“AHHHH!!!”

“Kids!” I dragged myself out of bed and run out of the room. I’m sleeping soundly and here comes the kids, screaming as if there’s an emergency.

“Daddy!”

“You’re here!”

Of course, there’s no emergency. Ethan and Emma are just thrilled to see Jiyong sleeping on the couch. Well, I made him spend the night here because it’s already too late to go home even though the hotel they’re staying at is just twenty minutes away.

“Mom! Daddy slept here!” Ethan is jumping behind Jiyong, while Emma is sitting on the center table, facing him. He’s still lying on the couch, smiling widely.

I sighed. “Yes, Superman” I chuckled when Emma jumped on top of Jiyong, making him gasp.

It is a school day. And this is the first time that the kids are so lively in the morning. Just like their Father, they are not morning persons. I’m actually shocked that Jiyong is already awake this early, because no matter how noisy I am whenever I wake him up before, he doesn’t even budge.

“Good Morning!” he sat up. Emma is on his lap and he’s hugging her tightly, while Ethan is still behind him, hugging him by the neck.

I smiled. “Good Morning!” I greeted back, sitting on the single couch. We are a little formal today, which is funny because I’m not used to it. What I’m used to is, him, waking me up in every annoying way possible and making breakfast after.

“You guys are up so early” my voice is still airy. I’m not even in the right senses yet.

The kids giggled. “Ethan got up early and woke me to say that Daddy is here” Emma is clinging on to Jiyong like a Koala hugging a Eucalyptus tree.

As expected, they are beyond happy and excited to see him first thing in the morning. Laughter is all I can hear from the two. They even helped their Father who volunteered to throw the trash out and make breakfast. This morning, I have so little chores. I was able to take a bath longer than ten minutes and cherished my time alone.

“Let’s fix your hair” Jiyong pulled the swivel chair in front of the vanity table and made Ethan sit on it.

I’m telling you, he’s like any Mother every morning. He’s doing all the work for me and I’m impressed. He’s really an ideal husband, I must say.

The boys look so cute together. Ethan is smiling from ear to ear as his Daddy put wax on his hair and style it.

“Fix my hair too, Daddy!” Emma keeps on jumping beside him in excitement. She’s holding her ribbon box that are full of colorful trinkets in it.

And because I want to also be useful, “Can Mom do it instead?” I asked her and she looked at me, blanked face.

“But I want Daddy to fix my hair too just like Ethan” she countered. Alright. I admit, I’m slightly hurt because of this.

I’m no kid. I’m not offended by that, for I know that the kids’ attention will split between Jiyong and I, and it’s no big deal. Promise. I was just a little sensitive. I need time to get used to it.

Jiyong looked at me then chuckled, “Baby girl” he called, making my heart beat fast. Did he just call me baby girl?

“Yes, Daddy?” Oh, it’s Emma he’s talking to. Seriously, why does he have to call her while looking at me? It’s confusing.

Eyes on our daughter already, “Daddy doesn’t know how to fix girls’ hair. Mom is good with it”

Woah! I don’t know how to react when he addressed me as ‘Mom’. It feels so husband and wife. If you know what I mean.

In the end, Emma gave in and let me do her hair (like I always do). Jiyong picked what bow I’m going to put on her and she’s more than satisfied by it.

“Can I go with you guys to school?” he asked, while we’re watching the kids brush their teeth.

“Of course!” I replied, making him smile.

Seriously, this is a big thing. Just think of it, none of us thought this will happen (at least not too soon). I’m still in disbelief even when I know that this is all real.

With only half an hour till class starts, we rushed out of the house and walked to school. Jiyong is surprised that the school is just near.

Holding the kids in both hands, “Where your house at is very convenient” he glanced at me and I smiled at him and nodded. “School’s near. Park is so accessible. Even the grocery store is just minutes away”

“It’s much like our house in Korea”. I’m talking about the house where I lived with my parents in Itaewon.

He chuckled. “Don’t you miss Seoul?”

I glanced at him and sighed. “I do. How will I not, when I’ve spent all my life there? Not to mention, my loved ones are there”

“Omma, Appa, and Noona already know that I’ve found you and the kids” he said, and I stopped walking. My nerves shoot up upon hearing it. I don’t know, but I feel totally ashamed of myself. Also, they might be angry at me, just like Jiyong, for what I did.

“They must hate me” I said under my breath.

