There are moments in our lives where we wish for things that are too hard to get but still we do. We hold onto it because it gives us something to look forward to. The hope it brings makes us faithful. After all, there’s nothing wrong in wishing, hoping and waiting. If it’s really meant to be given, it will be given.

My back is aching once again. I’m seven months in my pregnancy and my stomach is bigger, like an inflated balloon. The baby is moving around – reason why I woke up.

Ever since I knew its gender, I always think that the reason why he’s moving too much like a crazy fish in salt water or kicking so hard is because he’s a boy, and we all know how boys are, they play hard sometimes without mercy.

“Aigoo” I walked out of my room and headed to the kitchen (it’s like a routine already).

“Morning!”

Jiyong surprised me. He’s already back from Japan. I was expecting him to extend for another week. You know, to be with his friends there and unwind.

“Yah!” I yelled “Do you want me to give birth early? You shouldn’t surprise me like that!”

He laughed (his girly laugh – almost soundless with the back of his hand covering his mouth) “I’m sorry”

I hissed and walked beside him, in front of the burners. “What are you cooking?”

He faced me, leaning on the counter and sighed. “Pumpkin soup. Omma told me that it’s your favorite breakfast as of the moment”

I don’t know with other pregnant women, but my palette changes every time. One day I love sausages, the next chicken stew (which is so heavy that it’ll leave you bloated all morning). These past few days, I’m so into pumpkin soup that Kwon Appa jokes about the baby coming out orange because off too much pumpkin. Hilarious, right?

“I want it creamy” I said while looking at it.

Jiyong gently tugged me away from the burners. “Yah! Your stomach is too close” he yelled, making me roll my eyes.

It must be too much caffeine, but he gets nervous easily these days. Actually, he’s so protective of me to the point that he watches every move I make (whenever he’s at home).There was even a time when he waited outside the bathroom until I’m done doing my thing (#2) because my stomach suddenly hurt (it’s just full of gas). I also feel like a child with bed time for he always makes me sleep before ten.

“He’s at it again” I said while sitting on a stool at the island counter.

“Maybe he’s already hungry” he said and stood in front of me. He touched my stomach and it gently. “Aigoo. Yongie-ah, are you hungry?”

Yong means Dragon. It’s my baby’s name given by none other than Kwon Jiyong who volunteered with all his heart to name my baby. According to him, he wants my son to be as cool as a dragon and be as magical. Well, I know he named him after him, and I’m not complaining.

“Hungry or not, he moves like crazy. Always!” I said, and he laughed out loud.

Bending over, his face close to my stomach, “Crazy isn’t bad little man”, he talked to it as if talking to him personally.

Ok. I admit, these gestures are so sweet, too sweet, I need to remind myself at times that I’m not carrying his baby. He might not say it, but I know he gets confused too.

Thinking of it, I should be thanking Jiyong for treating my child as his. That even this early, I’m sure that he’s going to have at least a Father figure, and in one way or the other, he won’t long for the real one as much.

“Ah!” for some reason, Jiyong hurried out of the kitchen, leaving me with another bowl of soup (I’m on my second already).

After a while, he appeared with paper bags in hand, and we’re not talking two or three only, there are a lot!

“You went shopping in Japan” I said when he placed them on a chair.

The wide smile on his face tells me how excited he is to show everything to me. I guess he treated himself to a shopping spree once again (he does this every time he’s stressed).

First up is the Armani bag.

“Tada!”

He pulled out a small box and excitedly danced like a child on Christmas day while opening it.

“Waaa!!!” my jaw dropped.

It’s a white pre-walker shoes for the baby that looks so expensive.

“Jiyongie, seriously…”

He didn’t let me finish. Instead, he grabbed another bag. This time, it’s Dolce and Gabbana.

“Another pre-walkers” I said in awe.

“Different style and color. Isn’t it cute?” Jiyong is getting more and more excited by the minute. It’s exciting me as well.

Bags after bags and my baby looked like he’s going to have a full closet by the time he goes out of the world.

