I always wonder how it feels like to wake up in the morning seeing the sweetest smile of the love of your life. You know what I mean? Basically having a man around the house, maybe cooking breakfast for you because he knows you need all the rest that you can get before another day of exhausting work begins. And of course, someone you can cuddle with before starting your day for good vibes.

Oh well, I do have a man in my house right now and he’s no other than, Jiyong. He decided not to go home after another bottle of wine last night. Nope! No wine can knock him down easily, but he just doesn’t want to drive with alcohol in his system.

He’s sleeping like a log on the couch with his shirt off, pillows and duvet on the floor.

OK. Calm down ladies. Breathe.

It is a good sight, but it is not appealing to me. Don’t get me wrong, he’s got the body, the “mojo”, it’s just that I’m familiar with it, and like they say, familiar doesn’t get to you that much.

“Jiyong” I am sitting on the single couch in front of the long couch with my feet up on the center table. “Jiyong” I called again.

This is my lazy way of waking him up. The not lazy way is sitting on his back and turning on the television with its volume in full blast. It works most of the time but when he’s really tired to function, it’s useless.

Five minutes passed and I’m on to my ultimate wake up call.

Dragging myself towards him, I carefully sat on his back (when we were much younger, I just drop carelessly without worrying that his back will crack, now, I am being as careful as I can be for his bones are a little brittle already…haha!). He moves a little. As usual, he doesn’t give a damn.

“I suddenly want to watch music videos” I teased and mercilessly the television. It’s on our favorite music channel, which happens to be playing Big Bang’s Fantastic Baby that is now labeled as a classic.

“DANCE! WOOHOO!” I danced and sing along “FANTASTIC BABY!”

He wriggled and tried to shoo me away but my weight is too much for him.

“BOOM SHAKALAKA! BOOM SHAKALAKA!” at this point, I felt a little nervous. And when he pulled himself up, I found myself on the floor.

My crash landing, banging the floor, is worst than I imagined. Good thing the center table is a bit far. If not, I’m going to run to the hospital, not as a doctor but a patient.

“Karma hurts, huh?” he sat up and reached out to help me.

With my body shaken, I screamed in annoyance.

“Yaaa!!!” he pushed me playfully, “Shouldn’t I be the one who is supposed to be annoyed?”

In return, I pushed him as well. “Why do you have to push up when you can just yell at me in protest?”

Don’t worry, we don’t fight we bicker like kids and revenge like one as well.

Our morning went on with him zoning out while I review medical reports from yesterday.

“What time is your duty?” he joined me at the counter island, pulling out a stool.

Jiyong is used to being ignored by me whenever I’m working, the same goes with me as well.

Just on my second folder, “One in the afternoon till ten in the evening”. I’m already feeling tired just by saying it. “You? What time are you going to the studio?” I asked, with my eyes still glued at what I’m reading.

He sighed. “Not yet sure. Probably, early evening, like usual”

And he’s back from pulling out an all-nighter again.

“Are you excited?” I put down the folder and looked at him in full interest.

It took him a long time to answer. “I am, of course. But, I cannot help but feel nervous too, especially when it’s been two years since I’ve been in action”

Kwon Jiyong’s confidence level: 10% (very bad)

I hissed “C’mon! You can do music even while sleeping”. Ok. I’m exaggerating. “Yes, it’s been a while. But really, you never stopped. You just lessened it. And now, you’re about to go full swing again. This is going to be a piece of cake like it usually is” I patted his hand with an assuring smile on my face. “G-dragon never loses his swag, most especially, his talent” I winked at him.

It’s too much for him to handle. Grossed out, “Never do that again” he said and I stuck out my tongue out at him.

Ever since Jiyong finished his two year military duty six months ago, millions of fans have been expecting him to make a comeback after a few months of rest, but he chose to focus on his personal life first before going back to the public.

His rocky relationship (with I’m sure, you know who), came to an end (it’s a mutual decision). He was in deep pain but he didn’t let it eat him. There are times when he cries more than you can imagine a man can. We just let him. As his best friend, I shared his pain, and he’s very vocal in saying that he appreciated it.

“What are we having for breakfast?” he asked after a long time of silence.

The clock reads eight in the morning.

“Up to you” I replied with my eyes back on what I’m reading, “Do you wanna cook or just order?”

I heard him smirk from the living room. “You don’t have any to cook!” he bursts out, making me chuckle.

A trip to the grocery store is badly needed or I’ll starve.

“Get changed and let’s have breakfast somewhere” he stood up from the couch, walked towards me and snatched the folder in my hand, “This can wait, but my gurgling stomach, can’t” he said.

The only person who can make me stop from working, is him, all because he will not stop bugging me if I don’t.