He looked at me as if I said a lame joke. “We are a family, Areum. They’re the last people who are going to hate you”

Can I just bawl out? I swear, that’s so good to hear. All these years, I thought I am not a part of the family anymore. I’m so happy that I still am. Now, I can’t wait to go back to them. To apologize, and bring back our strong bond.

“He’s our Daddy” is all I hear from the kids when we entered the school. Jiyong suddenly became a main attraction amongst the kids, while I tell my co-teachers about him. They know so little that they, themselves are intrigued of him.

“You didn’t tell us your boyfriend is here in Chicago” Ms. Smith said, while watching the kids gather round Jiyong.

I felt the pulse in my head, neck, and wrist pulsate strongly. Boyfriend. Wow!

Trying not to react weirdly, “We’re not…in…a…rela…tion…ship” I told her with a smile. “We….separated years ago. He’s here for work and to see the kids as well”

I wonder how she’ll react once I tell her that Jiyong is a superstar. Not that I want to brag.

“You need to say bye to Daddy now”. The kids are not leaving his side and I’m having a hard time already. We only have a few minutes until classes start and I’m yet to prepare for my class.

Emma pouted. “Can’t you just wait until our dismissal, Daddy?” she hugged Jiyong’s hand, holding her tightly as if he’s going to disappear in thin air.

Jiyong and I looked at each other. I can see in his eyes that he wanted to give in to our daughter’s request, but it’s not possible.

Crouched down to meet eye level, “Believe me baby girl, I want to just stay here. Thing is, Daddy has work”. He her face, making her smile.

“Can you pick us up?” Ethan is as sad as his sister. He doesn’t want to let go of Jiyong as well.

With a kiss on the forehead, “I’ll try, Little Man” he told him.

After receiving kisses from him, the kids went to their classes. There’s still a few minutes for me to spare, so I decided to walk Jiyong out where his manager is already waiting for him.

“Areum” he called, giving me chills down my spine.

“Hmm…”

He moved closer, smiling. The space between us is not that comfortable to me. It feels so close. “Do you want to watch our rehearsals after work?”

Wait. Is he asking me out?

“Bring the kids with you” he followed up, and I nearly banged my head on the concrete for thinking too much.

“That’ll be great!” I snapped.

He chuckled, shyly, as if he knows what’s running in my head. “The members and staff will be on their toes once I tell them about this. They cannot wait to see the kids”

Honestly, I feel nervous about facing his people. I mean, they might think differently of me after what I’ve done. Though I might be overthinking again.

I didn’t break the news to the kids because I want to surprise them. I’m pretty sure they’ll be surprised to know that their Father is a superstar. They won’t be able to grasp how popular he is, but once they’re old enough, I’m sure they will. I worked excited for the rehearsals. It’s been a long time since I watched one.

“We’re not going home yet, Mom?” Ethan asked as we wait for a cab.

Holding them both, I smiled at him. “Not yet”

“Are we going to the mall?” Emma is playing circles using her foot.

I shrugged. “Just wait and see”

That, made them anxious. They keep on giving guesses in the cab, while I just laugh at how crazy some of them are. Ethan said we’re going to Seoul, and Emma said she has a strong feeling that we’re go to the moon.

“S…t…a…d…i…u…m” Ethan read.

“I’ve never been here. I think” Emma hold my hand as well as Ethan’s. She knows that she has to stick with us when in a place that she hasn’t been to before because she might get lost.

“Me either” Ethan looked at his Sister as we walk, hand in hand, to the entrance.

My heart is beating so fast. I can’t get myself to calm down. I’m anxious as to how Jiyong’s people will treat me.

“It’s loud in here” Emma covered her ears with her hands. We’re just waiting for Jiyong’s manager to pick us up. Big Bang’s Heaven is playing in the background, just the instrumental. The members are deliberating, so it seems. I can hear them talking through their microphones.

“I think I heard Daddy” Ethan looked around. It was indeed Jiyong he heard. He’s requesting for the lights to go brighter. Hearing him talk in Korean is very refreshing. Ever since our reunion, he hasn’t spoken to me using our native language.

“Areum!” Big Bang’s stylist and good friend, Ji Eun, called. She’s with Jiyong’s manager. “Aigoo” she gave me a hug. “Long time, no see!” her cheerfulness loosen me up a bit.

I warmly smiled and bowed at her. “It’s so nice to see you!”

Years ago, before Jiyong and I risked our friendship for love, Ji Eun Eunnie used to tease us about dating each other .She always tell Jiyong that I’m the only fish in the sea that will not rot even after a long time. And whenever she sees me, she never fails in telling me how good it might be if Jiyong and I end up together. I’m absolutely certain that she thinks differently of me now, after all that has happened.

