JIYONG

“How was it?” The members waited until I arrived from Areum’s. They are gathered in Daesung’s room and has already emptied two bottles of wine.

The memory of our short reunion is just starting to sink in and I’m devouring every second of it. Sitting beside Seungri, I put my arm around his shoulders, “The kids are wonderful”, then I pulled out my phone from my pocket and showed them the only picture I get to take of the two.

They didn’t waste time and surrounded Seungri who is holding the phone. I saw excitement and happiness on their faces. They are as amazed as I am the first time I laid eyes on my children.

“Yong is going to be a heartbreaker” Youngbae joked, making me laugh. “I mean, he’s really handsome. Who knew your “collaboration” with Areum will produce a good looking human being?” this made us laugh hysterically.

“Aigoo” Seungri hasn’t seen Yong yet, unlike TOP Hyung and Youngbae. Daesung hasn’t too. They were in the military when he was born. “To me, he can pass as a girl” he said, and I don’t know whether to thank him or get mad.

TOP Hyung hit him on the head lightly. Hyung!” our Maknae whined, rubbing the back of his head.

I smirked. “I actually want to do it. Hyung is just faster” I told him, patting his shoulder.

To make a point, he sighed. “I said that as a compliment. He’s just like you Hyung” he pointed at me, as I wait for what he’s going to say next. “He has this soft female features, that definitely qualifies him as a flower boy”

Never have I defined myself as a flower boy, and it’s worrying me to have a flower boy son. He will surely have a lot of girls on his tail, which I’m sure is going to freak his Mother out.

Point made, I ruffled Seungri’s hair and he smiled at me in satisfaction. “And you have a daughter” TOP Hyung said, his eyes fixed on the phone screen. “You got your wish granted”

Daesung patted my back, “You must be so happy, Hyung” he smiled brightly, making me smile from ear to ear.

Youngbae chuckled, “Big Bang got a princess now!”

TOP Hyung nodded in agreement, “Good luck to the guys who’ll make a move on her. They won’t have a chance”

“Easy guys!” I countered. “She’s only three. But yes, we will definitely be on watch once she steps into puberty”. I already sound like a strict Father. What can I do? She’s my baby girl. “Her name’s Emma, by the way. Ji an in Korean”

The members transitioned from being bubbly to serious in a snap. I don’t know what’s up, and it’s making me anxious.

“Areum did change their names” TOP Hyung said.

I nodded and take a sip of wine. “She’s not married though”

And they gave out the same surprised reaction. “I don’t know where she got her new surname, but I can assure you, she’s not married”

“You didn’t ask her about it?” Youngbae asked.

I shook my head. “There’s no need to. I saw no trace of a man in their house. Yong doesn’t even want her to have a boyfriend, so I doubt if she even had one all these years”

Seungri faced me, “How about the Doctor?”

Once again, I’m reminded of Dr. Miller and his bad condition. My heart truly breaks for him.

I sighed. “My hunch is right. Dr. Miller is the one who helped her runaway, bringing them here. He became the kids’ Father figure ever since. He and Areum are good friends. They never were in a relationship. Now…” I paused, exhaling heavily. “He’s ill, and his days are numbered”

In total shock, “What?”

I sit back on the chair, “He got Cancer, and isn’t in medication anymore”

The room is suddenly silent. Though the members don’t know Dr. Miller personally, they know his big role in Areum and the kids’ lives. They feel sorry for them.

“Areum and the kids will surely break once he passes” Seungri said, making me nod.

When that time comes, I wonder how Areum is going to pull out our kids from extreme sadness. Let’s face it, Dr. Miller has been their rock all these years. His death won’t be easy to take.

“You and Areum should talk about what to do this early” TOP Hyung said.

“It’s actually better if they go back to Seoul after. That way, the kids can start anew. Everything here in Chicago will surely remind them of him” Youngbae followed.

Honestly, the call is on Areum. As much as I want to tell her what I want to do, I choose not to, because she’s the one who knows what suits best for our children. Also, bringing them home to Seoul is going to be a big thing. It needs a lot of thinking and intense planning.

“How’s Areum? We talked all about your kids, but you haven’t mentioned anything about her yet” Youngbae’s curiosity caught me off guard. “How did your first meeting go?”

