My Flame

I laid on my bed as my alarm clock rang loudly. The sun was shining brightly in the distant sky, and the clouds were moving in sync with each other, creating different images up there. Everybody was moving around busily, as I looked up at my ceilings boredly.

I had woken up even before the alarm clock started to ring, thinking about the past few years of my life. 9 years to be exact. Today was my birthday, the day I would turn 21, but I have nobody to celebrate this with. 

I turned around to looked at my alarm clock and turned it off, since it was kind of pissing me now. I sat up on my bed and curled into a ball with my back leaning against the cold wall. It had always been my normal routine on weekend days like these. I wake up, the alarm clock ring, then I would think, and after that do my normal daily stuff.

It's pretty much so boring around here, that I had been wanting to make some friends. Gosh, now that I think back, that idea was so stupid. Why would I want to make friends with people who consider status important? Tsk, they are just some selfish people that just wants to live a luxurious life without working hard at all. I hate those type. 

I laughed bitterly to myself. How old am I now? 21? Yeah, sure....I don't care about my birthdays anymore since that fateful day that stopped my colorful and loving world from working. It only took two persons, two persons that are closest to me, to destroy my world entirely.

~Flashback~

The bell rang throughout the whole school as my teacher finished his lesson on history. God, I'm glad this was over. History haven't been my favorite subject in school since forever! 

Everybody around stood up and went to find their friends while I packed up for the day. 

"Amber!" A group of 2 boys and 1 girl called out to me. I looked up at them and smiled. "One second, buddies!" I shouted to them and finished packing. I slung my backpack over to my shoulders and joined them at the door.

Nice to meet you, my name is Amber Josephine Liu, but I would love it if you call me Amber. I'm an almost 12 years old girl currenly in my last year of elementary (Today is my birthday!). These are my friends. Krystal, Chanyeol, and his best friend Baekhyun. 

"How is it going today, Amber?" Krystal asked me as she glared dagger at the rest of the students body that we are walking past. You see, people calls her the Ice Princess, but don't let that fool you. She's the youngest in our group of close friends, and she tend to be very evil...to her seniors. She's very fun and cute if you get to know her well.

"I'm good and all, Soojung, but history is so boring~" I whined. I literally hate history, even though my parents major in history. Talking about them, my mom and dad have been fighting a lot these days. Whenever my dad got home from his job, they would fight and fight all night long. The routine just go around. My dad got home and get into a fight with my mom, I'm upstair in my room trying to listen to what they are fighting about to resolve it, my mom yell something at my dad, I gave up on trying to listen and just concentrate on my homework, my dad signalled that he went out of the house after I heard a door slam at exactly everyday at 11:59.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun laughed. Oh right, forgot to tell you. Chanyeol and Baekhyun are like...best friends and twins. Of course they are not really twins, but their telepathy skills and similar handsome/cute faces just made people think that they are a family. 

"Your grade will never improve like that, Amber. You're the only one in the group that doesn't like history!" Baekhyun exclaimed cheekily. 

"Oh please Baekhyun. I'm the only one that don't like history, but y'll are the ones that dislike school" I laughed as my arms went around the 'twins' shoulder, pulling them both to the front.

Krystal giggled "You're also the only ones that can be friends with all the boys" she pointed out. That one was truth. I'm basically everyone's friend, but that doesn't mean that they are all my very special closed friends that understand me. These three dorks are. 

"The same goes for you in the opposite way, Krystal. You stranger-zoned all the guys even though they have like, very big crushes on you. I don't even understand why they like our Ice Princess" I laughed jokingly "You don't know how many guys had asked me to set them up with you. God, they aren't even my friends. They just pretend to be friend me to be close to you, princess. So you better appreciate it and thank me for not setting up it or you would have a whole city of guys" 

Krystal hit me in the arm hard, making me released me hold on Chanyeol and Baekhyun. "Whatever" she flipped her hair "Anyway, call your mom and asked to stay out tonight. After that, go put your things at my house and then do whatever you want until 7 PM. When it's 7:10 PM, you have to make sure that you arrived at the restaurant that I shown you earlier" she ordered me like my mom "IF you do that, you will feel happy. And if you don't, then suit yourself" she said the last part coldly. 

