Is this real? Is Jiyong really in front of me?

Choked up, I forced my brain to function. I need to think clearly to have some sense. Wow! This is a surprise. A massive one.

With an unsure smile, “Hi!” I greeted, trying to sound and look as if it’s not our first time seeing each other in years.

Playing it cool as well, “Hello” he greeted back.

Awkward silence.

What to do now? This is just too sudden that no matter how I tell myself it’s all real, it just won’t register.

Gosh! Jiyong is still so handsome. Manlier, actually. His hair in its natural color, black, and he’s wearing a plain white shirt that looks tattered but for sure is designer. His jeans are ripped, showing his knees. And, he’s wearing mandals (man-sandals). He’s giving off the celebrity vibe that he always has. Also, he still smells familiar, a mix of expensive perfume and cigarette.

I was pulled out of my head when I felt a tug. It’s Ethan, tugging my shirt. I looked at him, smiling, but deep inside I’m nervously dying. “Who is he Mom?” he asked, pointing at the stranger in front of him that is his Father.

Emma made her way in front of me. Jiyong’s eyes landed on her with amazement in his eyes. “Are  you here for delivery, Mister?” she asked him.

Well, now Jiyong knows that we’ve created another human. He doesn’t look as shocked as I expected, but his eyes are enough to tell me that he’s overwhelmed. Maybe it’s because looking at Emma feels like he’s looking in the mirror.

“The mail arrives in the morning” our daughter continue figuring him out. “Maybe you’re a repair man!” she exclaimed, pointing at Jiyong. Then she looked up at me, “Mom, did you break the faucet again? Is it leaking again?” her high-pitched voice surely melted her Father’s heart, because mine does every time. To Jiyong, “Our Mom breaks the faucet all the time. Just a few days ago, we can’t use it because it’s leaking. It flooded our…”

I covered with my hand. And as silly as she is, she stick out her tongue over and over again for me to remove it away from her.

I’m taking so long to introduce him, mainly because I don’t know how to.  “Kids” I finally got a grip of myself, “This is your….” Oh, I slipped off again. Dang!

Should I tell them right away that he’s their Father? Aren’t they going to be confused that we’re just talking about him, living far away, and now he suddenly appeared?

“I’m Uncle Jiyong” he introduced himself, making me look at him in shock. Why is he doing this? Now things are more complicated.

Letting it be (for the moment), I opened the door widely for him, “Come in!” and our children are half disappointed because it’s not their playmates who came, but a man that they don’t know completely.

Ethan grabbed my hand while we’re walking to the living room. This is him protecting me. Emma on the other hand, is walking beside Jiyong who is still in awe of our little girl. If only I know he’s coming, I should’ve cleaned the house and cooked food. That reminds me, we don’t have food for dinner yet.

“Feel at home” Emma told him like an adult, making him chuckle.

“Thank you. I will” he said, while settling on the long couch.

“You’re welcome, Uncle!”

I’m curious as to why he told them that he’s an Uncle and not their Dad. I mean, he has all the rights to tell them who he is right off the bat. Oh well, maybe just like me, he also doesn’t know how to pull it off.

Awkwardly, “Do you want something to drink or eat?” I asked.

Emma transferred from the single couch to where Jiyong is and poked his arm, making him look at her. “Mom makes the best lemonade. Or, you can drink wine! She has them in the fridge all the time and drinks it when we’re already sleeping”

My baby girl, she does know a lot and talks a lot.

I noticed that if it weren’t for our daughter, we’ll be so awkward and uptight that it’s so impossible to take in. He cannot look straight at me, and I cannot even force myself to look at him for more than a second or two, simply because I’m ashamed of myself.

Carefully, he pinched Emma’s cheek. “Uncle is good with lemonade” he told her when I’m the one who asked if he want something.

Thrilled to make him taste my lemonade, that I swear, is not as delicious as my daughter made it sound, I rushed to the kitchen and poured him a glass.

All this is still surreal. I cannot process it well in my head, and I don’t think I will until he leaves and I’m all alone again.

“Are you new here?” I came back with Ethan interviewing Jiyong like a total investigator. Unlike his Sister, he’s cautious of the man we’re with.

The look on Jiyong’s face tells how much he missed Ethan or Yong, his Little Man. I’m sure he’s surprised to see how much he’s grown when years ago, he just witnessed him coming out to see the world.

Receiving the glass of lemonade from me, he took a sip and swallowed hard, “I am only visiting for a week”

“Where are you from?” Ethan followed up.

“Seoul” Jiyong answered with a sweet smile on his face.

And the kids gasped. They looked at each other, wide-eyed.

Emma snapped, “That’s where our Daddy lives!” she’s elated.

Surprised, Jiyong looked at me and I just smiled at him. It’s clear that he’s not expecting the kids to know about him. Truth is, they only know so little and they just knew it today.

“Are you a friend of our Mom?” Ethan obviously loosen up a bit.

The question made their Father speechless.

I sit beside my son on the single couch, facing Jiyong and Emma. “He’s…”

Honesty is all we need. The kids have lived in lies all their lives, it’s just right to clear everything now. After all, I wouldn’t let them go around knowing that Jiyong is just an Uncle. This is the time I’ve waited for so long, I wouldn’t screw it up, like I screwed things up in the past.

