“Namjoo, get up from that bed,” I heard Minhwa ask me as I just sniffled in return, not bothering to get a tissue. I stained my pillow with tears, so why not with snot too? I wasn’t even trying this time. Tears just flew freely on their own, and I did nothing to stop them. I knew I wouldn’t be getting much sleep tonight. Why? Because I just realized that I’m the world’s biggest idiot. As if I wasn’t before.

I quivered a little as I remembered the times when I would cry over stupid stuff and Daehyun was there to put his arms around me – to comfort me by making me laugh and saying sweet stuff that I brushed off before, but now need. Now, I’m crying over the man that I thought I wouldn’t cry over anymore. It physically hurts.

“It’s not the end of the world! Come on Joo, you guys haven’t fought in a while. It’s just a test,” I heard Jaehwa say, trying her best to console me. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that nothing can console me. The only thing that can consult me is me apologizing and Daehyun accepting it.

Impossible, right?

“Yah Kim Namjoo. Why don’t you face me right now like the strong woman I fought with over Daehyun years before?” I heard Sarang demand. That got me to see some sense. It was enough to cease my crying and sniffling for a moment. I slowly raised myself from the covers and looked quickly at Sarang with a piercing glare.

“AH! Well – uh – you could’ve looked worse.” Sarang shrugged and put on a not-bad expression as Jaehwa and Minhwa nodded in agreement from their beds.

“Try. Me.” I croaked, sounding like someone who was crying nonstop for an hour. Oh right! I was. My hair was a birds’ nest (actually, a birds’ nest looks much neater than mine), my lips are cracked and bleeding from biting it and not drinking too much water, my eyes are so puffy I could feel the redness and my nose won’t stop producing snot.

“Here you go, sweetie.” Minhwa handed me a handkerchief. I looked at it once before looking away. I don’t deserve it.

“Look. So you guys got in one fight. Sure, he didn’t forgive you this time. What did you expect? You fight and forgive each other instantly?” Sarang asked incredulously as I looked down, wiping my nose with my shirt sleeve. She was right. But I thought that was our case. Mine and Daehyun’s case. We will fight, but immediately we forgive each other. That was our routine whenever we get into a misunderstanding. What’s so different about now?

“Not all fights end in forgiveness instantly, Namjoo. And since you’re too blind to see the truth, I’m showing it to you now. Daehyun is everything to you, correct?” Sarang questioned me strictly as I nodded numbly. Jaehwa went over to me and pats my back comfortingly. Minhwa shot a glare at Sarang’s direction. “Be careful of what you say.”

Sarang just rolled her eyes and continued. “Well, you must have some magic in there because you guys lasted for five years. I don’t know what kind of magic, but that magic is strained. It is always spoiled. You believed the idea of you guys always being happy. Well relationships aren’t like that, little girl. You will have fights, you will not forgive each other sometimes and you will not forget. But you know what?”

I looked up from my wallowing, looking straight into the eyes of my former enemy. She gritted her teeth and pointed at me.

“This. Is. Reality. Wake up and use your brain, you clueless girl. Daehyun is obviously fed up of always forgiving you quickly. Sometimes, you need your fight to last long to count. To be one of your bricks to build a strong relationship. So now you got into your ‘first real fight’ so what? A lot of couples dealt that already! I don’t know about you Kim Namjoo, but you’re a coward now. Crying and laying there like a helpless woman. You’re over your twenties, for Pete’s sake! Instead of asking why are you so stupid, which you are now, why don’t you go over to Daehyun and talk about your problems with him and him with you? Why don’t you guys for once – oh, I don’t know – act like a real couple?!”

I blinked at Sarang’s outburst. Part of me wanted to tackle her down and strangle the girl, but part of me (the rational part – thank the heavens) told me that she was right. It made me feel a tiny bit better.

“Thank you for the sermon, Sarang, but it doesn’t mean that I already have an inkling of what to do,” I mumbled, actually scared of her for the first time in a few years. Sarang scoffed and slapped her palm on her forehead.

“You little idiot- I JUST TOLD YOU! Go and talk about your problems! And-“

Sarang was interrupted by a knocking on the door. Jaehwa sighed and glanced at me. I wiped the last of my tears and forced out a painful smile. “It’s alright.”

Minhwa heard me, because she called out, “It’s open!”

Jaehyun stepped inside, smiling childishly and waving at us. I hesitated before turning around and putting my face on the pillow again to avoid confrontation.

“Well, Yongguk told me to tell you guys that we’re going to the beach for some fun then we’ll walk around a bit before eating at a place called the Fish Shack,” Jaehyun announced happily as I heard Sarang say, “That’s great, Jae. We’ll be out soon.”

And with that, I heard Jaehyun close the door. I sat up once again, sighing. Sarang took a side-glance at me and scoffed once again, getting off the bed.

“You’re pathetic.”

“I know,” I muttered, feeling the words hit straight to the heart. Sarang apparently heard it, for she pursed her lips. Minhwa sighed and nodded at the door.

“We have to go. Jaehyun and the others are waiting. Are you coming, Joo?” She asked me as Jaehwa patted my back. I nodded.

“Yeah. Just give me a second.” I smiled a little at Jaehwa and slipped out of her comforting arms, heading to the bathroom. I shut the door and sighed, placing my hands on the sink, looking at my reflection. I was shocked at how broken I looked. It mirrored exactly what I felt on the inside. I leaned down and opened the faucet, washing my face with soap and patting it dry with a towel. I looked at my bare face for a while and decided not to wear any make-up. I wanted to feel bare.