“Omo!” she crouched down to take a good look at the kids who are clueless of the people we’re with. I’m actually regretting about not telling them about this rehearsal. They’re not prepared for it.

Emma is thumb , a gesture that says she’s nervous. Ethan is not on protective mode, but curiosity is obvious on his face.

While walking us to the main area, where everybody is, “When Jiyong told us that you’re coming, we got really excited. We’re watching the clock, hour by hour” Ji Eun seemed happy to see me. I hope the others does too.

The moment we entered the main area, the kids gasped. The stage is so big. The way it’s structured is breathtaking. Its lights are (as ever) so amazing.

“There’s a show!” Emma’s excitement has built up. We are still a little far to see the people on stage clearly. Then, she turned 360. “But, there’s no audience” she said with a sigh.

Ji Eun Unnie bent down in front of her, “Do you want to come closer?” she asked.

My lovely daughter cannot hide her excitement no more. She didn’t think twice and went with Ji Eun Unnie even if it’s just their first time meeting each other. Unlike Ethan who is still cautious. He’s observing the new place and the people. It’ll take a while before he warms up.

“Emma!” I heard Seungri call through the microphone. She and Ji Eun Unnie are just meters away from the stage. “It’s Seungri Samcheon!”

Creep out by it, Emma wailed, alarming everybody. Jiyong rushed to our daughter right away, while Ethan and I walked to them.

Poor Emma, she just slumped on the floor and cried, real hard. Maybe she was startled by Seungri or she’s afraid because she doesn’t know him. “Baby girl, it’s Daddy” Jiyong pulled her up and carried her.

“Mom’s here” I rubbed her back gently, making her look at me.

I smiled at her. “You’re fine”. Oh please, I don’t want this to be a disaster. I’m also worried because we’re causing delay.

“It’s Okay”. With all my strength, I got Emma from Jiyong. “That’s Uncle Seungri. He’s nice”

It took us almost half an hour to hush her. Jiyong took us to the waiting room where there’s only the four of us. With Ethan on his lap and Emma on mine, we looked at each other and burst out in laughter. It’s just funny that Seungri made our daughter cry without doing much, just calling her.

“Can we come in?” Youngbae’s head is sticking out the door and to our shock, it made the kids laugh.

Jiyong cannot believe it. “I guess you can” he told him, and the rest of the members followed. We carefully watched Emma’s reaction upon seeing Seungri. She just buried her face on my chest, but didn’t cry.

Gosh! Big Bang is still Big Bang. None of them changed. They are manlier and mature looking. Their appeal is still strongly there.

“Are you drinking water from the fountain of youth?” Youngbae asked me. It kind of made me blush.

I laughed. “It’s you guys who did” I countered. “Seriously, none of you aged”. It really is amazing, I’m telling you.

TOP chuckled. “I actually aged back, mentally”

Here comes the jokes. The boys are very welcoming. No tinge of anger or disappointment. There’s even no awkwardness. I feel really comfortable with them, so far from what I have imagined.

“Yah!” TOP faced Seungri. “Stay far away. Emma might cry again if you come close”

It cracked us up. “No. She’s already good” I said. “She just got scared because you’re a stranger and you know her”. Seungri confidently walked towards us. From the looks of it, I can tell that the kids are starting to warm up already. Ethan even exchanged high fives with the boys.

“Let’s introduce ourselves” Jiyong stood up and walked in front of the kids and I. Enthusiastically, the boys formed a line.

“One two three” Jiyong is, of course, leading them.

“We are….BIG BANG!” they said in unison. The way they do it didn’t change at all. It can still make your heart leap.

As the eldest, “I’m Uncle Tabi” TOP is making his voice small. Maybe to not scare the kids of his deep voice.

Youngbae asked for high fives from them before his introduction. “I’m Uncle Bae”

Daesung is all smiles as usual. His charm will surely appeal to the kids. “I’m Uncle do-do-do-Doraemon!” he played out, making all of us laugh. “No. Really, I’m Uncle Daesungie”

And when it’s Seungri’s turn already, “Make it good. Impress my children” Jiyong told him that the other members agreed on.

Cutely, he smirked and confidently straightened his body. “Annyeong! I’m Uncle Riri! The most handsome guy in the universe”

Unexpectedly, “No. Our Daddy is the most handsome. Sorry” Emma just knocked him out and it’s totally hilarious.

Last but not the least, “I’m GD!” Jiyong bowed at us. “Leader extraordinaire”

“Aigoo” s reacted.

