Pulchritudinous - Heartbreaking, Breathtaking Beauty - Hoshi

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Conflicts arose within me when I saw her affectionate glances toward Taemin sunbaenim. The only thing I was sure of was that I was jealous, but I didn’t know which one of the pair I wish I could be.

But I learned sooner than later, that despite my admiration for Taemin sunbaenim, the unabashed truth was that I wished to replace him to be by her side. The way their chemistry allowed their dance moves to merge together so smoothly turned me green with envy, and I started to become someone I couldn’t recognize.

Choreography is the only thing I could say I was good at, but even then, I couldn’t confidently tell her that I can be her dance partner. I desperately want to. I fiercely wanted her to turn her beautiful hazel eyes toward my direction for once, to finally notice me as someone other than just another face in the idol crowd.

“H...Hoshi?” She tilted her head, her voice a melodic echo in my ears as my name naturally rolled off her tongue. Smiling despite myself, I bowed exaggeratedly at her, earning the purest laugh that could’ve ever come from a human being. But that can’t be. She was too exquisite to be human. Perhaps she was an angel that had fallen to earth...the kind that only existed in fairy tales that tell of fallen brave heroes who happen to lay eyes on the treasure that is her.

“I see that you have a history with taekwondo, Soonyoung ah,” she grinned, the boyish curve of her lips entrancing me more than it should’ve, but I couldn’t bare to turn my gaze away. I instead nodded mutely, and would’ve only stayed in her mind as the silent dancer if not for the way S.Coups hyung had piped up.

“Noona! Hoshi ah is actually a fan of SHINee sunbaenim!” our SEVENTEEN’s leader said, his intentions everything that is good in the world. The statement earned a raise of the eyebrow from her, and she turned to nudge Taemin sunbaenim, who was conveniently way too closed to her.

Turning to S.Coups hyung, I secretly sent him a scowl that was a mix of both thankful and yet full of embarrassment, but I couldn’t get far into the silent communication before a tug of my sleeve quickly grabbed my attention once again. The moment my gaze whipped around to search for the owner of the hand, my heart did a somersault within my chest as I realized it was her who had attempted to get my attention, and no one else. “S-Sunbaenim?” I managed to let out, confusion clouding my voice and my thoughts alike. But she had simply grinned and grabbed onto my hand tightly, pulling me over to Taemin sunbaenim.

“Taemin ah!” She cheerfully called out, ing me in front of her as though to be a barrier. Eyes meeting Taemin sunbaenim’s gaze, I bowed quickly and was greeted with a smile.

“No need to be so formal, Hoshi ah,” Taemin sunbaenim said, clasping a hand onto my shoulder and lightly gripping it. I knew it wasn’t anything dangerous, just a simple and friendly greeting, but my unconscious mind resonated loudly, echoing the thought that sunbaenim was warning me to not get so closed to a certain noona of his.

I really would’ve apologize, but instead I squeezed Amber sunbaenim’s hand and tugged her closer to my side. “Amber sunbaenim said she would introduce me to you! I’ve always admire you and all of the SHINee hyungs!” I spouted out brightly, a smile willingly plastered onto my face. But it was the truth. SHINee truly was my idol, and I’ve always look up to them for the amazing choreographies they always put out and the relaxed demeanors they exhibit on variety shows. I respect and admire them, but a part of me had also envy them.

“I see,” Taemin sunbaenim chuckled easily, patting my head without much effort, “I bet you must’ve love Amber noona also, hmm? After all, you haven’t let go of her hand ever since she brought you over,” he politely pointed out, although I had known he would’ve brought up the issue sooner or later.

“Ah! Mianhe, Amber sunbaenim!” I apologized, lingering for a few seconds longer before letting go. The warmth missing from my hand was manifesting into my heart as loneliness, and I resisted the urge to just grab back the source of my longing once again.

“It’s okay,” Amber grinned, standing on to her tiptoe to reach my hair only to gently tousled it. “And you can call me noona. Sunbaenim really does make me feel old,” she pouted, and I gave her a small smile even though all I wanted to do was envelop her into my embrace and never let anyone else see the cute little expressions she unconsciously make.

“Ah...Amber noona…” I immediately blurted out, shyness suddenly overcoming me once I realized the familial term I’ve come to be toward the female I’ve always silently admired. In truth, even though we swore to tell each other everything, Amber noona was the one secret I was willing to keep away from my members...but it was only in fear that they too would fall in love with the loveliness that is her, and only her.

Perhaps I would regret it one day, falling for this easy-going social goddess, but as long as I could observe her from afar, I think I’ll be satisfied. But perhaps, just maybe, I’ll be able to gain the courage I need to march up to her and embrace her with all my might, showing her how reliable I can be and letting her claim me, letting her capture me in the trap that she had unknowingly set, but one that I had willingly fallen victim to.