"Don't kid yourself, Krystal. I have a free day today anyway since it's my birthday so no need to get permission" I smiled. Chanyeol then grinned "Wait until you come. You will either enjoy it or be in hell depend on who the host is" 

"You're turning 12 today right, Am?" Baekhyun asked with a smirk. Evil twins activated? 

I chuckled "You're creeping me out here, but yeah I am. 12, 12! This is gonna be the best day ever!" I exclaimed.

Krystal, Baekhyun, and Chanyeol shared mysterious smiles with each other before Krystal grabbed my arms and pulled me toward her house while the bros went to the opposite direction. Aren't they living on the same street as Krystal's though?

I shrugged and followed Krystal into her house and bedroom. Then, I threw my backpack on the floor and plopped down onto the bean bag that was in her room. 
"What are you planning on doing?' Krystal asked me.

I shrugged again "I dunno. Got any suggestion?" 

"Nope, but it would be good if you change your clothes" she threw me a shirt and baggy pants. I kind keep things like that at her house and vice versa because we often sleep over at each other's houses. 

I nodded and went into her bathroom, changing out of my uncomfortable uniform and into my beloved clothes. When I went back into her room, I saw that she already changed into something else. Blue shirt and shorts. Aren't she not comfy with those? Guess not.

I jumped onto her bed and faced the TV, but not turning it on. 

"What's up? Are you going somewhere?" I asked Krystal and she shook her head. She walked over to me and sat down on the bed next to me. "Should we just do random things on the net before going?" she said. I nodded and she brought her laptop over to us and settle it at the edge of the bed, in front of us.

I pressed the start button on the laptop and it . "Whatcha wanna watch?" 

"Some music videos will do" she answered and laid down next to me. I nodded and typed in music videos of different artists and we watched it. Soon, it was 7 PM and we gotta go to the restaurant. Krystal had already fell asleep listening to the music, so i had to, sorry Krystal, pushed her over the edge of the bed and let her fall down onto the soft carpet floor. 

Krystal sat up, startled and glared at me. But I showed my watch and she began to panicked. She kicked me off the bed quickly and told me to put my shoes on. I obeyed and we went outside of her house and ran down the street toward the restaurant. Once I entered the restaurant, which was pretty dark before much to my dismay, the light was , balloons and party hats were seen. 

Chanyeol and Baekhyun smiled at me, as they parted to the side to let me see a fully decorated chocolate cake with "Happy 12th birthday, Amber!" and a heart next to it. I turned around to see Krystal and she smiled gently at me. "Happy birthday, Josephine" she said to me teasingly and pushed me forward toward the cake. 

"Blow the candles!" Chanyeol said excitedly and I lower myself down, blowing the candles out in just one blow. Everyone around me clapped happily and I smiled, pulling the Krystal Chanyeol and Baekhyun into a hug. "Thank you"

~Present~

That was my last happy birthday. When I arrived home at my house that night, I discovered something disturbing. I saw my parents fighting, and I mean not with just words, but with violent. I got scared, and my parents noticed that I was home too, but they didn't stopped. They told me that they was going to divorce, and that I will live with my mom because my dad will go to the States. 

After what happened, my mom became an addict acoholic. She was still working as an employee in a museum, but she began to drink beer and smoke cigarette. Also, I don't think she got over the divorce, because I keep on hearing her cry in her room at night. She was effect by it very much, and even though she was still taking care of me, we became strangers. It was like we are only family by blood. There were no motherly love from her anymore. There was no warmth from her anymore whenever I felt like the whole world betrayed me. But anyway, life goes on and my friends and I seperated too. Krystal and Baekhyun went to study abroad. Chanyeol was the only one left, but I didn't talk to him much anymore, because I didn't feel like it. 

I remembered that it was exactly when I turned 12 when my family broke our connection with each other. I no longer feel love and warmth from anyone anymore, and so I started to create my own world and went into it whenever I'm alone, which is always. Even when I entered college and moved to my own dorm room, I didn't make friends with anyone at all. I became someone that doesn't know love and warmth, and someone that doesn't love anyone else either. It had been 9 years since then. On this day, 9 years ago, my world broke down. But, Chanyeol, one of my three closed friends, he kept on trying to talk to me and convince me that I wasn't alone. I ignored him. Every year, he tried to drag me out of my house to celebrate my birthday, but I refuse every year and went back to my shell every time. Even though I tried my best to stay away from him in college, he always cling onto me, and I brush him off. I thought that he was annoying at first, but then he slowly, somehow, broke my barrier. I created a barrier when I broke down, but there was always this small crack on the barrier. Maybe in a small corner of my heart, I think that Chanyeol could somehow bring me out of my shell completely? I'm not sure.

