Truth is painful than any lie.

Two weeks after Jiyong’s unexpected marriage, I’m slowly embracing the reality that there won’t be an US, romantically, ever. We decided to be friends though. Of course, it wouldn’t be the same as before, but at least we were able to save our relationship. I agreed to be his ‘best woman’ on their wedding, that by the way, is only a few days away from now. He and Lena are in Paris as of the moment, to pick up her wedding dress that Jiyong paid hundreds of thousand dollars for.

My day started a little off. For three days now, I keep on having dizzy spells in the morning that will sometimes continue through the day.

“Ma!” Yong called upon seeing me walking by his crib. I left him a few minutes ago, still in a daze after waking up. Now, he’s so loud, talking gibberish.

“Aigoo” I cupped his face with my both hands. “Someone woke up on the right side of the bed” I said, making him shriek, ear-ripping loud. “Omo!” and he giggled.

I’m already training him how to eat on his own. He’s still young for it, but I can see progress in him every day. He’s starting to become a boy, and I become emotional every time I remember how he is as a baby. This phase is what Jiyong is excited for. That man seemed to have a list of what to do with my son once he’s old enough to detach from me.

If there’s a relationship that wouldn’t break, it’s Jiyong and Yong’s, for their bond is tighter than some Father and Son out there. Jiyong nearly begged me to still let Yong call him Appa after learning that I’m teaching him to call him Uncle already. I gave in after a while .Lena is not good with him being my child’s Father figure, but after what she did to me, I’ve decided to not care about her anymore. She can sulk all day and whine, and I’m telling you, her husband wouldn’t even give a damn on her. She wouldn’t dare to treat Yong badly, because once she does, she will find herself six feet underground.

My shift is late in the afternoon until morning the next day. Thankfully, Dami Unnie agreed to take care of Yong while I’m at work, and we’re on our way to her shop already.

“Jiyong called a while ago” she said, while feeding Yong organic biscuits. My son is now used to her organic food.

“What about?” I asked and reached for a biscuit, but flinches upon eating it (it tastes weird).

She smiled. “He bought you a dress there”

“But, I already have a dress” I told her, confused.

She sighed. “It’s too plain for him. Apparently, the new one is ten times more beautiful than the one you have”

A week ago, Unnie and I went dress shopping. We actually prefer to have one customized for us, but with the short time, it’s impossible. So, Unnie just used her connections. She called two of her designer friends to pull out dresses straight off the rack. I was able to find one. It’s a tea length, short sleeveless tulle with gathered skirt, color gold. It’s so pretty, and I cannot understand why Jiyong doesn’t like it.

“I will pay for that dress” I said, making Unnie sigh heavily.

“He will surely give your payment to me to deposit in Yong’s savings account” she said, and all I can do is sigh.

As much as I don’t want him to spend on us, it seems like he’ll find ways to do so.

After almost half an hour with Unnie, I headed to the hospital where work started right away. Upon arriving, three infants are already waiting for their first booster shots.

“Doc!” my assistant barged in my office in panic. “You’re being called at the ER. There’s a girl who bumped her head on a marble floor and is now having a seizure”

In a flash, I arrived at the emergency. Nurses fed me what happened to the child while I’m checking her physically. Her eyes are rolling to the back of her head and she’s shaking.

“I need an MRI” I told the nurses.

Just by looking at the little girl, I already have a suspicion that she’s Epileptic. Through MRI, I’ll be able to confirm it.

After an hour, I got the result. It’s confirmed that she had an epileptic seizure. Epilepsy is a brain disorder where clusters of nerve cells sometimes signal abnormally, causing attacks.

“Good Afternoon, Doc! I’m Mrs. Lee. Chun Ja’s Grandmother” she bowed at me and I bowed back.

Through our conversation, I learned that Chun Ja, just months older than Yong, started having seizure attacks at the tender age of one month old. Her Grandmother is her guardian who is also taking care of her brother who has special needs. Their Mother has passed away, leaving them with their Father who is working out of Seoul. I cannot help but pity the lady. I cannot imagine how hard it is to take are of two kids, that both needed full attention.

“I will have to confine Chun Ja here, maybe only for a night or two. I want to check on her further” I told the kind lady.

She sighed. “If that’s what’s needed Doc. Good thing her Father is earning well nowadays. We can at least pay without any problems”

And if they ever have a problem of paying, I will not ask payment for my service. I’m happy to help.

After that emergency, I went back to my rounds. Dr. Miller and I had dinner together at the cafeteria where he forced me to eat other than instant noodles.

“Is everything going well in the heart department?” he asked cheekily.

I hissed. “It’s on the way to recovery, I think. Little by little, I’m starting to accept that there’s no more me and him. Difficult, but badly needed. I cannot stay heartbroken for a long time”

He smiled sweetly. “Your heart won’t be broken forever. It’ll mend in time. You just have to move forward and never look back, because once you do, you’ll find yourself stuck in the past again”

Here we go with his words of wisdom. It always enlightens me.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned through all this, it is the ability to forgive and forget. Before it was so hard to do so. Now, I was left with no choice. For me to be able to keep my friendship with Jiyong, I need to forget what he’s done and forgive him at the same time. We may never be as close and comfortable, but at least we’re there for each other.

Time is slow today. I still have three hours until the end of my shift.

“Oh gosh!” I gasped in shock upon seeing Hong Shik going inside Chun Ja’s room.

