Emotions demand to be felt. We can keep it, but we can never stop it.

I don’t know if what I’m seeing is real or maybe I’m just too tired that I see different already.

“Omma!” the man who looks so much like Jiyong called me, while waving the hand of the baby who looks exactly like Yong.

Dr. Miller gasp “OH!” making me look at him.

So he’s seeing them too. This must be real!

“Aigoo” I walked towards them and got Yong from Jiyong. Looking at my son and my best friend, I noticed that they’re wearing the same shirt. It has Bambi, printed on it. “Your shirts…”

Jiyong showed me his proudly “Noona gave these to us. She saw it on the internet and bought it. Cool, huh?”

Talk about Father and son goals. I’m telling you, they look so cute in their matching outfits.  “Even your shoes!” I squeaked in surprise.

In my estimate, my child is wearing over a thousand dollars worth of clothing, which is insanely cool but totally out of bounds. He’s truly becoming like Kwon Jiyong as the days pass by.

“You’re so cute!’ I heard Dr. Miller from behind me. Turns out, he’s cooing with Yong while Jiyong and I are talking.

Not that comfortable with this sudden meeting, I brushed off awkwardness and introduced the guys to each other. Dr. Miller nudged me “You didn’t tell me your best friend is a superstar” he said, and I looked at Jiyong whose face cannot be defined. It’s showing so many emotions.

Smoothly, Jiyong extended his hand to him and pulled out a smile, “You must be Dr. Aden Miller. Nice to meet you!”

He remembers his full name. This is not-so Jiyong.

And the awkward air winds on us. I found myself standing in between them who are at a staring match, as if they’re reading each other’s minds.

“Let’s go to my office!” I snapped and headed to the door.

This is the first time that my son is going to be here and even though my office is child friendly (lots of toys), the hospital is not a good place for babies to visit.

“Dr. Jeong” Dr. Miller called on the doorway, “I’ll leave first. My rounds is about to start in a few minutes” he said.

Nodding my head, “Alright”

He bowed at Jiyong, “Nice meeting you, Sir”

Very formal.

Jiyong bowed at him, deeper. “Same here, Doctor”

These guys are starting to drive me insane. Seriously, why are they acting so weird?

The moment the door closed, Jiyong loosened up, sitting on the chair in front of my desk comfortably. I put Yong down on the play mat and gave him a toy truck to play with.

“What’s with the surprise visit?” I asked upon settling down on my chair.

He take a breath and exhaled heavily, “I went to the day care to check on Yong. The staff said he’s doing well and I can see that, but when I’m about to leave already he started having a fit and when I say fit, I’m talking loud-hysteric-crying wriggling desperately out of the staff’s arms, asking to be carried by me again. He keeps on calling ‘Pa’, so without thinking twice I got him and just decided to take care of him for today. After all, I’m not that busy until early evening”

Now I’m starting to get jealous. Why is my son acting like that to Jiyong when he’s so chill with me leaving him? One more thing, Jiyong is all cool with Yong calling him ‘Pa’.

“Aigoo, Jiyongie. You should be having time for yourself” I told him, receiving a strong shake of the head from him.

“I like what I’m doing. Taking care of Yong and having him around are the best times”

At that moment all I want is to hug him, which I did because of gratitude. I know he loves me and my son, but I didn’t expect it to be this much.

“Pa! Pa!” Yong disturbed ‘our moment’. We pulled out from the hug and looked at him.

Jiyong rushed to him, joining him on the mat. “What’s up little man?” the tone of his voice is livelier than before.

All I did is watch them. They play really well and the smile on their faces says so. My son is so radiant, and it’s enough to make me happy.

“Pa! Pa!” he calls again even when Jiyong is just beside him.

I sit in front of them, on the floor. “Can you say ‘Ma’, Yongie?”

Cutely, he just stared at me and giggled. Jiyong laughed “He can say it already” he assured me, then forced Yong to say it. “Om….ma!”

“Ma! Ma!”

What is this? Why do I feel like my son is more connected to Jiyong than me? This is madness!

“Ma!” Jiyong imitated him, making Yong giggle. “Who’s this?” he pointed at me and I anxiously waited for my son to call me again.

Yong’s hazel eyes looked at me, melting my heart. “M…a!”

Amazed, I clapped like a seal. “Very good little one!”