“GD?” Ethan looked at me, confused.

I pinched his cheek lightly. “Daddy is called G-dragon or GD by most people. That’s the name he use on television”

“Are you guys…famous?” Emma is now warmed up. She’s going to throw questions, one after another, for sure.

Youngbae pretended to be thinking. “A little” he said after a while.

And, after an hour and four dorky Uncles trying really hard to get the kids’ heart, they finally warmed up completely. They are not cautious of them anymore. Ethan even showed them his dance moves that as a Mother, I’m very proud of. No joke. He got the moves.

“Are we going to the stage?” Emma has asked so many questions to Big Bang already and it hasn’t run out yet.

“Yep!” Youngbae is carrying her, and she’s so comfortable with him. She’s twirling his hair on her finger and it’s not pissing him off at all.

“Do you sing, Daddy?” she asked again, making Jiyong who is walking with me at the far back, flinch.

“Your Daddy is good” TOP answered instead.

“They all sing, baby girl. And they are really good” I added.

“What’s your group name again?” Ethan, walking in between Daesung and Seungri, asked next.

“Big Bang” Daesung replied.

My lovely son giggled. “That’s a little weird”

“Well…” Daesung took a long breath and exhaled heavily, “It’s not just our group name that is weird”, then he looked at his Hyungs “We are as well”, and it made all of us laugh.

The rehearsal started again with me left alone at the very front row, while the kids are on stage with the boys. They brought them there, and doesn’t mind at all if they’re running up and down the long ramp or checking out the band area. Ethan was able to hit the drums for the very first time and I have a strong feeling that he’s going to ask me to buy him a set.

“Oh gosh!” my nerves spiked up when Jiyong let Emma ride with him on a segway. I know he’s good at maneuvering it, but the protective Mother in me is freaked out. I feel as though they’re going to fall or something.

“Mom!” she called, passing by me.

The extreme happiness on the kids’ faces tells me how much they’re enjoying every moment. For so many times ever since Jiyong showed up on our door step, I feel genuinely happy. It makes me sleep well at night, knowing that things are finally falling to its right places. If only I know better earlier.

“Your kids are charmers” Youngbae joined me during their fifteen minutes break.

Proud, I smiled, acknowledging it. “They are. I think they got it from Jiyong”

Silence.

Then, he cleared his throat. “Are you already married?”

This caught me off guard. I am not expecting it. Jiyong hasn’t even asked. “I’m not” I answered.

He looked at me curiously, “Why did you change your surname?”

Oh, I forgot to tell Jiyong about it.

With a heavy sigh, “I got my Halmeoni’s surname. When we arrived here, I decided to change our names for Jiyong or anybody not to be able to track us”

“It must be hard” he stared at me as if feeling what I felt all throughout my hiding years.

A little emotional, “Yes. It truly is” I bowed my head down and took a deep breath. “There are times when all I want is to go home, but my fears get in the way”

It’s not just today that I’ve opened up to Youngbae. There were a couple of times in the past that I did, especially when Jiyong hit rock bottom with scandals.

“Jiyong is good as dead when you left” he looked at me, face serious. “He’s a living creature without a soul. Every time I see him, he’s disoriented. He’s like a malfunctioning machine. I’ve never seen him in such bad condition. It took us a couple of years to bring him back to life, and he was still a work in progress until he found you and the kids”

This made me feel bad. Jiyong already told me about his hardships when I disappeared, but hearing it from another person is much painful. I’ve damaged every inch of his being and it’s hard to accept that I did it to the only person I love most.

I just found myself crying. Guilt has eaten me whole. I suddenly questioned myself if I deserve his kindness when I’m nothing but an to him.

Youngbae comforted me discretely. I don’t want Jiyong or anybody to know about this. Their rehearsals resumed with me still sobbing.

*phone ring*

I rushed away from the stage, “Hello, this is Elle!”

“Elle, this is Tina”. The moment I heard her name, my body felt cold. She’s crying.

Right away, “What happened to Aden?” There’s a part of me that know the answer to my question, but I choose to think differently. We don’t know, maybe he’s just having a bad day and he’s giving the people with him a hard time.

“Aden’s gone”. When I heard this, my knees wobbled and I fell straight to the ground.

“No. Not yet” I’m in denial. It can’t be. I’m not yet ready for this. He cannot give up without me beside him.

“He passed peacefully, Elle. Charlotte was with him. We’ll prepare him for the funeral”

My head is too empty to react. “Uhmm…I’ll go there now” is all I was able to say.

