Take it as it is.

Today is going to be the hardest day of my life. The man I love will get married, again, to a woman he barely knows. As difficult and painful as it is, I chose to witness their union. 1. To support Jiyong 2. To make myself realize that everything is real and none of it is just a bad dream.

I only slept for three hours, tossed and turned around in bed like a dog who’s near to giving birth. I’m not bugged by Jiyong, I am anxious to know the result of the DNA test. Dr. Miller said that it’s going to be released this morning. That’s why, before torturing my heart at Jiyong’s wedding, I’ll first know the truth behind Yong.

“Dr. Song sent it to me” Dr. Miller handed me the envelope and I got it with a shaky hand.

We are in his office. I feel so cold even when it’s really not cold. I can never be thankful enough to Dr. Miller. He has helped me a lot.

Nervously, I looked at him and received a beautiful smile. “You have two options” he leaned forward, two fingers up. “One. You open that envelope now to cut the chase. Two. You open it after the wedding, so that you can function well if it turns out that Jiyong is Yong’s biological Father”

Tough choices. Really! I’m itching to know what’s in it but at the same time, I don’t want to shut down during the wedding.

Torn, I closed my eyes, take a deep breath, exhaled heavily and put the envelope inside my bag. I choose option two.

Dr. Miller sighed, “So…” he leaned back in his seat, looking so comfortable. “Ready for later?”

I hissed. “Never been so ready in my entire darn life” I replied, sarcastically.

He laughed. “Don’t worry, I’m there. I’ll rescue you if you needed it”

Good thing Jiyong invited Dr. Miller. I have someone to turn to when things get intense.

A few hours passed and we’re getting ready for the wedding. Lots of fans are waiting outside the hotel, hoping to see even a glimpse of Jiyong and his wife. The press are all over too, though they are not allowed to cover the wedding. Only YG Entertainment has the right to share snippets of the ceremony and reception to the media. G-dragon’s wedding is a big event. People are expecting so much from him.

“You haven’t seen your dress yet, right?” Unnie asked and gave out a teasing smile, and before I can even answer, she pulled me to the other room where a beautiful dress is on a mannequin.

It’s breathtaking. The beading on its corset is impeccable. I can tell from one look that it’s very expensive.

“Tell me this is Lena’s wedding gown” I told Unnie, still in awe.

She chuckled. “Nope! It’s yours” she walked beside it and proudly showed it off. “Jiyong picked this specially for you”

The closer I look at it, the more amazing and beautiful it gets.

“This isn’t in the market yet. I checked the brand’s website and it’s not even in their VIP shop list. Meaning, you’re the first to have it before the whole world does” Unnie said, making me speechless. “Jiyong didn’t show it to you yesterday to surprise you today”

I must say, I really am surprised. He’s right. The dress that I bought is nothing to what he has.

“You won’t believe this” she led me to the make-up table and we sit on the high chairs, ready to be dolled up. “Yong will be wearing the same style of suit Jiyong will wear”

Another surprise. No wonder, the family told me strictly not to bother buying Yong’s suit anymore. I’m so sure he’s going to look so handsome in it.

“How is he doing?” I asked, while looking at her through the mirror.

“Who?” she asked.

I sighed. “Jiyong”

When Yong and I got here, Jiyong is so busy with interviews and photo shoots, so I just decided to say Hi once he’s not hectic anymore. He won’t need my help that much anyway, since he’s got Youngbae with him.

Unnie looked at me with pain in her eyes. I can see pity too. “He’s getting by. It’s so fortunate that he got his closest people here today. If not, I’m sure this wedding will turn for the worst”

“Well, we’re all here” I said, faking a smile. “He won’t have to worry about a thing”

Unnie sighed. “How about you? How are you doing?”

I bet my life in this, this won’t be the first time I’m going to be asked the same question.

Not that sure of what I’m really feeling. “I’m good” is my simple reply.

To be very honest, I don’t feel well. I’m exhausted and sleepy, and hungry. Mind you, I already had three pieces of brownies a while ago, and a plate of spaghetti that Omma ordered from room service for Yong to eat but because he’s too occupied, he didn’t even touch it.

