I honestly feel like I’ve made the wrong decision. All that’s happening now I somewhat expected but I wasn’t as prepared for it as I thought will be. My mind is too clouded to even think right, not to mention I’m so worried that Jiyong is not with us, though he assured me that he’s going to be fine, a huge part of me is not convinced he is.

The family left couple of hours ago after making sure the kids and I can handle things around. I told them I can manage for I know this place like the back of my hand, and if something comes up I’ll call them without second thoughts.

“So…” I have to put on a calm mask for the kids. They shouldn’t be involved in whatever their Father and I are in. “What can you say?” The two have been on the couch for quite a good time now. They tried watching TV but because even the cartoons are in Korean and they cannot understand a thing, they just decided to turn it off. Ethan sighed, “Mom…why is Daddy not here yet?” he asked, making me stop from cleaning the mess they made on the floor. I joined them, squeezing myself in between them “Daddy is not going back tonight…but we’ll see him tomorrow”(I hope). Emma rested her head on my shoulder, “Is he with his wife?”

Why do I feel so angry just by hearing the word wife all of a sudden?

Keeping it cool, I her cheek and rested my head on her head, “Yes. They are at their house”. Up until now I still cannot believe that my children know about Lena already. Ethan, for some reason, stood up and went inside my bedroom and came out with my phone in hand. I looked at him curiously, “Didn’t I tell you guys that our Chicago rules are still going to be our rules here in Korea? Why did you get my phone? You’re not allowed to play games nor watch videos at this time, right?”

Before coming here, I made it clear to the kids that our house rules are not going to change at all. They actually thought that it would for their Daddy told them that he will talk to me about changing some things which he did, but I stayed firm and stand for my rules.

Parent tip: Yes, I know parents should compromise, but when you know that what the other wants will not work for the family, you have to keep your ground. Also, communication is the key. Do not be afraid to voice yourself out. But, do remember to listen. It’s give and take, you know.

“Mom…can we call Daddy?” my dear Son handed me the phone and climbed up the couch again. Emma, who I thought is drifting off to sleep, perked up. Looking at my kids, I battled with my mind and heart. One is telling me it might not be a good time, while the other is dying to hear Jiyong’s voice. After a minute or two, I sighed and hit the call button. “Why isn’t he answering?” Emma is losing her patience already, we called Jiyong for three times now and he isn’t picking up, it keeps on transferring to voice message.

I’m getting nervous.

No Areum. Breathe. Don’t be nervous. Don’t you worry. He is fine. Maybe he just cannot hear his phone.

Finally, “Hey” he answered. I sighed in relief. “Jiyong…the…” before I can even finish what I’m about to say, the kids snatched the phone away from me. “Daddy!” Emma’s high-pitched voice ringed in my ears. “Me first!” Ethan is too excited that he’s unconsciously, elbowing his sister already. “Guys…” I have to take control, as I always do because if not, this will end up with one of them crying and it’s not a good way to end a not-so good day. Jiyong on the other hand, is enjoying the enthusiasm. I can hear him giggling. Oh, how I want to see it in person.

And they talked, and talked, and talked. There’s no chance for me to say anything. Emma keeps on telling stories about her Aunt Dami who she believes is her twin, just a lot older and taller. Ethan, is bragging about the toy train and rail that is now surrounding our living room, assembled by him and Appa. Hearing them, I can say that they are digging this move of ours. I hope they will always be this happy.

“Can I talk to your Mom now?” Jiyong has been asking for me for about five times already. I cleared my throat and squeezed myself in between them again, “The man’s asking for me” I said, but the kids seem like they have shut me out. “Hey Einstein!” Jiyong called, and it made me smile from ear to ear. I love hearing him call me by my old nickname. It brings me back to when things are not as complicated yet. The kids looked at me, confused, “Einstein?” Emma raised an eyebrow “Is that you Mom?” she pointed at me and I giggled, “Yep!” I answered. “Weird” Ethan said, making me laugh.  Taking the chance, I grabbed the phone from him with the sweetest smile of victory. “Your Daddy gave me the nickname Einstein many moons ago” I explained. Jiyong giggled, “I call her that because your Mom is the smartest person in the whole wide world” he countered.