“Look at this. I swear! You’ll love this!” he pulled out a turquoise newborn overall and beanie, both printed with a teddy bear on it.

My heart skipped a beat in excitement. All of a sudden, the realization that we’re only counting a few months till the baby comes out, hits me.

“I got him almost everything, even a baby lotion and cologne. What’s so cool about it is, we’re going to have the same scent, his will only be lighter and more baby-ish. Too bad most of my favorite brands doesn’t have a collection for newborns, but no worries because once he’s old enough to wear their clothes, I’m going to take him shopping and we’ll buy whatever he likes”

Just like that, all I needed is directly in front of me, including Jiyong who is so generous and kind. As much as I don’t want him to spoil my child, I’m grateful because he’ll have someone he can relate to while growing up. My best friend is making this journey so smooth for me.

Morning passed with the two of us just bumming around. We watched our favorite drama over a bag of organic chips Dami Unnie bought for me (it’s nothing compared to legit chips. Healthy really tastes like air). Lunch time, we decided to order food from one of our favorite small-time restaurants in all of Mapo-gu. Drag is, I lost my appetite in the middle of eating just because I’m pregnant and that’s how it is.

“One more bite and I won’t force you anymore” he said, a spoonful in front of my closed lips. “C’mon! You’re the one who ordered this, even saying that it’s all you ever wanted to eat and here you are, only taking a few bites”

Pushy Jiyong strikes again. One spoonful was followed by another, until my bowl is squeaky clean. He insisted when I told him that I can feed myself and for some reason, I feel really good with him feeding me.

“Einstein!” Jiyong called, peeking in my room.

I just woke up from my afternoon nap. Back aching again, but feeling energized.

Rubbing my eyes, “mmm…”

He walked in and sit on the edge of my bed. “Your back’s hurting again?” he asked and I nodded. “Aigoo” Naturally, he crawls beside me “Sit up. I’m going to give you a massage”

Kwon Jiyong’s gentle hands ran through my back. Pressure just right. It feels refreshing. Usually, Kwon Omma does it for me, and it never fails to make me feel better.

“Ah!” Jiyong stopped. “Remember my friend Yuna?”

I turned to him carefully. “The interior designer”. Well, I only know her by name and through his stories, but I haven’t met her personally yet.

He nodded. Once again, there’s a twinkle of excitement in his eyes. “She’s coming over”, then looked at the clock, “In an hour”

Looks like he’s tripping on re-decorating his apartment again. Oh well, I think it’s about time for it’s been years already since the last.

“What are you planning to do?” I asked.

A smile appeared on his face that made me curious.

“Don’t tell me you bought another apartment” I said.

He sighed in frustration. “I’ll have my old closet room turned into a nursery”

My eyes almost popped out of its sockets in surprise. I thought we’re clear that I’ll only live with him for the rest of my pregnancy until a few months after giving birth.

“Yah! It’s just going to be a waste of money”

He rasied an eyebrow. “And why is that?”

Seriously?

“Jiyongie” I touched his arm and looked at him warmly. “Thank you for all the effort, but there’s really no need for that. In case you’ve forgotten, the baby and I will only stay here for a few months. Three months max, then we’ll move back to my apartment”

The air turned dull all of a sudden. Disappointment all over his face.

“But still, I want to have a nursery for Yong here” he insisted and all I can do is stare at him. “I will also tell Yuna to do the nursery in your apartment. That way, you wouldn’t have to stress over it anymore”

My heart and mind are battling again. One loves the whole idea, while the other doesn’t, for it’s too much. He shouldn’t be spending like this just for me and my child.

“It’s too much Jiyongie”. My mind won. “You don’t have to spend so much, you know”

And this, my friends, is what I’m preventing to happen. I don’t want him to take responsibility of the baby because it’s just not right. Yeah. I let him buy things, I even let him name it, but spending more than what’s needed is beyond.

“Areumie” he reached for my hand and hold it “Please, let me be”

He’s even begging!

“You see” he take a breath and smiled “This is my way of showing you how much I love you. I am contented in loving you like this”

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