“Oh gosh!” I gasped, while slipping on the dress. “Ugh!” I groaned. It’s impossible to get it on alone. “Unnie!” I called out from the dressing room.

Soon enough, she’s in the room and I’m almost in front of her (not that I mind).

“Aigoo” she walked towards me and suddenly became motionless.

“Unnie?”

She snapped. “Areumie, is it just me or is your stomach sticking out?”

Oh ! My bump is not visible yet, but from the side, it slightly is.

Nerves up. “I ate like a beast before all this” I reasoned out, making her laugh.

She laughed. “Let’s hope this dress got room for that stomach”, and she helped me slip in.

Thankfully, I fit in. Jiyong really know my numbers very well.

“Omo!” Unnie’s eyes are going up and down, from my head to foot. “Perfect! Seriously beautiful!”

Looking at myself in the mirror, I cannot believe what I’m seeing. I looked different. For some reason, the beading of the dress makes me glow.

The moment I walked out of the dressing room, Omma came over and hugged me. It took me a few seconds to realize that she’s crying. If there’s one person whose heart is breaking the most, it’s her. All she ever wanted is for Jiyong to be happy in all aspects of his life, but with one big mistake, it changed. She could’ve step up and get involved, but she wants her son to be responsible enough of his decisions, whether good or bad. She will be with him in his new journey, and that alone assures me Jiyong will walk the right path.

“Very beautiful!” Omma cupped my face with both hands and smiled. “Always remember that you’ll forever be my daughter” she finished, and it made me tear up.

Good thing, I didn’t break down. The wedding’s official photographer called me to Jiyong’s suite after that. Upon entering, I saw Yong and him being photographed with my son playing Jiyong’s bow tie, talking gibberish and giggling.

Then it hits me. If Jiyong is really Yong’s biological Father, I definitely screwed things up. Maybe we’re not in this situation if right from the start I know the truth.

“Yaaa…” Youngbae walked towards me, eyes big.

I shyly bowed. “Hi!”

He sighed and stared at me for good seconds. “You’re supposed to be the bride”

Playfully, I pushed him. “Let’s not go there” I said and he respected it with a smile.

After a few more shots of Jiyong and Yong, the photographer called the both of us. My son is so busy walking around to even notice me, with Appa tailing him everywhere.

“Waaa” Jiyong’s eyes are glued at me. He looks amazed. It made me wonder if my transformation is really surprising because of the sudden decent look or the dress is just too beautiful that it takes me with it.

To snap him back to his senses, “You’re right! This dress is everything my other dress is not” I told him, but his eyes are still on me.

Youngbae chuckled. “Looking at you two is like looking at a broken mirror” he said, “Very disturbing”

I turn to him. “Why is that?”

He sighed. “You’re like the couple to be married”

It seems like everyone in Jiyong’s side sees me as the bride. Well, they all have to snap out of it and get me out of the picture.

“Let’s get this done!” I said, brushing off the unnecessary feelings that have been playing me.

The photo shoot started and my feet are aching badly. Agreeing with Dami Unnie to wear five inches heels is not a good idea at all.

“Wait a minute” I hold on Jiyong’s shoulder and removed my shoes. He looked at me, still in a daze. I smiled at him. “I can’t stand it”

He chuckled. “Better change it after we’re done. I don’t want you tripping on that aisle”

Awkwardly, “Yeah” I said.

I’ll definitely change. The pregnant me cannot take it. I can’t take even a minor accident, like tripping.

“You’re stunning” Jiyong said, facing me, right after the photographer said we’re done.

I fixed his bow tie. “You look handsome” I said, and he looked away. He’s getting teary eyed.

Eager to comfort him. “I’ll just be here, right beside you”

Without hesitation, he pulled me for a hug. “I’m sorry for being so stupid. I’m sorry for breaking your heart. I’m sorry for hurting you” he is sobbing.

