Sometimes you’re just left with no choice.

I guess I will never get used to being all alone ever again because it’s been four months since the kids moved with Jiyong and I still wake up in the morning expecting to hear their cheery voices and loud laughs. I’m missing them more each day.

Coming back here from Chicago, I never thought that my kids and I will have to live away from each other. The mere thought of it brings shiver down my spine, but things happen and here we are now.

The idea of moving them with Jiyong came from Dami Unnie, after hearing me complain about my busy schedule over and over again. It was the middle of exam week and I’m finding it hard to review with the kids constantly calling for me. I must admit, I was a bit hesitant of the idea simply because the kids have never been away from me longer than a whole day. But, after talking with the family (well, except Jiyong cos we never directly talked during that time), I agreed to it and prepared myself for lonely months ahead.  Ever since I started studying again, a day is not enough to do all the things that needed to be done. There are times when I’ll just zone out, trying to figure out how to juggle everything.

For the past six months, I’ve never had a good sleep. When I was still without a child, I can go on for nights with only an hour of sleep and can even have fun once in a while. Now, it’s extremely challenging to stay awake.  When I thought my body can adjust fast with all the changes, I’m wrong, because it’s taking me forever.

But, even when my kids are not with me, I’m not a bit worried because I know so well that Jiyong and the family will take good care of them. I’m also confident that Jiyong will do a great job parenting, although I’m pretty sure he will spoil the kids to an extent.

Speaking of Jiyong, we are not in good terms after I confronted him about being too intimate. As a matter of fact, we never had the chance to talk at all after that. I don’t know what happened, but we became distant to a point where we can already last a day without talking to each other when before, it’s torture to us. What’s worst is, none of us are doing something to fix it and as time goes by, I’m learning to function without him, something I never thought I am capable of.

Today is the day I’m going to start my residency after being in school every day for months I’m finally going to be in a hospital again. This is my favorite part of all even when it’s the busiest.

As usual, I didn’t have enough time to bum around after waking up. I started my day with a cup of coffee and leftover clubhouse sandwich I had the night before. Gosh! I cannot remember the last time I had a decent meal anymore.

When I arrived at the hospital (the same hospital I used to work at), I met up with a senior who’s going to supervise me for the whole duration of my residency. Once again, I feel somewhat pressured because I’m expected to do really well. Fortunately, I’ve already learned how to reel myself in. Instead of obsessing over others’ expectations of me, I diverted my attention to the tasks given. Looking at my schedule, I already feel tired and it hasn’t even started yet.

“I want you to meet Gino” Dr. Hong introduced me to a guy, tall and attractive who in my estimate is in his early thirties. He’s your typical clean-looking dude in white med-coat. What caught my eyes is his smile that kind of resembles Jiyong or maybe it’s just my imagination running wild.

“This is…”

“Ms. Jeong Areum” Gino cut Dr. Hong and extended his hand to me.

I comfortably shake his hand, “Hi! Nice to meet you”

He looked straight into my eyes, making me feel a little conscious, “It’s a pleasure to meet you” he then flashed a smile.

 My first impression to this guy is he’s too casual, too comfy. Nevertheless, I have a strong feeling that he’s nice and kind.

“Wow!”

Our senior just left, leaving Gino and I at the Doctor’s lounge alone.

“I’m going to be with THE Jeong Areum” he is in awe while I think of a good way to handle the situation.

It’s been a long time since I have to deal with another guy aside from Jiyong and Aden. And those two are a lot to handle. I’m hoping and praying that Gino is easy because I’ve got so much on my plate right now.

A bit awkward, “Take a seat” I told him and offered the chair in front of me.

“Ah yes…thanks!” he cheerfully pulled out the chair and sit on it.

Normally I would ask questions about work right away but for some reason, I just sit there and looked at the guy. In all fairness to him, he’s handsome. You know, the hot Doctor who is going to make his girl patients swoon.

“I just want to say…” he cleared his throat and shifted in his seat “I am a fan” he flashed a good smile once again.

I chuckled, “Fan? But…I’m no celebrity”

He giggled, “For your information…you are a celebrity in the medical world” he talks to me as if we’ve known each other for a long time already “You are…and will forever be…THE Genius…one of the best”

I don’t know what to say and how to react. Yes, he’s complimenting me, but I’m no good at receiving it.

With my cheeks feeling hot, I laughed “Oh please” I feel embarrassed and grateful at the same time.

