Try and try until you succeed. That’s my motto, in life and in love. I don’t know, but I can’t stop myself from looking for my One Great Love amidst its complications. Years had passed. I’m not getting any younger. Sometimes I’m wondering, do I really have a shot on this?

Last week’s date is an epic failure to the point that I still cannot get over it. Joon Hyung is a jerk and he even had the balls to text me the next day, asking how I’ve been and when can he see me again. Of course, I didn’t give a damn on him. I’m not stupid.

But as they say, when one thing didn’t work out, try once more, and that’s what I did. Two days after my worst date ever, a guy named Hong Shik messaged me:

                SENDER: MISTER_KIM

                                                Seoul, South Korea

                Good day Miss Jeong! I tumbled upon your profile months ago and is itching to give you a buzz, but I got really shy and                    just had enough guts now to do so. First, let me introduce myself. My name’s Kim Hong Shik, 28 y/o. Born and raised in                  Seoul. As of the moment I’m an Indie singer, performing in live music bars and small-time events.

                There, I pretty much told the basic. This might be too long for you to read, and maybe just a waste of time. Whether you                   message back or not, I’m glad to at least have you, know me. But, I hope you will let me get to know you too.

It took me a few hours to decide if I’m going to reply or not. Good timing, Jiyong visited me that day, I had someone to confide with.

“This dude is an artist” he said, after reading the message.  We looked at each other. I’m trying to read him through his eyes.

Even before, I’m not into creative guys at all, by that I mean anyone from the entertainment industry (including Directors and Writers), Painters, Photographers, and the likes, all because I find them too fun, colorful, and I’m not like that. Jiyong is the only creative guy in my life that I totally jive with. I’m boring. I’m no fun. My fun-oh-meter is one to none, I’m lucky if it reaches five. The topic I can fully relate to is not the arts, movies and stuff, talk about the Human Anatomy and we’ll perfectly connect. I’m telling you, only few humans can last me.

     “You see…” I picked a french fry and ate it first before continuing, “This can be an        exception”

The moment he heard what I said, his face went blank. “You’re really up for it, huh? Dating an online dater. I thought you’re not giving a damn on it anymore, after what happened two days ago. I actually believed that you’ll stop entertaining guys online, obviously, you haven’t” he sighed heavily in frustration.

Ok. I know I’m stupid for giving online dating one more shot, but please understand that this is the closest I can be, in meeting men. It’s not like I have time to go out and hunt. Good thing Jiyong understands how hard it is to live a normal life in a demanding world. Thing is, he’s really not comfortable by the thought that I’m willing to meet whoever, just for the sake of meeting someone and hopefully be in a relationship with.

“He’s twenty-eight” he said. “You always tell me that you don’t want to be called ‘Noona’ by your man”. I sighed and smiled confidently. “I can tell him not to”.

“But still, you are” he rubbed on my face “Your track record doesn’t have an age lower than yours. Let’s say, things go well between you and this guy, how sure are you that you can relate to him in every matter, and vice versa?”

Gosh! Here goes the mind-ing again!

“Jiyongie, the gap’s only two years” I asserted. He nodded. “Yeah. Two is not a big number, but we’re not talking about just the numbers here”. He leaned forward and looked straight into my eyes. “We need to include the mental age. For sure he’s twenty-eight mentally, but you…” he pointed at me “Your mental age is forty, even above, meaning, you’re too mature”

I agree to that. Ever since young, I think, talk and act differently from most kids my age. The men I’ve gotten the chance to date always say one thing, that is, I’m too mature and it’s not what they expected of me. I don’t act cutesy like most girls. I don’t know how to joke or even laugh when someone drops one (except if it’s Jiyong). My goals are too much compared to most people I know. I’m looking at a straight path when most my age are taking an en route. What’s more unfortunate is that, I can’t loosen up.

“So, what do you think?” I know Jiyong is not into this but I’m taking chances. He stared at me, so intense, I feel like he’s looking through my soul. I wonder what he’s seeing. “If I say don’t push through with it, are you going to listen?” he asked.

Think. Think. Think.

