My Life

Hello, my name is Amber Josephine Liu, but I preferred to be calls Amber. My problem all started back in the day.

When I was 7 years old, I got caught in an emotional level-1 breakdown. When I was going outside of my classroom with one of my guy friends, a group of my classmates (mostly the people that I talked to the most), chased me and my companion. I ran. I ran away from them as I was afraid of what would happen if I was to stay at one place. When I started to run, I had grabbed my friend’s wrist and pulled him with me. We ran all over the school, and finally I was out of stamina and had to stop. And that was when it happened.

I leaned back against the railing, taking a rest but my group of chasers had arrived at where we were. They stood beside me, dangerously closed and then a girl that was taller than me, a.k.a. one of my best friends, was in the front of the group along with a boy that I had a crush on. They looked at me as their lips pulled up into smirks.

“Amber, do you know what you are?” she asked and I shook my head, letting go of the hand that was holding my companion’s wrist.

The boy that I had a crush on grinned “Then I’ll tell you what you are, Amber. You’re a big, fat nerd that doesn’t even have any friends!” he said wickedly and the whole group laughed.

I stared at him in disbelief and before I could even muster anything, the girl grabbed my companion and pulled him over to their side. My eyes widened and I felt my body started to shook.

“Y-You aren’t going to stay over there, right?” I asked him nervously as I looked at him in the eyes. He averted his eyes from mine and stood behind the girl and my ex-crush.

And that was when my world fell. Tears started to streamed out of my eyes and my hands instinctively covered my face and I felt myself running away from them. I ran pass all the classrooms that were there and straight into an alleyway that was in the school.

I leaned against the wall and slid down as my eyes uncovered my eyes. They were red and swollen in an ugly way.

“T-They….were never my friends….” I sobbed, rolling into a ball with my face downward. More tears spilled out of my eyes and that was the first time that I ever cry in my entire 7 years of existence, except for the time when I was born (which doesn’t really count). But it was also the time that my bubbles containing all my emotions were first popped. 

[A few weeks later]

I came back to the classroom after I cried; washing my face before I did so that nobody else would know. I didn’t tell anyone about it either, even though my aunt, my cousin, and my older friend were in the same school as me. I didn’t want anyone to know, if you want to know the truth. Therefore, I didn’t tell my parents either. But I did write it in my laptop as a memorable event/biggest changes of my life.

I was astonished when I got home today, however. I saw my grandma treating my cousin in a way that she rarely does to me. My cousin is 1 year older than me, and he goes to the same school. His mother is my mother’s younger sister, so even though he is older than me, I don’t have to use honorific with him.  My cousin and I always fight with each other whenever we get the chance, but maybe that was how we become closer. I don’t know.

Anyway, my grandma was letting my cousin rest while she told me to go do something useful. I don’t hate my grandma, because she is my mom’s mom, and she is also a person that is very special in my life. But sometimes I can’t stand the special way she treated my cousin. I know that when he was little, he lacked love from his parents because they have to go to work all the time, but he’s grown up now. She should treat us both equally. There was even a time when my parents were away for awhile for work, and they gave me money so that I could buy myself dinner, but then when I did bought something, my grandma told me to share it with my cousin because I should be nice to him. And she never told him to give me something, even though I’m younger than him. That’s not fair at all, and if you are reading this, you would think that I’m too childish, that I was just talking bad about them, but I….you should understand that there are time when I woke up and cried after the event that happened at my school. I just couldn’t help it.

There was a time when I woke up in the middle of the night, my blanket wrapped around myself and my head buried deep inside it. The light in my room was dark, and the clouds had hidden the moon away. It was as if they know my feeling at that time. My thoughts and my emotions were all jumbled up as I wondered why I was living on this Earth. I think back about times ever since I was small. There were many moments that I experienced that were hurtful, and yet I didn’t cry. I don’t know if that was just because I didn’t feel anything, or maybe it was just because I didn’t even know how to act in the situations.

I think back one night when I was alone in the house. It was just 2 years ago when that incident happened at the mall. It was my fault, I admitted, but the consequence was too great that it hurt me now. And yet, all I did was stared at my parents when it happened.

I was 5 years old when my parents took me to a very big mall. We went shopping for a long time, and when it was 8:00 P.M., we decided to go home because it was very late already and I have school the next day. The only way to go down from the 2^nd floor, which was where we were, was to use the escalator. And that was what we did.

