Have you ever been so confused, it reached to a point where all you can do is be in one corner and zone out?

“Pa! Pa!” Yong keeps on making this sound after Jiyong left. It’s my first time hearing it from him, so I don’t really know if he wants something or he’s just experimenting with words.

My son is now seven months old. He can understand a lot of words and can actually make a conversation, though he’ll answer back gibberish or just giggle. I’ve been teaching him to say Omma for some time now but for some reason, he can only say “Ma” when most kids get the whole word right already. This got me thinking, he may be learning to say a new word with “Pa” as its first or last syllable.

“Pa! Pa! Paaaa!!!” the moment he shrieked, I’m startled. As much as I want to give him whatever he wants (if it’s a thing), I can’t, because he couldn’t tell me what it is. I may be gifted with intelligence, but this game is just so impossible.

So, in high hopes to find a solution, I called Dami Unnie since we’re partners in teaching Yong how to talk. Actually, I considered calling Jiyong but tonight is just a bad night for him.

No. He’s not jealous of Dr. Miller. I would like to think that. Why would he be jealous anyway?

“Unnie!”I called when she picked up.

“Areumie!” as usual, she sounds so energetic. “What’s up? How’s your first day at work?”

Smiling, “It went well, Unnie. I need a few more days to get on the groove again, but all is well”

“That’s great!”

Kwon Omma texted me an hour ago asking the same question. I answered the same and she sent me the most encouraging message after.

“Yong keeps saying ‘Pa’. It’s been going on for some time now and it’s driving me insane coz I can’t get it” I told her desperately.

Unnie took a while to speak. “Does he look like he’s asking for something or looking for someone?”

I looked at my son who is still on a hype while in his crib. He’s mumbling and as if on cue, “Pa! Pa!” this time, he’s pointing at the television and when I looked at it, Jiyong’s music video is playing.

Weird, but in this particular music video, Jiyong looks so different for he’s comical. Yong may be too familiar with him that my son can recognize him no matter how he looks, which is not normal for kids his age doesn’t familiarize very well yet.

I told this to Unnie and she giggled. “Aigoo. It seems like Jiyong is not Samchon anymore”

“Huh?”

She giggled again. “This afternoon at Jiyong’s apartment, Omma, Appa and I are chatting with Yong playing in his crib. Appa teased me to someone” *in a whisper* “Junho? Remember him? The one my friends set up for me as a blind date?” she asked and I just chuckled “Anyway, I called Appa, loudly, next thing I know it, Yong already got the last syllable of the word ‘Appa’. Then, Omma jokingly pointed at Jiyong who is walking out of his room and said ‘Appa’. I swear, it was just a joke! We didn’t even hear Yong repeat it again”

Oh, now we’re screwed. My son calling Jiyong ‘Pa’ or ‘Appa’ is beyond my imagination. There are two things I got from this: 1. My son can already catch up so much. 2. Don’t joke around when teaching him because it will definitely bite back.

And my day ended with the thought of my son, calling Jiyong ‘Appa’. Sure, I can correct it (I WILL), but with it already etched in his mind, it’s going to be hard.

Morning came and it’s another day at work. Also, this will be Yong’s first day at day care. I’m expecting a fit for a little while, but I’m wishing for it to go smooth.

“No texts. No calls” I tossed my phone on the bed and went to my vanity to comb my hair “Oh well!”

Jiyong must still be sleeping because usually he sends a Good Morning message or call just to hear Yong talk gibberish. It’s almost time for us to head out as well, and if he’s going to borrow Yong again for the day, he should’ve been here already.

“Pa!” my son is at it again and every time I’m remind of who he’s referring to, I feel mixed emotions. “Pa!”

Carrying him to the car, “He’s not here” I told him and he just stared at me, totally clueless of what I just said. I’ve decided to live with my son calling Jiyong ‘Pa’ for the meantime (it is surely stupid of me to do so, but correcting him needs time and I don’t have enough of it as of the moment).

Contrary to what I expected, Yong didn’t throw a fit when I left him at the day care. In fact, he gladly let the teacher take him from me.  He’s making me nuts because he’s so unpredictable.

At the hospital, work started right away. I was called for a simulation and an emergency soon after. Unlike yesterday, I got no chill, which my body is still adjusting to.

“Tea?” Dr. Miller appeared and sit on the bench with me. I’m at the waiting area, cooling down after my rounds. I haven’t seen him around since I arrived.

“Hectic, huh?” he asked and I just sighed. He chuckled “I bet it’s worst before”

I looked at him in disbelief. “You won’t even imagine!”

A minute passed with him and me just sitting beside each other on the bench. The hot cup of tea in between my hands feel very comforting. My mind, body and soul hasn’t adjusted well with work yet and I have a feeling it’s going to take some time.

“So…” Aden faced me. I looked at him and smiled. “How’s your baby? Is he getting by with you working again?”

I’m once again reminded by my son, calling Jiyong ‘Pa’. Alright, I’m going to speak with all honesty, I get this tingly feeling whenever I think of it. There, I’ve said it!

“Well…” I take a deep breath and exhaled heavily “He’s doing great! I’m amazed that he’s not giving me a tantrum every time I have to leave, unlike most kids”

“What a good boy!” he said and I smiled proudly.

“He is” I agreed.

“Maybe you prepared him well for it” he countered.

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I was thinking, maybe the reason why he’s good with it is because he knows that other than me, there are people who will take care of him and that he’s not going to be alone”

Dr. Miller got it right away. He knows that I’m talking about the Kwons even though he addresses them as ‘your adopted family’, for he doesn’t know who they really are.

“Your best friend must be overwhelmed by the baby” he said, after talking about a lot of stuff already.

I shook my head. “Unbelievable, but he’s not”

“Really? But you said he doesn’t have kids yet”

I nodded. “Yeah”. All of a sudden, a smile appeared on my face. “He prepared well for my baby. Believe it or not, he has done more things than a typical husband would do”

And the story of my pregnancy journey with Jiyong started. Dr. Miller listened to it with so much interest and is in awe with my best friend for being with me all throughout the way.

“Your friendship is one of a kind. If I have that kind of best friend, I’ll never be afraid of anything. First, I don’t have to face the world on my own. Second, everyone can turn their back at me and I’ll not be sad coz there’s still someone who I’m sure will stay. Third, there’ll be no dull moments. You will never be bored”

Hearing this made me think of how lucky I really am to have Jiyong in my life. Dr. Miller is right, our friendship is truly one of a kind.

“You know what? I’ve been thinking…” he snapped and I anxiously waited for him to continue. “Why don’t you just get back together?”

I looked at him in shock. “Who?”

He chuckled “You and your best friend!”

“Why do you say that?” I asked in curiosity.

He sighed. “I have a feeling that you’ll work more than perfectly, together”

I nod. “Yes, that’s right. But, I don’t want to lock him down when he has a lot of things that is yet to be done, dreams to turn into reality”

“You are selfless” he said then smirked “and selfish at the same time”

“Huh?”

Dr. Miller is talking to me casually now. Yesterday, there’s still formality. Oh well, I really don’t mind.

“Selfless because you think of his welfare before anything else. You’re giving up your happiness and a chance of good love for his freedom. Selfish because you don’t want to give your love another shot even when your best friend is all for it”

Oh, I know this very well. As harsh as it is, I’m still sticking with my decision. I want Jiyong to be free of me.

It took us another ten minutes to end our conversation. I let him finish his story about his sister and her ex-boyfriend that is so hilarious, it got me laughing on our way to my office.

“Areumie!” someone called me, making me stop from laughing.

Surprised, “Jiyongie? Yong? What….”

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