The atmosphere at Alex’s place is heavy and gloomy. The sobs from Mei pouring her eyes into Zico’s shoulder while he gently her back is the only sound heard. He looks at her and opens his mouth wanting to say something but for once he has no words. He looks to his other side seeing Joon who is stuck in a frown. His eyes are blank and his jaw keeps clenching and unclenching while he stares at nothing.

On the other side of Joon is G.O. rubbing his temples for the 15.000 time. Across from him sits CheonDung with his hands on Mir’s shoulders. He looks down at the boy sitting in front of him on the floor biting his lip and frowns painfully. Mir has silent tears slowly moving down his cheeks. He doesn’t bother wiping them away.

Next to CheonDung sits his sister Sandara his back. He sends a look her way and she tries to smile a reassuring smile which falls flat. She takes a deep breath and leans against his arm resting her head on his shoulder. He gives her a quick kiss on the head and she lets a tear run from her eye to his shoulder while her hands holds on to his arm.

In a chair SooHyun sits turning the keychain Alex gave him in his hands. He rubs his eye with a hand and frowns as he takes a deep breath. Eli, who is sitting on the arm of the chair, places a hand on his shoulder making SooHyun look up at him. Eli smiles faintly and looks over to the other chair where DooJoon is holding on to the back of his head with his eyes shut tight, shaking his head slowly from side to side.

Eli’s eyes moves to Zelo, JongUp and Dongho who is sitting on the floor over by the wall petting BangHim. JongUp has an arm around Zelo’s shoulders. The young boy sniffs and wipe away a tear with his sleeve. DongHo pats him on the leg and Zelo looks up at him trying to smile. The sparkling eyes reveal the arrival of more tears

A sigh is heard from Junho over by the kitchen where he and JunHyung are standing. JunHyung looks at DaeHyun who walks from the kitchen over to the window where he hands a glass of water to YoungJae. The two turns and looks at the last person in the room.

Seungho is sitting in a chair staring at the black and purple picture hanging over Alex’s stereo with dry marks of tears down his cheeks. He never understood why she kept that picture. Of all the things she had she kept that picture. He knows every little detail of it by now. If he tried he would probably be able to draw it with accuracy. He knows every nuance, every angle, every little insignificant part of it. It is the only thing in his mind connected to the old Alex. That bloody picture.

The door to the apartment is opened and everyone slowly moves their eyes in the direction, except for Seungho.

HimChan and YongGuk walk in, YongGuk is holding his right hand protectively over his left side while his eyes are fixed on the floor.

HimChan is looking around at the faces which all look at YongGuk with such sorrow before looking away.

G.O. gets up and walks over to YongGuk guiding him over to take over his seat.

He looks down at the battered guy. YongGuk was lucky. He only broke 2 ribs and got a minor fracture in the shoulder but other than that he just had a whole bunch of bruises.

HimChan crosses his arms and looks at YongGuk. They are coming straight from the hospital. YongGuk needed a checkup. He didn’t wanna leave her apartment but HimChan forced him. Not that YongGuk said he didn’t want to go. No one has heard a word from him ever since… HimChan swallows and closes his eyes feeling a tear run down his cheek. He quickly wipes it away before YongGuk has a chance to see it.

Their manager had come to the scene with the police and found YongGuk on the ground covered in blood hugging Alex’s limp body calling her name, begging her not to leave him. It looked like a battleground. A fire was going on it the corner where Alex’s bike was nothing more than a wreck. Five guys lay on the ground dead and a horrid smell of blood had made him throw up.

The sight had left such an impact on their manager that he has been ordered to see a shrink. HimChan really had to beg to get him to tell him what he had seen. Now HimChan wishes he never asked and at the same time he looks at YongGuk thinking how it must have been like for him to be there when it happened.

It has only been a week but it feels like a year. Every night HimChan is woken up by YongGuk’s screaming as yet another nightmare disturbs his sleep. The agency wanted to send YongGuk home to recover with his family but YongGuk just kept going back to Alex’s place until they just let him stay there. HimChan came with him. He is worried about his friend and hasn’t left his side even for a second. Not that YongGuk seems to notice.

When the police came YongGuk was in shock and didn’t seem to comprehend that someone had come to help him. He couldn’t explain what had happened so the police had to do try and piece the events together. It seems Alex had stolen the gun from one of the guys she sought out when she was trying to figure out where YongGuk had been taken. They all said the same thing. Alex had knocked down their door and demanded answers. If they didn’t answer she would beat them until they talked. The first 2 said she had apologized when she accepted that they knew nothing.

The last guy she roughed up had called the police shortly after she left. Not to get her arrested because he has great respect for her as well and in the world he lives in the way she treated him was actually kind. She had paid for the damages she had caused and she stopped hitting him when she got what she needed. She never does anything without having a reason, he respects that so when he called the police it was to send them to stop her from ruining her life.