Jiyong Yong’s head and kissed him on the cheek. “How about me?” he pointed at himself and waited with a wide smile on his face.

Like what Yong did to me, he looked at Jiyong first and smile before cutely saying, “Pa!” he blurted out, and we clapped our hands once again.

Playfully, “Ma! Pa! Ma! Pa!” Yong continuously chanted, having a blast.

Honestly, this is making my heart flutter. Who knew this moment would happen in my son’s life, that he’s going to call someone ‘Pa’ (Appa)? Well, I don’t, because it wasn’t my intention but now I’ve realized that I’ll just give this to him and not bother myself with it (at least for the meantime).

The three of us played on the mat, laughing loudly at everything. Yong is so fond of calling us, I kind of gotten used to it already.

“You don’t mind him calling me Appa?” Jiyong asked all of a sudden. If he dropped this the first time I heard Yong say it, my answer would be different.

But now, “It’s all good. As long as it doesn’t bother you”

He hissed. “Not at all”

And we leave it there. Sure, this is not going to look good, especially to people with narrow minds, but I know Jiyong is doing this for the love of my son. He’s just giving him a full swing of childhood that without him, would definitely be so different.

“Ah!” Jiyong snapped up, holding the toy fire truck that he and Yong are playing with, “I’m planning a birthday party for us” he continued, making me look at him in confusion.

It’s the first week of August, which means our birthdays are coming and I swear, the fact that I’m going to add one more year to my age is driving me nuts. I’m turning thirty-one!

“Us?” I asked.

He nodded. “Yeah. I was thinking, since we weren’t able to celebrate our birthdays last year together, we should do it this year. You know, the way we always do”

In our twenty years of friendship, we’re so used to celebrating each other’s birthdays together. Before he became G-dragon, our parents would throw a joint party for us with both our Ommas cooking our favorite dishes. Nothing really has changed when fame hit him. We’ll still celebrate together with his family and a few of his friends. It actually don’t matter if we don’t do parties on the exact day of our birth. There was even a time, I think during the Alive World Tour, we threw a party a month after our birthdays. Last year, I was pregnant and he’s so busy with his comeback, that’s why we weren’t able to do anything special.

“Where are you planning to do it?” I stopped doing my paper work and faced him fully.

“The first place that came to mind is Monsant, but it’s too far for only a few hours of party. Do you think Dolce Vita is good?” he asked.

Why do I have a strong feeling that he wants this party, big?

“Are we going to be with only family?” I asked, even when I know it’s not.

He grinned. “Family and close friends. Invite Dr. Nam and your colleagues”

Playful, “Even….Dr. Miller?”

He swallowed hard, looked away and then nod. “Sure”

Jiyong is obviously not that cool with Dr. Miller, though he’s always like that to other guys I’m friends with. Well, it’s only just a front to, in one way or another, let them know that he’s not an easy guy to please and that he’s on the watch, that if they do something bad to me he’s capable of ripping their heads off.

Three weeks passed and it’s the day of our joint party. My real birthday is yesterday and Jiyong’s is six days away. Originally, we’re going to have the party a day after his, but because he got some plans (he’s scheduled to go to New York), it’s going to be an early celebration for him.

Dolce Vita is beautified by a wonderful events team, hired by Dami Unnie. She’s the head of everything since Jiyong and I are both busy to even send out invites. With her planning everything, I’m relaxed and so sure that this night will go by smoothly.

“Yong is still sleeping?” Unnie walked in our room to check on us.

I nodded. “Yes. I think our little boy will have to say pass to the party”

She giggled. “Aigoo. I hope not, because this is his first time being in a big get together. Also, the celebration wouldn’t be complete without him”

Then surprisingly, “Jiyong even bought matching outfits for them”. Unnie pulled it out from a medium sized white box and proudly showed it to me. “He had this suit custom made only for Yong. And the shoes, he ordered it straight from Milan”

Once again, the splurger Jiyong did it. He really pushes boundaries and it’s driving me crazy because it’s just too much. No wonder he told me not to buy an outfit for Yong to use at the party.

After a while, Unnie pulled out another box from a huge paper bag. I looked at it intensely. “Don’t tell me he got Yong another outfit”

Unnie chuckled and slapped my arm lightly. “This is for you!”

Really? Jiyong even bothered to buy something for me?