In my knitted sweater and washed out pants, I slipped on my most rugged looking sneakers and run out of the apartment to catch up with Jiyong who just walked out the door without waiting for me to finish dressing up.

“Whose car are we going to use, mine or yours?” I asked as we reached the parking area. He pointed at a shiny white sports car (freshly delivered from Italy).

I squealed. “It has arrived!”

He gave a proud nod then grabbed my hand. I looked at him in surprise. “You drive” he said, then winked.

This doesn’t worry me at all. I’ve driven his Lambo for so many times in the past. That, and his new car, for sure, is not that different (I hope).

“Dope!” the smell of new leather is so good. When he settled on the passenger’s seat, “What are you going to do if I mishandle this?” I asked curiously.

He faced me with an eyebrow raised, “F.O. Friendship Over”

 “Yeah right!” I pushed him playfully and he laughed.

So, my prediction is wrong. The Lambo is tamer than the new one. Jiyong also admitted that his nerves shoots up whenever he hears the engine roaring like crazy.

We safely arrived at a coffee shop (SB) and ordered Sausage and Cheddar sandwich with Skinny Mocha. There’s no need to ask what the other wants for we eat the same food in most restaurants or cafes we go to.

“Oh!” I snapped up, surprising him.

“What?”

In mixed emotions, “I forgot to tell you!” I exclaimed, making the other customers look at our table. I pursed my lips in embarrassment, “Sorry” I said with a peace sign.

If years ago the public doesn’t know about me, now, they already know. Jiyong started introducing me to his fans through Twitter and Instagram, letting them know that there’s a girl version of Taeyang in his life. The decision is on him and even though I don’t mind being unknown, I’m grateful than their fans (Hi VIPs!), took it well. No bashing. No bad mouthing. No negativity. No hate.

“What?” he asked again with a big chunk of food in his mouth.

I wiped off some crumbs beside his mouth with a napkin then cleared my throat, “I have a date later”

He choked, “Seriously?”

Nodding, “Yes! I forgot that it is today. That instead of having my duty till ten, I’m going off by eight”

“I see” he suddenly sounded off. “So, who is this unlucky guy?” this is always his question whenever I tell him about a date.

In our twenty years of friendship, dating is always a part of our system. He started liking and courting girls in junior high, while I play as his wingman. Most of the time, it’s a failure, simply because during that time, most girls are looking for an Oppa. I, started having crushes later than him but was courted even before he started courting girls. Jiyong is my watchdog. He filters the boys and never gets them near me when they don’t pass his standards. He is so good in background checking, that he busted two boys who already have girlfriends and is still pursuing me (they were both punched by him). And of course, some people think that we’re a couple, which made us laugh all the time.

“He’s a friend of one of my nurse’s friends” I told him. I have a strong feeling that he’s going to disapprove of this.

It took sometime to register. “This is a blind date?” he asked.

Knew it! He doesn’t like the idea at all.

He sighed. “Do you want me to remind you of your recent blind date?” the tone of his voice changed.

About a few months ago, I agreed to have a blind date set up by a friend. I go for it because the guy sounds so interesting. Well, he is. It’s just that, as the night grew deeper, a bottle of wine in our system, he tried getting some from me. Of course, as a woman who doesn’t even kiss on her first date, I didn’t let him in my pants, and when I thought that he’s going to let it pass, he forced me to his car and violently handled me. Good thing I know how to use my knees, I kicked the out of his balls, making him go NUTS.

“I know Jiyongie, but….”

He will surely scold me for this.

“Maybe this time it’s different” I’m taking it slowly. I feel more nervous whenever he’s being so serious, than when I’m being scolded by my parents.

He laughed sarcastically. “You just don’t have limitations”

“Not that I don’t. Of course, I do!” I countered, “Thing is, I don’t want to let another chance slip through my fingers” my voice is softer than it usually is, “A second chance won’t kill, right?”

As if I said something ridiculous, he laughed once again. “What if it does? What if this time, you won’t have a chance to escape? What will you do?” he’s trying to make me bend.

I’ve thought more than twice before agreeing to this date, but the thought that something bad might happen again didn’t pass through.

“Look. I know that you just want to try your luck. Thing is, as your best friend” he paused “No, family, I’m afraid that something like the last time or even worse might happen. You said it so many times that you were traumatized by it, why are you pushing yourself to it again?”

Torn, “I don’t know” I said and hanged my head down, his laugh snapped me up. “What? I asked in confusion.

Reaching out for my hand, he squeezed it tightly and looked straight into my eyes “Do you really want to go?”

Here goes Kwon Jiyong’s question that fizzle the mind.

I took a deep breath and take a moment. I’m battling with myself.

“I think so” I sounded so unsure.

Jiyong let go of my hand and shook his head, “Don’t push through with it” he said in a fatherly tone, making me re-think things through.

