JIYONG

Address in hand, I can finally see the light under the long tunnel I’ve been walking for so many years. My children are just an arm reach, when before I feel like they’re impossible.

“This is so near here” one of our organizers said when I asked her where the place is.

The members are with me, and they are as anxious as I am. Our filming stopped for a while because of me. I cannot contain my emotions to the point that I lose focus and just drift off. My mind is not on work mode anymore. Good thing, I was able to finish filming, with the help and patience of everybody.

“Who would think that they’re just minutes walk from where we are?” Youngbae is still in disbelief, but is amazed with what’s happening.

TOP Hyung smirked. “Who would’ve thought that they’re here all along?”

Daesung wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “Hyung, you’re finally going to see them!” His excitement is making me giddier.

Seungri clapped his hands. “Ay! Ay! Ay! Let’s cheer for Jiyong Hyung!” he extended his arm out, and when none of us followed, “Yaaa…you guys”. He grabbed each of our hands and placed it on top of one another.

Under his breath, “This is so childish” TOP Hyung said, making us laugh.

“Ready?” our Maknae is so hyped. “Go Jiyong, GO!” he cheered alone, while we look at him with blank faces. It’s so funny.

He sighed. “You guys are so boring”, and walked away.

Just to make fun of him, the members and I gathered round, “GO JIYONG GO!” we cheered, and it made Seungri look back at us in disbelief.

“What?” I asked, nonchalant. “You walked away” I said, and all he can do is pout.

Oh Seungri, what are we going to do without you? We badly missed him during that time he was in the military, same with Daesung. Us Hyungs are not that fun with them not around.

I’m so fortunate that this happened with the members all here, because if I’ll go through this alone, I will not feel as confident as I am now. Seeing my children and their Mother is really a big deal and I need all the positivity and encouragement I can get to be able to pull it off, and my Big Bang brothers are giving it to me, all out.

After filming, I immediately changed my clothes, removed my makeup, and asked my manager if he can walk me to the kids’ house. The members actually wanted to go, but they gave me this night to go solo. They just cheered for me and told me that everything’s going to be fine. Our staffs are also supportive. All of them are so happy for me.

“You going to be good?” Manager Hyung asked before leaving.

I gave him a salute. “I will, Hyung”

He patted my shoulder. “You know where to call me. I’m just going to roam around here until you’re done”

Now all alone, I composed myself, closed eyes, while breathing calmly. And when I felt that I’m ready to face them, I didn’t think twice and pressed the doorbell. My heart started racing. I cannot believe that I’m just a door away from them.

“Jiyong!”

And there she is, wide-eyed, in surprise. Finally, the long wait is over. I really have found them.

Face to face with her, I can tell that she’s living well. Honestly, she’s brighter now than the last time I saw her. Her eyes sparkles beautifully under the light.

And there are my children. I cannot believe what I’m seeing. Yong has grown so much. His face changed. He’s now a mixed of his Mother and I. My heart melted upon seeing our daughter. YES! My second child is a girl, and she’s very lovely. Believe it or not, I feel like I’m looking in the mirror, facing her. She’s my replica, only with long hair. My Noona will definitely flip out once she sees her.

In their house, I feel like I’m seeing the years they’ve been away. There is a wall full of framed pictures, mostly of the kids. On another, are teaching posters and the kids’ artworks.

I introduced myself as an Uncle. Thinking that maybe, this isn’t the right time to tell them I’m their Father. But to my shock, Areum did it for me, in a way I never thought she will. She’s too straightforward, I thought it’s going to give our children a major shock.

Turns out, they know their Father is in Korea. Once again, it surprised me for I’m not expecting their Mother to talk about me, at all. The kids didn’t warm up to me right away. Yong even cried upon knowing the truth. My Little Man, if only he can remember how close we are before.

“Hey” I’m left with my daughter, Emma. Areum brought Yong to their room to hush him.

My little girl looked at me, her eyes blinking cutely. She’s one ball of cuteness. I’m telling you, only rocks won’t fall for her charm.

“What’s your name Daddy?” she asked. Her voice made my heart leap.

I pinched her cheeks (I can’t help it), and she wrinkles her nose. “My name is Jiyong Kwon. How about you?”

Isn’t it bizarre to ask your own child her name, and her asking yours?