Last week’s date is really embarrassing and humiliating. I did consider not entertaining anyone from the online dating world for the rest of my existence, but I’m a strong believer of second chances. What if he’s my One Great Love? What if he’s the man God destined for me? I don’t want to let him slip off my fingers without checking him out. Maybe this time, I’ll just be more cautious and sensitive to know if the guy’s good for nothing, or good for something.

“Jiyongie” I squeezed myself beside him in the single couch, almost sitting on his lap. “Let me give this one a try”. I squinted with the sweetest smile I can give. He rolled his eyes and sighed heavily. I can smell an approval. He threw his head back and with his eyes closed, “Fine”.

HOORAY!

I was waiting for a ‘but’, but it didn’t come. Instead, he pushed me and stood up then walked to the kitchen for a glass of wine.

And the chatting started. I replied to Hong Shik’s message that night and we got it from there. I must say, he is pretty mature for his age. We prefer talking over the phone instead of chatting and texting, that way, conversations are more personal. Finally, someone is greeting me in the morning other than Jiyong and the rest of the family.

“Morning!” my voice cracked. I just woke up. “You’re really taking your human alarm clock duties seriously, huh?” I and he laughed. “I just got home from a gig. I am so tired, but after hearing your voice, it kind of lessened” Hong Shik sounded so shy saying this.

Sweet! But nope, it’s not going to shake me up. I do love hearing mushy statements, but I don’t bite sweet tongues easily.

Because he’s already tired (I know how it feels to pull out an all-nighter), I told him that I won’t talk long, and before hanging up…

“Hmm…”

My stomach suddenly turned even before I hear what he’s going to say. “Do you want to see me perform? That is, if you’re all good meeting up”.

This is unexpected. I was actually thinking that we should meet once we know each other deeper than it was now.

Scratching Jiyong off my mind. What he thinks about this and stuff. I decided for myself. One of the few times I did so.

“Sure!” I sounded so jumpy. “Just message me where and what time”

Well, it seems like I have a date tonight. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I just won’t expect too much, or none at all to save myself from disappointment.

Just to let Jiyong know about what’s going to happen later…

                TO JIYONGIE:

Goooooooood Moooooooooorniiiiiiiiiiiiing! Are you awake already or just about to sleep? Yah! You’re turning into a high-grade workaholic again (I know you hissed reading that). Just to remind you, it’s not just you who can scold me when I’m working like crazy. I get to scold you too and I will nag till you drop if you don’t rest even for a bit. Anyway, I just want to let you know that I’m meeting Hong Shik (online friend?) later. Don’t know which bar he’s going to play in yet. He’ll text me the details later. Ppyong!

Tapping the send button made my nerves shoot up. I’m hoping that Jiyong supports me in this, like the last time.

*DING!*

                FROM JIYONGIE:

                                OK.

That’s all?

                TO JIYONGIE:

                                Aren’t you going to say more?

                FROM JIYONGIE:

                                Like what?

                TO JIYONGIE:

                                I don’t know. Good luck?

                FROM JIYONGIE:

                                Good luck.

“PSH!” I threw my phone on the couch and walked back to my room.

I wonder what’s with him. His coldness whenever I’m into someone gets into me every darn time. Oh well, maybe this time, he’s not being cold, he’s just too worn out in preparing for his upcoming album resulting to a crappy attitude.

My workload for today is surprisingly lighter than usual. From a maximum of fifteen patients for consultation, I only have five, giving me a lot of time to get other things done.

“Knock! Knock!”

I looked up “Doctor Nam!” I shrieked in excitement, running to her. “Aigoo” she welcomed me in her arms and hugged me tight “I missed you”. “Same here!” I bolted.

Doctor Nam Ye eun is one of my mentors. She chose me to be her assistant in one of the most critical operations she’s done in her entire medical career. I was working for residency then. The mere fact that she took me under her wings has become a big factor of who I am in the hospital now. We work so well together, teaming up in critical and most complicated cases, and succeeding in the end. Until she decided to seek more adventure. Instead of having a hospital residency, she free-lanced, going from one hospital to another, studying and helping in different cases. She’s also a known Educator. I can say that she’s one of the best.