“I remember watching a documentary series about you when you were a kid”

Oh gosh! Please! That documentary has long been buried in my memory. It’s a part of my life where I felt so exposed to the world.

“My Noona and I watched it religiously…after that…all I ever wanted is to be like you”

This “fanboy-ing” needs to stop ASAP because I’m slowly shrinking in embarrassment.

“I envy you for knowing so many languages and for not needing a calculator to solve math problems”

Okay. Let me get this straight. When I was a kid, I was counted as a Polyglot which is a person who knows different languages. During that time, I know more than five and I’m only six years old. Unfortunately, as I grow older, these languages slipped out of my mind little by little for I never really use them on a daily basis, leaving me only with a few that I’m fluent in. But, if there’s one “superpower” I have, it’s catching a language easily. As for the Maths, I may have mastered some of it, but I still use a calculator to get through it.

After all that I heard, I cannot help but be touched. Never have I imagined that I’m inspiring others through what I thought is a blessing and a curse. Nobody really told me what Gino has told me. This is one of the few times I felt cool for being intelligent.

“I’m not as great as you think I am…you know” I said “But…thank you for appreciating my skills” I am talking with him casually just like he is to me.

He smirked, “You don’t have to be humble, Dr. Jeong” he leaned forward and playfully tapped my arm.

One thing I noticed about Gino is his great ability to make someone comfortable by being comfortable. Most the times, the people I meet will talk formally and are too uptight to a point where it gets awkward after a while, but with him, it’s like he’s treating you as a friend already even when you just met.

Time passed and we keep on talking about random things. I learned that he is from Jamsil and a part of a family of chefs. According to him, he is that kid who hates being a follower, that’s why he took up medicine instead of culinary which his parents agreed to in a blink of an eye. He also told me that he recently had his heart broken after two years of being in a relationship. What’s more is his ex-girlfriend is his best friend. You see, sometimes, the universe really plays on you, sending you another person who is or was in the same situation as you.

“So…you’re really childhood sweethearts with G-dragon of Big Bang?” he’s been itching to ask about Jiyong for a while now.

I sighed, “Well…we’re not really childhood sweethearts because we kind of fell in love later in our friendship…but…yeah…we are…or…we have been sweethearts” I replied with a smile.

And so the storytelling begins. I’m still in disbelief that I’m opening up to a person I just met. Not to mention, I’m talking about Jiyong and I’s relationship, which is not an easy topic for me to tell. Good thing, the simulation we’re going to take part in is running late, so we can still chat a bit more.

“I can only imagine how hard it is to maintain the same quality of friendship you have after being in a relationship with each other” he take a sip of his coffee and swallowed hard “Me and my ex have only been best friends for four years before diving into a relationship and now that it has ended…we just drifted apart after realizing that we cannot really bring back the friendship we once had…what more with you and GD…you’ve got decades behind you and kids…I can only imagine how challenging it is”

It took me some time for me to speak, for I’m digging deep what to say, “To be completely honest…it’s not easy at all…there are times when you just want to get out of it…all because you wanted space from him…but…after a while you’ll realize that you really cannot live without him in your life…that it’s better to work on your friendship more than dwell on your failed relationship…it’s a hit or miss thing…well…” I take a deep breath and exhaled heavily “It’s mostly a miss…but…yeah…we’re making it work somehow”

These kinds of talk will always be hard for me. But for some reason, I’m not burdened talking about it with Gino. I don’t know, maybe because we’re going through the same thing.

After that, I told him about my pregnancies and how Jiyong is so hands on with Ethan from when he’s still in my tummy and during his first year in this crazy world with both of us not knowing at all that he’s the Father of Ethan.

“Waaa…” he is once again in awe “I’ve always thought GD is cool…but after all the stories…I find him way cooler now” he is like a kid who just learned something so awesome.

I nod in agreement, “He’s more than what people see and think he is”. I suddenly miss him. If only we’re in good terms right now, I’ll tell him about Gino and how he reacted on his good deeds to Ethan and I, proudly.

Gino gave out a sweet smile, “Honestly…I sometimes wonder what he’s like without cameras around…I don’t know…but there are times when I don’t think he’s human because he’s so famous and overly talented…was there even a day when he’s just like us…normal people?” he asked curiously, while I laugh all throughout.

