30 minutes later or so they are all eating. They are so many that they can’t fit around her dining table so people just sit wherever they find room. The mood is quite light and easy and the members of B.A.P. and MBLAQ chat comfortably with each other while Alex sticks to Seungho’s side getting glances from YongGuk every other minute. Afterwards they gather around the couch area.

“So I gotta ask how did you get to know MBLAQ in the first place?” HimChan looks at Alex who is sitting leaned against Seungho’s arm.

“My old self was friends with Seungho” She says shortly “That’s all I know”

“Only Seungho knows about their friendship” CheonDung mumbles “And he isn’t telling us ”

“It’s not important” Seungho just says and pokes Alex’s nose making her scrunch it. She playfully hits his arm and he chuckles.

“I wanna know about it” Alex says looking at him. Seungho sighs “I thought you would let it go”

“No” She grins “Just some of it. Please tell me, I wanna know”

Seungho sighs and looks down. G.O. crosses his arms “Come on. Can’t you at least tell us how you met her?”

“If I do tell you that will you get of my case about and not ask so many questions?” SeungHo looks at G.O. who nods. He looks at Alex who kisses his cheek “Thanks Ani”

He smiles and nods “Well firstly I guess I have to tell the rest of you that I was not really doing that well back then”

“That’s an understatement” Joon huffs “You were ready to leave MBLAQ”

B.A.P. all frowns and looks at him in disbelief. Alex frowns and looks at him “Really?”

He nods “Yeah. I felt I had lost myself. That I was nothing more than Seungho of MBLAQ. Always MBLAQ never just me” He rubs his neck “It was our first day off and I went to the park to get some air” He looks at Alex “I saw you there. You were sitting on a bench listening to music and smoking”

Alex blinks her eyes

“I… uhm I was staring at you” He chuckles “You looked so carefree and I was so envious”

Alex holds on to his arm and leans her head against his shoulder.

“Well she caught me staring and told me it was rude. I apologized and she made fun of me” he shakes his head

“She made fun of you?” Joon chuckles. Seungho nods “Yeah. Then she offered me a cigarette”

“You took it” G.O. huffs and looks at YongGuk “He reeked of smoke when he returned that evening”

“Do you want to hear the story or not?” Seungho says mildly irritated.

“Yes!” Zelo says loudly earning a chuckle from the others.

“Well I did take it and she asked me what my problem was” He scratches his head “We didn’t really talk that much but suddenly she just asked me if I wanted to go somewhere but she didn’t want to tell me where” He looks at Alex “I said girls shouldn’t just ask strangers to go with them and she laughed at me” Alex chuckles “So I didn’t change that much”

“No” He her cheek “You are still bloody fearless” he pats her cheek a little harder and she bites his shoulder a little to punish him.

“You went with her anyway?” YongGuk asks. He is actually finding this very interesting

“I did” Seungho looks at him “I wasn’t going to but I didn’t wanna go back to the hotel so I went anyway. We… got to her bike and she drove us to the pavilion”

“Where you found me?” Alex says surprised

Seungho nods and looks down.

“But I thought I had never brought anyone there. You said I had only talked about it” She moves a bit away from him. Seungho just nods “Sorry”

“Why didn’t you just tell me I brought you there?” Alex mumbles.

Seungho sends a look to G.O.. A look G.O. knows mean that Seungho just has too many memories with Alex in that place.

Seungho sighs “We went there a few times together. It was your favorite spot because people never came there”

Alex crosses her arms and leans back.

Seungho looks back at her “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It’s just…” He takes a deep breath “The last time I spend time with you before the crash was at the pavilion. I just didn’t wanna think about it”

Alex looks at him and then looks down scanning the floor “Oh”

Seungho sighs and looks back at the table.

”He was gone the entire day and had turned off his phone. We were worried sick” G.O. crosses his arms and says “Then when we confronted him about it he snapped”

Seungho closes his eyes and covers them with a hand. He is not proud of it of how he acted back then.

