Family and Love – two of the most wonderful blessings generously given to humankind.

“Yah!” I lightly hit Jiyong’s chest “What are you up to?”

He keeps on inching towards me. I can feel his breath on my face as I try to calm myself down. I’m not dumb. I know what’s about to happen. He’s going to kiss me and as much as I want it, something inside me is against it.

I don’t know, but I don’t think being romantic even just a little is not right, given our complicated situation. Yes, we are clear about our feelings for each other and he’s not actually in a relationship with his wife, but it doesn’t give us a go signal to act lovey-dovey. 1.) I don’t want my children to think that it’s okay to be have romantic relations with another person while married to another. 2.) I want Jiyong and I to have a label first before we go intimate. 3.) Last but not the least, I’m sure once we start kissing there’s no more stopping it, so it’s better not to start at all.

Backing away, “Kwon Jiyong…whatever it is you wanted to do…forget it” I said as I slide out of bed. I walked out of the room without looking back.

Gosh! My whole body is feeling hot. I feel like I’m having a high fever or something. His effect on me is undeniably strong.

Tomato faced, I went to the kitchen where Omma and Unnie are, busy preparing food for lunch. By the looks of it, I can tell that we’re up to some feast, a usual thing in the Kwon household.

I stand beside Unnie who is cutting Kimchi “Can I help?” I asked, tapping my fingers on the counter.

She chuckled, “Why do I feel like something weird happened with you and Jiyongie just now?” she glanced at me and I looked at her in confusion.

“Ya!” she nudged me “Did you fight or kiss?” the tone of her voice is teasing but there’s a tinge of seriousness in it.

With a heavy sigh, “Unnie…I really don’t know what you’re talking about” I said “We didn’t fight…nothing happened…also…I don’t think I can kiss in front of our kids”

Unnie suddenly stopped from cutting and faced me. “I know you two better to tell that something is up…ever since you were little whenever something happens one of you walks out” then she playfully pointed at me “And you’re blushing...that’s why I was thinking maybe you kissed”

I don’t know what to say anymore.

“Oh well…” she returned to cutting again “Jiyongie really wants to be romantic with you”, she then looked at me “Our boy is longing for you Areumie. He’s not lusting on you but… LONGING” she emphasized and I’m speechless.

“You see…ever since you arrived you guys haven’t bonded with just you two yet…Jiyongie waited years for this and in one way or another…he didn’t expect you to be so occupied” Unnie smiled and I just smiled back.

I don’t know how this topic came up but I’m glad it did. Jiyong must’ve expected things to still be like before where we can hangout whenever we wish to, spend hours doing nothing without heavy responsibilities on our shoulders. And, with all the craziness of the past days, I don’t think we can even enjoy bonding. I miss the old us too, but we’ve got no choice but to up whatever is happening now. Sooner or later, once the kids are well adjusted and he is on a smooth way to freedom, we can loosen up, go out just the two of us and do things we usually do, like bum around and talk about anything under the sun over our favorite bottle of wine.

While in the moment, I told Unnie of my reasons as to why I don’t want to be romantic or lovey-dovey to Jiyong. “I get you” she said while patting my shoulder “If I’m in your shoes…I’ll probably think and do the same”

I sighed, “It’s just difficult to hold back…you know…especially when you feel strong for the person”

I’m going to be a hypocrite if I tell you that I’m not tempted to even give him a peck on the lips. Good thing my self-control is stronger than any temptations.

We were interrupted when Jiyong and the kids walked in. Lunch came next and it’s so hearty. The family is complete and the food Omma cooked is beyond words. I had three full bowls of rice in one seating and can still keep going if only my stomach didn’t give up on me. Ethan and Emma found the joy in eating Patbingsu. Yes, Omma was able to pull off a Patbingsu with the shaved ice fresh from an ice shaver that Jiyong is operating.

“Hotteok!” My heart skipped a beat the moment it was put on the table.

One food I can eat every day is Hotteok. My Omma always makes it when she was still alive. Jiyong isn’t into it but the rest of the family are. I suddenly missed my Mother.

After lunch, we all gathered in the living room with the kids doing crafts on the floor. Dami Unnie bought craft kits for them to do and they are enjoying it so far. I can now say that my children are also very creative, a trait I wouldn’t take credits for, for it’s all from their Dad’s side.

