Jiyongie,

                I just read your letter and remembered that I haven’t written back to any of it before (Yeah, blame it on my laziness). I’m sorry for that. Honestly, I really don’t know what to write, all because you’ve written yours so well that no words can even define how it made me feel. But, I’ll try…

                First off, I am very touched for all the efforts you’ve done just to make my pregnancy light and fun. Thank you, for always being there for me even when you have your own load of problems and hardships. Thank you, for loving me enough, making me feel whole even when I’m technically, not. I’m sure my parents are very happy and grateful to you because you stick to your promise to them on their graves that they don’t need to worry about me for you’re going to be with me in every step of the way. Thank you, for putting me in my place whenever I’m insanely stubborn (I know it gets the best of you). Thank you, for loving me despite all my flaws. My insecurity gets to me always, but you’re there to lift me up when life was discouraging. I cannot imagine those moments without you. I must’ve gone insane already. Thank you, for going out of your way every time just to save my sanity (I appreciate it very much).

                You’ve seen me at my worst and didn’t love me less. You’ve seen me at the best moments of my life and celebrated me. I know it’s exhausting to be my best friend more than being yours, but your patience is limitless, it never runs out when I’m being out of hand. You say, I know you better than  you know yourself. Well, you knew me better than I ever knew myself. It sometimes freaks me out whenever you can read what’s in my head with just one plain look and instantly push the right buttons to ease me. I am so lucky to have you in my life and to see every side of you that only a few are allowed to see. I may never level to your goodness and may not reciprocate the love at times, but I want you to always remember that you are appreciated.

                And, in behalf of Yong and myself, we thank you, for being our family. This new chapter of my life, I must admit, is scary, but I’m confident that I’ll get through it because I have you by my side. I am stronger than ever because of your unconditional love. From the bottom of my heart, I LOVE YOU!

PS: Please don’t make it awkward for me too. Just smile at me as a way to say Thank You.

                                                                                                                                                                             Always thankful,

                                                                             Areumie

 

There are times when you thought you’re alone just to be reminded that you’re not, by the people who matters. No man is an island, we need one another to go through this crazy thing called LIFE.

The moment I woke up, I immediately headed out to the living room to leave my letter for Jiyong on the table where his car key is. Fortunately, he hasn’t left for work yet.

I had the best sleep with my best friend’s wonderful words, not only in my mind but also in my heart. I don’t know what I did in my past life to have someone like him, but I’m very thankful. Sometimes I can’t help but think, maybe the reason why our paths crossed is because we’re going to be a big help to each other. Well, at least he is to me.

“Omo!” he jumped in surprise when he saw me walking back to my room.

I smiled at him. “Hey! Good Morning!”

For some reason, he burst out laughing. “Good Morning! You’re up a little early” he said and I nodded.

“You’re going now?” I asked, walking towards him.

He checks his phone. “Manager hyung will pick me up in a few minutes. Why?”

I shook my head. “Nothing”

Shoot! He won’t be using his car. How is he going to see the letter? If I’m going to give it personally, I’m sure it’s going to be awkward. But, there’s no way he’ll see it.

“mmm…” I walked to the table and got the letter. Shyly, I extended my hand to him.

He looked at it in confusion. “What is that? A bill?”

Oh yeah Jiyong, it’s the electrical bill.

I rolled my eyes. “It’s not”. Without eye contact, “I wrote you a letter” I said, almost in a whisper.

His eyes sparkled in a snap and his face lit up. I can say that, I somehow made his day.

Obviously giddy and anxious of what’s written, he got the letter from me and was about to open it when his phone rang. It’s his manager who is probably outside of the building already.

“Just a second hyung” he told him.

I wonder what he’s going to do.

“You know, just read it in the car. You must be running late” I said, but instead of doing so, he sat on the couch, feet up, and pointed at the empty space beside him, “Sit here”

With arms across my chest, I shook my head. “No. You’re not going to read it in front of me. It’s better if you’re alone”

“OK” he said plainly and excitedly opened the envelope.

To save myself from embarrassment and awkwardness, I dashed back to my room and even locked the door in case he trips on barging in to say Thank You.

I don’t know what’s with us, but the other saying Thank You is really awkward, especially when someone just did something very touching, like writing a heartwarming letter.

From the time I went in, I paced back and forth in front of the door. My back is aching again. My stomach is exceptionally heavy, making it so hard to balance. There was even a time when I feel like I’m going to fall, face first because my front is too heavy for me.

Minutes after, I heard a knock on my door. “You’re leaving now?” I asked, without opening it.