You know, maybe he did manage to sneak into my heart someway. I mean, since a while ago, whenever he is beside me, there's this fluttering. But then it stopped instantly, probably because of the 3/4 part of my heart that is already frozen denied it.

[Ding dong ding dong]

I lifted my head up as the bright morning light blind me. I looked at the clock on the wall and realized that it was already 12:00 PM. Wow, I didn't even feel hungry. And don't take it wrong. When I said I don't feel love and warmth, I meant it 100%. It's just that hunger and love/warmth are different from each other so dont't mistake it, thank you very much.

"Amber!" someone called from the door. Damn them, who is it? Nobody would want to disturb me on weekend days. I scowled as I got out of bed. My hair was messy and my clothes were all crumpled, but who care.

I walked over to the door and smooth down some of my hair, since a few strands got into my eyes. I grabbed the doornob and opened it. And there it was, in front of me was Chanyeol. Chanyeol was in front of me, holding the exact same chocolate cake at my 12th birthday.

I looked up at him, my eyes widened. He usually bring me to places, and not just suddenly appearing at my door with a birthday cake. Chanyeol smiled cheekily at me "Aren't you gonna invite me in?" he asked. I went inside to let him in. He walked into my living room, placing the cake on the table, then walked back toward me and closed the door. Then he put his hands on my shoulders and pushed me inside and sat me down onto the sofa "Blow the candles" he said.

I blinked, getting back to the real world and stared at me "Why are you doing this even though you know it's quiet useless?" I asked him.

He shook his head "Nothing is useless and not worth experiencing if I want to get my Amber back". 

"Your Amber? I'm not anyone's possession" I scoffed but then I blew the candles that were on the cake, since i knew he will just keep on nagging me if I don't. 

"Not now. But you will be MY Amber later on" he mumbled, and I heard him clearly. " What does that suppose to mean?" I pulled my knee up to my chest and wrapped my arms around it. I'm technically hugging myself right now. 

Chanyeol stood up and pulled me into his embrace "I know you have been hurting these past few years, but don't you think you should let it go? You're telling yourself that you're alone in this world, but believe me, you're not alone. You have me here, along with Krystal and Baekhyun. They are back in Korea already and they had been wanting to meet you, but they don't know where you live so they couldn't" 

I froze "That's not true. Nobody care about me. I'm alone!" I said. 

"Like I said, you're not alone. Beside, did you even make an effort to check your phone for god's sake? Everybody have been trying to reach you. Your friends, and even your parents. Your mom had been calling you for several days to wish you happy birthday, but you never pick up. She had been regretting about her decision of not giving you the love and warmth you need when you were youth." Chanyeol whispered in my ears as he pulled me tighter against him.

My eyes widened again and tears slipped pass my eyes "Am I really not alone?" I asked. I'm just scared. I'm just cautious. I can't bear to get hurt all over again like that.

Chanyeol nodded and he patted my head "You're not alone. There are people that love you in this world. Your parents, Krystal, Baekhyun, ME." he smiled down at me "You should tried to get to the outside world once a while and see what it have to offer. Open your heart up a little more, Amber. Everybody is here for you. Especially me" he said tenderly. 

"Have you been waiting for me?" I looked up into his eyes. They were full of warmth and love, for me. 

He nodded continuously and I smiled. I wrapped my arms around him and snuggled my head into his chest "Thank you, Chanyeollie!" I chuckled, calling him by his old nickname. 

"You're welcome, Amber. Remember, everybody is here. If you are feeling lonely, come to me. I'll always be waiting with an open arm". I nodded and silently drifted off into sleep. This is the first peaceful sleep I have had in years. Thank you, Chanyeol~ 

Hello~ Thanks for reading this chapter of Chanber. How is it? What do you think?