After having looked at the evidence at the shooting it was concluded that Alex had shot ones at every kidnapping hitting her mark spot on. They were all shot in the head and died instantly but as Alex’s wounds had shown she hadn’t quite been fast enough and she had gotten shot in her left arm and in her right side. But none of the shots was enough to kill her. The last shot was the only fatal one.

They quickly established that it was selfinflicted to everyones great horror.

HimChan shutters just thinking about what it must be like to watch your loved one shoot themself.

G.O. sighs and pats YongGuk on the shoulder before walking over to Seungho and places a hand on his back “YongGuk is back”

Seungho looks up at him and then looks at YongGuk and nods shortly.

The Doctor Alex had been seeing was quick to conclude that ghost Alex had taken over. His guess is that ghost Alex had been laying low, gathering strength, just waiting for an opotunity to take over. He doesn’t know when in the fight she took over but he has a slight fear that Alex already knew what ghost Alex was planning so she had just letten her. That would explain why Alex made sure to say goodbye.

Everyone who wanted an explanation had been gathered at Alex’s place where MBLAQ’s manager and the doctor Alex had been seeing had explained everything. MBLAQ’s manager made sure to explain to a very hurt Seungho that Alex knew it would hurt him to know she kept it from him but that she couldn’t bare having him worry about that as well as all the other worries she caused. They made sure to make it clear that she was doing everything to fight what she thought was unavoidable.

SooHyun had stood up and turned to Seungho telling him that he knew but that Alex didn’t want him to know. Seungho was about to walk out not wanting to accept that she kept such a secret from him. G.O. pulled his arm and said in a very low voice that Seungho was doing the same thing. SooHyun said that Seungho should just remember that she only called one person before meeting her end and that was Seungho.

YongGuk wasn’t there. His doctor had said he shouldn’t be told until he could function normally again.

Back at the present in the apartment Seungho is watching YongGuk looking like a living dead. He turns and glares at the painting “Wasn’t it enough that you couldn’t be happy? Did you really have to make everyone else miserable?” He snarls at the dead object.

Everyone looks at him.

“YAH!” Seungho yells at the picture “Just because that part of you had no heart…” he snaps and rips the picture of the wall and throws it through the room watching it shatter against the opposite wall knocking over a lamp.

“Seungho!” G.O. walks over to him but Seungho holds up his hand keeping him at an arms distance “We should have left her in that pavilion” He says while new tears start falling from his eyes “She... She should just have died back then”

“Don’t say stuff like that!” Joon lifts his head and looks at Seungho “How dare you?!” Joon hisses and gets up and walks towards him. G.O. puts out his arm keeping Joon back “HOW DARE YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT!” Joon yells.

Seungho clenches his jaw

Mei is crying louder now. Zico looks at them “Don’t yell at each other. It doesn’t make a difference”

“He can’t talk about her like that!” Joon snaps “You off all people” he shakes his head at Seungho.

G.O. looks at Seungho who swallows looking as if he had just been told he was the one pulling the trigger.

“The thing is” G.O. sighs “Alex was trying to kill herself when we first found her after the crash. She didn’t want to live but we convinced her to come with us…”

Seungho looks down a second and then up again “We shouldn’t have”

Mir hides his face in his hands and CheonDung leans forward hugging him. Sandara looks at G.O. with horror “She did? But she was so full of life”

“Not then” G.O. says with a sigh. Joon is clenching and unclenching his jaw again

“We would have been better off” Seungho says coldly. It’s just too much pain. He can’t handle having to deal with this pain all over again. He knows he should keep his mouth shut but he is so angry with her for doing this not only to him but to YongGuk, MBLAQ and everyone else in the room. He doesn’t expect them to understand. They don’t know the old Alex, the one who held the gun.

“NO!” Joon yells again “HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT WITH…” He looks at YongGuk who has his eyes closed letting silent tears run from them

“He would have been better off” Seungho says just as cold

“H-how can you say something like that?” DooJoon is standing up as well. Over by the wall the three youngest are looking petrified. BangHim is hiding in Zelo’s lap. JongUp is trying to cover Zelo’s ears but the kid heard everything and he is shaking his head from side to side while tears pour from his innocent eyes. DongHo is clenching his fists and is timidly looking towards the group.

SooHyun and Eli stands up as well glaring at Seungho. From the kitchen Junho and JunHyung sends each other a disbelieving look.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” HimChan puts an arm around YongGuk scowling at Seungho who is feeling hatred from everyone but G.O. and YongGuk.

Seungho looks at all the faces and turns away. He walks towards the window where DaeHyun and YoungJae are standing. They step aside looking at the heartbroken face.

G.O. looks after him

“YOU CAN’T JUST WALK AWAY!” Joon yells

“SHUT UP!” G.O. yells at Joon“If anyone understands what YongGuk is feeling right now its Seungho!”