I walked onto the escalator excitedly and when my parents were both a few steps beside me, I started to run down the escalator. It was dangerous, but I did it so many times before that my parents didn’t say much except for a few “Be careful” and “Watch your steps”. That night, however, my feet decided to let me experience pain as it tripped on one of the steps and I fell down right there on the escalator. I then started to roll down the steps, and as the escalator was long, I got more and more scratches from the sharp edges of the steps than I ever think I could have. My parents were wide eyes, and yet they couldn’t move because of the shock. When they recovered from it, my mom started to screamed for the security guards and they arrived at the bottom of the escalator. They too, couldn’t do anything about it however, because if they did step on the escalator, it would just move them downward. So they decided to wait as I rolled down the steps, but luckily my head didn’t hit any sharp edges, only my face and feet and hands did.

When I arrived at where the security guards were, they picked me up and tried to see how badly I was injured, but what they didn’t expect was to see my face full of red marks and bruises. My parents arrived a few seconds later and took me in their arms. I didn’t cry. Heck, I didn’t even show any sign of shock, hurt, or whatever. It was as if I had expected it. My face was emotionless but the pain did sting me, not badly, just sting. When I realized what was going on again, the place I was at has white walls, and the smell of medicine. I was at a place I hate the most. The hospital.

It ended here. The memory ended here as I cannot remember anything else from the accident. But it happened because of my carelessness, and I regretted that. But one thing for sure, was that my grandma…she didn’t even question what happen to me when she saw me with all the scratches and stitches. It was like she didn’t care, but I would like to believe that she did.

[5^th grade]

5^th grade was a year that I will never forget because this was the year that I met my dear friends, and it was also the year where I started to look for suicide methods. And you should all be able to guess why.

5^th grade wasn’t bad at all. It was actually a very good year except for some times at home with my parents. I don’t hate my parents. I love them to death. But something just gets turn on inside me when I’m with my parents.

I’m the calm and cool type when I’m at school. The type that never get angry, the type that rarely get freak out, and the type that could be friends with both boys and girls easily. But when I’m with my parents, I just…I get angry with them easily. The things they said and their actions just sometimes….I don’t know…I’ll never know why. And if any of you are thinking that the side I show at school is fake, then it’s totally not. Both of the ways I act at home and school is me.

[Middle school]

Middle school was fine, over all. I never really get to suicide because once I reach 6^th grade, life became very good. I met people that are special to me, and they were actually the ones that convince and help me in time of need.

Thank you very much for always being there for me.

[High school]

High school is something that I only got to experience half-way, because I went to South Korea to pursue my idol career.

I think I was 15 at that time when I flew all the way across the globe to Korea because I got in SM Entertainment from a global audition in LA. I didn’t know that much Korean, just the basic stuff because some of my friends are Korean, and I learned from them.

[In SM Entertainment]

When I heard the news that I got in SM Entertainment, I was surprised. I went with my friend to support her and ended up auditioning. But then maybe I have always wants to try being an idol. I love rapping, dancing, and singing since I had been in a band before, and the feeling was great when you get to go up on stage and show your skills.

At first, life was difficult for me in SM Entertainment since I didn’t know that much Korean. But then I met Krystal Jung. She was one nice girl, even though people who don’t know her might think that she is an Ice Princess, just like her sister. But she’s not. Actually, both of the Jung sisters are nice and very friendly. Anyway, Krystal helped me with my Korean and translated thing that I don’t understand to English so that I could learn in a much easier way. And after a few years of living here, I adjusted to the atmosphere, the air, and everything easily. I could now converse with people in Korean, and not just the basic stuff like greetings, thank you, or sorry.

After Krystal, I met my Victoria, Sulli, and Luna. They were all very warm and nice toward me as we were all trainees. And when we five got news that we are going to debut in a group together, we were all so happy. They all help me very much, and vice versa. Victoria and I talk in Chinese sometimes when we are free. Krystal and I conversed in English all the time at the dorm just to irritate our Korean members, Sulli and Luna. Sulli and I became frenemy in the course of aegyo, but she’s still my little ‘bro’, and I was her ‘hyung’. Meanwhile, I play pranks on Luna, and she take her revenge with much more evil pranks that sometimes even I, the infamous prankster of SM, got tricked even though I don’t usually fall for them.

All and all, life was good in the music industry for me and my friends, as we had debut in a group called f(x). I was happy, everybody else was happy, and that was all I care. Until he walked into my life.