“I was stupid and didn’t give him some peace so he took off and got drunk with Alex and two of her friends” G.O. adds

Seungho rubs his eyes and sighs.

“He came home at 4 in the morning and fell asleep on me!” G.O. smirks crossing his arms and kicks Seungho. Seungho looks up at him “I was very drunk”

“I know” G.O. grins “You couldn’t even remember most of it”

Seungho chuckles thinking back on that evening “I still don’t remember all of it”

“Which of her friends was it?” Alex holds onto his arm again.

“Miya and Aki” Seungho looks at her and watches her try to think it over “Aki I actually liked” She mumbles

Seungho smiles “She is the reason I found out you were alive. I don’t know how she got my number but she had it for some reason”

“She called you?” Alex looks surprised “But I thought they all hated you”

Seungho sighs “yeah”

All the guys from B.A.P. are blinking their big eyes looking like a bunch of bunnies. Well YongGuk in his costume more so than the others.

“Miya was the one who punched you” Alex leans a bit away and looks at Seungho who nods.

“You were actually friends with him too before the accident weren’t you?” G.O. tilts his head

Seungho looks down and nods “Yeah we got along quite well before that”

“How the hell did it go from friends to him punching you?” Joon says a bit loud making JongUp next to him jump in his seat.

Seungho shrugs and looks at him “They blamed me”

“But why?” HimChan says feeling very sorry for Seungho.

Seungho looks at Alex. Talking about the Alex she used to be is easier than he thought. Alex doesn’t seem to consider them the same person at all and to his own slight surprise. Neither does he…

“I don’t know” Seungho sighs.

YongGuk suddenly remembers what he has been wanting to ask Seungho about for weeks now “That show about you dying” He looks at Alex who turns her attention to him. Seungho frowns “What show?” Alex blinks a few times looking at YongGuk and then snaps out of it and looks at Seungho “Uhm I was contacted about making a show about her. It was all anonymous and I agreed to let it be aired in Japan. Then it got aired here in Korea as well” She mumbles the last part sending a small glance to YongGuk.

“Why didn’t we know about that?” Seungho turns towards her.

Alex pouts and shrinks slightly in her seat “Uhm I didn’t wanna bother you about it”

“But Alex…!” Seungho starts. She sends him a glare “I wasn’t told about your trip to the US” She glares at the others as well.

“We meant to tell you about that” G.O. scratches his neck.

“But we had other things in mind when it came to you” Mir mumbles.

Alex tilts her head “What?”

“Kei” Seungho says with a very clear hint of annoyance looking at the table in front of him. Alex shakes her head and looks the other way. YongGuk looks from one to the other and timidly raises his hand “Can I turn the topic back to that show?”

Joon rubs his temples “Please do so”

YongGuk lowers his hand and nods “Well… We all saw it” he looks at the others from B.A.P who nods. Alex looks at him “Was it any good?”

HimChan grins “It was quite intense. You were really a madman on that motorcycle”

Seungho smirks “She still drives like that” he smiles at G.O. “I told you about what DooJoon said after that trip?”

Alex narrows her eyes and looks from one to the other.

“Oh that she made the drive that would take 5 hours for a person pushing the speed limit in 3 hours” G.O. smirks.

YongGuk blinks a few times “How the hell can you do that?”

Seungho looks at Alex and gestures for her to explain. She shrugs “You drive a bit faster and try not to let the other cars get in your way” She smirks “DooJoon was so scared he was frozen solid when we got there. I had to bloody slap him” Alex sighs and frowns thinking back on that god awful day.

YongGuk shakes his head “Anyway… I keep losing focus” He looks at HimChan who pats him on the back and smirks. DaeHyun and YoungJae smirks at each other.

YongGuk looks back at Seungho “She dropped out of her last race”

Seungho frowns and leans forward “What?”