I take a breath, clearing the clouds in my head then exhaled, letting off some nerves. “Kids” I looked at both of them intently and saw innocent curiosity in their eyes. “He is no Uncle” I’m going to take this easily and smoothly for their young minds to not mess up.

Confusion brushed their faces. Ethan is just looking at me, while Emma is staring at Jiyong who is staring at me as if telling me, ‘Be careful. They might not like what you’re going to say’. He’s nervous and anxious as well.

“Who is he then?” our son breaks out.

Emma narrowed her eyes. “Are you Mom’s boyfriend?” she asked their Father.

Ok. That got me off track.

Calm but not so calm, I chuckled, “No baby girl. He’s not”

Ethan looked at his Sister and sighed. “No boyfriends for Mom” he reminded her.

I brushed his hair with my fingers. “Yes, Superman, that’s correct” I told him.

Focus. Focus. Focus.

“Anyway…” I gathered myself up and weigh the kids through their faces first before getting into action again. “He…” I pointed at Jiyong, “He’s your Daddy”

Three words. Three BIG words that came out my mouth fluidly as if I’ve been practicing to say it all these years. When truth is, I imagined this moment totally different. I thought Jiyong and I are going to be so emotional to the point that there’ll be tears, but for some odd reason, there are none and we are so chill around each other.

Half a minute passed and the kids are not yet giving out reactions. They are just staring at each other as if talking through their minds. Jiyong and I, are also staring at each other, but unlike before I cannot read him that well anymore. He’s not as transparent to me as he was in the past and it made me feel bad.

“Mom” Emma finally snapped back to her senses. She ran to me and climbed up my lap. Ethan is also back to himself, and is crying while hugging me tightly. I’m confused by their reactions, but maybe it’s just overwhelming to know that the person you’re just wanting badly to see is already in front of you.

“You want to see Daddy, right?” I asked them and they nodded their heads. “He’s here now” I followed, and only Emma looked at Jiyong. He smiled at her warmly, and she smiled back. “Give him a hug” I whispered in her ear.

She looked at me unsurely. “Go! He missed you a lot and a hug will make him feel better” I told her. And without hesitation, she ran to him and hugged him tightly.

The sight of them finally together is getting me emotional. I know that Emma will open up well to Jiyong for she’s really an easy to please little girl, but knowing that he’s her Father, I’m sure she adores him more than anyone else now. As a matter of fact, the possibility of me being thrown out as her most favorite person in the whole wide world is huge because she have him now, and it’s all good with me.

“Aigoo” Jiyong carried our daughter to his lap and wrapped his arms around her. Tears are pooling in his eyes. They’re sparkling under the light. He’s choked up. “How are you?” he asked in the sweetest way.

Emma who isn’t shy at all seemed to be a little shy. “Good” then she snapped out of it. “Are you really my Daddy?” she asked him, making me chuckle.

Jiyong nodded. “Yes, my Darling”. And with that, they’re already bonded.

My only worry now is Ethan. I don’t know why he’s crying so hard, and it’s breaking my heart. All I can do is console him. So, I decided to bring him to our room where we can talk, alone. I’m sure enlightenment is all he needs.

“I’ll leave her to you for a while” I told Jiyong. “I’ll just bring him to our room to talk” I added, and he nodded. “He just need some space” I mouthed.

“Sure” he mouthed back.

In our room, I sit Ethan on the bed. He stopped crying right away. I wiped his tears and sit beside him.

Face to face, “Superman”. My heart is beating really fast. What if he’s not yet ready for Jiyong? “Can you tell Mom why you cried?” I asked, carefully.

He bowed his head down and started crying again. I raised his head up and looked into his eyes. “Don’t you like him?”

He shook his head. “No”

“Then why are you being like this?”

Catching his breath, “I’m just happy Mom” he said, making me sigh in relief. “I’m very very very happy”

What can I say? He’s as emotional as his Father, and I just noticed it now.

“I thought we’ll never see him yet, because he’s living far away from here”. His lips are quivering. “I have a Daddy too, like Maddy and Caden”

This made me reflect on everything that I did. I feel so bad for depriving my children of a Father all these years. Before I thought they’re good without him, but now it’s unraveling that they’re not, they just don’t voice it out.

“I’m going to tell you something, that I’m sure you’ll like” I pulled him closer to me, my arms wrapped around him. “You and Daddy used to be so close. You cannot remember it anymore because you were still a baby during that time, but you are closer to him than you are to me. You guys are inseparable. Where he goes, you go, even in the toilet. You’ll cry and will not stop until he brings you with him in there”. The memory of it is warming my heart. “You don’t want to be left by him even just for a minute”

“I’m just like Emma with you!” he said, delighted.

I nodded. “Yes”

“Tell me some more!”

I chuckled and think of more. “He was with me when you were born. Aside from me, he’s the first one to hold you. He also used to hum you to sleep”

Telling him all these, I’m sure he feels like a part of him is completed. With my children already knowing who their Father is, I feel lighter. The heavy weight I’m enduring is finally lifted off me.

With Ethan already calm, we head out to the living room.

“Where are they?” he asked.

I see no one in the living room. What’s going on?

“EMMA!”

                                                                                                                                                      ****