I hugged him back, tightly. “I’ll be fine”, then I pulled out and cupped his face with my hands, “We both, will be fine”

To be honest, there’s really no assurance that we will be fine, mainly because I’ve got secrets he’s yet to know or even might not even know.

The time has come for the ceremony to start. I haven’t seen Lena yet neither her entourage. I’m sure she looks beautiful.

“You’ll walk after the best man” the coordinator instructed.

“Wait!” I looked at Jiyong in front of me and walked towards him in a rush. He’s about to walk down the aisle, but he’s still holding Yong. “Let me have him” I said.

He shook his head. “We’re walking together”

I sighed heavily. “This is your moment. Cherish it. Give him to me” I insisted and even though Yong doesn’t want to come to me, I forced him.

Without a choice, my son and I walked together down the aisle. I looked around and saw sympathetic smiles from people Jiyong and I know. Omma is crying quietly and primly, while Unnie can’t even hold her head high. And Jiyong, he’s about breakdown, and Youngbae is the one pulling him together.

When I reached the end, I stand beside Youngbae and reach out to Jiyong. I patted his back and he catch my hand and looked at me as if begging to save him. Sadly, all I can do is smile.

Lena is really an attention seeker. Her dress is screaming in iness, that I don’t know if it’s even appropriate for a wedding. She looks very beautiful though, her eyes are sparkling and a smile is plastered on her face.

“Are you good?” Youngbae asked as we settle on our seats.

I forced smile, “Of course”

Before having a relationship with Jiyong, I’ve always imagined being in his wedding, watching him happily as he marries the woman of his dreams. What I didn’t know, is that I’m going to witness the opposite of it.

“We are here today to join Jiyong and Lena in a life of mutual commitment…” the officiant started, and reality started kicking in.

In all fairness to me, I am perfectly patched together. I wish to hold up until the end of all this.

“If any of you has reasons why these two should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace”

Upon hearing this, I felt pairs of eyes on me, which made me totally uncomfortable.

Youngbae elbowed me as if wanting me to make a noise, which I ignored. TOP, who is sitting a person away from me, poked my back, making me look at him. “Speak” he mouthed when our eyes met. Coolly, I shook my head and smiled at him.

And then, Lena turned my way, with an eyebrow raised as if telling me, “Don’t you dare”

Just to piss her off, I pretended to stand, that made her tensed, but I only straightened my dress. I saw relief all over her face after realizing that I won’t make a move.

I guess I just made the mistake of muting when I should have spoken.

When it’s time for the vows…

“Here we go” Youngbae said under his breath, and I just sighed.

“Do you, Kwon Jiyong,  take Lena Blair to be your partner in life and sharing your path, equal in love, a mirror for your true self, promising to honor and cherish, through good and bad, until death do you part?”

Silence.

…..

…..

…..

Youngbae leaned to me, “What’s with him?” he asked.

I looked at Jiyong whose head is bowed down the whole time. He’s fighting himself. I can tell.

And then, he looked at me. I smiled at him and mouthed, “I do” as if teaching him what to say.

With a heavy sigh, “I….do” he responded.

Well, there goes the man I love. Vowing to somebody, not me.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Kwon Jiyong!”

And they’re husband and wife, for the second time.

It’s just surreal that I was able to go through this in the name of love for Jiyong and the family, and our friendship. If I happen to turn my back at them early on, I will definitely regret not being here.

The reception is the grandest I’ve been in. Dami Unnie and the coordinators has done a very good job with it. The ambiance is very romantic. Each tables are well decorated with trinkets, candles, and flowers. It really is a dream reception. Lena must be very happy.

“Don’t worry about Yong. I got him tonight” Appa told me.

I giggled. “Aigoo Appa, you should enjoy yourself too”

He sighed. “Frankly, I’m not in the mood”

Sad, but Omma is not in her element too. They’ve dealt with the media a while ago and came out of it exhausted. Now, they look like they’re just doing their part in the wedding for the sake of doing it.

There are a total of three hundred people present. Over half of it are Lena’s invites. She flew each one of them to Seoul from different sides of the world just to witness her walking down the aisle. Jiyong on the other hand, invited only close friends, family and some colleagues.