It took me a while to talk. “Believe it or not, she looks so much better than she was in Seoul. I don’t know, but it seems like her new life made her more youthful and extremely happy”

The members just stayed silent. They’re just staring at me.

“How is she as a Mother?” TOP Hyung breaks the silence. And once again, my heart jumped being reminded of how she is with the kids.

Pretending like I care less, “She’s so good at it. It seems like she’s born to play that role. She disciplines the kids the best way. They fear her. At the same time, she listens to them. The three of them go so well together. Areum was able to keep everything intact even when she’s all alone. The girl I know is more mature than she was before, and I like it way better now”

Tsk! This isn’t how I want this to go. I’m supposed to not care and just be plain. It seems like I can’t help it.

Youngbae chuckled, “You’re falling in love again?”

What is this, a joke?

In disbelief, “No!”

Seungri leaned over and stared at me with an annoying smile on his face. “Hyung, you don’t have to deny it. We know”

Playfully, I pulled him to me for a head lock. “I’m not falling” I said, while our poor Maknae is struggling.

TOP Hyung laughed. “I’ll give you a whole day with her and I swear, you won’t be able to hide your feelings for her anymore”

“Your heart is finally back to you Jiyong” Youngbae’s words are very heartwarming. It made me smile.

You want the truth?

Okay.

Here it is.

I still feel for Areum. I love her still. Thing is, I cannot help but be indifferent towards her. She’s made a lot of mistakes that ruined both our lives. As much as I want to shove it under the rug, I can’t, at least for now, because I’m still hurting.

I had the best sleep in years, last night. For the very first time in a long time, I don’t have to worry about my children, for I know where they are and they’re doing well. I woke up excited to see them and hug them. This morning is nothing but good, nobody and nothing can turn it around.

Only a minute or two after waking up, Noona called. I sent her a text message last night before sleeping, saying that I have a huge surprise for the family.

“What?” she exclaimed, after I told her about Areum and the kids. “OH MY GOSH!” and she squealed. “THIS IS SO GREAT! THANK YOU GOD!” her voice is making my ear ring. Excitement mixed with relief is in her voice.

After a while, we hanged up just to video chat. This time, Omma and Appa are on board.

“Saw it?” I asked, after sending them the kids’ picture.

Emotions run through them. My parents are in tears. Omma cannot believe what she’s seeing. For the first time in years, I saw a genuine smile on her face.

“I have a niece! How great is that?” Noona is too excited, that I find her funny.

“Yong has grown so well, very handsome” Omma is still being ruled by her emotions.

Noona’s tears finally dropped. “I miss him so much, and seeing him not a baby anymore, I feel so overwhelmed”

Here goes the drama. As much as possible, I want this moment to just be light, but it seems like it’s impossible.

“Emma looks like me” Noona is going to push this. I’m sure.

I smirked. “I’m the Father”

She stick out her tongue like a spoiled kid. “I’m the Aunt”

Appa pushed forward and all I see on the screen is him. “I’m the Father and Aunt’s, Father. My blood is running in them. So, it’s better to say that both kids look like me”

Omma playfully slapped his arm, “Don’t take all the credit”

“Aigoo” my heart is so happy, seeing them happy.

Seriously, this is one of the few times in years that our family joked around this much. Finally, we’re pulled out of the dark, and I’m telling you, it’s the best feeling in the world.

With the promise that I will get Areum and the kids to video chat with them one of these days, our celebration ended. They want to fly here to Chicago, but I told them not for the meantime because I want the kids to get used to me first, and once they are, I’ll introduce the rest of the family, both immediate and extended already.

Good thing our music video filming isn’t scheduled early. I was able to visit the kids for a while. Their personally made sorry cards made my day. They are really the best kids.

“Daddy, I really want a baby sister” Emma is still at it.

We just had this crazy talk about how babies are made and it’s too awkward, resulting for Areum to run out to the kitchen to take a breath.

“A baby brother would be so cool!” Ethan countered, and I felt nervous because an argument might spring out.

“Maddy told me that having another brother isn’t good because she got no one to play tea with” Emma said.

“Caden said that having Harvey is cool because they share toys” my son isn’t backing out.

What will I do once they clash?

For it not to happen, “Both is cool” I said, making them look at me.

“Do you have a sibling, Daddy?” If only Ethan can remember that he has an Aunt who is as crazy as her Mother, he’ll flip out.