Without wasting time, I speed to Jiyong. One look and he knows something is up. So, he asked the boys to watch the kids while we talk.

“What happened?” he made me sit on a chair. My hands are shaking. Tears just won’t stop falling down. After looking straight into my eyes, he gasped and hugged me tightly. “I’m sorry”. Being in his arms gave me my much needed comfort.

“You watch the kids. I’ll help prepare his funeral” I told him when I calmed down.

He’s so worried. “Are you sure you don’t need me there?”

I nodded. “Yeah. The kids needs one of us anyway. We’ll tell them about this at home”

Honestly, I don’t know how to break it to them. I once tried thinking about it, only to completely scratch it off. They will definitely be devastated.

With the kids having the time of their lives with Big Bang, I head to the hospital, and when I arrived, Aden’s nurse and Brothers consoled me with tight hugs. They said his last minutes are not painful at all. He just told Charlotte that he feels sleepy and with her continuously talking to him, he took his last breath, and that’s it!

“He’s gone now, Elle. Your best friend’s gone” Tina stayed with me at the waiting area. We’re comforting each other.

Reality hasn’t sink in yet. To me, this is like a practice. A rehearsal of what will happen. I don’t want to give in to reality because I’m afraid that once I did, I’ll feel more lost.

“These are for you and the kids” Tina handed me letters and a tall glass canister filled with jelly beans. “Aden gave those to me last night. He wanted me to give it to you in case he passes without you here”

That man, he was still able to write letters for us.

“I’ll see you at the funeral tomorrow” I hugged Tina, saying goodbye.

Alone in the cab, on my way home, I zoned out looking out the window. My thoughts are flying in and out of my head, none are staying. I’m not in the right senses. The driver even has to call my attention when we reached my house. And since Jiyong and the kids are not yet home, I decided to go to Aden’s house, wanting for the last time to feel his presence.

He hides his key under the doormat. Walking in, I’m already being embraced by sadness. The framed pictures on top of his piano made me cry. I really cannot believe it. He’s gone. The man who has been with me through all these years. The man who gave me another life and made me believe that at the right time, it’s going to be wonderful, is never to be seen again. He wouldn’t be able to change other lives anymore.

In his bedroom, I saw a calendar with notes in every box of date. They say, ‘Thank God for waking me up’. The artworks that the kids made for him are all on the wall, in front his work desk. A framed picture of Tina is on his bed side table, together with the last book he’s been reading and his reading glasses. My heart shattered upon seeing medicine bottles on a drawer and the things he calls, his ‘torture tools’. It reminded me of his sufferings.

Seated at the foot of his bed, I pulled out his letter for me…

Dearest Elle,

I’m sure by now, while you’re reading this, I’m already at peace. You know what? I’m praying for you not to visit me anymore, for I don’t want you to see me during my last minutes here on Earth. As I’m writing this, I can already feel my end, and as much as I’m prepared for it, I feel a little scared. You think I’m going to Heaven?

Yesterday, seeing you and Jiyong together, made me so happy. My heart is jumping in joy. Finally, you’re with the only person in this planet that I want you to be with.

What more to say? Why is this so hard?

Alright, brace for drama. Here it comes.

For almost four years now, we’ve been each other’s pillar of strength. We lifted each other up in every fall and hold each other together when we’re about to break into pieces. I saw how you spring back to life, and it’s such a sweet sight to see. I’ll tell you something that I’m sure you’re going to roll your eyes about…Two years ago, I nearly contacted GD to tell him where you’re at. During that time I feel so guilty for stealing his family. But, I didn’t do it, after realizing that destiny will work its way, and miraculously, it did.

Elle, you have him again. Trust me, you HAVE HIM, and I don’t think any woman can lure him away from you (his wife never did). The two of you are the perfect match. Whatever happened in the past, let it stay in the past. Put it behind you. It’s already done, no need to bring it back again. Just enjoy life as it is. Enjoy your family. As much as I want to see the four of you together, I can’t, but I’m sure as heck that you look so good. Hopefully, once things are good between you again, you’ll have another baby (I can see you rolling your eyes. What do you know? He might knock you out again. But please, this time, don’t run away anymore. Show his wife who should be in her position. IT’S YOU!). You are a great Mother. Always remember that.

I may not be with you physically, but I’m always with you in spirit. I wish you all the best and happiness in the world. Thank you for your love and friendship. I love you!

                                                                                                                                                                                           Your destined best friend,

                                                                                                                                                                                                              A.

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