It seems like our kids are not into our good ol’ stories of the past for both of them zoomed off right after. They didn’t even say goodbye to their Father.

“What’s up?” Jiyong’s voice changed all of a sudden. I sighed, “Worried”. To be honest, I feel different emotions as we speak. I just don’t want to acknowledge them all cos if I do, I might go nuts. “Hey…don’t worry about me” he is trying really hard to console me, thing is, it’s not working. “I’m telling you…I’m going to be fine. Lena and her Mom cannot do anything to me. Well, at least physically”. Yeah, cos mentally, they are draining you and here you are, letting them do it without a fuss. “Einstein…” he called and it made me smile again. I cannot help it. I get tingly every time I hear it. “Hmm…” as worried as I was, I weirdly feel butterflies in my stomach, caused by that nickname.  “How does it feel to be back?”

Good question. I haven’t asked myself that yet.

Thinking hard and reliving my first hours, “Good, but at the same time I feel a little strange. I mean…when I left… this residential building is the only one standing in this area, now there are what? Five?” I said, making him laugh. “Also…this unit…” I’m now talking about my apartment “You kept it so damn well. Not to mention…the renovations you did to my old office. I swear…Emma who is not used to sleeping in her own room will now do because it’s too beautiful”.

Emma’s new room is in all shades of pink. Its walls have decals of ballerinas, neatly stick on right places. The big glass window is half frosted in the lightest shade of pink. A painting that I believe is from Jiyong’s collection hangs beside it. The bed is so big, it can fit the four us and there is still space for one. Its sheets are pure cotton and just by looking at it, I can tell that it has a high thread count. The headboard is upholstered in another shade of pink. On the right side of the bed, there is a small vanity colored in white. It has a mirror with lights around it, like the ones you see in celebrity dressing rooms. Above it is a bookshelf. On the left side of the bed, there is a mini cabinet. On top of it is a lamp that changes light in different colors. There is also a stuffed holographic unicorn. And the carpet, oohhh, it’s so soft, I can sleep on it and have a very good dream.

“And Ethan’s room…my gosh Jiyong! You overdid yourself once again” I told him and he laughed.

Our son’s room is redecorated from a nursery to a big boy’s room. It’s contemporary. Solar system themed with its ceiling painted with all the planets and stars and the sun in 3D. Yes, 3D. I don’t know how long it took to finish it, but I can say it’s not an easy job.  There is one painting from Jiyong’s collection as well, hanged on top of the big bed. Oh yeah, the bed! It’s as big as Emma’s with blue sheets. In front of it is a red study table with a microscope and some other science tools. On the right side of the bed, is a red cabinet. On it is a lamp shaped as the moon.

“I’m telling you Jiyong…there are parts in this apartment I cannot recognize anymore” I chuckled “And I cannot believe you got rid of my kitchen island. That served as our dining table for years!”

Remember the legendary kitchen island where we nearly had on moons ago? Well, it’s not there anymore. He replaced it with a real dining table that can sit eight people.

He is laughing so hard, “I just have to. My mind wanders back to that day we nearly do it there. You know, it’s hard to keep up with it when I’m missing you badly”.

Good explanation.

“Also…my couch!” I cannot help but laugh at it. He is laughing hard too. “That stinky couch has served you well Einstein. It’s high-time it resigns”.

My black cracking leather couch. It was with me since the day I moved in this apartment. Jiyong has slept on it for so many nights.

“What can you say about your room?” I can tell from the tone of his voice that he’s loosened up already, so far from his tone minutes ago. I sighed, “It’s like how I left it”. I don’t know why, but I’m getting emotional.

My bedroom looks exactly how I left it, just with fresh painted walls and neatly fixed bed. My old pillows were replaced with new ones. The lamp I’ve had ever since I was a little girl is still there and working. The storybooks my Appa gave me when I was still a little girl that are messily stacked on the floor is now in a bookshelf, along with some of my many medical books.

