What do you do when you’re torn between what you feel and what others feed you? Some, confide to their closest people and most likely go by what they heard from them. But, what if this time, you want to go by what you hear yourself saying?

Well, I’m one of the ‘some’ and I want to try listening to myself even for just one time. Drag is, I’m afraid to fail. I’m afraid that at the end of the day, things will fallout even before it shape, then I’ll come running to that closest person saying, ‘You’re right! I was wrong. I should’ve listened to you’.

“Ji…yong” I am totally surprised to see him the moment Hong Shik and I stepped out of the bar. He’s leaning on his car, looking so much like a celebrity, with his arms across his chest. There are people surrounding him, but no one’s coming to him for a photo or something.

This is not the first time this happened. Usually, he only shows up whenever I ask for backup, and I cannot remember doing it the whole night.

Hong Shik who is stunned, which I think is normal, especially when you’re in front of a well-known personality who shares the same passion as you (I feel the same whenever I see doctors who are big names in our field of work). I pulled him to Jiyong. “Hmmm….” I looked at him and smiled. “This is Jiyong” I introduced.

I never introduced Jiyong as G-dragon. He doesn’t like it.

I don’t know why, but I felt a little tension when Jiyong’s expression didn’t change. He just stared at Hong Shik.

Under his breath, “Nice to meet you”. He extended his arm. His smile, chicly (very G-dragon-ish)

“Waa” Hong Shik seemed to be in awe. He must be a fan of Big Bang, because the twinkle in his eyes is different. “Nice to meet you Sunbaenim”. He bowed lower than ninety degs (I think, almost reaching the floor), showing respect.

In return, Jiyong bowed to him as well, almost the same level.

Awkward silence.

The three of us are just looking at each other. Jiyong’s eyes keeps going back and forth to me then to Hong Shik. He even looked at me as if he’s seeing beyond my eyes. I, am thinking of what to say or do next.

“Aren’t you going home yet?” Jiyong broke his silence then looked at his watch. Showing it to me, “Quarter to one” he said.

I’m dead! It looks like I’ll be working while fighting sleepiness once again, which I hate for even if I function well, by the end of my shift,  I will feel so exhausted to the point that all I’m going to do is sleep the rest of the day off.

Not wanting to leave but has to, I faced Hong Shik and smiled. “I’ll go ahead”. The look on his face is like telling me ‘No! Don’t go!’

Nodding his head, “All right”. He gripped my shoulder lightly, as if massaging it. “Talk to you later”. His voice is manlier all of a sudden (a major turn on). I touched his arm, smiling cutely (you know, the kind that girls give whenever they’re in front of someone they like). “OK”. I sounded like a teenager. I’m doing weird things, which is really not so me.

We’re staring at each other with flirty smiles on our faces. Until, Jiyong cleared his throat and grabbed me by the arm. “Take care, man!” he pulled me closer to him and saluted casually at Hong Shik.

Just to clear things up, Jiyong is not jealous. Not a bit. This is him, being impatient and sick of the cheesiness he’s seeing. He always used to get in the way with me and Soo Hyuk before. There was even a time when he insisted on being our chaperone on a date in Daejeon (I was left out by the two. Oh well, they enjoyed themselves so much anyway).

In his car, on our way to my apartment. “How did you know where I was?” I adjusted my seatbelt, get into a comfortable position and faced him. He glanced at me. “It seems like you really enjoyed the night” he said, ignoring me. Then he smirked, “Typically, whenever you get bored on a date, all you do is check your phone and look for something that will entertain you, but tonight seems fun”

In a hurry, I pulled my phone out of my purse and gasped the moment the light .

*20 MESSAGES*

*15 MISSED CALLS*

“Seriously?” I looked at him in disbelief and he just hissed. “What’s going on?” I asked, while reading each one of his messages.

(Message 1) FROM JIYONGIE:

                                Did you go to the date?

(Message 2) FROM JIYONGIE:

                                Yah! Don’t dress up too flashy, but don’t go looking like you’re going to church.

(Message 3) FROM JIYONGIE:

                                Are you already there? If you are, please reply.

(Message 4) FROM JIYONGIE:

                                Yah! Why aren’t you replying?

(Message 10) FROM JIYONGIE:

                                What time do you think are you going home? My recording will wrap up in a few minutes. I am thinking of going there.