“He said this can be counted as a birthday gift” Unnie opened the box and revealed a beautiful black lace dress.

In awe, “That’s…”

“Breathtaking” she continued for me “I know. That’s what I think as well”

Lightheaded, “But…he already gave me a gift yesterday. It’s a pair of pearl earrings”

“Well, I guess he’s not done with the surprises yet” Unnie gave me another paper bag. This time, it has a shoe box in it. “The look won’t be complete without shoes” she said, and all I can do is gasp.

This is beyond a surprise. I’m used to Jiyong giving me gifts but this is quite a lot. Not to mention, the things he gave are, for sure, darn expensive. Just by looking at the suit he had made for Yong, I can tell it costs a lot.

With my heart jumping in happiness, I prepared for the party. My half an hour bath while my son is sleeping, is heavenly. The dress Jiyong gave fits me really well, as if I tried it on before. And the shoes, they’re so elegant. I feel really beautiful. For the first time in years, I’m excited for people to see me.

Funny, Yong doesn’t seem to have any plans on waking up anytime soon. He got really tired playing with Kwon Appa a while ago that he was knocked out in no time. Waking him up will surely be mayhem.

“Are you guys ready?” Jiyong barged in the room, looking handsome in a suit. He stopped a few meters away upon seeing me. “Omo! The dress really look extremely good on you!”

Fluttered, I walked towards him and gave him a tight hug. “Thank You for this”

He take a deep breath and buried his face on the crook of my neck. “You’re welcome”

A little embarrassed because of my gratitude, he walked to the bed and started kissing Yong on the cheek. This is his way of waking him up that usually ends with loud-annoyed crying.

“Hello!”

As expected, my son woke up. Difference is, he didn’t cry. As a matter of fact, he giggled the moment Jiyong kissed him again. They played for a good ten minutes. Yong’s mood is up and I’m praying hard for it to stay that way throughout the party. I’m sure he won’t let others carry him unless he’s familiar with the person, but he’ll let them play with him.

“You look better than Appa” Jiyong told Yong after dressing him up.

It made me smile. “You both look good” I said, receiving a warm smile from him.

“We should go out now. The guests must be arriving already” he said and I happily nodded.

The Dolce Vita backyard is decorated in the most intricate way. There is a flower wall full of peonies that can be used as a good backdrop for pictures. The cocktail tables are synthetic plastic, clear like glass. There’s even a dessert table beside the buffet table that spells diet wrecker in bold letters. Also, there’s a stage with band instruments on it. I’m so excited for the performances. This night is made special and it certainly feels like it.

“Come!” Jiyong excitedly dragged me to the photo booth where the rest of the family are.

 “Everybody, smile!” she said cheerfully and we all obeyed, except for Yong who is so curious of the camera.

“Yongie-ah” Jiyong called him “Look at Appa” he faced us and smiled widely, teeth and gums showing, making my son laugh but showed a blank face after. “Aigoo. You’re not in the mood to smile, just wink then” he demonstrated it to him and Yong amazingly tried to copy him.

After a few shots, I’m already exhausted. Wearing five inch heels while carrying a baby is something serious. I don’t know how Hollywood mothers do it, their paparazzi shots always look so good as if their feet are not killing them.

“Go! The three of you!” Kwon Omma got Yong from me and pushed me back in front of the camera “Kwon siblings!” she said with so much pride.

My heart melted. After all I’ve done and the troubles I’ve made to their family, I’m still a part of them.

Like real siblings, we just bullied each other in front of the camera. Jiyong jumped on my back. After that, Dami Unnie and I hang onto him like monkeys. And, we covered each other’s faces, nearly brutal (Jiyong almost slapped Unnie’s face because of excitement).

“I’m tired” I said, while removing my shoes.

“We’re not done yet” Jiyong rushed to Kwon Omma and got Yong from her. “Quick! The guests are arriving!” he pulled me back to the set, giving me no time to wear my shoes (good thing we’re stepping on grass).

With Yong in his arms, we take pictures one after another, there was a shot were we’re both kissing Yong on the cheek. A shot where he’s sitting on Jiyong’s shoulders while crying, and one where he’s trying so hard to wink. It was another memorable moment.

“Oh! They’re here!” Jiyong welcomed his friends, still carrying Yong, leaving me at the photo booth.

Since my guests hasn’t arrived yet, I decided to help Dami Unnie who is busy checking the food.

