“Jiyongie!” My voice cracked. My heart started beating so fast, the rest of me cannot keep up with it.

He stood up, straightened his shirt and walked beside my bed. His eyes hidden under dark circle lens sunglasses and hair neatly styled.

“The baby’s good. Doctor said, you have to rest. Actually…” he take a deep breath and exhaled heavily. “I wasn’t able to get most of what she said, but a strict bed rest is all you need”

What?

“Huh? STRICT BED REST!” I’m beyond surprised. I don’t get it. Doctor Lim gave me two thumbs up to work. She said the baby is doing great and with proper care and healthy diet, there’ll be no problems.

Fine. I was careless, but I’m trying really hard to do everything that’s needed. My baby is all I got and I’ll never put it in danger.

My thought was disturbed when Jiyong smirked.

“I cannot imagine how a pregnant woman can work for twelve straight hours. How can you handle such a heavy workload? The stress, I bet, is up the roof. Also, you’re underweight. What the heck have you been eating all these months? Do you think letting you work while pregnant will still be an option?”

And the man talking to me is really Jiyong. I was thinking that maybe I’m just dreaming, but yeah, it’s him and more than the surprise of being in strict bed rest, is the shock of seeing him here.

Defeated, I sighed heavily. “Oh well, I agree.  I kind of stretched my body too much. I was careless”

My eyes got big upon feeling his warm and soft hand on my shoulder. I felt shivers run down my spine. His familiar touch soothed me.

“Just follow what your doctor says and you and the baby will be fine” his voice is music to my ears. I missed it.

With my emotions seriously messed up, I looked at him and smiled. My chest is about to burst. My eyes are beginning to water, and my heart is aching because I’m once again face to face with the man I shattered into pieces.

“Yaaa…” He sits beside me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. My first instinct is to rest my head on his shoulder.

“Jiyongie” is all I was able to say before breaking down. My chest is bursting at the seams.

In smooth and careful way, he cupped my face with both hands, that’s when I noticed tears running down his cheeks. “Stop crying” he said sweetly.

I sniffed and chuckled. “You stop crying too”

It made him laugh. When he removed his sunglasses revealing his beautiful hazel eyes, I became more emotional. And when he hugged me, in his arms was a sense of familiarity that I can recognize in a split second. In my head, I was saying over and over again, ‘I’m home, again’.

It’s funny how your whole being, including you soul, recovers from the pain it was feeling a minute ago, that his presence is all I needed to feel well again. My heart is pumping like a newly oiled machine, proving that Jiyong really means a lot to me.

No words needed, we re-connected just like that. A simple but tight hug is all it takes. We still fit each other, even when there’s an ache that will not fade away, at least not yet.

Morning came and I woke up with the sun shining brightly outside the big window. Senses perfectly in line, I pulled up and found myself all alone in the room. No traces of Jiyong. Now I’m thinking if last night was truly real or is all a dream. Well if it is, I’m glad to feel authentic happiness after a long time. It’s enough to get me by.

“Hey!” Doctor Nam walked in, carrying a food tray.

I smiled at her. “I didn’t know you’re doing nurses’ job as well”

She laughed and prepared the food for me. “I snatched this away from your nurse to give her some free time”

Oatmeal with chopped bananas and strawberries. The nutritionist on duty knows my kind of meal (if only he/she knows that I’m sick of it already).

“GD buzzed me before he left just about an hour ago. He asked me to watch over you for a while coz he needs to go on filming. His sister and Omma will be here this afternoon and at night, you can already go home. There’s just a few tests we still need to do”

So I wasn’t dreaming. He’s really the man I’m hugging last night. Thank you God! This made my morning.

“You called him, out of all people” I told Doctor Nam.

“Who do you want me to call? Hong Shik?” she said.

I rolled my eyes. “Oh, please!”

She giggled. “I know you love it, and it’s so obvious that GD does too”

My smiled widened. My heart did cartwheels.

“He was in panic after receiving my call. He arrived here, still in his stage outfit. We’re talking about crazily studded leather jacket and madly ripped jeans. His face caked with make-up. According to him, he ran out of his music video’s filming set without asking permission if he can leave. Promising, huh?”

Jiyong will forever be Jiyong. I guess no matter how bad I broke him, he will still care for me a lot even if I don’t deserve it. I don’t know whether to feel happy or guilty. What I know is that I’m thankful he’s still there for me in times of need.

An hour passed, Doctor Lim visited me. She explained what happened, why I had a bleeding, and the one thing I can do to not make it happen again. Because of fatigue, doubled with stress, I put my baby at risk. I asked her if I really need to be in strict bed rest and almost begged if she can make it lighter for me. Turns out, Jiyong and Doctor Nam asked her to put me in strict bed rest, to slow me down. So to meet halfway, and because I’m afraid that something might happen again, I decided to lessen my workload to half throughout my pregnancy. It’s not going to be easy for a workaholic like me, but a little sacrifice isn’t bad. After all, it’s my baby we’re talking about here.

My afternoon was made great by Kwon Omma and Dami Unnie. They brought my favorite dishes and I emptied each container with so much joy. I told them about my decision, which they don’t agree with at first, but after promising that I will not push myself too hard, they let me be.