“Why don’t you go back to service?” Appa asked and I just stared at him.

We are talking about my plans now that I’m home. Last time we talked about this, I told them that I want the kids to be well adjusted first before I start working. After all, I still have my savings to support us. We can still live using that for a few months.

“Who told you that you’re going to shoulder everything?” Jiyong asked when I told them about using my savings.

I rolled my eyes at him, “Jiyongie…you cannot shoulder everything. I won’t let you…if you want we can split it…50/50 in all the expenses” I tried to compromise.

He smirked, “In your dreams” he said, receiving a glare from me.

Well, we know Jiyongie. He is too generous that sometimes it’s out of control already.

“You have to understand…” as much as I don’t want to argue with him, especially not in front of the family and our kids, I feel like I have to voice out what I think of this whole money thing. “I don’t want you paying for everything…” I swallowed hard “I’m good with you spending for the kids…but I won’t let you pay for me”

He raised an eyebrow, “Why is that?” he asked.

I sighed, “Because…I am not your responsibility” I replied.

It seems like my honesty is not taken well, for all of a sudden he gets up from the couch and walked out the room, leaving all of us in silence.

The whole afternoon Jiyong has been ignoring me and it’s a bit annoying. If it weren’t for our kids and my strong desire to not show them any kind of violence, I would’ve given him a good whack on the head for being close minded.

Night came and we enjoyed yet another sumptuous meal. This time, the kids appreciated Bibimbap that Jiyong mixed really well for them. Little by little, the two are loving Korean food which I’m thankful for. Next on our agenda must definitely be language. The goal is to make them speak even a bit, soon.

“Want some wine?” Jiyong finally approached me with a bottle of our favorite wine in one hand and two flute glasses in the other.

We are in the dining area. Omma and Appa already called it a day, and Unnie just left for home.

“The kids…are they sleeping already?” I asked.

He sits in front of me “Yeah” he answered, while opening the bottle.

I decided to spend the night here instead of going home, because it’s late and the kids insisted to stay. As a matter of fact, before they went to bed, they told me that they want it here more than our house.

“You’ve been ignoring me” I said after a long silence “It’s annoying”

He brushed his hair with his fingers and sighed, “I was just thinking”

It made me curious “Of what?”

He sipped some wine and shifted in a more comfortable position in his seat “Us….the kids’ future…your future…my ed up marriage and my desperate desire to break it off”

Woah! That’s a lot!

“Jiyongie…” I reached for his hand across the table “You should take it easy…having too many in mind is not healthy…better deal with them one at a time” I smiled, but he kept a blank face.

In the past whenever Jiyong is being like this, I usually divert his attention either by telling him stories from work that keeps him occupied for good hours or entertain him with my dorkiness. Unfortunately, I don’t have any stories to tell as of the moment and I somehow lost my dorky side a long time ago.

“Let’s talk about each of your worries then” This might not be a good idea, but it’s the only way I can think of to at least lighten his mind.

Jiyong is a bit hesitant, but gave in after a while.

“Let’s start with the kids” I said. The reason why I chose this first is because it is the easiest to talk about.

It took him a minute to speak. “Do you think they can really fit in here? I mean…they grew up in a different country…with a different culture and language. Back when we were in Chicago I already have this question playing in my head…I was just brushing it off because I know once I attend to it my plan of bringing you guys here might not push through”

After emptying my glass and filling it up once again, “To be very honest…I’m worried about them too….mainly because even though children their age can actually adapt fast…they will surely go through a lot before they can finally settle in. But…as long as we’re here to support and guide them…I know so damn well that things will go right for them” I take a long breath and exhaled slowly “I admit…I’m to blame for their zero knowledge of the language and I’m regretting it. If only I taught them…we wouldn’t have to worry about them relating to people here”

With a sigh, Jiyong held my hand tightly, gently brushing his thumb on my knuckles, “No blaming and no regrets” he said with a smile, earning a nod from me. “They will start school anyway. We can get them tutors to focus on the language. Our kids are smart … I’m confident they’ll get it fast” he finished by raising his glass for a toast that I happily joined in.