“Who would’ve thought that someone would look good in only dental floss and band aid?” Dr. Miller take the seat beside me.

I laughed, hard. “Be quiet! Most of the people here are her people. They might hear you”

He looked around and smirked. “I really find her ridiculous in that dress. You look more like the bride to be honest”

I rolled my eyes. “Not you too”

He chuckled. “I swear! I think the reason why Jiyong got you that dress is for him, to at least imagine you as his bride through all of this”

Now, he’s overthinking.

The program started with Se7en and Yoo Jae Suk as emcees. They called out the newlyweds and we welcomed them with loud cheers and applause. Lena changed into another dress that is flashy as the first one. This time, it has a mesh illusion corset that shouts lingerie and honeymoon clearly. She wanted to be unique, but I think it’s too much.

I locked eyes with Jiyong when they passed by our table. He looks fine. Barely getting by.

Their first dance is hilarious. Lena is all over Jiyong like a Koala bear clinging to a eucalyptus tree, while Jiyong is just so over it.

“I can’t take her” Unnie came to me, her aura not as light as it normally is. “Areumie” she looked into my eyes and smiled, “You’re going to give a speech later, after Youngbae”

Shocked. “What? Unnie! I don’t think I can do that”

She rubbed my arm. “You can do it. It would mean the world to Jiyong”

 What am I going to say?

“Don’t stress on it too much” Dr. Miller, who just chased Yong across the hall, finally got to rest, told me.

I hanged my head down. “I don’t know what to say”

He smirked. “Speak from the heart”

Seriously? Speak from the heart? If I do this, I’ll end up giving away that Jiyong and I are exes. If I pull out words from my heart, I might ruin the night for everybody, especially the bride and her people.

So, I decided to just make it simple. A few lines is enough. I just wish that my heart won’t interrupt my mind while talking.

“The time has come to call on…” Se7en looked and smiled at me. “Jiyong’s best friend of twenty one years now. His confidant. The person that is very special to him…”

Oh gosh! Why does the introduction have to be like this?

“Let’s all give a round of applause to….Dr. Jeong Areum!”

Ok. Relax.

Standing in front of hundreds of people is so nerve-wracking. All I want to do is go down the stage again.

“Hi!” I greeted awkwardly. “I’m Areum. Jiyong’s….” I paused and look at him, who is staring at me with so much intensity. I take a breath and exhaled. “Best friend” I continued. “We’ve known each other for the longest time. We’ve lived every day together. Well, what more can I say?” I asked, still looking at him. “I truly want you to be happy. For so many years, you helped me see things I couldn’t in the past and I’m hoping you do the same thing to your wife. Your world now revolves around her, and hers around you. Your lives are no longer yours to live, but hers as well. Love her with every beat of your heart and respect her like you’ve always respected women. I wish you luck, though I know you don’t need it because I’m sure you’ll make your marriage work” I ended when I’m about to choke up already.

Then I started again.

“To the girl who married my best friend” I looked at Lena and she faked a smile. “Lena, Jiyong was a big part of my life, and now he’s a big part of yours. You now have the crown of the most important person in his life. May you love, care, and cherish him with all your heart and soul. Be his best friend from now on, until forever. He may not be the easiest person to deal with, but once you get a grip on him, you’ll know why I love him so much. You’ll see the purest and kind hearted man ever. Enjoy your life together! Make lots of babies! Welcome to the family!”

And that was it. The speech that I made just using my mind has been replaced by words from my heart. For the first time today, I felt pain.

“You okay?” Dr. Miller is closely watching me. He’s been very helpful with Yong, and always reminds me to be careful, moving around.

I nodded. “Of course!”

When the party started, I’m ready to call the day off and go home. It’s almost midnight and a pregnant woman like me shouldn’t really party. I don’t think I can even last another hour.

“Can I have this dance?” Jiyong asked, while I’m enjoying watching Dami Unnie and Yong dance.