I nodded and raised my index finger. “I have an older sister. Her name is Dami. You can call her, Aunt Dami”

Emma is ecstatic. “What does she look like?”

Oh, I hate to say this, and I’m sure everyone will agree with me, “She looks so much like me” I chuckled, “Only with long hair”

“Like me!” my lovely daughter snapped cheerfully.

I sighed. “Yeah. But, I’d like it better if you say that you look like Daddy than Aunt Dami”

This is how you work a child’s mind. You need to tell them on point, what you want.

After a while, we’re only doing some art, finger painting, but in Emma’s case, hand painting. I feel so sorry for Areum because she has to deal with a center table, carpet and a part of the long couch, smudged with paint.

“Oh! You drew another baby” I drew our family before getting them a glass of water and as far as I can remember, there are only four of us. Now, there’s another stick like figure.

They both sit beside me and hugged my arms tightly. “We really want another baby, Daddy”

So this is what Areum has to go through every time, the kids being so pushy. Oh well, she’s used to it with me anyway.

I looked at them and giggled. “Your Mom and I already told you, it’s not as easy as you think it is”

If only I can be honest with them that their Mother and I are not together, and another baby is so impossible, I would. Just to not lie to them. But of course, I can’t, for they’re not in the right age yet.

“It’s not hard to pray, Daddy” Ethan said, and my soul just want to fly out of me.

“I know, Little Man. It isn’t. But…”

Emma faced me, pouting. “Can you at least try?”

Giving in, “All right” I burst out. “I will pray for another baby”

And that, ladies and gentlemen, made them so happy that I received wet kisses on the check from them.

I left for work an hour before call time. Before leaving, I asked Areum if I can bring the kids to the park once I get back, and she agreed without hesitation. A picnic is going to be fun.

“They’re what?” I just told the members about my kids’ impossible wish.

I chuckled, “They’re asking Areum and I to make another baby”

This cracked them up. No really. It is funny. At least for us adults.

“Aigoo, what was your reaction and Areum’s?” TOP Hyung asked.

“I’m surprised. She’s not” I replied, “Ever since the kids’ playmates had another sibling, they’ve been asking her for one as well”

And laughter filled our waiting room again. Our stylist, Ji Eun Noona, butted in. “It’s normal for children to ask for crazy and impossible things and you can ignore it for they’ll eventually get over it. But, if they’re asking for a sibling, they mean it from the bottom of their hearts”

Is Areum and I in big trouble? Are we going to break our kids’ hearts by not giving them what they want? I saw how bad they want another sibling. If only I can give it to them just to make them happy, I will, but unfortunately, I can’t.

Our filming went smoothly. The members and I are working in detail, as always, but more watchful of what’s good and not. We deliberate every after sequence take, and when one is not satisfied with his acting, we’ll repeat without complaints.

“Hyung, we want to meet the kids already” Seungri has been bugging me about this since last night.

We are about to finish the last sequence of today’s filming and I cannot be excited enough for it to end, so that I can go back to my kids already. Now I know how parents feel whenever they have to work but doesn’t want to leave their children. It’s really hard.

“Yah! I didn’t let my family go here to meet them yet because I want to have some time alone with the kids for a while” I told our Maknae and he sulked.

TOP Hyung put his arm around Seungri’s shoulders, “Don’t bug Jiyong anymore. He and the kids have a lot of catching up to do”

Daesung sighed, “I want to meet them too. But, TOP Hyung is right. We should let them be for the meantime”

Youngbae bumped me lightly, “They need as much FAMILY time as they can get”

It made me laugh, “True”

Whether I like it or not, Areum is family. We might not be the same as before, but she’s still a huge part of me. Not to mention, she’s the Mother of my children. There’s no way we can cut relations.

Half an hour after our filming was wrapped, my manager and I stopped by the nearest supermarket to buy food for our picnic. I’m not used to this kind of surprises anymore, for I haven’t done one ever since Areum left. It’s no fun to do with Lena, because she doesn’t appreciate it.

“Oh!” Areum is the one who opened the door for me.

A picnic basket in hand, I smiled at her. “Where are they?”

She smiled back. “They’ve been playing in the park for over an hour now with their playmates”

“You let them go out without you?” I asked, a little worried.