“Omo!” she gasped “The girl is here!”

Curious, I turned to the direction she’s looking at and saw Lena, the supermodel that Jiyong told me about.

“She’s pretty” I said, after staring at the girl for some time.

Unnie hissed. “You’re prettier”, then continued checking the food.

I’m not buying that. I mean, Lena looks like a living Barbie doll. Her body is to die for. Not to mention, she’s young and childless. There are no traces of stress and bad experiences on her face yet.

“Areumie!” Jiyong called me to them and I went with heavy feet.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” the boys greeted in chorus, making me giggle. “Here’s my gift” Soohyuk who I’ve never seen for quite a while handed me a gift bag, “I’m sure you’ll like it” he said and smiled.

Swiftly, Jiyong moved to my side and excitedly peeked in the bag. “Aigoo” he exchanged high-five with Soohyuk, building my curiosity.

I’m given a bag full of my favorite chocolate. It’s been years since Soohyuk and I ‘hanged out’ (I don’t want to say ‘dated’ coz it really didn’t go to that point), but he still remembers my favorite. He’s such a good guy.

“Areumie” Jiyong placed his arm on my shoulders like a man does to his friends. “I haven’t introduced you formally to Lena” he cheerfully pointed at her and she smiled at me, warmly. “L, this is my best friend Areum or Elle, whichever you want to call her”

Lena extended her hand to me. “Hi! I’m Lena. Finally, we meet! Jiyong has told me stories about you”

Nice! He told her stories while I don’t even know a single thing about her aside from the basic.

“I hope they’re all good stories” I shook her hand and her perfectly learned smile appeared again.

Closely, I see a resemblance of Dakota Johnson of the movie, Fifty Shades of Grey, in her. She’s a giant. I look up at her while talking, which is funny because Jiyong does too (oh well, he’s used to a tall woman anyway).

Time passed and I have some of my invited people already. Dr. Nam and Dr. Miller will come a little late because they have a simulation to attend to. One disadvantage of being a Doctor is your social life only ranges from five to zero, never reaching a perfect ten. We cannot party that much.

“Areumie!”

Speaking of Dr. Nam, they finally arrived. As usual, she looks so laid back, so far from what most of the guests are wearing. Dr. Miller, however, is dashing in a white V-neck shirt and suit jacket. He will surely be a head turner.

“Happy Birthday!” he greeted and when I thought he’s just going to pat my shoulder, he actually pulled me for a hug.

Dr. Nam and I stared at each other while I’m still in his arms and all she can do is giggle.

“Come! I’ll show you to your table” I brushed off my uneasiness and led them to their table where our colleagues are. They greeted each other formally.

The party started with Jiyong welcoming everyone. We’re both on stage but he’s doing the talking because he’s used to it. I’m very shy to even hold a microphone.

“…let’s all have fun and enjoy the nght!” Jiyong shouted, making the crowd roar. He really knows how to throw a party and liven things up.

The moment we went down the stage, “He’s here?” he asked.

I looked at him, “Who?”

“The Doctor” his tone is so plain.

Chuckling, I pointed at my colleagues’ table, not that far from the stage. “There he is, beside Dr. Nam” I said as plainly as I can.

I’m not sure of what I’ve seen, but I think he rolled his eyes and hissed. Whatever his problem is with Dr. Miller, I surely want to know because he’s quite good at reading people and I truly trust whatever he’s going to say. Or, he’s just not so into Dr. Miller because as my only guy best friend, he doesn’t want to share the position.

Hours passed and everybody’s having a blast. Some YG and non-YG artists performed, making the night more special. You wouldn’t have any problems with entertainment when you’re surrounded by so many performers.

As for my group, we are having fun talking about work (as usual). Let’s just say that we’re the geeks in a crowd of cool people.

Dr. Nam and I excused ourselves to get drinks from the bar. Actually, I only tagged along. I cannot drink for I’m still feeding.

“She’s the girl you’re talking about?” she asked, eyes on Jiyong and his friends.

Lena and him are sitting beside each other, whispering at times and laughing like any adorable lovers. I can see the chemistry and can really feel their deep understanding of each other even when I haven’t hangout with them yet. I know my best friend, he might look so cool like he can snatch any girl, but he’s very uptight around them. But, when a girl already captured his heart, he loosens up instantly. I can confirm he’s totally comfortable with her.

