My heart broke in half for the first time as I looked up into the depth of his eyes. The furrow of his eyebrows and the awkward scratching of his neck gave me enough hints, and a bitter smile left my lips.

"It's fine, Namjoon ah. Sorry for putting you in an awkward position," I let the words escaped me...after all, it wasn't like he would ever feel the same way about me. It was better for us to be friends than strangers, and no matter what, I would never want him to feel guilty because of me.

"Mianhe, noona..." he muttered, never once making eye contact with me and even though tears welled up in my eyes, I silently held them back and gave him an encouraging grin. 

"It's fine. And what have I told you about calling me noona? It's Amber, alright?" I reprimanded him before pretending to look at my watch. "It's time for me to go. Let's hang out this weekend, hmm? I want to hear about your process with that girl of yours," I before I stood up. The moment he heard my words, however, a bright smile appeared on his face and my heart ached for the second time in a day. So even just a small mention of her can light up his features like that...

~~~~~

"I thought we both felt the same way! B-But then she...she went and got engaged to that bastard!" He cussed as I silently listened him, both of us sitting in our small corner of the bar. The food was spread evenly on the table, but the number of bottles on his side kept on increasing and I could do nothing to stop it. Even as I desperately want to reach over and tell him that she isn't worth it, I couldn't. After all, I was just his best friend.

"Namjoon ah, she'll get over it. The fact that he appeared out of nowhere must mean something...maybe she's trying to make you jealous?" I suggested, the bitterness from my own glass and the addictively sweet aroma of my blood mixed together in my mouth. I knew I had bit my own lips. I knew I started that stream of blood. But what was I to do when my heart felt like ripping out of my chest and choking me up? 

"Do you really think so?" He silently asked, hope written all over his face as he looked up into my eyes. The clear determination from the pair I've grown to love despaired me, but on the outside, I still retained the bright smile. If only for his sake. 

"Yes. Give it some time and go to her again. I'm sure she's just playing with you," I answered, but I could treat you way better than she ever would.

~~~~~

"I can't do this anymore. I can't. My own heart feels like it's being rip up, and even just being near you drives me crazy. But I can't have you!" I cried, the tears streaming out in front of him for the first time. "You're too obsessed with her even after she abandoned you. You come to me like a lost puppy, and expect me to shower you with hope, and I can't do it anymore. I love you, and you just don't understand..." I trailed ofc, droplets of tear falling freely as he stood there, stunned to silence. 

"So please," I begged, knowing I would regret it. "Please just leave me alone. Maybe it's just for now. Maybe it's forever. I don't know, Namjoon ah, but I need time to heal. I need you, but you want her...and I can't do anything about it...so for once, please just leave me alone." I finally collapsed, my mind and heart shattering into a million pieces.

"Amber..." he attempted, but the seconds of silence that follow confirmed his intentions. The sounds of footsteps slowly backing away only work to break me even more even though I was the one who asked that of him. I really thought that at the very least, he would stay and listen as a friend...but what did I really expect? Nothing...that's what.

And my heart proceeded to be crush for the third time.

~~~~~

I missed her, I realized. The following days after what happened, I never saw her around town anymore. Sometimes I found myself wandering toward her apartment, hoping to bump into her by accident, but nothing ever occur. Even when I go out of my way to visit the places she usually venture, she never appear. It was as though she completely disappear from the Earth. 

My best friend...Amber...the one who was always there to listen to my complaints. The one who always give me the best advices, not caring about herself. I noticed that I was being a jerk, grumbling about my crush on my ex-girlfriend when I knew perfectly well that she had feelings for me. But what was I to do? I could never acknowledge them as they would cause troubles in my friendship with her, and I did not want to take a risk that could make me lose the most important person to me. 

~~~~~

"Amber? Are you Amber?" A strangely familiar male voice questioned in disbelief from the door of the cafe, and I turned around to see our newest customer. Surprise was written all over his face, but I could not discern why.

"Amber! You really are Amber! Oh thanks God, I've been looking for you," he sighed in relief, coming closer and enveloping me in a tight hug. The embrace made my heart thumped faster and faster, and once again, I did not know why. 

"Who are you?" I whispered, pulling myself away from him in suspicion...I would not give in to the strange comfort of being in this stranger's arms. However, even as the flash of incredulity passed by his face and as his eyes searched mine for signs of lying, I felt a prick of misery in the pit of my stomach and my heart beated even faster than before. 

"Y-You don't remember me, Amber? It's me, Namjoon! Your best friend!" He yelled out in desperation, clutching my arms tightly. All the other customers turn to stare at the commotion, and my cheeks flushed bright red. 

"We-We can talk outside..." I whispered, pulling him out of the shop.

~~~~~

The quick burst of redness on her cheeks gave her an illuminating light that I could never see before. The flush, along with the way her slightly long hair wavered in the wind gave my heart a twitch, encouraging it to accelerate. But I put the unknown discovery aside, and instead questioned why she couldn't remember me. How could she not remember me? How could she cause this disturbance in my life and not remember? How could she make me question myself...and not take responsibility for it? 

~~~~~

"You really don't remember, Amber?" He questioned once again, the grip he had on my arm binding me to him in case I had any thought of running away. The tender, soft sound that escaped his lips made my cheeks hot, and I turned away from him.

"You said you're my best friend, but I don't remember you." I admitted, using my free hand to brush the strands of hair out of my face. "The manager of this cafe found me on the cliff near here...apparently I was involved in a hit-and-run and lost my memory." 

As soon as he heard my answer, he spun me around without warning and started to actively search for any injuries. Worries etched across his face, and my heart warned me to silently get away from this danger.