He’s in an international famous boy-band called Super Junior. Super Junior is f(x)’s sunbae, and we are all very closed to each other. And I, being the so-called social butterfly of SM Entertainment, became friends with all my sunbaes, and sometimes I even jokingly call them my ‘hyungs’. Donghae hyung and I, along with Jonghyun hyung, became the dinosaur family. We sometimes fought, but I mostly win either way.

He and I are not as closed as I am to Donghae hyung, but we still talk with each other whenever we got time. I don’t always see him, however, as he is focus on his career as an actor. I never knew he could cause such a large impact in my life, until that thing happened. I won’t tell you what that thing is, however I can tell you that it involved an accidentally kiss at the back of a music show plus some talks from my own members about this thing call love.

Yes, I didn’t know what love was until him, Kim Kibum, appeared in my life. But even when I could feels my heart beating fast whenever he is around, or when I see him kissing an actress even though it’s just for a drama and got jealous, I still denied the fact that I, Amber Josephine Liu, are in love with Kim Kibum. I didn’t believe that I actually fell in love with him, not even when Victoria unnie nagged me, Krystal glared at me as she got annoy when she couldn’t convince me, Sulli getting frustrated and start using aegyo on me, or even when Luna pointed out the way I look at him, but what the point of pointing out the way I look at him, when I can’t even see how I look at him.

I didn’t believe I was in love with him, until my f(x) members trapped me in a corner, and forced me to spill out the ways I act around him, including the fact that my heart beat 1000 times/per minute, I blushed when he touch me (even if accidentally), the way that I longed for him when he is not around, and etc. Even when I told them that and my members keep on saying that I had fallen deeply in love with him, I denied that fact. But then when they actually pull out the internet and searched for it, and then asked him about what it is when I felt/acted like that, without including my name of course, and with him replying with a “It’s love your friend is feeling” and when my friends told him that their so-called friend (a.k.a it was me that they are talking about) didn’t believe that it was love even though they tried every possible way they could think of, he told them

“I had felt that way before, and even I myself couldn’t believe it until all the people around me told me, that it was actually love. So tell your friend that she is hearing this from a person that had experienced it before, and if she still doesn’t believe it, then tell her to meet me so we could talk some senses into her before the man she loves go away from her” before he hung up because he have to continue to film his drama.

I sat with my back against the sofa that we have in our dorm, my eyes wide and my heart beating fast. A chance to meet him (even though we are in the same company) was very rare because he is usually somewhere to film his drama, or go to shows to promote Super Junior’s songs. And also the fact that he had felt love before, and he might even be loving someone right now was a little sudden for me. I guess this is jealousy.

My members knew what kind of impact he had on me, and that was exactly why they had called him so that he could convince me.  They got an idea light bulb appearing in their mind when they heard he said that I could meet him if I still don’t believe so that he could talk some sense into me. And I knew that I will be the victim of their brilliantness.

My hunch was correct as a few days later; I was standing in front of him, Kim Kibum, with a flushed face covered by light make-up. He looked surprised to see me, but then I told him

“My friend was too shy to come, so my members decided that I should go instead and tell her about everything later.” I explained. And then I saw his surprise slowly fading away but he was still not saying anything. I was afraid that he didn’t even remember my name.

“Ah, Amber-ah. It’s nice to see you.” He smiled at me happily and I felt my heart fluttered. I nodded at him and sat down in front of him as he began his talk about love while I was just watching him and agreeing with him mindlessly. I was happy just being there with him, and I didn’t want it to end at all. But when he offered to take me on a ‘date’, I was so surprise that I felt like my heart could burst out of my chest.  He took my hand and guided me toward his car, driving me toward a cinema for our first unofficial date.

That was exactly how my love story filled with surprises, happiness, madness, jealousy, and sadness begun.

Hi, guys! I'm back with my 20th chapter. Yay! :P 

Anyway, when I said that Amber had a crush in elementary, that was not truth. Amber said on Beatles Code that her first love was when she was 15. But then is crush and first love the same thing? I have absolutely no idea. Please tell me if you know, because I wouldn't want to mess up on that again.

I noticed that most of this one-shot contained stories of Amber's fictional life (plot by me), and it doesn't have much KibumxAmber interaction, at least not until the very end. Please don't hate me for it! I'm so sorry if it doesn't please you that much, but please bare with me. These days my mood are just mess up, and I'm trying to update as much one-shots as i can until my school start which is on the 26th of August.

I'm so sorry that I couldn't do much fluffy one-shots but I swear that Henber, Haeber, and Wonber are so going to be fluffy because I love these pairs! Please anticipate!

Comment and Subscribe! so that I can have more energy. Lol. What am I saying?