(Message 15) FROM JIYONGIE:

                                Am here at Yogiga and couldn’t find you. I even looked for the manager just to ask if Hong Shik performed. He said yes, and it finished                                     an hour ago. Now, where are you? Are you still with him?

(Message 16) FROM JIYONGIE:

                                Went to your apartment. I see you left your car. I thought you’re bringing it with you? I’m sure you’re going home alone coz I’m sure you                                   will not let him drive you home.

(Message 17) FROM JIYONGIE:

                                Where in hell are you?

(Message 18) FROM JIYONGIE:

                                Seriously? Are you so engrossed with your date that you forgot about your phone already?

(Message 20) FROM JIYONGIE:

                                Found you. I’m here outside. It’s already late, shouldn’t you be going home now? You freakin’ worried me!

“Jiyongie”. I hooked my arm on his and rested my head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I know I should’ve told you that we’re going to another bar, and checked my phone from time to time”

He take in a deep breath and exhaled heavily. “Thank God for tracking apps. If not, police will surely search for you”

Woah! That’s major. It melted my heart though. He really cares for me a lot, more than expected and asked of him.

We reached my apartment almost two in the morning already. I dashed to the kitchen right away to find something to munch, because my stomach is roaring in hunger.

“He didn’t feed you?” Jiyong asked while sitting on a tall stool at the counter island. I grabbed my left over egg rolls and kimchi friend rice from last night, put them in a plate and slipped it in the microwave. “I ate on the way to the bar. Bought a clubhouse sandwich coz I’m starving to death already. He offered me food, saying I can order anything on the menu, but since I’m already full, I just got a Shirley Temple”

Jiyong pointed at a wine glass then at the refrigerator. I got it right away. He wanted to drink. So, I grabbed two glasses and pulled out a bottle of rose wine (another favorite), but he gave back the other wine glass “Don’t drink anymore” he said, and I put it back to its place like an obedient kid.

While pouring wine in his glass, “You know the one thing that keeps me sane whenever you go on dates without me?” he asked and chug the wine.

“What?”

He smiled widely. “Your strict cocktails rule”. I smirked. “To be honest, sometimes I feel like I should scratch that rule off my list already, because when I made it, I was in my early twenties, afraid to screw up, but now that I’m thirty, I think it’s time to let loose. You know, shed my stiffness and be more fun”

The way he looked at me after hearing that easily tells me he didn’t like it. Jiyong is not tight nor conservative to his ex-girlfriends, even to Dami unnie and the girls he’s close with, except for ME. There are times when I’m so confident to rock the night out in low neck dresses just to be pushed back in my room to change into something covered. Or, the time I spent the night roaming around the city with a guy friend to only be fetched by him at exactly twelve o’clock. I don’t have any complaints, but it’s so much better if he’ll loosen my leash even a little.

“There’s nothing to change. Really!” he expressed. “Those rules are what’s keeping you intact, Einstein. Not that I’m saying you’re going to breakout once you drop them, but there’s really no need for it”. His voice softens. “You are doing just fine”

Maybe he’s right. There’s no need for me to drop my rules, especially when it’s keeping me on track. After all, I’m sure there are other ways to let loose and be fun. That, I’m yet to figure out.

The clock is ticking way too fast that I decided to just accept the burdensome fact that I will go to work without much sleep. Jiyong and I are having a good time talking with only him drinking, it’s impossible to stop.

“So…” he finished half glass and swallowed hard “He’s that good” he said, after I told him about Hong Shik’s performance. I nodded proudly. “Oh!” my stomach flipped in excitement. “He sang Butterfly! He put flare to it, making it sound new”

“Really? I suddenly want to hear it”.

 I think he’s interested.

One thing Jiyong loves the most is, hearing different covers of his songs and Big Bang’s, because it sounds refreshing. Also, it proves how versatile their songs can be.

“I have a strong feeling that you guys are going to be good friends” I said, smiling while picturing them jamming.  “What made you say that?” he suddenly looked serious. I cleared my throat. “One, you share the same passion. Two, he is nice. Three….”

“I don’t have a choice coz he’s going to be your man, whether I like him or not” he butted in. “And I just want to say, we’re not just sharing one passion…”

Clueless. “Huh?”

Looking into my eyes, “We’re also sharing you”

                                                                                                ******