“Well…he breathes the same air as us…he sees the same sky too…he pees…he poops…he farts” I keep on laughing and he does too “No…but seriously…Jiyong is ordinary…he’s normal just like us …just with a unique taste in almost everything”

“You see…out of the glitz and glamour...he is a shy boy who laughs the hardest at the corniest jokes…he may look unreachable…but he is truly reachable…he’s someone who appreciates the small things more than the big ones....he is human…with feelings…and can sometimes be more sensitive than a woman” it feels so good to introduce Jiyong this way.

A few more questions were asked regarding me and Jiyong. For the first time in a long time, I am reminded of what we are before love came along. What we became after it, and how much we’ve changed with all of those experiences and memories in us.

“Last question…” Gino is now hooked to my life and it’s driving me nuts. I cannot believe he’s enjoying this. “What’s his beauty regimen?”

I burst out in laughter, “Seriously? That’s the question?”

He is so unpredictable.

“Yeah” he scratched his head shyly “The man got good skin aside from a pretty face”

I cannot help but laugh loud. It echoed in the room. “Well…” this is unbelievable. I’m going to talk about Jiyong’s beauty secrets that are not that much. “He washes his face well every time…puts sunscreen on it during the day and night cream at night…there’s really nothing special”

After the simulation, I already feel drained. Fortunately, I have Gino who is so energetic throughout the whole thing that he lifted everybody’s mood.

I cannot point out what’s with him that I am fascinated in, but he sure is a fun person. Weird and unusual, I suddenly feel connected to this stranger. A stranger I hope will be a good friend for a long, long time just like what Aden is to me (minus the romantics).

“You may be sick of me already and it’s only our first day here together” Gino is at it again. We are on a break and are eating lunch at the cafeteria.

I’m having a bowl of oatmeal with fruits on top again, just like the old days. I don’t have the energy to eat a good meal.

“Are you going to fire me with questions again?” I asked, after finishing my food.

He perked up and finished the rest of his muffin. “We’ve got an hour and a half to chat until Dr. Hong’s rounds”

I chuckled, “What do you want to know this time?” I asked and waited as he ponders.

He snapped his fingers, “A while ago you said you miss him…why is that when you can just see him anytime you want? As far as I know…well…I know for sure because I’m a fan of Big Bang…a true V.I.P” he said, making me laugh “That they are here in Seoul right now...why can’t you see him?”

Here come my emotions bursting out of me. I take a deep breath and smile half-heartedly, “We are not in good terms as of the moment” this seemed to shock him.

I told him about the recent happenings. From the mess we’ve been in to the and to my refusal to be intimate to Jiyong.

“….it’s like…I’ve already forgotten about his existence” I said while holding back tears “And he seem to forget mine too”

The harsh reality of us is killing me now. I am still in disbelief of what’s happening.

“Dr. Jeong…” Gino reached for my hand that is on the table and holds it tightly, “Things are just a bit all over the place right now…but…in time it will soon go back to its respective places” he runs his thumb smoothly on my knuckles “Maybe you’re just being tested by the universe…maybe this is God’s way of making you and him stronger”

This might sound crazy but I really believe Gino is sent to me by the man above to keep me company in this hard times.

“If you’re in my place” I pointed at him “What are you going to do?”

For months now I’ve been gathering all the strength in my body to confront Jiyong, but I always back out when he’s already near me. Maybe through Gino, I can get some ideas on how to patch things up with him.

He tapped the table with his fingers while thinking then smiled after a few seconds, “I will face the problem” he said “And if in case he hasn’t notice something is wrong…”

I smirked, “Which I doubt” I butted in.

He nodded “I will tell him what’s going on and apologize for taking long to address the issue and try fixing it” he continued.

This sounds so easy but it sure is going to be a lot to execute. First, confrontations are one thing I’m not good at and Jiyong knows it so well. Second, I don’t even know whether I’m in the right or in the wrong. Third, this might be so stupid to hear, but I’m finding it seriously hard to approach Jiyong nowadays unlike before when I will just casually tap him on the shoulder and ask for a minute or two to talk.

“What if he listens but doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore after?” Just by thinking of this, I feel like crying. Never have Jiyong closed his heart to me no matter how stupid and -ty I can be.

Gino sighed, I feel bad for involving him in this. He looked stressed like me. “Well…if that’s the case…then…I’ll remind him of who you used to be to each other…tell him that giving you up is like giving up most of his life for you’re a huge part of it...and if he acts like he doesn’t give a about you anymore…give him space…go out of your little circle for a while”

Can I even pull myself out of his life?

