JIYONG

“Omo!” Daesung pointed front, “There are so many kids here!”

Youngbae chuckled, “It’s because that’s a kiddie jungle gym”

It made us laugh. But honestly, seeing children, especially the ones that are around my children’s age, is making me really emotional. Ever since we started touring again, every country we go to, I pray that I’ll bump into them or their Mother, which is quite impossible, for there are too many people in the world, but I still have my hopes up. If ever this happen, I’ll definitely be the happiest man alive. There are times when I feel like they are just around, until I tell myself not to be too caught up by my feelings because it’ll just disappoint and frustrate me in the end.

We are now in Chicago, one of the two states we’re going to hold a concert in. Our show is still five days away, but we are scheduled to do a photo shoot for a magazine and a music video filming for our upcoming comeback album, reason why we arrived days early. This trip is also my time away from Lena who went with me during our tour around Asia. Good thing her Dad is visiting Korea this week. If not, I’m sure she’s here too.

“Burgers here are the best!” one of our show’s organizers, said. “It’s a little crowded because customers from the jungle gym go here to eat”

It sure is crowded. Kids are everywhere. There’s no problem with it though, for the members and I are enjoying the chaos. It’s been a long time since we’ve been in a place like this. Usually, we go to fine-dining restaurants where all you can hear are soulful and chill music.

“Hyung, is it true that Lena will sign a contract under YG?” Seungri asked while we’re waiting for our food.

I sighed. A few months ago, Hyun Suk Hyung talked to me about Lena. According to him, she called asking if he can help bring to life her career. “I don’t have much knowledge of it. That talk is between her and Hyun Suk Hyung”

TOP Hyung smirked. “Once she signs, for sure people will think that she got in because of you”

For a year now, I keep on telling Lena to get back to modelling, for she’s very passionate about it, while she keeps on telling me that she wanted a change. If only I know that the change she’s talking about is to be managed by YG and have an acting career, I would’ve let her bum around instead. Not that it’s a big deal. Lena working means less time at home, which is good for me, but with us working in one company, she will surely have access on what I’m doing, where I’m going, it sure is going to be suffocating and draining.

“Aren’t you thinking of babies yet?” Youngbae asked randomly, making me hiss.

“I bet my whole life in this…” I swallowed hard, “You will have one first before us. We might not have any”

Seungri sighed heavily. “Why is that Hyung? Is it because she’s a model? She doesn’t want to ruin her figure?”

I shook my head. “Lena is not for it, and it’s not because she’s a model whatsoever. She’s just not into children”

The intimacy between Lena and I is close to nothing. Seriously. During our first year of marriage, we still sleep in one room together. Second year, I started moving my stuff to the guest room where I’m at up until now. She doesn’t seem to care. I don’t know, maybe she got tired of chasing after me. The care is there, but we just cannot live as one.

Also, her Mother once told me, slip of the tongue, that Lena has Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, a condition women have that makes it hard, if not impossible, for them to conceive. I tried opening it up to her, but she keeps on dropping it.

“It’s all good” TOP Hyung patted my back “You have two kids already”

Yeah. I’m so fortunate.

I chuckled. “Yep! Two” I raised two fingers. “One kid that I haven’t seen for years, and another that I’m yet to see” I told them.

He sighed. “In time, I’m sure, you will”

The rest of the members nodded. “By the time you see them, for sure you’ll be overwhelmed” Youngbae said. “Because the fact that you took part in making them will sink in”

I giggled. “It’s already overwhelming to know that they both sprung out unexpectedly” I said, making them laugh and nod in agreement.

Mind you, this is the first time that I conversed about my children this much. Maybe it’s the family vibe of the fast food we’re at that makes me feel comfortable talking about them.

“Seriously Jiyong” TOP Hyung swallowed the food in his mouth. “What if one day you see her, what will be your reaction?”

I’ve asked the same question to myself over and over again for years now.

“To be completely honest, I think I’ll not focus on her and just care about my children”

Seungri has been staring at me for a while already. I have a strong feeling that he wanted to say something but is just too shy to speak. I leaned forward and patted his shoulder. “Say it. It’s fine” I said, making him chuckle.

He smiled nervously. “Do you still have feelings for her?” he finally spitted it out. “I mean, I know it’s been years and a lot has happened, but is there, even a tinge of feelings inside of you for her?”

Oh, why did I let him ask?