She take a breath. “There’s nothing wrong with that”. She’s cool with it, while I’m not. “Jiyong, the kids know the people here and vice versa. I can see them through the big window from the dining room. Also, they know up to where they can go. You don’t need to worry about a thing”

No. I’m not going to argue with her about this. I trust her so much when it comes to the children.

“I can walk you there if you like” she offered, and as much as I want to go alone to not disturb whatever she’s doing, I accepted it in the end.

The walk is awkward. We’re right beside each other but none of us are talking. This is so far from US before.

In the park, “Kids!” she called out. I don’t know how she can tell it was them, because my eyes are really failing me. The perks of being near sighted.

“Daddy!” the kids ran to me and I catch them with open arms.

They are with four more kids around their age. Emma held my hand and Ethan on the other. We are facing Areum and their playmates. “This is our Daddy” she said, her voice has pride in it.

“His name is Jiyong Kwon” Ethan followed up, and I felt nervous as if I’m being introduced to very important people.

“Hi Mister!” the kids greeted in unison. They are all kind.

I waved my hand, “Hello! It’s nice to meet all of you”. I sound too formal.

Areum chuckled, “These are Amy, Maddy, Caden, and Louis” she cheerfully said.

After the introduction, we let the kids play again. Areum led me to the spot where they always have picnics and even helped me arrange everything.

“I’ll leave now” she said, after pulling out the last carton of juice from the basket and placed it on the mat.

How do I say that I want her to stay?

Without much guts to say so, “All right. We’ll be home in a while”. Dang!

The moment she left, I called the kids for snacks. I’m telling you, feeding six kids is not an easy job. I found myself wiping their faces almost every second. I even put tissue on their chests so that they won’t have juice spills and sandwich spills on their shirts. After eating, we played catch. And when they had enough of it, we played tagged. My energy compared to them is nothing. I’m seriously tired by the end of it all.

“Your Dad is cool!” Caden told Ethan over a bag of jelly beans. They’re taking a break on the grass, while the others are still running around.

Ethan gave him a high five. “My mom said so”. And this, made my heart leap.

Time is nothing to these kids. As long as they’re enjoying, there’s no stopping them from playing. When I was their age, I’m also free to do whatever I want, but too occupied by my dreams that I’m happy to make a reality.

“Where are you going?”

Areum just told the kids that we’re going out for a while and it seems like they’re not good with it. “Daddy wants to see Uncle A” she replied.

“Can we go too? We miss Uncle A already” Ethan looked really sad.

Areum shook her head, “He isn’t well yet Superman”

“When is he going to be well?” Emma looked at me, waiting for an answer.

I can tell how much they are longing for Aden. According to Areum, they haven’t seen him since the last time they had a picnic, which is about a couple of weeks ago.

Answering our daughter’s question is tough. It’s either we tell them the truth or lie. Well, I’ll choose the latter, for I can’t bear to see my children breaking.

“We don’t know yet, baby girl” I told Emma, while brushing her hair with my fingers. I really cannot imagine how the kids will take it once Aden die.

With our little ones at the Thompsons (I finally met them), Areum and I went to the hospital already. All throughout the day, she has been monitoring Aden and according to his nurse, he’s still the same, just a little better.

“Ms. Yoon” a nurse came to her the moment we arrived at the ICU wing.

“How is he?” Areum asked.

The nurse sighed, “He’s feeling a little better. Thanks to the medicine Doctor Stanford gave him to be able to breathe well”. From the looks of it, I can tell that this woman has been through so much stress. And I salute her, for she still continues caring for others even when I’m sure she’s been wishing for a day off to unwind.

“I see” Areum take a deep breath and exhaled, smiling. “Any visitors?” she asked.

“His family is in there. They arrived yesterday morning. He’s so happy to see them”

And that made Areum cry. She’s very emotional. Who wouldn’t? If the same thing will happen to me, all I’ll want is to be surrounded by my family in my last days here on Earth.

To comfort her, I rubbed her back gently. This isn’t what I’m used to, for I instantly hug her in times like this, but I feel awkward now that I wouldn’t even dare do it.

“We’ll wait until they finish” she told the nurse and led me to the waiting area.

Sitting side by side, I feel good to be with her again. Truth is, after I confronted her last night and vented out, I felt lighter to the point where I don’t feel anger towards her anymore.

“Can you tell me more about your life here?” it’s been a good ten minutes and the silence is already deafening.