And I found myself listening to myself again. This time, taking into mind every point on the table.

I looked at him, biting my lower lip “I’m sure”. This made him a little less skeptical. Maybe he just wants to hear me decided.

A minute passed by with him looking into my eyes, obviously weighing me. It’s not hard for him to read me anyway, he will easily know if I’m just pretending.

With a heavy sigh, he gave in. Jiyong is worried for me and it’s so clear in his eyes, but I know that he’s supporting me all the way.

“Let me check you from time to time, all right?” his only request is so caring.

I smiled at him, “Please do”

Time went by so fast. Next thing I know it, I’m preparing for work already, hoping for it to go by smoothly.

The moment I arrived at the hospital, work started right away. I was paged to do an emergency surgery of a seven year old girl who has a huge clot in her brain.

“Doctor Jeong” my co-surgeon called upon seeing me “This is going to be a long day” he said and all I can do is sigh.

Doing a brain surgery is the hardest aside from the heart. It’s the most complicated and critical of all. What’s harder is that I’m handling children.

“How are her vitals?” I asked while a nurse is working on my surgical clothes.

“Stable Doc” a nurse answered.

And we get into action. The blood clot is already covering half of the little girl’s brain and is continuously bleeding. This is beyond critical. We are running out of time. In my estimate, if we still fail in controlling the bleeding, we will lose the patient in less than an hour.

“No” I said to myself while doing everything I could to save the patient, “God, no” my heart is banging hard on my chest. The other doctors are already negative about the little girl’s survival, and I’m not. It’s still too early for this child to go.

B E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E P…..

My vision blurred of what I heard, my breathing, irregular. I gave it my all to revive her.

I am a doctor, one of the few who are used to seeing a person die.

“Doctor Jeong” Doctor Kim, the other surgeon in the room patted my shoulder, “I’m sorry”. I’m used to hearing these two painful words every time I lose a patient.

I must say, even though I’m not related to the patients, I’m hurting, all because they have their hopes in me and I failed them. Not that I don’t give it my all to save them, God knows I give more than that. But when there’s really no way out of death, I can’t do anything anymore.

Following the surgery, I attended to two emergency infant patients. I’m not in my element at all, but I have to move on. My whole afternoon is so hectic, I felt like a machine run by a motor.

“Doctor Jeong” my assistant called, bringing me back to my senses.

I shake my thoughts off and looked at her. “Yes?”

She smiled at me, the kind you can tell have sympathy to it. “Mr. Kwon is on line one”

The moment I heard that, I hurriedly took the call and with a shaky voice, “Jiyongie”

“What’s up with you?” he already know that something is not right with me just saying his name.

Like he always say, he’s family, at least one I’m comfortably close with. He doesn’t have to ask if I’m going through something, he just knows. His call means so much to me because I swear I’m losing my mind already.

“If only I can save her” I’ve told him what happened that he quietly listened to. My tears cannot stop from falling. I’m talking in between hiccups.

“I’ve done surgeries with the same case and succeeded, why did I fail this time? She’s only seven years old Jiyongie, SEVEN! An only child of a single mother. I feel so bad for the little girl is all she has” at this point, I know my body is already in a bad condition. I’m chasing my breath.

“Hey” Jiyong is already alarmed, “Areumie, you need to breathe” he instructed, but I’m too emotional to listen. “AISH!” his end becomes noisy “Hyung!” I heard him calling out, “Can I go out for a while? Areum needs me at the hospital. I’ll just check on her”

“Yah!” he yelled at me over the phone after a long silence.

After a hiccup, “I’m good” then another, “Don’t come here” then another, “Anymore”

Jiyong hung up on me.

It didn’t take long for him to reach the hospital. All I can do upon seeing him is cry harder. This isn’t the first time this happened.

“Do you want to go to the emergency?” he asked playfully while hugging me.

I hit his back lightly. “That’s going to be so ironic” I said, making him laugh.

“Look at me” he pulled out, cupped my face with both hands and stared straight into my eyes, “It’s not your fault, it’s nobody’s fault. Yes, it’s saddening, but there’s really no need for you to bawl out because maybe, it’s what’s bound to happen. You and the other doctors did your best. You didn’t give her up until the end, that’s more than what anybody can do”

His words comforted me and snapped me out of intense emotions.

No. It’s not always this miserable in every loss. There are times when I get over it after a few hours but of course, we, doctors, cannot help but to question ourselves. We were trained in some way to not get affected by every case we handle, but we’re human too. Not only that, the attachment we have to our patients is more than what it seems.

The clock strikes eight and Jiyong is still with me. I’ve done my rounds and even conducted a therapy while he waits in my office.

“Aren’t you going to your date? It’s by nine, right?” he asked while watching me do a medical abstract for one of my patients.