She smiled shyly. “My name is Emma Yoon”. I nodded and stared at her in awe. I still can’t believe she’s real. “I’m three” she raised three fingers, “Going four on August Eighteen”, using her other hand, she raised four fingers.

Surprised, “Your birthday is August Eighteen?” I asked. She giggled then her thumb, then nodded.

I moved closer to her, just sitting inches away. “Do you want to know a cool secret?” I asked, and she perked up.

Thumb still in , “What is it Daddy?” she asked.

I wrapped my arm around her and leaned on her a little. “We got the same birthday” I said, and she looked at me, wide-eyed.

“Mom is also celebrating hers in August” she happily stated, and I nodded. Then she pouted, “So, only Ethan is different. His is in September”. I can see disappointment in her eyes, making me feel bad for some reason.

I patted her back, “He’s different from us because he’s special”

Yong will definitely be bummed out by this. I know a little about children, but if there’s one thing I’m sure of, it’s they don’t want to be left out.

“He’s Superman. Mom always tells him that he can do everything” she gladly shared.

“And you are?” I tucked her hair behind her ears.

She giggled. It’s so cute, I cannot take it. “Just a baby girl”

I’m telling you, my daughter is one precious child. She knows how to converse well at a tender age of three.

“Yeah. You are” I hugged her. “You’re daddy’s baby girl until you go gray”

I can’t help it. I guess it’s true, once you have a daughter, you’ll be like an alpha dog, so protective. Unlike with a son, you’ll do everything for him to be a man.

“Ooppssiiee!” Emma’s stomach gurgled. I looked at my watch and it’s dinner time. I wonder if they’ve eaten already.

Chuckling, “Hungry?” I asked.

She sighed heavily as if she’s got the biggest problem in the world and she can’t find a solution to it. “I am”

UGH! She’s too cute! Wait until the members and the rest of the YG family see her. I’m sure they’ll completely lose their minds.

“Can you cook?” she asked on our way to the kitchen.

To be honest, I’m not confident about cooking, but I can pull off a dish or two. “I always cook for your Mom before” I said, making her smile from ear to ear.

“My friends’ Daddies don’t cook. They just watch TV”. She let go of my hand and ran to the fridge. “Mom said we’ll eat beef tonight” she tried opening the fridge but can’t reach the handle.

Opening it for her, “I’ll cook beef then” I said, and she jumped up and down. I don’t know, maybe she’s excited. “Have you eaten Korean food before?” I looked down at her who has opened a pack of carrot sticks and is munching a piece.

She shook her head. “I don’t think so”

For the first time, I was able to feel like a family man, with my children waiting for the food I’m cooking. As much as possible, I’m trying to be civil to their Mother, for I don’t want this night to be ruined by our issues. However, things turned the wrong way when we were left alone. I wasn’t able to contain myself anymore. All I want is to burst out, which happened, but the drag is our children saw it, and they took it the wrong way. Ethan became aggressive.

With Areum telling me to stay in the kitchen while she talks to the children, all I can do is watch them from afar and eavesdrop. She made the kids sit on the center table, while she sits on the long couch, facing them. Her face is serious. She means business. I can clearly see a disciplinarian in her.

“What just happened?” her voice is calm. It’s not scary at all.

Yong bowed down his head and started sobbing. Emma, on the other hand, sit up straight. “Daddy is bad. He scolded you”

“He is bad” my not-so little man finally speaks up. “No one can scold you Mom. Why is he like that?”

Honestly, I feel horrible. I should’ve been careful around them.

As calm and composed as she can be, “Kids” she called, and they both looked at her at the same time, “Daddy is not bad”

Hearing her call me Daddy made my innards flip.

“We were just talking. He got carried away at some point” she started, then sighed heavily. “You will not understand it now, but once you’re old enough, you will” she smiled at them and caressed their cheeks.

She’s Motherly, and I’m totally blown away.

“Mom deserves to be scolded by Daddy because I did something bad to him”

Emma gasped. “You’re not bad, Mom!”

I like how they’re sticking up for her.

“We have a lot of things to talk about. Your Daddy and I”. The way she talks to them is so mature. “And you two are out of it. Don’t worry, Daddy won’t scold me anymore, he already let out what’s in his heart”

Yong is still silent. I don’t know, maybe he still can’t get over what I did.