Alex looks from one to the other. It doesn’t ‘really’ concern her. She has decided not to consider her ghost a real part of her.

“She dropped out” YongGuk repeats. G.O. raises both brows and looks at Seungho “But wasn’t that what you told her to do?”

Seungho frowns more and leans back in the couch. Alex listened to him. She actually heard what he said when he told her to be more careful. He just can’t make it fit with how she rejected him.

YongGuk looks at Alex “They talked with some of your friends who said that she dropped out and seemed a rather distracted” He looks at Seungho who is looking on the verge of tears trying to make sense of it all. He looks at YongGuk “What else?”

YongGuk breathes deeply and looks down frowning “Well then they said that when she got involved with that chase she was supposed to be racing and… that if she hadn’t dropped out she wouldn’t have died”

Seungho feels his heart drop. Alex hugs him and leans her head on his shoulder trying to comfort her best friend and brother. Seungho closes his eyes “So it was my fault”

“That’s just stupid” G.O. frowns and looks at YongGuk who moves back in his seat and looks up at Seungho. He didn’t really think this would be the result of telling him. He thought it would make him feel better to know she listened. He should just not have told him the rest.

Seungho is looking at Alex “I killed you”

Alex sighs and makes a mad expression hitting him over the head “Shut the up”

Seungho pouts unhappily

“You did no such thing. As far as I have been told she did whatever the she wanted. You did not make her take part in that ing chase and you did not make her drive so bloody reckless and you did not make her turn around and drive back towards them. If you ask me she had it coming” She huffs and rolls her eyes “She was an idiot”

Her head starts acting up but she ignores it “If anything you were a better friend than those bloody idiots who just let her be such a ing idiot”

G.O. smirks “It is so weird hearing you talk about yourself like that”

Alex straightens her back looking very proud and confident “I’m not her”

Seungho looks at her and smiles before hugging her tight and closes his eyes “Thanks”

Alex kisses his cheek “So don’t think about it ani. Promise”

Seungho moves back and nods “Promise” He looks down at the floor

Alex snuggles back against Seungho’s arm “I don’t know why you wouldn’t tell me about the pavilion” Seungho kisses her head “I don’t know”

YongGuk is playing with his fingers thinking she would never act like that with him.

“You really weren’t happy back then” YoungJae frowns.

“No” Seungho says honestly “I was not”

“But you stayed with MBLAQ why?” DaeHyun asks

Seungho looks at Alex “Well the Alex made me look at it differently”

“How?” Alex asks with big eyes “She actually had the ability to help?”

Seungho looks at her and sighs “Alex she was my… friend. Please talk nicely about her”

G.O. chuckles and shakes his head.

Alex pouts “What like you talk about Kei?”

“I don’t wanna hear that name!” Seungho pouts right back at her. G.O. laughs a bit harder. It is such a joke. Seungho is defending his sort of ex and Alex is defending hers.

“Stop the ing and tell us what happened!” Zelo yells having gotten really impatient because of all the detours.

“Well” Seungho smiles “remember she didn’t know who I was or what I did” He looks at all their faces. They nod. G.O. and the rest of MBLAQ are very quiet having been wanting to know this for so long.

“She said: You aren’t alone in the world, you have friends who worry about you and you worry just as much about them. Without a good leader a group is worth nothing. Your mark is in every single one of those people. A person is only as good as the person it follows. You are in front Buster. It’s not easy. It won’t become easier and you’ll have to fight but nothing that comes easy is worth having anyway” He nods when he finishes and smiles

“So she did actually have something going on in that head" Alex mocks. Seungho nods “She had her moments yes” he chuckles and looks at Alex.

“You should remember that” HimChan playfully punches YongGuk.

“Remember what?” YongGuk looks at him and frowns.

“You didn’t listen?!” HimChan yells

YongGuk chuckles “I did. Calm down”

Seungho looks down. He still remembers the time she said that to him. The day before he left for Osaka, 2 days before she died.