I went out of the bathroom to see no one in the room. I sighed in relief, knowing they probably wanted to give me privacy. I bounded over to my luggage, digging in before spotting my purple, watermelon-patterned pajamas. I laid it on the bed and quickly changed into them, slipping on my bunny slippers once I buttoned up my button up pajama top. I let my hair loose before tying it in a messy bun. I sniffled and looked into the mirror.

“Decent enough,” I mumbled, touching my cheek. I grabbed my wallet and phone and walked out the door, greeting a group that was chatting animatedly. It turns out everyone was waiting only for me. Yongguk and Youngjae were talking about the history of the place. Himchan was conversing with Jaehyun about hair products and such, Jongup and Jaehwa were together with Minhwa and Zelo and Daehyun was having a chat with Sarang.

I felt no jealousy, no nothing. I felt numb. I didn’t even have a small curious part of me that wanted to know what Daehyun and Sarang were talking about. But Daehyun was smiling. Like I wanted him to be. I cleared my throat softly, catching the attention of Sarang. By looking over at me, Daehyun followed her gaze.

My eyes widened, trying to read his expression. He simply looked at me up and down before looking away. I sighed and blew the hair that was covering my face. I guess I probably expected more, but as usual, I knew we weren’t perfect enough.

“Oh my- What are you wearing? You wouldn’t catch any guy’s attention with that! Oh- sorry Daehyun,” Sarang said immediately, glancing at Daehyun who shrugged, still looking away, “Don’t be.”

Sarang clucked her tongue when she saw my fashion, and indeed, I felt inferior. Everyone was wearing stylish pants and shorts, awesome tees and had light make-up on, but they still looked beautiful and handsome. I probably looked like a kid who was trying to tag along with grown-ups.

I shrugged and glanced at my pajama outfit.

“I feel comfortable, and good. I don’t need to impress anyone, to be honest,” I countered, shrugging again and blinking at Sarang who rolled her eyes. “Just because your boyfriend doesn’t look at you anymore doesn’t mean you have to dress down. Come on guys!” Sarang shouted happily, leading the way to the lobby with the others in tow.

I waited till I was the only one left. Jaehwa glanced behind her and looked at me worriedly, mouthing, “Are you okay?”

I forced a fake smile and raised a thumbs up. She smiled back and went back to talking with Jongup. I followed the group, letting my thoughts wander around. To how the hotel was furnished, to the people here. I sure got some looks from people, some dirty looks, but I really didn’t mind. Sarang was right again. If Daehyun wasn’t mine anymore, why would I dress up? I didn’t want to impress anyone but him.

I put my hands behind my back and looked at my feet. Soon, we arrived at the beach.

“WOOHOO! We’re at the beach! Where them chicks at?” I heard Yongguk shout before hearing Himchan shout back, “What ‘chicks’?! You have a wonderful man right here- YAH, DON’T GO TO THAT BLONDE! I am talking to you Bang Yongguk! You dare ignore your wife?!”

I chuckled at the outburst, covering my mouth after. My pajama top had long sleeves that went past my arms, so the texture felt soft against my lips.

“Why are you here, walking alone? Min, Jae and Sarang seem to have fun.” A voice asked casually as I glanced to my right, seeing Daehyun. The wind whipped his bangs back, but he didn’t look bothered. His hands were behind his back and he was looking straight forward. I gulped and tried to think of what to say.

“Uh – I’m tired.”

Oh, great going Ms. Not-Anymore-Soon-To-Be-Jung-Namjoo.

“Then why did you agree to come?” Daehyun asked, raising an eyebrow and glancing at me. Here, I stared at the man I thought I knew. Here, I stared at the face I always see in my most wonderful dreams. Here, I stare at the man who was once my boyfriend. I cleared my throat and shrugged.

“I didn’t want to upset them. Besides, I have to put these pajamas you gave me last year to use,” I told him as casually as I could, saving the reason why I really came. I saw his Adam’s apple go up and down as he gulped, looking away. I knew that habit of is. It happens when he’s nervous.

“You put it to bad use. You’ll get sand all over the bottoms. And if you get wet, you’ll get soaked terribly.”

That’s when I snapped.

“Why do you care? I’m not your girlfriend.” Anymore. I added in my head as I shot a glare at him. He blinked in surprise as I roll my eyes and look away.

“Forget it. It’s not worth saying anything for.” I looked down at my fluffy bunny slippers. After a long time of walking beside Daehyun (and hearing the happy shouts of our friends), he finally said,

“Don’t get those slippers wet. I requested it to be handmade. For you.”

And with that, he jogged over to Sarang who was texting on her phone. I sighed and glanced at my slippers. He gave it to me last Christmas, and yes, it was handmade. I knew that. But why did he have to say it again? Was he feeling remorse of what he have done?

I shook my head. That’s not the Daehyun I knew.

But maybe I never knew Daehyun.

“Hey Namjoo! Watch out!”

And before I realized I was walking too near the waves, a huge wave came and drenched me from waist down. I gasped and held up my hands to keep them from getting wet, and of course my wallet and phone. I bit my lip to keep myself from crying. I just ruined Daehyun’s last gift to me.

I turned around and ran away like a coward, hearing Daehyun shout, “Namjoo!”

Hey, so a double update. I just feel what Namjoo's feeling right now so why not put it to good use?

I hope you guys enjoy~