Yes, Hong Shik. Yong’s Father.

“It can’t be”. I’m on my way to see Chun Ja, but stopped to gather my thoughts.

The little girl’s last name is Lee, same as Hong Shik’s.

!

Her Grandmother said, her Father work out of Seoul. Hong Shik works in Jeju.

!

She has a Brother who has special needs. Hong Shik’s oldest child has Autism.

!

She’s only months younger than Yong. As far as I know, Hong Shik’s youngest child is seven months older than my son.

!

Her Mother is already dead. Hong Shik’s wife died after giving birth to their youngest.

“Gosh!” my heart stopped beating for a while. My whole body feels cold. It seems like I’m going to meet my son’s Father after all that’s happened.

Without a choice, I went on my way. Chun Ja is my patient, she’s my responsibility. I have to attend to her, personal matters aside.

Going in the room, my feet is so heavy. I’m not prepared to meet Hong Shik yet, but there’s no turning back now. Maybe God set this up, to clear an area of my life.

“Good Evening!” I greeted, trying hard not to be awkward.

The moment Hong Shik saw me, he smiled. This man fooled me. I was so angry at him. But I guess, my anger already faded because I can’t feel it anymore.

“Areum” he said, and all I can do is stare at him.

He has changed. He’s skinnier. His hair grew longer. I can still see the man I met a couple of years ago in him, just more mature.

“So, you’re her Father” I said, while on my way to Chun Ja’s bed.

He followed me. “Yes. She’s my youngest”

“I see” I began reading the nurse’s report. “I heard about your wife. I’m sorry for your loss”

He smiled. “If it weren’t for Jiyong, I would’ve lost them both. My money isn’t enough to sustain Chun Ja’s medications. A month after her birth, her seizures started. She’s been in and out of the hospital ever since. Jiyong heard about this from one of the Monsant employees. One day, he went there, talked to me, and promised to give financial support”

Wow! I didn’t know this. All this time, he’s been helping Hong Shik.

“She can outgrow this. Some children who has the same condition stopped having attacks at a certain age. Usually, before they hit puberty” I told him, and saw relief and hope on his face.

“I was thinking, maybe she got this from her biological Father”

When I heard this, my brain nearly fried up in confusion. What does he mean?

Seeing extreme confusion on my face, Hong Shik chuckled. “She’s not mine, neither is my son” he said, confusing me more.

“How…”

He sighed. “My wife and I were friends. She went to me when she’s already six months pregnant. The Father of her baby doesn’t want to take responsibility. Her parents disowned her. She’s got nowhere to go. I decided to take her in and married her after a year. Our life is pretty good in the beginning, until our son started becoming sickly. Like Chun Ja, he’s in and out of the hospital. My salary isn’t enough to shoulder everything. My wife has to stop working to take care of the baby. And then, three years after, she left without a word, leaving the child with me. That’s when I started looking for ways to feed him, sustain his medications, and at the same time I want to earn a lot of money to show her that I can be successful. Around that time, I met you. I know right off the bat that you can be the answer to my problems” he moved closer to me, held my hand and looked into my eyes “I’m sorry for using you and Jiyong. I was just so desperate”

This is insane. My heart is crying. Who would’ve thought that there’s a deeper story than what I know? I suddenly feel bad for being so angry at him.

“It’s all right” I said, and for the first time in the minutes we’re together, I smiled.

But then, I can’t help to ask, “How did your wife get back to you?”

Hong Shik chuckled. “I got her back from her abusive man around the time you’re in Australia. Turns out, she’s been cheating on me. She left me to be with a man just to be abused. I got a call from her one day, asking for help. She’s already three months pregnant that time”

“You’re a hero” I told him.

He shook his head. “I’m not. I just saved her for the baby in her to live. People like Jiyong are the heroes”

Yeah. I agree. That man never fails to amaze me with his kind and loving heart. I hope Lena sees this, so that she wouldn’t even dare to take advantage of him.

Should I tell Hong Shik about Yong? Is this the right time?

If before I’m not into it, now I feel like I should. In telling him, I would be free off a heavy baggage. If he wants to be around Yong, I wouldn’t stop him. This way, my son will have his Father in one way or another.

“I have something to tell you” I take a deep breath and exhaled heavily, freeing my knotted nerves.

Ok. Here we go.

“You have a child…” I paused and looked at him intently. “With me”

The words came out fluidly, and I feel my chest loosen up a little. Finally, he knows.

His face can’t be read. He’s just staring at me the whole time. “Areum, that’s impossible” he said.

I smirked. “Something happened to us, if you happen to forget”

He acknowledged. “Yes, but it’s not possible because I have an infertility problem that I know of even before getting married. I have a very low count. Doctor said there’s only one percent chance that I can make a baby. I’m sure I’m not your child’s Father because I cannot even get my wife pregnant in the almost five years we’re together”

Ok. Breathe.

This cannot be real.

Thinking of it, one percent can still work. But, the chances are so slim it’s almost impossible. I’ve studied about infertility briefly, and Hong Shik’s condition is severe, especially when he’s not treated for it.

Pointing at him, “If you’re not….”

Oh my gosh!

Totally messed up, I hurried to my office after checking on Chun Ja. I will call Dr. Nam and tell her about it.

“Ah!” I suddenly felt intense pain on my lower abdomen.

“Dr. Jeong!” a Nurse came running towards me. “You’re bleeding!”

“Huh?”

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