I stared at him. “Your wife might get jealous”

He smirked. “She’s too busy to even see”

Oh yeah. Lena is still with her guests. She hasn’t mingled with Jiyong’s people yet, as a matter of fact.

“All right” I agreed and give him my hand.

With us in the middle of the dance floor, we swayed to the slow music. I must say, it feels like we’re the only ones in the hall.

“Congratulations on your wedding, Mr. Kwon!” I said, after a minute of silence and just staring at each other.

He sighed. “I’m so near to running away a while ago”

I chuckled. “Accept your new reality Jiyongie. You have her for life now”

“Believe me, I’m trying” he said.

Silence.

After a while, he chuckled, that build my curiosity. He looked at me and smirked. “It’s just funny. I danced with two girls tonight”, then he sighed and stared into my eyes, “The girl I married, and the girl I wanted to marry. It’s just so ironic”

Can we not dig things about us and just let it lay to rest forever?

“How are you and Lena doing so far?” I asked.

“We are disconnected” he replied. “It’s not been over twelve hours since the ceremony, but we’ve already argued four times”

Oh, this is bad.

I patted his shoulders. “You’ll soon get the hang of it”

Serious as he can be, Jiyong stopped swaying and I did too. He caressed my cheek with the most bitter smile I’ve seen on him. “I want you to find someone who will help you forget about the pain I’ve caused you. Promise me that you’ll be smart in choosing, unlike me”

I playfully punched him on the chest. “I will never walk on the path you’re starting to walk on. Don’t worry about me”

We danced two songs before Lena snatched him away. She’s drinking heavily. I’m sure she will be crawling out of the hall by the end of this.

A few more minutes and I decided to go home. Dr. Miller insisted to drive for us. Yong is sleeping soundly. I believe he enjoyed the party more than Jiyong did.

“!” I begin to panic.

“What is it?” he asked, glancing at me. “What?”

“My bag” I hold his arm and faced him. “I forgot it in Unnie’s suite at the hotel. The DNA result is in there”

In a rush, we drove back. I’m in panic because as far as I can remember, I scattered my things on the desk trying to find Yong’s pacifier that turned out to be with him already.

Worried, I speed off to the room. I’m not sure if Unnie is already in. If not, I’ll go to the party and look for her.

“Oh! Thank God!” The door is unlocked.

“Unnie!” I called out. “It’s Areum. I forgot something on your…”

“Hey!” Jiyong walked out of the bedroom.

Surprised, “What are you doing here?” I asked.

 He plopped himself on the single couch. “Lena is too drunk. She’s in our room already and I’m not in the mood to take care of somebody as of the moment, so I went here”

I hissed. “It’s your first night as husband and wife, you should be there, whether she’s drunk as heck or not”

He sighed. “Maybe later”

You know what I think? If only Lena is sensitive of Jiyong’s feeling, they will be able to adjust to each other well and fast.

“You got everything?” he asked, after I got my bag.

I nodded. “Yep!” then sighed in relief. “I’ll go now. Aden and Yong are waiting” I said and he stood up to walk me to the door.

“Shiz!” I dropped the bag and it wasn’t zipped. Next thing I know it, Jiyong and I are picking up my things on the floor.

My heart raced when I noticed that I haven’t get a hold of the envelope yet.

“Hmm…” I cannot find the right words to ask for it. “Ji…”

“DNA results” he showed me the envelope and there’s a print on it that says, PATERNITY DNA TESTING RESULT in bold letters.

I swallowed hard and got up. “It’s nothing” I said, my voice, shaking.

For some reason, his eyes lost its sparkle and was replaced by curiosity and confusion. “I feel weird” he said and walked under the fluorescent light and raised the envelope to see what’s written without opening it. “I see my name and Yong’s”

At this point, all I want is to disappear in thin air. Jiyong’s radar is at its finest, and he’s about to bust me.

“Give that to me” I moved closer to him and tried snatching it. “That isn’t yours!”

He looked at me and smirked, “Really?”

In a flash, he opened the envelope without my permission. Furious, “Yah! You’re invading my privacy!” I yelled.