The kids will start school in a couple of weeks. They will be attending one of the topmost private schools in the country, the Korea International School in Gangnam. Dami Unnie and Jiyong chose it because they have a good feeling Ethan and Emma will like it there.

“What’s next?” I asked.

For the record, I’m close to my third glass of wine tonight and I’m feeling really good. I guess I missed this. You know, serious talks, wine, and my best friend – the best trio ever.

“Hmm…” he tapped his glass with his fingers while thinking, “My marriage” he said then raised his index finger, “MY ED UP MARRIAGE” he corrected, making me laugh.

Well, this topic is gruesome. I mean, his wife’s name alone is horrific, what more their marriage?

“What about it?” I am all ears. Jiyong may have opened up a little of his marriage to me, but I know there’s more to it.

“I cannot believe I’m in this situation” he started, “Like seriously…have you imagined me in this situation ever?” he looked straight at me and I just smirked “Have you ever thought that I’ll be this miserable at my age because of a girl that I stupidly married?”

I pointed at him, “You want my honesty in all this?”

He nodded “Fire!” he gave the go signal so I’ll shoot.

I emptied my glass, swallowed hard and begin, “You’re so dumb and stupid for…”I counted “One… getting married. You wouldn’t be in deep if you man-up and broke up with Lena before she executed her genius plan of holding you hostage through marriage” I poured wine in my glass again and take a sip “Second…you should’ve thought of divorce the moment her attitude and behavior changed towards you. From your stories I know right off that she’s ‘Koo Koo’ brain” I animatedly move my index finger in circles close to my temple. He can only laugh. “Third…you are the guy yet you’re letting her wear the pants! You’re letting her rule you. Seriously… where your balls at? You should’ve straightened her up long time ago but because you’re too disconnected and you can’t care less…you just let her do whatever just to leave you the alone”

Okay. I must say, the wine is slowly hitting me now. I just said a bad word! Ha!

“Last…you should talk to her without fighting. Sit her down and talk. Tell her the things you’ve been dying to say. Explain further why you have to let each other go…apologize for the bad things you’ve done and said all throughout the years you’ve been together…and…” I take another sip of wine “Thank her…for that one life lesson you learned while you’re with her” I finished and he stared at me in confusion.

“Life lesson?”

I nodded and laugh, “You learned that deciding on marriage under the influence of alcohol is too ing stupid” I said, cracking him up in laughter.

After that, he talked more about his marriage. What stick to me is his endless efforts in making it work, because even when he doesn’t love Lena as much, he still want to make things better for the both of them, hoping that once it’s better love can flourish. Thing is, Lena isn’t cooperative so he gave up on her.

Also, it’s just now that Jiyong told me that Lena has cheated on him. It happened a year ago. She shamelessly admitted it and even continued the relationship until six months ago. Jiyong told no one about this because he doesn’t want more hate to be thrown at Lena.

“Why do you have to be so in’ kind?” I’m close to punching him in the face. How can he endure such act? He should’ve beat the out of the guy Lena cheated him with.

It’s the middle of the night and we have emptied two bottles of wine and just opened another. This is only one of the few times I drink since having Emma.

“Oooohh…snacks!” I feel happy upon seeing Jiyong carrying a whole lot of snacks in his arms.

“First of…” he swatted my hand away from the snacks and went to the kitchen to get a bowl of cereals.

I looked at him in disbelief, “What the heck? Don’t tell me that you’re going to hog all those snacks and just give me this lame bowl of cereals”

He burst out in laughter, “No. I just want you to taste it” he said while pointing at the bowl in front of me “It’s delicious”

Skeptic, “Is it?” I narrowed my eyes at him.

He chuckled, “Yeah. Ethan ate that for breakfast and he cannot get over it. In fact…he told me that he’s going to tell you to buy that kind of cereals from now on because it’s just too good”

Why do I have a bad feeling about this?

Gullible as ever, I put a spoonful of it in my mouth “!” I threw the spoon at him while he’s enjoying watching me gag.

Turns out, the cereal he gave me is in Cherry-Ginger flavor. I’m telling you, it tastes out of this world. Also, the snacks he brought are all healthy ones from Dami Unnie.

“This tastes good” I gave him the box of Dark Chocolate Flax and Goji Berry cookies after tasting it.

