most people were in the cafeteria and we walked in to see the boys and Chaerin with Dara noona. I pulled a chair out for JiYong and sat down next to him. The others greeted us and I nodded in greeting.

 

They carried on talking animatedly when suddenly the dancer’s squad came down from the studio. JiYong jumped at the loud noise they made and I looked at him with concern.  He just looked back down at the table top and carried on staring into space.

 

I looked at the time suddenly and saw that JiYongs parents were expecting us soon. “Hun, we have to go now.” I smiled, squeezing his thigh softly. Dara looked up.

 

“Already.” They knew half the situation, not all of it. None of the 2NE1 members knew that he was going away for his eating issues. We got up and JiYong hugged each of them saying that he would see them soon. Youngbae walked to the foyer with me and Ji.

 

“I love you JiYong, and we’re always there for you, you know that right?” Youngbae stepped forward and wrapped his arms around JiYong. I smiled as the two best friends hugged like there was no tomorrow. “I believe in you, JiYong, I know you can get better.”

 

The trip to JiYong’s parents was long and emotional for him but when we had finally said our goodbyes it was my turn. “Hey.” I said softly.

 

“Hey” he replied. We were sitting in the car park, I wasn’t allowed to go in with him because apparently he had to adapt to the new surroundings alone, but once two weeks were passed, I was allowed to go and see him in the afternoons.

 

“I know you can do it.” My hand found its way to his cheek and I it softly. He leaned into the touch. “I love you, my darling.” I whispered, leaning forward so our foreheads were resting against each other. His breath fanned my face and I closed my eyes for a second. “I’m going to miss you so much.” I whispered. His eyes met mine.

 

“Not as much as I’m going to miss you.” He was tearing up already.  “I adore you, Seunghyun.” I smiled at his words and wiped the tear from his face. “No, I love you.” He said finally.

 

I kissed him softly before pulling him into another hug. “You’ve always go us behind you.” He nodded and buried his face in my neck, kissing it softly before meeting my eyes again.

 

“I need to leave” he breathed.

 

“You do” I stated. “But kiss me one more time before you go.”

 

 

Woah, I don’t even know what happened at the end. Sorry it’s a bit late,  I have been really busy lately. L

Please comment your thoughts and ideas on this chapter, it honestly motivates me to right tbh. And if you have time, please check out my chaptered Nyongtory fic here! Thanks.