Facing me, Dr. Nam looked straight into my eyes. “You’re too obvious” she said, confusing me. She chuckled, “You’re hurting like never before”

In denial, I hissed. “I’m not. In fact, I’m happy with what I’m seeing” I sound so legit but Dr. Nam doesn’t believe.

“Oh?”

“This is exactly where we are meant to be in this very moment” I said as jolly as can be, to make it more convincing.

Still wanting to get the truth out of me, “Are you really digesting what you’re seeing, well?”

Honestly speaking, I find it really weird. Maybe because I used to be in Lena’s place not long ago. We can always say that we’re best friends but we can never forget that we were once lovers. I’m a hypocrite if I say that I’m not even a bit jealous because I am. Also, I’m afraid of changes that will surely happen once they’re already official.

Fully decided to just lie, I sighed and faked a smile. “Yes. I’m good with it” I answered, and Dr. Nam rolled her eyes. I patted her shoulders. “Let’s just accept that he already fell out of love with me and fell in love with her”

Dr. Nam sighed, “Oh well, it’s all good” then she nudged me with her shoulder, “You have Dr. Miller anyway”

“You’re crazy!” I countered “Aden and I are just friends”

She hissed. “For now”, then walked back to their table.

Another hour passed that I spent inside my room, making Yong sleep. My son also enjoyed the night. While waiting for him to completely drift away, the idea of being in a relationship again suddenly came to mind.

What if I’m dating again? How will this change my life, my friendship with Jiyong, and my being a mother?

Then I realized, I had long forgotten what it felt like to love someone and to have my entire world revolve around him other than Jiyong.

My thought was disturbed when Kwon Omma walked in the room. She volunteered to watch over Yong, for me to enjoy the party more.

“Enjoy the night, Areumie” she hugged me, rubbing my back in a motherly way.

When I went back to the party, I decided to be alone in a cocktail table, far from the people who are mostly dancing to a great mix made by one of Jiyong’s DJ friends.

Until…

“Areumie!” he called out. Beside him is Lena, holding a glass of wine.

“Hi!” she greeted and I just smiled at her.

Maybe this is the moment where they’re going to tell me about their relationship. I can hear Jiyong in my head saying “Areumie, I met someone who made me begin to feel again…blah! Blah! Blah!”

“What’s up?” I played coolly.

Jiyong grinned. “Can you keep Lena company for a while? I’m just going to talk to someone”

Oh, I know this! He did this to me before with ‘K’, unfortunately it didn’t bring us closer.

“No problem!” I said warmly.

He pinched my nose. “Thank you!” and left.

What to do now?

“Your friendship is really amazing” Lena said all of a sudden.

Awkwardly, “Ah yeah. It’s already been twenty years” I told her.

Her smile is so model-ish. I’m not sure if she’s sincere or what.

“You sure know a lot about GD” she continued.

Oh, it seems like they’re not as close as I thought yet because if they are, Jiyong will ask her to scratch off GD or G-dragon and call him by his real name instead.

Proud, “Well, yes” I said and I noticed she’s looking at me intensely.

She cleared . “The baby…”

“Yong?” I asked.

She nodded. “He’s your son, right?”

“Yes”

This is getting weird.

“And GD…”

I shook my head right away. “He’s not the Father. My son calls him Appa which means Dad but he’s not his”. How will I put this? “Jiyong is just so kind to treat my son as his. You know, to kind of make him feel how it’s like to have a Father”

I hope I explained it right.

Nervously, I watched every expression she’s giving. Then she smiled, “That’s very sweet of GD” she said.

“I know” I replied.

After that, she stopped talking. I don’t know if she just want to clear Jiyong’s relationship with Yong, but it feels like it.

The air is now awkward, so awkward that I want to get away already.

“Oh!” my eyes are not fooling me. I’m seeing Jiyong and Aden talking near the buffet table, just the two of them.

What is the meaning of this? Did Jiyong leave Lena to me just to talk with Aden? Alarmed, I looked for Dr. Nam to call for rescue, but she’s too far to give a signal. As much as I want to leave, I can’t because I don’t want Lena to be alone.

This is crazy!

                                       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Dr. Jeong” he held both my hands and looked straight into my eyes “Should I tell you that I really like you?”

                                                                                                                                               ****