It took me some time to respond. Well, I know the answer to it, but is in total denial. Or let’s just say, that I’d rather have those feelings for myself. After all, there’s no point in telling people about it.

And I just shrugged. This gesture has been my staple response to people who asked the same question.

“He still does” Youngbae butted in, surprising me. Daesung and TOP Hyung nodded with warm smiles on their faces.

“Jiyong is just hiding it deep down in him” he added, and all I can do is smirk. “We all know that Areum is his one great love”

The other members gave frightened looks when they heard Youngbae say her name. They know that I haven’t said it ever since she disappeared and never want to hear it. But, there’s just no way I’m going to start a fight with my best friend just because he said a name I cannot say.

We stopped talking about me when the organizers started laying the plans for the whole trip. I must say, the members and I are still adjusting, now that we’re back to being Big bang again.

“Your photo shoot and filming will be in two locations. Lincoln Park and Old town triangle. It starts tomorrow morning at Lincoln and afternoon at the triangle. Wednesday is a day off, as requested by Mr. Yang. Thursday will be your rehearsals, and Friday is show time!”

Upon hearing this, the members and I looked at each other, smiling and nodding in satisfaction. We are back, and just like before, we’re going to give it our all. We’ve waited long to be complete again, and the road to deciding whether to continue being a group or not is a struggle. Good thing, all of us are still in one boat. If not, there’ll be no Big Bang anymore.

Two and a half hours in and the fast food is filling up with more people. It’s getting harder to chat because of the kids playing around, shrieking and just being loud.

“I’ll go to the toilet” Seungri rushed, while TOP Hyung and I are itching to smoke already.

“Omo!” I heard Seungri from the back on our way out of the restaurant. “Hyung!” he called, catching up on me.

“Hmmm…”

He looked back and patted my shoulder, wanting my full attention. “There’s a kid that looks like you” he said, making me chuckle.

For all I know, he might’ve been seeing things. Our Maknae’s overthinking and over-imagination has gotten worst ever since he came out from the military.

“Hyung! I’m telling you, the kid I saw coming in the restaurant looks so much like when you’re young. It gave me goosebumps” Seungri keeps on bugging me.

Youngbae smirked. “Nice!”

My face is generic. I got look a-likes everywhere.

Upon reaching the hotel, my mind is on work mode. I’m going to lock myself in my room and write a song that is long due. Hyun Suk Hyung asked me to write for Lee hi, and it’s been three months since. Now that I have a lot of time in my hands, I can definitely make something for sure.

“Wait!” TOP Hyung grabbed me by the arm and pointed at the reception. “Isn’t that Areum?”

My ears ring upon hearing her name, again. I felt chills running down my spine.

“Where Hyung?” Youngbae came close.

TOP Hyung pointed at the reception again. “There. The woman wearing a white shirt” he said and I narrowed my eyes.

Screw my vision! I can’t see the woman clearly, but her side profile is kind of familiar, though I might just be imagining.

The three of us were frozen, trying hard to tell if she really is my long lost best friend and the Mother of my children. I swear, if this is the day I’m going to see her, though unprepared, I will deal with her the right way I know how.

Seriously curious, TOP Hyung decided to come a little closer. Unfortunately, the woman turned her back at us. She’s talking to a hotel staff and they seem to be talking about serious matters. After a while, they were done and she’s already on her phone, but even before we can make a step, she started running out.

“Aish!” Youngbae is pissed.

“Damn!” TOP Hyung too.

For some reason, “Areumie!” I called out, loud for her to hear.

I gasped when the woman looked back, still on her phone, but curiously and nervously looking around. I grabbed the boys to the side to hide and she went on her way.

Without a word, I dashed to the reception, followed by the boys. My blood is pumping in every inch of my body. I think I’m one step closer to my children.

“Excuse me, Miss” I’m shaking. I can’t be mistaken. The woman a while ago is her. “The woman you’re talking to just a few minutes ago, what’s her name?” Being so direct must be creeping the hotel staff out, but I can’t think of a better approach.

She looked at me weirdly, but because I’m a guest, she doesn’t have a choice but to give me an answer. “That’s Ms. Elle Yoon, Sir”

“Jiyong” Youngbae tugged me. “I think we found her. Elle is Areum’s English name”

TOP Hyung seemed torn. “But, her surname is Jeong not Yoon. It can just be coincidence that they have the same name”

“No, Hyung” I butted in. “That woman can be her. Maybe she’s now married”

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