JIYONG

Your heart knows what it wants, and your mind can give way to it.

(Paris) Two weeks ago….

“My parents can be very intimidating at times. Both are so vocal on their opinions. Don’t show them you’re nervous or else they will make you feel worse” Lena has been talking for so long already, I cannot take another minute of it.

Slouched on the couch while watching TV, “It seems like every one in your family are bullies” I whispered to myself.

A month along our marriage and I’m still having a hard time to accept it. I still cannot believe that I can be so stupid, and that my wonderful-hard earned- life will go in ruins by booze, Las Vegas, and a girl.

“They’ll be here any minute now” she walked with so much enthusiasm to the kitchen, “Mum would be very proud of me for cooking” she said and I just nodded.

Lena’s parents are on their way to her flat to meet us (or me). This is the first time I’m going to see them. We’ve talked briefly through phone after Lena told them about our unexpected marriage. Through her, my family knew about their request for us to have a formal wedding ceremony. Her parents want it to happen as soon as possible, and even have a lot of demands, as if they’re the ones getting married. Lena said it’s the way they are. They just want their only daughter to have the best.

“I’ll open the door!” she called out upon hearing the doorbell.

She stood in front of me on the way. “You look so sloppy! Can you at least show a little interest?”

Sarcastically, I smiled widely. “Let’s get this over with” I said with a blank face.

I hate being rude to people. As a matter of fact, I’m never rude to anyone. My parents taught me good values, and I feel bad because I’m not showing any of it these days.

“Hi!” I greeted the visitors, shaking their hands.

Lena’s Mother looks so much like her, only with darker shade of blue eyes. She’s obviously thrilled to see her daughter’s husband. Her Father is a big guy. He’s not as scary as I thought he is. Maybe it’s just the big voice that made me think that.

“Finally, we met!” Mrs. Johanson patted my back “You, lucky man!” she added, and I pulled out a smile.

Mr. Blair sighed heavily, “I cannot believe my little girl is already married” he looked at his daughter with so much love as she smiled at him.

“Don’t be too dramatic, Elliot!” Mrs. Johanson countered.

Lena’s parents has been divorced for a long time already. They both re-married, giving her two families other than her own. She’s not close to any though. Her half-brother from her Mother’s side is, according to her, her mortal enemy, for they are always on each other’s throats. His half-sister from his Father, on the other hand, is too young to engage with.

“Jacob and Sid are supposed to come, but your Dad doesn’t want to” Mrs. Johanson told Lena in the middle of our meal.

Mr. Blair hissed, “They don’t have any business here” he said, coldly.

“But they want to congratulate Lena! Jacob, most especially, for he’s like her Father as well” his ex-wife’s voice is up a notch.

Lena stopped eating, “Your husband has never been anything to me Mum” she fired.

Mr. Blair chuckled. “Millie has been more of a Mother than you, Patrice”

Lena is at her breaking point. I can tell. Her hands suddenly started shaking. “Your wife is no good too, Dad” she bravely called him off.

What a meal! I’ve never been in a situation where I feel like I’m watching a live drama. I’m also afraid that they will attack each other. If that happens, I’ll definitely go nuts because I don’t know what to do.

After our meal, we awkwardly gathered in the living room and talked about the wedding plans. Of course, Lena is heading it, for she’s the only one who’s hands on.

“My dress is almost done in alterations” she said.

“I can’t wait to see it, darling!” Mrs. Johanson said in glee.

That dress. She made me like it. It’s so far from what I was picturing my bride will be. There’s just too much skin in what she chose. I keep on telling her to tone it down, but she can’t be stopped. My parents wouldn’t like it for sure.

“Jiyong’s sister is the one who picked the wedding hall. It’s the most expensive of all in Seoul” she bragged, and all I can do is sigh.

Her Mother is as thrilled as her. “How about your entourage and guests, have you finalized it already?”

Speaking of entourage, I’m yet to convince Youngbae to be my Best Man. He’s really not happy with me, that he doesn’t want to be a part of it. He said that he’ll support me all the way if I married out of love and not out of stupidity. I know where he’s coming from, so I’m not angry. Good thing Areumie agreed to be my Best Woman (the girl version of a Best Man). If she too isn’t on board I don’t know what to do anymore. I might’ve walked down the aisle feeling all alone.

“Don’t you have any guy friends, Jiyong? Do you really have to have a woman in your entourage?” Mr. Blair asked, after Lena told them about Areum being my best woman.

I sighed. “That woman is not just somebody to me. We’ve known each other for decades now. I’d rather not have this wedding if she’s not going to be a part of it”

Honesty is my only weapon against them.

Mrs. Johanson seem to know something. She and Lena has been eyeing each other while I’m talking.

“It’s just so…” she smiled a little “Unconventional, don’t you think? I mean, not always in weddings do we see a woman taking the Best Man role”

Looking at Lena, “It’s either you let me have Areum or you don’t get a groom on your wedding” I said and left the room.

After a while, I heard yelling and screaming from the living room. It seems like their family was in some kind of argument. I’m so fortunate to pull myself out of it in time.

One week after….

“Don’t you think this is too much?” Lena asked one of her friends. She’s fitting her wedding dress for the very last time before bringing it to Korea.

Maria stared at her for quite some time before chirping, “No! It’s just the right amount of cleavage!”