“Superman” Areum leaned closer to him. “I know you’re just protecting Mom, but what you did, throwing punches at him and saying hurtful words, is wrong. I know you’re aware of it”

And unlike most adults and even kids, my son didn’t reason out and just admitted his fault. Once again, I’m impressed, for the kids are raised in the most wonderful way.

“What do I always tell you two?” a smile appeared on Areum’s face. “It’s bad to hate people….”

“We just love them” the kids continued in unison.

What can I say? Areum is really doing a good job being a parent. How I wish I can do the same.

“And he’s your Daddy. You just met him, but he loves you two so much. So, you must love him so much too” she take a breath and exhaled heavily.

Emma perked up and raised her hand.

“What is it baby girl?”

She’s silent for a while. Until, “Does Daddy love you too, Mom?”

This is awkward, even when I’m out of sight.

Areum pursed her lips then shrugged. She didn’t say a word. Yong jumped out of the table and climbed up her lap. “Daddy loves you too, Mom” he told her, making me smile, “Because we’re family”

That just gave me chills. It’s like God made him say that for me to realize that past is past. There are still a lot of issues to tackle, but more than that, we have children that needs parents who are united to be able to take care of them well.

“This is what you guys are going to do” Areum pulled them closer to her. “You’re going to apologize to Daddy”

“What if he doesn’t want to be our Daddy anymore?” Emma looked so worried.

With that, I decided to go out of the kitchen and head to them. I shouldn’t just wait, I’ll come to them. After all, they’re not the only ones who are at fault. I am too.

Upon seeing me, the kids ran to me and hugged me. Emotions filled my whole being. I don’t want to let go of them anymore. If only time can stop.

“We’re sorry Daddy” Yong said in uttermost sincerity.

“I’m sorry too” I told him. “I don’t mean to shout at your Mom”

Emma touched my cheeks and playfully squeezed them. “We love you Daddy!” she laughed, and it’s the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard.

Without awkwardness, I walked to Areum, followed by the kids. “I’m sorry” I touched her shoulder and squeezed it lightly.

She looked surprised. “No need to apologize, but apology accepted” she said, making me smile in relief.

We have to show our children that apologizing isn’t hard, especially when you’re sincere.

This night is like a roller coaster ride. We’ve gone up and down. It’s still surreal, but very wonderful.

“Daddy” Yong is first to finish washing. We’re now in bed, that according to Areum the three of them share. “Mom said you hum me to sleep when I was a baby. Can you do that again?”

Moved, I kissed him on the forehead. “Absolutely”

I can’t help but tear up. Memories of him as a baby rolled in, reminding me of how precious those days are. During that time, I don’t even know he’s mine, but I’ve kept him in my heart more than anybody else.

“She can’t sleep without her security blanket” Areum told me, while I’m patting Emma to sleep. “She also thumb ”

I chuckled. “Just like you before”

She rolled her eyes. “Omma did everything for me to stop that habit”

“Yeah. Imo threatened to put chili on your thumb every night”. And that memory made us both laugh.

Where did my anger towards her go? Why isn’t the awkwardness not disturbing? I thought I’ll face a stranger, just to realize that the woman in front of me is still the woman I loved for years.

“How are you going back to the hotel?” she asked, while we’re walking out of their room.

The kids are already sleeping, and I’m proud to say that I made them sleep.

I glanced at her, “Manager Hyung is on his way”

She nodded slowly and made me sit on the couch. “Do you want anything? Food? Water? Tea? Soda? Wine?”

I shook my head. “No. I’m good. Thanks!”

Seconds passed and we’re silent in the living room. She’s on her phone, while I look at the pictures on the wall, again.

Without looking at her, “Can you take me to Aden tomorrow?” I asked.

“Sure!” she answered.

And I faced her. “I wish he gets more time to live”

Thinking about Dr. Miller is making me truly sad. I cannot believe that a person with the purest heart gets to go, when there are people who can be counted without a heart, gets to live to enjoy the world.

Areum’s eyes are pooled in tears. I cannot imagine how painful it is to see one of her closest friends in a critical condition. “I wish the same, Jiyong”

Everybody knows that my weakness are her tears, and even after so many years, it didn’t change. I hate it. I don’t want to see her cry, no matter what the reason is.

“Come here” I pulled her to me and was about to hug her when…

*HONK*

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