Everyone looks at G.O.

“We know he was friends with her but how would he know what it is like to lose your girlfriend like that?!” Joon keeps talking loud

“Because he lost his girl too!” G.O. snaps back.

“What are you saying?” Joon frowns

YongGuk looks up and turns his head towards Seungho “He was in love with Alex when she crashed” He talks in a dry low voice. He never thought he would tell anyone that. It is the first words spoken by him since that day

“What?” Joon looks at him.

“You never told us that!” Mir looks at Seungho

“No… He didn’t want anyone to know. YongGuk wasn’t supposed to know. Would have been better if he never did” G.O. looks at YongGuk who is looking at Seungho with a slight relief knowing someone understand how badly it hurts. If anyone can understand what he feels right now it is Seungho. It has gotta be worse for Seungho. He loved both.

Seungho sends a look back at YongGuk truly wishing YongGuk could be spared the heartache he himself had felt.

“You never showed…” CheonDung says

“It wasn’t the same Alex when she woke up” Seungho says still looking at YongGuk “I didn’t want her to know because then I would be like everyone else wanting her to be the one she used to be. It didn’t matter anyway” He turns looking at the group by the couch “She never loved me back”

He swallows and looks down taking a deep breath.

SooHyun frowns “Wait… You are the boytoy?”

Everyone frowns and looks at SooHyun

“Boytoy?” Joon looks at Seungho who closes his eyes and lets his head drop with a sigh “Yeah… that is what she would call it” He opens his eyes and looks at SooHyun who exchanges looks with DooJoon.

“I don’t know if she loved you but according to Alex her ghost said she didn’t want to let you go. Alex said her ghost knew her boytoy was in love with her and that was why she let him go even though she didn’t want to” SooHyun explains having the attention of everyone. YongGuk looks at him as well seemingly more in touch with the reality around him than he has been all week.

“Let me go?” Seungho frowns “She told me to blow my worries out my ! She told me she didn’t give a what I thought! How is that letting me go?” Seungho raises his voice “To me it sure as hell felt like she just didn’t care!”

“I don’t know!” SooHyun yells back at him “I’m just telling you what Alex told me”

Seungho shakes his head “It’s ridiculous”

“Think what you want I’m just saying Alex was sure her ghost liked the guy who was her latest boytoy, she just never understood why he hadn’t been around but… I guess he never left her side” SooHyun says softening his voice. Seungho crosses his arms and looks down “I loved her” He looks back up “I did. She… she had her good sides” He feels hopeless “Why am I always defending her? She doesn’t deserve it after what she did!” He crouches down and holds on to his head.

“Because you love her” YongGuk sighs and mumbles “Love does that”

Seungho looks at him and nods softly.

“So… You two have done the same girl” Zico frowns. YongGuk and Seungho glare at him and DooJoon hits him over the head.

“BangHim!” Zelo calls out and everyone sees the cat running over to the now broken picture frame

“Don’t go there” Zelo runs after the cat “You’ll get hurt” He picks it up and stares at the ground under it. DongHo comes out to him and frowns looking at the spot as well. He picks up an envelope.

“What is it?” SooHyun calls out. DongHo walks over to him and hands him the envelope “You think Alex left it for us”

“I don’t know” He opens it and pulls out a poloraid “Me and… Baoiuster….? Who is Baster?”

Seungho frowns and walks over snatching the picture

”That is me. She used to call me that name” he mutters staring at the picture ”We took this one time I stayed at her place” He feels a tear run down his cheek ”She liked taking pictures. She took some really good ones” Seungho looks at the picture “She… she always apriciated silent beauty like trees swaying in the breeze or a bug moving over a window. The small things. This… she said this was prettier than any couple picture she had ever taken of anyone” He huffs “It cracked her up and she threw it in the trash right after. I was too much of a whimp to take it”

Everyone looks at Seungho as he talks.

“I think this was taken in the morning. We had spent the night on the roof of her building looking at city. Just watching time pass” He swallows and runs his thump over the picture “It was her favorite thing to do”

“Was it the week you had left us?” G.O. mumbles

Seungho nods “Yeah. We hardly did anything other than watch time pass” he smiles a little “It was so peaceful. That week gave me back a sense of me”

“After she broke you down” Joon mumbles.

Seungho nods “You can’t create anything if there is already something there” He frowns and thinks about how ghost Alex and Alex proved that.

“So that Alex was actually peaceful?” SooHyun frowns. Seungho nods “Yea but she was too calm, like nothing mattered… she threw this out” he frowns keeping his eyes on the picture holding on to it a bit tighter.

SooHyun puts a hand on his shoulder ”I think this is for you” He hands him a folded piece of paper. Seungho swallows and takes it. He looks back at G.O. “Why did she keep it?”