“Open up!” he said and annoyingly knocked, over and over again.

This is what I hate most in having a best friend, he knows how to tick you off. I don’t have a choice but to give in to him for the sake of my sanity.

When I opened it, there he was, standing in front of me with the widest smile I’ve ever seen. After a while, he crouched down, face leveled to my stomach, and it gently. “Yongie-ah, Jiyongie Samchon loves you so much”

I’m not going to lie, I felt my body tingle upon hearing it as if he’s talking to me. But more than that, my heart is melting because this is such a beautiful moment.

“Aigoo” I felt the baby kicked and I’m sure Jiyong does too because his hand is right where it kicked.

He giggled. “I know, you love me too”

Unconsciously, “Yeah” I said, making the both of us freeze in place.

There’s nothing more awkward than this. Seriously, I should’ve just bit my tongue.

“mmm…” the air is stuffy. My head is empty. “Aren’t you leaving yet? Manager Oppa must be growing a beard now, waiting for you”

It made him laugh. “Alright, I’m leaving” he said and hugged me tightly.

That morning, all I can think about is my unconscious reply to Jiyong. To be honest, there are times when fighting my real emotions is hard. I used to deny it even to myself that I only love him now as a best friend, a family, but deep down I know I still love him more than that. Call me a hypocrite, but I’ll fight it until the end, to not screw things up anymore.

In the afternoon, Dami Unnie and I decided to have a movie marathon. What’s funny is, she agreed to watch horror movies when Kwon Appa and Omma strictly told us that I’m not allowed to, while I’m pregnant (they have this belief that the baby will feel frightened and it will be stressed). Of course, as a Doctor, my belief is different.

“Omo! Omo! Omo!” Unnie is so into the movie that her composure is shaken.

While deliciously munching on the butter popcorn we bought at the nearby convenience store, “Oh! Jiyong is calling!” I reached for my phone on the center table and with greasy fingers, tapped answer.

“OMOOOOO!!!” Unnie screamed right after.

“Einstein! What’s going on? YAH!” Jiyong on the other end, is freaking out.

Moving to my room from the living room, I settled on my bed and comfortably lay down.

“Yah!” he yelled once more.

I giggled. “Lower your volume. I’m fine” I told him.

He’s not convinced. “Seriously, c’mon, tell me what’s going on”

I sighed. “I swear, I’m fine. Unnie and I are watching a horror movie and she kind of gotten so into it”

“Yah!” another yelling, “Didn’t I tell you not to watch horror movies?”

Kill me.

“Yes, but there’s really nothing for us to watch. I don’t want drama for I’m already a living drama movie. After all, the movies we watched are not that scary”

Finally, the yelling stopped. “I don’t understand. You hate watching horror movies. You can last gore but not horror”

The weirdness of a pregnant woman is really unpredictable. One day I’m good with something I don’t before, the next there’s a different thing I want again. It’s crazy!

“What made you call?” I asked, after he calmed down.

“Well, an idea popped in my head on the way to rehearsals” his voice changed in a split second. From dead worried to mad, to excitement. “You know Jang Jong Hyun Hyung, right?”

He’s a well-known photographer.

“Yes. What about him?” I said. I’m so close to falling asleep already. My eyes just want to shut.

“I’m going to pick you up at around seven and we’ll go to his studio for your maternity photoshoot”

The moment I heard that, my senses awakened. I can already imagine how awkward I’ll be in front of the camera. Yes, these maternity photoshoots are so ‘in’ right now, but it’s not for me.

“Jiyongie, you know so well that I have the title of ‘the most awkward smile’ in pictures. How do you think will I be able to handle that kind of photoshoot?”

This is driving me nuts.

He sighed. “I expected this reaction but you’re already booked, so just it up and enjoy. After all, everybody’s doing it! Have you seen maternity photos before?”

I rolled my eyes and sighed. “Yes. They’re all over social media. My friends have them”

“And what do you think about it?” he asked, trying so hard to lure me in.

“Beautiful, but definitely not for me” I answered.

Totally ignoring me, “Be ready by seven. See you!” then he hanged up.

I.N.S.A.N.E! Jiyong is pushing boundaries here and I can’t get a grip of it.

After that call and setting aside the maternity photoshoot, I fell asleep and was awakened by a scary dream that really shook me to the core.

As planned, Jiyong picked me up on time, with me still scared because of my dream. I didn’t tell him about it, for he’ll just scold the heck out of me coz of watching horror movies.

Nope! I’m not easy to scare and I can sleep after a horror movie, but for some reason today, I’m really shaken by it and I’m starting to worry.