Truth is, I don’t know why I’m here. Aren’t I supposed to not see her dress? Oh, I forgot! That superstition only applies to couples who hasn’t been married yet. In our case, we are already, so there’s no need for secrecy. And, as if I’ll be thrilled to see her in a wedding dress. As a matter of fact, I let her do whatever she wants for the wedding, just to satisfy her and her people. If it’s me who’s planning all this, I wouldn’t prepare that much. I might even just go to the civil registry and just have our marriage registered.

“I’ll just look around” I excused myself, while the girls are so into the dress.

We are at the showroom of one of my most favorite French designers. The designer, knowing me and Lena, offered to open his showroom so that Lena doesn’t have to stress about looking for the perfect dress, given the short time that we have. I’m telling you, she went crazy because of it.

“Can I take a look at this?” I asked, after seeing a very beautiful dress.

It’s a long sleeves, V neckline, pearl beaded bodice, plunging back, sheath silhouette. I can picture Areum wearing it.

“This wedding dress isn’t in the market yet. It’s from our upcoming collection”

Perfect!

SOLD. I bought the dress and have it altered a little to fit Areumie. For the many years I’ve bought her dresses, I don’t even have to stress to buy anything without her fitting it.

“What? You bought her a dress!” Lena transformed into sweet looking Barbie to a scary one.

Not minding her at all, “Don’t worry, it’s not the same shade of white as yours” I told her, and I know I hit a nerve.

Raging in anger, “You chose her dress while you’re not even interested in mine. Jiyong! Get that girl out of your head! I’m your wife! You’re mine! She’s nothing!”

All I can hear is a spoiled brat ranting. As much as I want to feel for her, I really couldn’t.

Near to bursting out, “Areum is everything” I told her in front of her friends.

There isn’t a day when we didn’t fight over Areum. It’s starting to feel like a routine. If one day it stops, I’ll surely flip.

(Korea) One day before the wedding….

I woke up not feeling wonderful as usual. I don’t even want to look at a calendar and a clock, for I’m being slapped by the fact that after today, my wedding with Lena will happen.

“Lena and her ‘gang’ have arrived from Jeju already. They are now at the hotel” Noona told me, while we’re hanging out in the living room.

The wedding is becoming real. All this time, I think of it as a far reality, never to happen once I wake up from a bad dream. I guess I’m in it, for good.

“Areumie and Yong are on their way here”. This is probably the best thing I ever heard all morning. “She said she’s got something to tell you”

Oh, why all of a sudden I feel nervous?

“I wonder what it is” I said, anxiety rolling in.

My imagination is running wild. What if she’s about to tell me to not push through with the wedding? What if she asks me to go far away from here, with her and Yong, and start anew? Man, if these are what’s about to happen, I will not even think twice and go for it.

The moment I saw Yong being carried by Omma, my excitement spiked.

“Pa! Pa! Pa!” If only he could run to me, I’m sure he will.

Totally happy, I’m the one who ran to him and gave him a kiss and a tight hug. “Yaa…it’s only been two days since I last saw you and I feel like you’ve grown again”

It seems like kids grow faster than expected. Yong is much heavier. I don’t know how Areum can last carrying him.

“Aigoo” Appa hugged Areum. “You feel so frail”

Psh! I’ve noticed her weight loss last time and now she seemed to have lost a couple more pounds. She’s feeding Yong very well, but poorly feeds herself.

“There’s just too much work, Appa” she reasoned out, and all I can do is sigh.

Our family is once again complete. My house is lively and full of laughter. We ate together, sharing the delicious meal Omma prepared. Areum however, isn’t as energetic as she normally is. She ate small portions of everything, which made Omma wonder why, because whenever it’s her cooking, Areum won’t stop eating until she can’t take no more.

“Jiyongie….” Areum called, joining me at the balcony. Watching me, “I heard you have a bachelor’s party later” she said.

I stopped texting and turned to her. “I’m actually talking with TOP Hyung about it. I told them that I’m not in the mood”

She flicked my forehead, making me yelp. “Yah!”

“Can’t you be more enthusiastic?” she asked, receiving a hiss from me. “They are trying to make this big event in your life happier and fun. And here you are, killing it!”

I shook my head. “I don’t want this. You know that so well”

Once again, she flicked my forehead. I swear, if somebody, not Areum, do this to me, I’ll definitely throw punches.

“But you’re in it already! Look, all you got to do is it up. You cannot run away from it anymore. Pay the price of your bad decision and hope that it’ll all be worth it”

Seriously, I’m hearing this from her?

“Things would be different if you only let me fight for us” I mumbled without an intention for her to hear.

After a while, she sighed heavily. “We’ve reached the end of the road, Jiyong. It’s not that I don’t want you to fight for us. It’s realizing that we’re just going to tire ourselves if we push through. Maybe the only relationship we’re really destined to have is friendship and nothing more than that. We tried something Jiyong, but it just won’t work. Holding on to it is going to be gruesome, given your situation now, things will surely turn for the worst. Also, the longer we fight, the harder it is to maintain our friendship. I’d rather still have you around, even a little, than not have you at all”

So she heard me. I now understand where she’s coming from and in one way or another, I feel better.

“Anyway…” Areum is still serious. “I’ve got something important to tell you”

Oh, here it is!

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