G.O. shrugs and walks over to him “Read the letter. It may give you some answers”

Seungho shakes his head “I can’t”

“If you don’t I will read it out loud” G.O. says and Seungho frowns and opens the paper.

Seungho drops the paper and walks into Alex bedroom closing the door behind him.

“What is it?” Joon looks at G.O. who quickly scans the letter.

“She loved him” G.O. smiles but stops and sighs “God this is messed up”

YongGuk stands up and holds out his hand. G.O. looks at him “You don’t want to…”

“Give me” YongGuk says in a determined voice. G.O. sighs and hands it over. YongGuk reads the letter and then hands it back and walks towards the door to the stairway.

“YongGuk?” HimChan jumps up and runs after him.

“I just need some air HimChan” YongGuk says without looking back “Please give me a moment. I’ll be on the roof”

HimChan nods “Okay”. YongGuk closes the door behind him and everyone looks around not sure what to say or do.

Seungho returns shortly after immidiatly looking for YongGuk “Where is he?”

“He just needed a moment” G.O. says having taken a seat again.

“I have to talk to him” Seungho sighs and frowns. He heads towards the door. It’s opened before he reaches it and MBLAQ’s manager comes in. Seungho frowns and looks at him swallowing his saliva which isn’t really there. His throat has gone dry.

No one has seen or heard from the manager in 3 days. He has been at the hospital. As the one in charge of Alex’s fate he had to be there. He had been called up by the police who from the murder case knew he was in charge. He had arrived at the scene just as the paramedics forced Alex out of YongGuk’s arms. He doesn’t really know what went on with YongGuk because his focus was on Alex.

He was there when the paramedics said they couldn’t find a pulse. It made his heart stop beating. He stood there looking at them trying to bring her back. Her white skin was covered in red blood. Her eyes were closed and her head fell limp to the side.

Then one said he had a pulse and she was rushed off to the hospital. The manager had been allowed to come with her. He kept thinking about that day Alex had sat down across from him and said if she ever died she didn’t want to be brought back but he couldn’t bring himself to say it to the paramedics who was fighting to keep her pulse going. At the hospital she was rushed off to surgery.

He had stood right outside the door to the surgery-room and waited.

15 minutes later a nurse had come out and asked if he was the one making the decisions regarden Alex. She told him the shot to the chest had been angled and therefor missed her heart by an inch or so. He was given the choice between letting her die which would then happen within a matter of minutes or they could try and fight for her. He knew what she wanted but when he stood there and saw glimpses of Alex on the table as nurses and doctors rushed in and out he just couldn’t do it and told the nurse to fight for Alex. He just prayed to god that she would forgive him.

The nurse said she might not wake up and if she did she might not be functioning normally because she had been dead for 15 minutes. She might not even be herself.

For some reason that had made him laugh. He said that Alex was no one if not her own and that she has the strongest will in the world. The nurse smiled slightly and hurried back inside.

They fought for her all through the night and she got out of surgery in the early morning hours. The doctor said her good shape might have been the reason she was still alive. She wasn’t out of danger yet though. He said the next few days would be critical. That is when he dicided to gather her friends and tell them how everything was. He did tell them that he had wen’t against her wishes by telling them to fight for her life. Seungho had walked over and hugged him tight thanking him over and over again. It had actually made him cry.

There was so much crying that day. Seungho cried more than anyone and the rest of MBLAQ did everything to comfort him. It was heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time.

The next few days were chaos.The agencies, the media, the police, everyone wanted something. The official story that was run in the news was that Alex had been shot in the gunfire between her and YongGuk’s kidnappers. The people who needed to know the truth was told the truth.

The police agreed that if she survies she wouldn’t be charged with murder since she acted in selfdefence and beside she had become a hero in most people’s eyes so it would not go down well if they wanted to lock up a person who gave her life for someone else.

No one who knew about her split sides would call it suicide. It was pure murder done by ghost Alex. The Alex they all know is the victim.

Then 3 days ago he stopped communicating to focus on Alex and her status. He did offer Seungho the chance to come visit her but Seungho had become bitter and the thought of seeing her made him angry. YongGuk didn’t get the choise, his doctors said it might make it worse if she didn’t wake up.

For the last 3 days all the people closest to Alex has been spending just about every waking hour at her place. Waiting for the call from MBLAQ’s manager to tell them if Alex lives or dies.

Everyone in the room knows that there can only be 2 outcomes: Death or life. Death would be simple. Death would just be death. Life would be complicated. No one can tell the outcome of her being alive. No one could say if she would be her old self, her new self or a third.

Having the manager show up at the flat brings the worst feeling out in everyone. Would he come he if she was alive? Wouldn’t he be at the hospital?

The manager has his eyes on the floor and Seungho feels his heart drop. He wouldn’t show up if it wasn’t horrible news.

Seungho closes his eyes

“I got news” the manager sighs