To be honest, I don’t know which patients to turn over to other doctors for all of them are so dear to me and I want to be the one to cure them.

“Jiyongie’s already on his way” Unnie said while we’re watching TV.

Actually, he doesn’t have to go here anymore because I’ll be released in a couple of hours, it’s just a waste of time. But, I’m excited to see him again. What do we know? This might be the last time we’re going to see each other for a long time.

Kwon Jiyong arrived wearing his dark circle lens sunglasses once again. Only this time, half of his face is covered with a mask. You won’t be able to recognize him if you’re not really familiar with him. In my case, I can tell it’s him just by his smile.

“How is she doing Noona?” he asked Dami Unnie who is just a few inches away from me.

This is so weird. He can just ask me. Why ask somebody?

Unnie looked at me in confusion then sighed upon looking back at Jiyong. “The doctor said she’ll be released tonight. Her tests are all good. The baby’s in good condition as well. Thing is, Areumie bargained to Doctor Lim…” they both looked at me and all I can do is bow my head down. “She doesn’t want to be in bed rest, so she’ll just lighten her workload and for some reason, got a permission”

“What?” From the way he reacted, I can tell that he opposes my decision. “Why’d do that?”

There was silence.

“Jeong Areum!” he shouted, making me jerk in surprise.

“Are you asking me?” I pointed at myself.

He smirked. He’s so pissed. “Who should I ask?”

Really? His putting up an attitude when just a minute ago, he asked somebody how I was when he can ask me personally.

Without making eye contact, “Bed rest is boring when I’m all good to work. I also need to earn money, you know, to save for the baby’s needs. My savings might not be enough with all the expenses”

Frustration is all over Jiyong’s face after that. I can tell that he wants to say something but he’s holding back.

“You will not work throughout this pregnancy” he commanded like an authority.

“But Jiyong please understand, I need…”

“I will be shouldering you and the baby. Whatever both of you need, is all on me. Also, you will not stay at your apartment from tonight until a few months after giving birth” he sounded so scary, like my Appa whenever he’s scolding me.

This is going out of hand. I should do something.

“I’m all good Jiyongie, don’t worry” I said in defense.

He shook his head and looked straight into my eyes, “You will stay with me, and I won’t listen to whatever you’ll say”

Oh great!

Kwon Omma walked to me and held my hand. “Just listen to Jiyongie, Areumie”

Dami Unnie my arm. “Omma’s right. We all want what’s best for you and the baby. Don’t worry, I’ll be your company every time Jiyong’s not home. We’ll have so much fun!”

Which I assume will be for always because he’s going to be active in the music industry again. Thinking of it, I’d rather have Dami Unnie with me than him around for his presence can’t help but to make me feel very guilty for breaking his heart.

The air that was filled with tension turned into awkwardness. Jiyong is so quiet in one corner. He’s been on his phone for almost an hour now, not lifting his head up even once. I’m sure he’s still pissed because of my stubbornness.

“Careful” Kwon Omma guided me to the car.

“Omma and I will go to your house tomorrow morning” I heard Unnie say to Jiyong from behind me.

He cleared his throat. “Alright Noona. Can you drop by Areumie’s apartment to get her things? I already packed some of them. I wasn’t able to finish it because I’m scrambling to go here”

That made me freeze in place. He’s really serious about this.

He turned to me, “What more do you need from your apartment?”

This is wrecking my brain. I’m not prepared. I don’t know what he packed, in the first place.

“hmm…” I stared at him and he does the same to me, making my heart race. Goodness, I might melt!

I forced a smile. “Whatever you pack is all good, I think. After all, I can go there by myself if there’s something I need”

Dami Unnie chuckled. “That is, if Jiyong is going to let you drive on your own”

Wait. Am I just going to move in with him or am I going to prison? Why do I feel like he’s going to lock me in?

He sighed. “We’ll see”

KILL ME NOW!

Jiyong and I drove to his house, just the two of us for it’s getting late and Kwon Omma and Dami Unnie are already tired from keeping me company in the hospital since this afternoon. If only they can come with us, things are going to be so much better.

What will happen now that it’s just me and him only? I wonder how our conversations will be. Is it going to be life before or it’s going to be really awkward? Or, there won’t be any conversations at all, just simple questions with plain answers.

The ride is unbelievably silent. Too silent that it’s deafening.

“You look…tired” I can’t stand it any longer.

He glanced at me, a small smile appeared on his face. “I just finished another music video shoot”

This is….awkward.

Taking in a long breath. “I’ve seen the first and it’s really beautiful. The song is amazing”

Eyes on the road, “Thanks!” he said.

Wonderful! As expected, the changes brought by being four months apart is huge. Not to mention, the cruel break up that happened. I don’t know where Jiyong and Areum went, as a matter of fact, it seems like they’re buried by pain and heartbreak already.

Maybe this is our new normal. Him and me, disconnected and complicated. It’s killing me. But, it might be better for we don’t have to talk about feelings or our situation, or our relationship. All there is, is me and him, living in one roof together, still caring for each other but too wounded to connect again.

                                                 ****