She looked at me, smiling. “When I was pregnant with Emma, I remember whining every day for Kimchi. I looked far and beyond for it”

Very much interested, “Did you find it?” I asked.

She chuckled. “I made it”

“Really?”

Nodding, “Yep! Aden helped me. He brought all the ingredients, while I search how to make it, step by step, online. Well, we somehow succeeded. It’s edible. Not that delicious as the ones back home though”

For sure, if I’m the one with her during that time, I will look everywhere, even ask Omma to make a lot.

“Oh!” Now way more comfortable with me, she faced me fully. I stared at her beautiful face, reminding myself of the woman I’m head over heels with. “Emma’s first word is Mama. I heard her say it while crying desperately for a toy. She’s about a year old then”. She’s telling me of things I missed out, and I appreciate her so much for it. “Her first steps happened in the park. Ethan was playing ball and she desperately want to join. The ball rolled in front of her then all of a sudden, she just pulled herself up and started stepping one foot forward. As far as I can remember, she made three steps. Good thing she landed on the grass, first. If she happen to fall face first, we’ll end up in the hospital for sure”

Through this, I feel as if I was there. As if I witnessed it personally. Yes, I still feel bad for not being a part of every milestone, but because it’s all done now, I’m good to let it go. After all, the kids will have a lot more milestones. And this time, I can be very certain, that I’ll be there for them.

“What more?” I tucked her hair behind her ears. A gesture that came out naturally.

“You’ll be shocked with this” she raised an eyebrow and smiled widely.

Oh no. Don’t tell me you got a secret boyfriend.

“I’m not a Doctor anymore” she said, happily.

Phew!

Wait.

What?

“I’m now a Kindergarden teacher”

What happened? Areum is one of the best Doctors in the world. It’s impossible that she can’t get a job in hospitals here.

“I made that big transition because of the kids”

This is what they call, ‘A Mother’s sacrifice’.

“After giving birth to Emma, I thought of a way to earn without leaving the kids. If I continue to be a Doctor, my time with them will be so limited, and that’s what I don’t like. Also, there’s no one to leave them with while I work. Unlike when Ethan was still a baby, I have the family and you looking out for him. Here, it’s just me. Aden is working round the clock in this hospital. He cannot take care of them all the time”

While she’s talking, I just stared at her, trying to see if there’s even a tinge of regret in her eyes. Well, there’s none.

“I started as a tutor for middle school students. They go to my house after class. I teach them for a few hours and get paid decently. Of course, I’m not earning as much compared when I was a Doctor, but it’s enough to provide for the kids’ needs and mine. When Ethan started going to school, I decided to study education and was able to get a teaching license. I’m now working at the pre-school where the kids are going”

I cannot deny it, she’s really a wonderful Mother. A fact I know a long time ago. Our kids are lucky to have her, and I am too, for we have a natural nurturing woman with us.

“Do you miss it?” I asked, still overwhelmed by her.

She sighed. “What? Being a Doctor?”

I nodded. She started thinking. And with a chuckle, “Honestly, no”

It surprised me. “Why is that?”

“You know so well how toxic my job is. Though I enjoy it very much, for it’s been a dream of mine to cure sick people. But, it’s time consuming. After being a teacher, I found joy in having so much free time”

There’s one more question that I’m itching to ask since yesterday. “How about a boyfriend? Did you have one or you have one, but it’s just a secret because Ethan doesn’t want you to have one?” Asking this made me feel like a thorn is pulled out of my chest.

She smirked. “Believe it or not, I didn’t even have a fling ever since we moved here. I haven’t talked with a guy, a SINGLE guy, except for Aden, for years now”

“Seriously?” my heart started jumping.

“Yep!” she sighed, “Jiyong, how do you think can I date with two kids and a very…” for some reason, she paused. We’re just staring at each other. “A very…”

“Elle!” someone called her, making both of us flinch.

“Tina!” Areum stood up and hugged the old lady.

She’s Aden’s Mother. From the looks of it, they seem very close. Areum introduced me to them and they greeted me with smiles, even when I know they’re going through such a hard time.

“You can go in now guys” Tina told us. “He’s going to be very happy for sure”. She gave us both a tight hug and said goodbye.

“Ready?” Areum asked when we reached the front of Aden’s room.

I take a deep breath and exhaled heavily, “Let’s go!”

                                                                                                                                                        *****