I looked up and shook my head, “Nope! I’m not in the mood anymore” I answered and he chuckled. “I already told Jimin about it”

He shook his head and leaned back on the couch comfortably, “Poor guy got flaked” he said.

As if this is the first time I’m flaking a date. The last was only about a month ago after knowing that the guy I’m meeting with is one of my close friends’ brother.

Areum Fact: I don’t date my friends’ brothers and even cousins. It just doesn’t feel right.

Because it’s still too early to go home, instead of extending my duty hours, Jiyong dragged me out of the hospital and brought me to our favorite place in the whole of Seoul, none other than, his parents’ house.

Here is where Dami unnie and Jiyong grew up.T he walls of it are witnesses of Kwon Jiyong’s evolution from being a kid with a runny nose and dirty three-day-old socks to being a superstar. This house has been my house for nearly two years, after my parents passed away.

Nothing much had changed except for the newly renovated kitchen. Kwon Omma is a great cook and when I was still living here, she cooks a lot for me and even sulks whenever I don’t empty my plate.

“Aigoo” Kwon Omma hugged me right away then scanned me from head to foot, “You’re not eating right again”

I must’ve gotten thinner compared to the last time she saw me.

Jiyong chuckled and hugged her, “I went to her house last night and only saw three packs of ramen in her pantry. Her refrigerator only has three eggs and few slices of American cheese and bottles of water”

Thanks Jiyong! Now Omma will lecture me AGAIN about the importance of food that I perfectly know about.

“Yah!” she looked at me with piercing eyes, “How many times do I have to tell you to not forget to store food in your house? How will you feed yourself when you’re hungry but is too tired or lazy to go out and eat?”

She’s just starting.

“You should eat as many times as you can. If possible, large amounts because you cannot work right with an empty stomach. You….”

“Omma” Jiyong butted in, “We’re starving” he rubbed his stomach “Areumie knows everything you’re saying already. Your stubborn daughter doesn’t even listen, so why bother lecturing her?”

I don’t know whether to thank him for cutting the lecture or get mad.

Yeah. In this house, I’m Jiyong’s sibling, not a best friend. Kwon Appa and Omma count me as one of their children, treating me equally like the two.

Even with only short (an hour to be specific) notice, Kwon Omma prepared delicious dishes for us. You will not starve in this house.

“I made your favorite egg roll with ham” she almost put everything on my plate, “Pajeon” she gave me more than a slice, “Oh, this!” she snapped and grabbed the pot in front of Jiyong. Putting some in a bowl, “Kimchi hot pot, also your favorite” she said with a wide smile on her face, “If only you told us earlier you’re coming, we should’ve prepared some more”

Jiyong hissed, “This is already a feast Omma. Unfortunately, it’s only made for her”

“Omo” I pushed him by the arm playfully, “So childish!” then gave him a bowl of the Kimchi hot pot. “Enjoy!” I said with a cheeky smile.

“Aigoo” he ruffled my hair, messing it up completely, “My dongsaengie”

I huffed and messed his hair as well, “Op….pa”

For the information of all, we don’t use these terms except when we’re joking around. Truth is, I’m older than him by only a few days. I was born August twelve, but even with that, he acts like the oldest and I let him be. After all, whether I hate to admit it, he’s more mature than me in many ways.

Dami unnie arrived after we called her, saying that we’re home. She’s a little pissed because we didn’t inform her earlier.

“You are so thin!” she yelled “I’ve seen you…hmm….” she paused, thinking “Only two weeks ago and you’ve gotten thinner. I bet you’re not eating well again”

Just like an hour and a half ago, Doctor Jeong Areum has been lectured again.

Like the old times, we gathered in the living room. This time, with cans of beer instead of Omma’s well cut fruits, for some catching up. Actually, there’s not much need for catching up because we update each other all the time.

I told them about what happened earlier at the hospital. I shed tears once again. They were saddened by it as well.

“You see” Kwon Appa is always the first to talk, not that there’s an order. “It’s not all the time you’re going to save a life, and you know that so well. It is very devastating, but instead of feeling bad and doubting yourself, why don’t you just pray for the mother of the little girl, that she accept her loss with a light heart. That way, you didn’t only do something to the child but to its mother as well” he finished, receiving nods from the family.

Dami unnie cleared , “Also, just think that the little girl is in a better place now, where no pain can be felt”

Kwon Omma my back like mothers do when comforting their children, “The mere fact that you did your best when chances are low is already a big thing”

You can never really go wrong with family. Yes, they are not my legitimate family, but they gave me enough love, care and support. I can never be thankful to God for making them a part of my life.

“You good now?” Jiyong appeared at the balcony where I’m at, all of a sudden.

I faced him and nodded “Thank you”

He walked closer to me, “For what?”

With a warm smile on my face, “For everything”

                                                                                                *****