"I-I'm fine," I answered, finally able to snatch my limb away from him. "That happened 3 months ago, so I healed up quiet nicely. But since you're the only one who seemed to really know who I am, can you help me regain my memories?"

~~~~~

Regain her memories? No, I don't want her to know that I hurt her. I don't want her to leave me again, making me feel lost and confused. But maybe...maybe if I help her, the new memories can overwrite the old ones? 

"Of course I'll help you! What are best friends for, right?" I answered enthusiastically.

~~~~~

Best friends, I winced... What was that for? Realizing that I had unconsciously react to the two words, my mind spin to figure out why. Why am I so against the phrase? Why am I so against him saying them? 

~~~~~

"And this is the bar we usually go to on Saturday nights. The weekends are our nights, the days when we're able to have fun," he patiently explain, gawking for my reaction. Putting on a fake smile, I nodded and went on to glanced around the place, exploring the possible memories we had made there. But before I could go any further, a flashback of him walking away from me appeared in my mind, and my heart thumped in response. 

What the hell? That was the second time this week, I thought, wondering if it was of any importance. I could clearly depict the man in the picture as the one currently in front of me, but I could not decipher the bizarre ways to which I used to react to him. Bits and pieces of memories had came back to me in the past week or so, and almost all of them involved him. It was as though I had used the accident as a way to erase him away from my life...just like those outrageous dramas I watched. But this is real life, so how could that be true?

~~~~~

"Namjoon ah, how could you?!" I screamed, tears trailing down my face for the second time in front of him. The wonderful memories of the past month confused my heart, and I couldn't figure out why he could be so cruel as to trick me into loving him for the second time? Even though I managed to forget...to get over him, he reappeared and made me recall the terrible heartbreaks I suffered because of him. Of my best friend.

"You're a demon, Namjoon. I-I can't believe you did this to me," I choked out, palming my hands into fists. Clenching. Unclenching. Clenching. Unclenching. "How could you made me be infatuate with you again? Even after you so cruelly rejected me..." 

"Amber. Amber. Please. Listen to me," he begged, reaching for my hands cautiously. I instinctively recoiled from him, giving him the best death glare I could muster from under all the tears. "Please, Amber, listen. Look, I know I've hurt you a lot. I know I made you feel the worst possible things, I know I mess up. But I beg you, give me a second chance. You have no idea how lost I felt when I couldn't find you. You almost gave me a heartattack when you couldn't recognize me. And I realized I fell for you. Hard. And...and I don't know what to do," he broke down, and for the first time, tears came to his eyes. 

~~~~~

"Happy birthday to you~Happy birthday to you~Happy birthday dear Amber~Happy birthday to you!" He proudly sang, balancing the cake and my present in his hands. Even though I tried hard to hold back my laughter, his silly antics finally got to me when he purposefully trip over a small piece of rock.

"You finally laugh!" He grinned, placing the the cake and the present down onto the table before leaning over and pecking me on the cheek. Taken by surprise, a deep blush overcame me and he chuckled. "You're so adorable, Amber ah~" 

"Yah, I'm still older than you. Watch it," I pouted, although my grumbling did not sound convincing at all. 

"Open your present then. I'm sure you'll love it so much you wouldn't mind me calling you that," he cheekily replied, picking up the present and placing it right onto my laps. Curious at the light weight, I tilted my head at him but all he would give me is a smile. 

"Alright, alright. But if it's not enough, you're in trouble, mister." I tried my most serious voice before I tugged open the present. As soon as the beautiful plastic wrapper fall apart, a midnight blue flash of color caught my eyes before I gasped.

Kneeling down on one knee was Namjoon, and in his hand was the small box that I had caught sight of before. Opening the box gingerly, he took my hand and gave me a nervous grin. "Will you marry me, Amber?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper as he awaited my answer.

Eyes widening in shock, tears appeared in front of him for the third time. "Yes. Yes, I'll marry you Namjoon!" I replied happily, jumping into his arms. 

"No more sad tears, Amber ah. I'll be sure to make you happy from now on," he promised, pulling me in for a kiss.

~~~~~

But we spoke too soon of everlasting happiness. And for the last time, tears fell from my face because of him. But as he had said, no more tears...at least, no more in front of him.

Sliding the engagement ring from my finger, I bitterly remembered the first time he had broke my heart. She was the reason then, and she is still the reason now. Merely a week ago, we had been happy. That dream was soon shattered, however, when I went into our shared home and saw the two of them in our bed together. She had saw me. She saw me, and she gave me a victorious smirk. 

And that was then, and I am done with everything. Even if she was the one who enticed him, he had accepted and brought her into our home. And I can't take it anymore. The numerous times he broke me, the numerous times he healed me, and the numerous times he betrayed me were more than enough. If I am not the only woman for him, then I'm done. 

Letting the teardrops fall onto the letter I've written, I enclosed it inside an envelope and left it on the table beside the ring. And it was supposed to be our anniversary too, I chuckled at the irony before a huge wave of sadness hit me once again. No, I need to leave. I have to go before he sees me. I won't let him convince me otherwise...again. 

Looking back at the beautifully decorated candle-lit table filled with food, I imprinted it into my memory before I opened the door and stepped away from the pain...from him. Forever. 

~~~~~

He lost his best friend, gained a lover, but then he broke what he had with the woman he had considered 'the one.' He didn't realize what he had, but once he did, he didn't know he would lose her. And the moment he realized he could lose her, it was already too late. He had messed up. Twice over. 

A very sad Namjoon (Rap Monster) and Amber one-shot. I know I shouldn't start off the BTS Era with a depressing story, but I was just in the right mood and well, that happened.

However, I do have some good news. I've already got the storylines planned out and ready for the remaining six, and if my flow of words continue to work well, you guys will see the rest soon enough! I'll be able to finish BTSxAmber during the summer, at least, so look forward to them!

And as usual, please do comment and tell me what you think! I highly appreciate it!