“What brought you here?” I gestured her to sit on the chair in front of my table, as I sat on mine. With a sigh. “Well, the Execs called me for an operation demo later with newly licensed Doctors. They want me to do an actual demo but I turned it down, saying that I’d rather assist, than get my hands fully on it”. The firmness in her voice never change.

“Oh yeah!” I snapped. “I heard about that demo a few weeks ago. They asked me to be an observer”

“Great! Then we’ll be there together!”

I shook my head. “I won’t go”. “What?” she exclaimed. “Why?”

I grinned. “I have a date tonight”

I know that I’m one idiot for picking the date over the demo, that by the way, is only attended by strictly chosen Doctors of the hospital. Thing is, I’ve been too quite a number of demos already, while a date only comes my way rarely.

As much as Doctor Nam doesn’t want to let me go, she gave in, saying that I’m in bad need of a love life and she doesn’t want to be the reason why I still don’t have it.

“I agree with GD” Doctor Nam said during our meal when I shared with her Jiyong’s thoughts on my desperation to find my One Great Love. “Why are you in a rush? Yes, you’re already thirty” she rolled her eyes “The cringe worthy-thirty” she said comically that made me laugh. “So what? You see, I think you’re just being pressured by what’s around you. Get me? Friends getting married, having children and , the society counting you as one of the odd ones coz what they know and grew up to is once you hit three-zero it’s just right to consider having a family, that if you don’t have it yet, it’s going to be hard for you already, a stupid thing that I say you to”

Have I already said that this Doc is the fiercest woman I know aside from Kwon Omma and Dami unnie?

She’s already in her mid-forties. Single, and not a bit lonely. According to her, she’s had so many guys in the past but all of them didn’t pass the level of seriousness and commitment. One day, she woke up alone, but instead of looking for someone to wake up with, she taught herself how to be happy, ON HER OWN, by travelling the world, and plainly doing whatever she trips on doing.

“Honestly, why are you still looking far and wide for that One Great Love when there’s really someone in front of you?”

I don’t know who she’s talking about. Curious and intrigued. “Who?”

She smirked and leaned back comfortably. “G to the D” she sang.

G TO THE D? GD! What?

I can’t help but laugh my off. How did he get into the picture?

“Yah!” she leaned towards the table, asked me to do the same, and to my shock, gave me a knock on the forehead. “Why are you laughing hysterically when I’m damn serious?”

Serious? I don’t think so.

“How did he get in the picture?” I asked, after calming myself down.

She huffed. “You and him have been together forever, even before you had your menstruation and he learned he can get a girl pregnant using his wonder stick” loosely spitted out “Also” she snapped her fingers and leaned back again. “It’s so impossible for you guys to not develop romantic feelings for each other, especially when you’ve seen the good, the bad, and the ugly, and just took it all in. Best friends, no matter how tight they are, don’t accept each other fully. As a matter of fact, not even married couples do. But with you and Jiyong, you both fit each other like a glove. It’s like a match made in heaven. As if God played matchmaker to the two of you when you’re still angels, before giving you to your parents”.

This is not my first time hearing this. I’ve been hearing it for so many years already.

“We’re siblings!” I insisted. She laughed so loud. “SIBLINGS MY !”

“Remember this” she asked me to lean forward once again. This time, I’m alert, if ever she knocks me on the forehead again. “You didn’t came out of the same . You don’t carry the same surname. You are not adopted by his family, legally. Yes, you may see each other as brother and sister only, that’s all because that’s how you grew up. But, at the end of the day, you’re still two individuals without a drip of the same blood. Falling in love with each other won’t be a disgusting crime”.

As much as I’m not into this kind of conversations, I can’t help but think of it. Most of the boy-girl friendship we know ended up being together or were ex-lovers, it’s only us that didn’t go to that stage. I swear, there wasn’t a time when we questioned each other, why are we not developing romantically.

After a long silence, “This question is just to satisfy my curiosity” Doctor Nam is not yet done. I sighed. “I’m listening”. She looked at me intently. “Have you ever thought, even once, that he can be more than just your best friend?”

O………………K………………….

I pretended to think longer when I can give out the answer in a snap.

“Yes”

                                                                                *******