“Form your life into anything while waiting for him to cool down…make use of that time to fix yourself so that when he’s ready to let you in his life again…you can proudly face him as a better person” then he leaned forward and pointed at me with a warm smile on his face “He will realize that giving up on you is not the solution to the problem…but another mistake he’ll most likely regret for the rest of this life”

Just like Jiyong, Gino has a way to ease up my heavy feelings through his words. That for me, is a skill not every man has.

“If only I did something about this “cold war” right away…we wouldn’t be in this situation now” I said full of regret.

Gino hissed, “Dr. Jeong…” he called my name sweetly, “No one can change what has already happened…just think that it happened for a reason…maybe you and him are up to something good after this”

Oh, I should better hold on to that something good. I’ll wait for it until I can’t wait no more.

The next day, I woke up early as usual but in good spirit. Today is a very special day because two of my most loved are celebrating their birthday, and they are, Jiyong and Emma.

Goodness! I cannot believe that we already have a four year old. Who would’ve thought that the baby girl I was just carrying in my arms can now independently dress herself (Omma told me that she taught her how to and since then she refuses to have help). Not to mention, she’s already helping the environment in her own little way. Her kind heart is making me proud of her each and every day.

“Great!” I slammed the steering wheel with my hand in annoyance “What the heck!”

Halfway on the way to work, I noticed that I forgot my phone in my apartment. I already have a plan to video call Emma to greet her.

“If I’m going back…” I looked at the time and sighed “I’m going to be late” and just dropped the idea. After all, I’m going to their party later, I’ll just explain why my greeting is late. I’m sure she’ll understand.

The moment I arrived, I was called to the emergency to assist a critical case. A man was hit by a car and is in a bad condition.

“Vitals are not that great” Dr. Kim said upon seeing me “We are losing so much blood” he called out “I need him in the operating room within three minutes!”

By the looks of it, I can say that we are on a race with time. One wasted second and this man is in serious danger.

“Assist me” Dr. Kim told me in a hurry and my heart leaped. This is going to be my first surgery after a long time. “This is your expertise…I need you there” he left and I followed him after reality sink in.

I’m not going to be part of the action, I’ll just watch and give my thoughts about some things.

The operation took four hours to finish. The man that was identified as a university student hit his head really hard on the concrete from the strong impact after being hit by a car, resulting to severe brain trauma and some serious wounds. As of the moment, we are able to stabilize the patient but is still on heavy monitoring in case of episodes of seizures.

It seems like this day is made to be the busiest, for I haven’t had a good rest since I arrived.

“Dr. Jeong” a nurse came running at the Doctor’s lounge. In the back of my head I know something is going on with the patient we operated a while ago. “We are having a seizure”

In a rush, I dropped the candy bar I’m munching on and ran to the ICU as fast as I can.

“Watch him closely...tell Dr. Kim that I’m requesting for another scan” I told the attending nurse and left the room after the patient is stable again. This man is definitely lucky for we were able to stop his seizure before it goes downhill. He still has a long way to go though.

It’s the afternoon and I’m supposed to wrap things up already when we were called for an emergency meeting. Emma and Jiyong’s party is only a few minutes away from starting and I’m still here.

“We should be leaving now” I told Dr. Nam who Jiyong invited.

“I bought Emma a gift even when she doesn’t want any” she showed me a birthday bag, making me laugh.

As we were walking to my car, we saw Gino. He’s off duty as well.

“Want to come with us to my daughter and Jiyong’s party?” I asked, completely sure that it’s fine with the family that I’m bringing another guest.

“Sure!” he delightfully answered.

And we’re off! As I’m driving to the Dolce Vita, my heart is beating so hard because we’re really running late. I’m sure Emma is already wondering where I am.

“We’re here” I hurried out, followed by Dr. Nam and Gino.

“Elle!”

Am I dreaming or what? I’m seeing Kara and the Thompsons. What is going on?

“Jiyong flew us here to join them for their birthday” Kara is still Kara. So lively and quirky.

“I missed you guys!” I hugged Mr. and Mrs. Thompson who are looking good as ever.

After introducing Dr. Nam and Gino to them, I head to where Dami Unnie is. She’s at the doodle station.

“Unnie!” I called out.

She looked my way and sigh “Areum” her voice isn’t welcoming. She is annoyed at me for sure. “Glad you made it” she’s so cold, I find it awkward to talk “Excuse me…I’ll just check on the food” she gave out a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

It must not only Unnie who is annoyed at me but the whole family as well. I know that I’ve been too careless today.