Completely ignoring me, he reads the result while I gain composure. My body is so tired already, what’s happening now, the stress, can be a threat to my pregnancy.

“Give that!” I bolted at him and he caught me in both arms.

We see eye to eye. His are pooling in tears.

“What?” I asked nervously.

He tightened the grip on my arms. “Ouch!” I wriggled. “You’re hurting me!”

Jiyong didn’t budge, and with a heavy sigh, “Yong is my son” he said.

It made my eyes go big and my ears to ring. He stared at me, eyes piercing. “What the is this? How can you hide it from me?”

Already in tears, “Jiyong, I made a mistake”

“Mistake?” he exclaimed. “You made a mistake? Areumie, you’re smart. You’re a Doctor, and that’s your body. How can you make a freakin’ mistake?”

“Look…” Gosh! This is stressing me out. “I can explain”

Roughly, he dragged me to the couch and pushed me on it. “One minute” he said, and I gathered myself up.

“Hong Shik and I saw each other at the hospital weeks ago. His daughter is my patient. I bravely told him about Yong and he openly shared that he’s got infertility problems with only one percent chance to conceive. From there, it got me thinking, there’s a chance that all this time you must be Yong’s Father, but I’m still considering Hong Shik since one percent might work. So, to just make sure, I decided to get you both tested” I breath “I might’ve skipped my menstrual calendar, causing me to point Hong Shik as Yong’s Father and not have second thoughts that it might be you”

Silence.

And then he laughed, sarcastically. “Who’s the stupid one now?” he asked.

 I sighed. “Jiyong, now that we know the truth, can we just live with it and be normal? I mean, it’s hard. But, in your situation, I think the best way is to not tell a soul about your real relation to Yong”

Pointing a finger at me, “You’re ed up!” he yelled. “Now that I know he’s mine, there’s no way I will hide it. I want him to take my name. He’s going to be a Kwon”

“No!” I stand firmly. “You will not do that Jiyong”

“Why not?”

“Because Yong’s peace is what’s at stake here. Do you think your wife will let this one go easily?” I asked, moving my face inches closer to his. “She will ruin me and Yong. That’s for sure. She will do everything to get us out of your lives. You will ruin your son’s life. We are both ed up, Jiyong. So ed up, that I don’t know why we’re still breathing”

Tension is high. This is the first time we go head to head. I’m not going to bend. Not when it’s my son we’re talking about.

“This is insane! YOU ARE INSANE!” he throw his arms out. “Now that we know the truth, have you ever thought how good things might get if you didn’t up? Huh?” he grabbed my arm and pulled me close to him. “YOU SCREWED UP OUR LIVES! If you didn’t make a mistake. If we know right off the bat that Yong is mine, we wouldn’t break up. You will not force freedom to me. We would’ve been the ones married today”, then he looked straight into my eyes. YOU….RUINED…EVERYTHING!”

I’m openly welcoming his hurtful words, for I deserve them.

“I will do everything to be a Father to my child. I don’t care if you’re not for it. In fact…” he pushed me away that nearly knocked me on the floor. “I will file for custody if needed. This way, you won’t have any say on what to do with OUR SON”

Confidently, “Sure! Do that!”

I cannot show him any signs of weakness. I will fight all the way, and I will do everything just to keep my son with me.

“Tomorrow, things will be different” Jiyong said, and without a word, I sped off.

I made sure that he’s not following me before I head to the parking lot where the car is.

“Book us a flight to Chicago early morning tomorrow” I told Dr. Miller, the moment I settled on the passenger seat.

“Huh?”

I catch my breath. “Jiyong is Yong’s Father, and he knows it already. He’s threatening me for custody”

 “What?”

“I will not wait till that happen to make a move. I will do everything to keep our peace. I don’t care about him” I’m spitting these words out and mean them. “I want peace more than ever now. So please, take us away from here”

“All right” he reached for my hand and squeezed it lightly. “I’ll do everything for us to be able to leave in a few hours”

This is it. I’m ready to turn my back from my past. For me and my children to have peace and to start a new life, it means doing so without him by our side.

                                                ****