He takes a bite, “Oh yeah! Finally!” he celebrated.

We opened half of all the snacks Unnie brought and finally found one that suits our taste.

“These are for the kids though” I am feeling guilty.

Jiyong sighed, “Sorry kids…Mom and Daddy ate your snacks” he said and I burst out in laughter.

What can I say? It’s the wine that’s making us crazy.

And we munched and munched like cookie monster. Fortunately, there are two boxes of the cookies we like, so we got enough fill of it.

“Next!” I am now on my fourth glass of wine.

Actually, we are out of our favorite wine already. The last of it is now on my glass. But we’re not yet ready to cap off the night, so we settled on what’s available in the fridge, that are two bottles of Soju and six cans of beer.

“Yogurt drink” I found some in the fridge and brought it to the table excitedly.

One of our favorite soju mixes are soju and yogurt drink mix as well as soju and beer mix.

“I bought this for the kids…but…” Jiyong stared at the yogurt drink in his hands “Oh well…I’ll just buy them some tomorrow” he shrugged and did the mixing.

“Let’s talk about your plans” he said and I nod in agreement.

“Well…”

To be very honest, I don’t have a concrete plan yet.

“Hmm…” I stared blankly at him for a while. Then, “I want to go back to service again. Thing is, it’s going to take some time for I need to study for a while to be able to renew my license” I sighed “But…I might scratch that idea off and teach instead like when I was in Chicago”

He smirked, leaned forward and hit my forehead with his fingers lightly across the table. “Yah!” I yelled.

“Areumie…” he called “You have us now to take care of the kids for you. Yes…studying again and going back to being a Doctor will take so much of your time but it won’t be like that for long. Once you’re back…you can choose a good schedule for duty as well the days of when you’ll do clinics”

Good one. Jiyong really knows what to say to flip me around.

“I’m letting you shoulder our expenses for the meantime” I told him “But only until I start working again. The moment I receive my first pay check…we’ll split the expenses in half”

We finally came to an agreement! *throws confetti*

Jiyong will shoulder our (the kids and I) expenses while I’m getting back the job and career I left behind years ago. I’m going to use my savings to pay for my studies that I believe will last for a little over a year. Once I’m a Doctor again, we’ll split everything in half. At first, Jiyong is not into it, thankfully, I’m able to convince him.

“Last worry!” I clapped my hands and he did the same.

“Us” he pointed at me and him.

I smiled and chugged down half glass of soju-beer mix. My head suddenly felt light. “What about it?” I asked.

He takes a breath and exhaled heavily, “What are we?” he asked, while looking straight into my eyes.

Without second thoughts, “Parents…Best friends…” I replied then snapped my fingers, “Complicated-almost-lovers?” I said, laughing.

“Honestly Jiyong…we can be anything for now. I mean…we are certainly Parents and we’re doing it fairly well. We are the best of friends ever since…look at us…” I spread my arms wide “We are still two fools drinking in the wee hours of the night…talking and trying so damn hard to be adults. No matter what happens let’s stay like this…please!” I begged and he nodded in agreement “Let’s have each other’s backs while annoying the out of each other”

“Alright” Jiyong gave me two thumbs up.

“And…we are almost lovers” I continued “You know…we are true to what we feel…we know so well where we’re heading once you’re divorced…so there’s really nothing to worry about”. All of a sudden, I became serious “For now…let’s not be romantic yet”

And I told him what I think about romance in our current situation. Thankfully, he got it and didn’t contradict to anything I said.

“You ate all of it?” I am shocked to see an empty bowl of the funny tasting cereals he made me taste a while ago.

He laughed, “I might be so drunk because it suddenly tastes freakin’ good”.

We are drunk!

I don’t know if it’s just my good mood that’s making me drink a lot or this moment with Jiyong is too wonderful, what I’m sure of is I missed this. I miss bonding with him. I miss fooling around.

“Hey” I called Jiyong and he turned to face me.

We are heading to his room where our kids are. I closed the gap between us. I’m about to do something that I’ve been dying to do but won’t do again after.

“I’ll do this because both of us obviously wanted to…but it won’t happen until you’re single again” I told him and he waited patiently.

No words. No thoughts.

I kissed him.

                                              ****