“Jiyong!” I finally saw him after going here and there in search of him and Emma.

As expected, he’s still cold to me but this time, there’s anger in his eyes that is too clear not to notice.

“What?” he walked towards me with angst.

I missed him. It’s been so long since I saw him this close. As much as I want to give him a hug, I know it’s not the right time for it. So, I just pulled out a smile even when it’s so hard.

“Happy Birthday!” I greeted cheerfully.

“Thanks” he plainly said without looking at me.

“Uhmm….” There is too much tension between us. I cannot handle anymore. “Look Jiyong” this is it. I have to talk to him like an adult because if not, then we’ll be in this cold war for the rest of time.

I know I’m in the wrong this time, but I have reasons why I ed up today. He has all the right to be pissed at me but there’s no need for him to act like a child who is angry at his playmate.

“I know you’re disappointed because I didn’t make it to the party…” I stopped talking when I noticed that he’s not listening nor looking at me. He’s so busy with his phone.

“Jiyong!” I exclaimed, getting his attention “Please…listen to me…put your phone away for a while…don’t be a child”

He looked at me, fired up. He moved towards me, closing the gap between us. “No Areum” he sniffed and looked straight into my eyes “YOU” he pointed at me “Listen to me” his voice is full of anger in it.

“There’s no point of you being here because the party has ended…and you already ruined this day for Emma…” he take a deep breath “You know…I don’t even want you near her right now…all because she’s just slowly pulling out of her sadness caused by your absence and seeing you will surely bring it all back” he turned his back at me and when he faced me again, his eyes are pooling tears “You’re ing up more than you thought Areum…and our children are greatly affected by it” he is trying really hard to hold back his tears “I know how important your career is to you and as you can see…we are all in support of you…thing is…as times goes by…you are losing grip of what matters most and that is Ethan and Emma…I let you do what you want and didn’t say anything until now because I was waiting for you to realize what’s going on…but it seems like you’re having the time of your life all on your own....also…it seems like you found somebody…” he looked behind me. As I follow his gaze, I realized that he’s looking at Gino who is happily chatting with Dr. Nam, “New” he continued and looked at me intently.

Oh please!

“His name is Gino…and HE’S JUST A FRIEND” I feel the need to emphasize in case he doesn’t hear.

He scoffed “Yeah…whatever”

What the heck!

“Jiyong…what is wrong with you? Are you jealous of him?” I don’t want to assume, but the way he’s acting gives off jealousy in bold letters.

He faked a laugh, “Why would I when there’s nothing going on between us?”

What have distance done to us? Why do I feel like I’m in front a stranger now? I actually feel more comfortable and connected with Gino than with him.

With anger building up inside me, “All the while I thought this is about our kids…turns out…it’s about us” I hissed and was about to leave just to end this pointless conversation when he grabbed me by the arm and pulled me back to face him.

“What now?” I shouted.

His hold on my arm is too tight, his nails are digging in my skin “Let go of me!” I wriggled out but he tightened his grip on me more.

“Just because I brought up your man…you’re going to leave?” he asked through gritted teeth “Oh! I forgot!’ he snapped his fingers “You’re an expert in escaping…too bad I caught you now”

“You are hurting me!” I forcefully removed his hand from my arm “Look…I came here for my daughter…I didn’t come here to be hurt by you” my voice is a little louder than intended, I can feel pairs of eyes staring heavily at us “I don’t know why you’re being a jerk but I’ll let it pass because I know you’re just being ruled by your emotions right now” I looked at him for a few seconds and turned around and walked away.

“I HATE YOU!” Jiyong shouted.

Shocked and horrified, I turned to him and walked back to him. “What did you say?” I asked, almost in a whisper.

“I…HATE…YOU” he repeated, strong and hard “I hate you for being the woman I love the most…I hate that I cannot even turn my back on you when I really wanted to…and I hate you for being my weakness” hearing these things are breaking my heart into pieces.

“But now...” he straightened up “I’m going to be firm…” he walked close to me and a bitter smile formed in his lips “I don’t want you near my kids until you get your together...after seeing how hurt Emma is today…I cannot bear another of it…you’re better off alone for a while…I really think you can handle it after all…so…leave and take your friends with you…the party’s over and my daughter is now resting…I don’t want her to be disturbed”

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