In the studio, an all-white set is waiting for us. I don’t know what to expect, but this is not how I pictured it to be. Oh well, I’ll just trust Jiyong and Jang Jong Hyun with this. I’m sure they know what to do. I’m just nervous of what I will do.

“Aigoo” Jang Jong Hyun said upon seeing me.

This photographer is BIG TIME. He’s almost like Big Bang’s official photographer, for he’s always the one behind their beautiful magazine, album, and photo book photos.

“The last time we saw each other was during Jiyong’s photoshoot before enlistment” he said after we shake hands.

I nodded. “It’s been a long time”

After a short chat, he already explained the concept of the shoot to me. He and Jiyong have discussed about just this afternoon.

So, this is how it’ll go: the reason why the set is bare is because the main focus of the shoot is me (no amazing props and colorful background), which means that I have to do well for all this effort to be worth it.

“Try this” Jiyong handed me a soft chiffon royal blue dress that hugs my body well.

Satisfied, “I love it!”

And it begins!

Of course, at first I’m so stiff and undeniably awkward, but after a few shots I got the hang of it.

I feel like Barbie, being dressed with beautiful dresses and have a stunning hair and make-up. As much as possible, we want my look to be natural, but the coordi unnies are so fond of dolling me up that they convinced me to step things up a notch.

“Is this really needed?” I asked Jiyong who is my stylist for tonight.

He take a good look at me. “Yes. This is how you show your baby bump”

I’m only in a black lace underwear, bra-less, and just wearing a silk white long flow robe. I feel like I’m going to be posing for the maternity version of Playboy magazine.

Nervous and shy, I stand in front of the camera with a total of six people waiting for some action. I gave them a good one with some clothes on but with almost nothing, I don’t even know if I can move a muscle.

“Just think that we’re not here” Jang Jong Hyun said.

As if!

“Can I get a shot of Vodka?” I joked, making them laugh.

Unable to do anything for this certain set not to push through, I brushed off my inhibitions and just do what is asked of me.

“Wait”. More confident than ever, I removed the robe, cupping my s with my hands to cover. “This might be better”

I’m telling you, Jiyong’s jaw dropped and his eyes almost popped out at that moment. He even blushed looking at me.

“These photos are all beautiful” Jang Jong Hyun said while browsing every frames. “I don’t know what to put on the photo album. They’re just all so worth it”

Compliments. Oooh. Stop! I might get used to it.

The shoot ended with me feeling really exhausted. Jiyong and I headed home right after and just decided to have food delivery than eat out. He sure had a long day and I’m so tired from posing in front of the camera for a few hours.

“I told you it was going to be fun” he is once again proud of himself.

I sighed in defeat. “You’re right. It was”

“You outdid yourself out there” he said, making me smile.

“Stop it” I said before he say anything else. And then, “My s are bigger than life. Don’t you think?”

His face went blank. He shrugged. “I guess it’s your new normal”

Torn if I should be happy or not (I’ve always wanted my s to be a cup larger but not a couple of cups bigger), “Yeah, it’s filling up with milk already”

Ok. Stop right there. Zip it, Areumie.

This kind of talk is not good, especially for me.

You want to know a fact? Women are hornier when pregnant than usual. We are on a stage where hormones are wrecking us pretty well.

We decided to rest after dinner. He went to bed early and I did too. Thing is, I cannot sleep and it’s past midnight already.

“AISH!” Giving in, I crawled out of bed and barged in Jiyong’s room.

As usual, his room is as cold as the North Pole. It’s so dark, leaving me with no choice but to flick the switch. He’s already sleeping like a log with big pillows surrounding him.

Carefully and gently, I shook him by the shoulder (if I do it roughly, I’m afraid he might punch me and that’s going to turnout badly). “Jiyongie” I called “Jiyongie”

Moving away, “Hmm…”

Chasing him, “I can’t sleep”

Fortunately, he opened one eye. “Huh?”

I sighed. “I can’t sleep. Damn those horror movies!”

It made him laugh. “Scare-dy cat” he teased and moved his pillows away to give me space beside him.

“Can we leave the lights on?” This is a huge favor because he can’t sleep with even a bit of light peeking in.

Without a word, he just buried his face on a pillow.

“Thank you” I said.

He chuckled. “Aigoo”, he slide his arm under my nape, spooning me perfectly. “Sleep now. It’s so late” he whispered, then wrapped his other arm around me.

                                                  ~~~~

“My water just broke!” I said in shock. “JIYONGIE!”

                                                                                                                                                      ****