“Daehyun! This is becoming obnoxious. Just let me see-“ I stopped protesting when Daehyun finally removed his hands from my eyes. I pouted and rubbed my abused eyes and turned towards him who had his lips pursed in a fine line and his eyebrow furrowing in the middle. If we were in different circumstances, I would call him cute and tickle him. But now, all Kim Namjoo wanted was revenge. Call me a jealous lassie, but I am. After five years, nothing would change that.

“Thanks for ruining my chances of them knowing my name, jealous brat,” I spat, scoffing and looking away. Jongup, who was currently unpacking his things looked up worriedly at me.

“Noona? I think Daehyun was just protecting you from those guys because he loves you-“

“You know what? Let her think what she wants to think, Jong. Yes, I was jealous. But if you wanted to be with them instead of us, then go right ahead! I stopped you before because I knew deep down somewhere in your cold heart, you would want me to stop you. You would want me to become clingy for a little while. But now? Go ahead. I don’t care anymore,” Daehyun said so icily that I suppressed a shiver.

Was he really serious? He still cares…right? After five years – he can’t just say that.

I crossed my arms together and shook my head, the bangs that clouded my vision parting so that I could see the infuriated Daehyun clearly. Yongguk stepped towards us when Himchan stopped him by putting a hand on his chest. “Let them fix this.”

I knew the next words I will be saying will just make Daehyun angrier. But was I sane that time? A huge NOPE.

“Fine then. That’s what you want right? For me to go ahead and go with them. I-“

“Be my guest,” Daehyun interrupted slowly, hissing the words out. His usual kind twinkle in his eyes gone as he pointed at the door.

“Get out.”

Those two words. Those two words that shattered my heart again. Yongguk finally stepped in, grabbing Daehyun by the shoulder, facing him.

“Daehyun, let her explain. I know she might sound unreasonable-“

“No, Yongguk oppa. I don’t want to fight anymore. I’ll go. Rest assured I’m not coming back.” With that, I glared at Daehyun one last time, pushing past to the door. I opened it and stepped out, slamming it shut. I trudged to the room next to theirs, furiously knocking on my shared room with Minhwa, Jaehwa and Sarang.

***

“He said, what now?” Jaehwa exclaimed, staring at me in shock as I moaned from my pillow. I lay faced down on the bed, burying my face on a pillow, trying real hard not to cry. Fine, I was harsh. I did the wrong thing. Anger got to me and I didn’t think straight.

But like I said, I wasn’t thinking then. I sure as hell am thinking now.

“It’s still my fault, Jae,” I mumbled sadly, feeling self-pity and guilty eat me out from the inside. Admitting that I was wrong hurt, but not as much as my heart aches for Daehyun. I felt a tap on my thigh and looked up, looking also behind me to see Minhwa with a soft look in her eyes.

“You know what to do right?” She asked kindly, leaning closer to caress my hair. I groaned and fell face first on the tear-stained pillow.

“Since when were you Jaehwa?” I asked numbly as I heard Jaehwa laugh.

“Jongup says the same thing.” I heard Jaehwa say, then a door opening and closing. I laid on my back before sitting up, crossing my legs together. I shook my head and sniffled, looking down as my tears spilled on my shorts.

Minhwa sighed and got off from my bed, knowing she couldn’t persuade me to apologize to Daehyun that easily. She shared the same trait as I have. Having too much pride.

“You know, though it’s hard to apologize, you have to Namjoo. If you don’t want to strain your relationship with Daehyun, I suggest you knock on their door, bring Daehyun outside and talk to him,” Minhwa stated wisely before entering the bathroom. I pouted and wiped my tears away.

“And, for a good measure, talk bad about those boys,” Sarang chipped in, smiling kindly. I laughed a little, seeing the scene so bizarre. Sarang being nice, Minhwa being soft and Jaehwa being rowdy. It’s like backwards day.

I sighed and looked up at Sarang. “Do you think he’ll forgive me?” I asked in a firm voice, though my voice shook at the end. Sarang shrugged and laid on her bed, saying, “Right now? Your chances are below 50%. Trust me.”

“I was scared you would say that,” I mumbled before swinging my legs over my bed. Time to man up or break up.

***

I knocked on the door, taking deep breathes as I shuffled my feet. I didn’t entirely believed what Sarang said, since I knew Daehyun better than her, but she’s not in the relationship and sometimes, love does make us blind. I heard shuffling from the other side of the door before someone opened it. And just my luck.

“Daehyun,” I breathed in surprise, my eyes widening as my palms began to sweat. He had a poker face on, along with Bermuda shorts and a simple white t-shirt. He also had a cap that he wore halfway. His phone was clutched in his hand too. He raised an eyebrow in question as I cleared my throat, trying to find the words. I didn’t exactly rehearse for this kind of thing.

“Uh, may I speak with you for a moment?” I asked cautiously, gauging his reaction to it. Daehyun shrugged and looked back to call out to his hyungs and dongsaengs.

“Guk hyung! Namjoo wants to talk to me, be back in a bit.”

“Alright, make up already!” Yongguk called out as Daehyun chuckled, closing the door, but not before mumbling, “Yeah.”

I cleared my throat and led Daehyun a little far from his room. We stood beside a pond that was built in the floor with koi fish swimming inside. I played with my fingers as Daehyun sighed looking away.

“Say what you have to say before I go,” Daehyun said in a monotone and slightly arrogant voice. I didn’t feel anger anymore. All I felt was remorse. I wonder if he feels the same.

“Daehyun, I just wanted to say sorry. I was jealous that you waved at those girls. I tried to make you jealous with those guys, but you know that I didn’t mean it, right? So-“

“Wait, what do you mean I know you didn’t mean it? What do you think I am a mind reader?” Daehyun snapped, narrowing his eyes at me. My mouth hung open, speechless. Never – in these five years we’ve been together – did he snap like this.

“But, we’ve been together for so long-“

“So that automatically makes me a mind reader then? What kind of logic is that? It was already bad enough that you were jealous, and now you think I think this is all a joke?” Daehyun maintained a level tone, but I wanted him to shout. It would hurt less, truthfully. I lost all my sense for a moment and grabbed his hand. Daehyun looked at my shivering hands clutching his warm one.

“Daehyun, I’m sorry. That’s all I’m saying.”

Daehyun sighed, and since our fight, I heard something in his voice. Resentment.

“Namjoo…I think I should be alone for awhile.”

“That’s alright, I can come back later-“

“I mean alone. Without a girlfriend.” Daehyun looked at me as if I was not his Namjoo. And I guess my presumption is right. I am not his Namjoo. At least, now. I let go of his warm hand, my shivering stopping. I casted my eyes down, nodding twice.

“Oh. I understand.”

“We can still stay as friends though.”

There it was the pain that I was waiting for. It pierced through my heart and yanked back before piercing it again.

I didn’t know what to do anymore.

Five years.

Done.

“Excuse me.” And with that pathetic excuse, I ran for it.

Finally updated, I'm sorry to keep you guys waiting! There's still the next chapter, so please anticipate ^^;