“I noticed my memory box is now replaced by a new box…why is that?” I asked. He chuckled, “That box is like a hundred years old already”. I scoffed, “Jiyong…you gave that box to me when we were fifteen”. “Yeah. I know. It’s the box of the first ever sneakers I bought using my own money” he said and I smiled. He still remembers. “You should’ve just let it rot” I know it’s disgusting, but that box alone has a lot of memories. “Einstein…all that’s in it is in the new box. Actually…” he paused, while I patiently wait for him to speak again. “You might want to look at it later”. Hmm… “What is it now Kwon Jiyong?” I feel giddy. He didn’t answer.

We talked for an hour and hanged up when the kids started calling me. Turns out, they saw a new game console in Ethan’s room and are going gaga over it. One thing I didn’t bother buying them is a game console when they (Ethan most especially), are dying to have one. They only get to play at the Thompson’s.

“Daddy really bought me one!” Ethan shrieked, his eyes twinkles under the light. “Yeah!” he is on cloud nine. Emma is too. She’s doing the happy dance. “We can play the fight game Maddy and Caden plays all the time!”

Jiyong, you’re dead meat!

“Kids!” I almost screamed because they keep on ignoring me. “That thing” I pointed at the console “Mom will think of rules for it first before you’ll be able to use it”.

Parent tip: Don’t be afraid of putting rules in everything. I’ve said this for so many times in the past and I won’t be tired in saying it over and over again, it’s good for kids to have rules for it teaches them how to follow and obey.

“But Moooooom!!!!”

“But Kiiidddsss” I teased and left the room. Sometimes, it’s better to just walk out than wait for them to have a meltdown. With me nowhere near them, they will not act up.

A bit angry, I dialed Jiyong’s number. “We just talked a few minutes ago…you miss me already?” he joked, not getting the response he expected. “Seriously Jiyong, a game console? Why didn’t you talk to me about it? Did you know how many times Ethan has to cry over it before, and how many times I controlled myself not to give in to him?” I am firing like a gun. “Now that he has it, God knows how many hours he’ll waste playing it. I am so against it because I want our kids to enjoy the great outdoors, interactive toys, and whatnot. I don’t want them to be stuck in their rooms, in front of the TV, playing for hours”

Silence.

“Finished now?” he is being cool about this when I’m losing my marbles here. He sighed, “Einstein…Ethan and I had a talk about it days before we left Chicago. I asked him what he most wanted in the whole wide world and he said that aside from us, his family…he wants a game console like the Thompson kids has. I can see in his eyes how bad he wanted it. I told him that if I buy him one, there will be rules. I’ve laid it on the table and he agreed to all of them”

Really now?

“Let me hear them. I swear Kwon Jiyong…”

He laughed, stopping me from ranting again. “First, he has to share it with Emma. Second, he is only allowed to play on weekends for two hours, three if we allow him. Third, his room should be clean at all times. Last but definitely not the least…every game he wants to play has to be approved by me”

Is Jiyong really the one I’m talking to? Just a week ago, he doesn’t know how to parent, now, he’s good at it. What can I say? He’s really the best.

“Look…I know I can be a pain in the sometimes…”

I hissed, “Make that all the time”

He smirked, “Fine…all the time. But, I know my responsibilities as a parent…also…I’m aware that you don’t want them to have a game console. Ethan made it clear from the very beginning”. And that calmed my boiling blood.

“Have you seen inside the box yet?” he asked, reminding me of what I’m actually thinking to do next. In a hurry, “I’m about to” I ran to my room, into my closet and grabbed the new box. I still miss the old one. “My poor box is now upgraded to an Hermes” I said, making him laugh.

Giddily, I opened the box and saw familiar memorable things in it. There is Big Bang’s first concert tickets along with many others. Jiyong’s ballpen that he used to write Lies. A tissue paper where a few lines of Heartbreaker is written. Oh, and Ethan’s baby book. Every letter Jiyong has given to me is in it as well.

“What the…”

 I found a ring box. It’s definitely not mine.

Jiyong took a deep breath and exhaled heavily, “Keep that for me for now…Okay?” he said. With my heart beating so fast, I nodded, “O…K”.

“I’ll wear it on you someday”

                                                                                                                                                    *****