JIYONG

“I could never imagine living without her by my side in the future” – this keeps on running on my head while watching her and Dr. Miller chat, a table away from ours. That guy might not tell it, but it’s obvious in his actions the way he looks at her that he likes her. Of course, it’s easy for me to tell, simply because I’m also a guy. Areumie on the other hand is attracted, but that’s where it ends. She’s up for friendship with him, I doubt if she’s good with anything more than that, though I’m sure that if he constantly pursue her, she will bend and eventually fall for him.

The thought of her falling in love with someone, pains me. That girl is my everything, and just by thinking of her in somebody’s arms is enough to drive me insane.

“Yah” TOP Hyung elbowed me “Is Areum dating someone new already?”

I’ve been asked the same question for more than ten times in an hour and my answer is always the same. “No. He’s a friend from the hospital”

“I see” TOP Hyung looked at them and I followed “They look close” he commented, making me hiss.

Reading Areumie’s actions, I can tell that she’s comfortable with him, but in true Jeong Areum style, she’s always like that to most people she’s friends with. Her smile though is radiant, like Dr. Miller speaks nothing but flowery words to her.

“Still not close as the two of us” I whispered to myself just to learn that Hyung heard it.

He laughed, “You’re jealous”

In denial, “I’m not”

“You are!” he insisted. “Youngbae and I have been observing you a while ago when we were with the YG people, you keep checking on Areum. Your expression changes every time you see her friend talking to her”

It seems like I can never really lie. Is it wrong for me to be jealous? Look, it’s been a long time since Areum got close to someone. All throughout, I’m the only guy she’s so comfortable with. Not to mention, I’m the last person she’s been in a relationship with, and I must admit, even when trying to move on my feelings for her is still there, if not stronger.

It really isn’t easy to move around with her probably ‘getting on’ across the yard. I’m with someone too, but she’s just a good friend. I’m already guilty of giving her mixed signals that might make her and the others think that I’m making a move on her. Well, no, or….not yet.

“Dr. Miller is really charming and hot” Noona came to me while I was chugging down a glass of wine, just to tell me this.

I rolled my eyes and emptied the glass, carelessly wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, “You think Areumie likes him?” I asked, spitting the words out.

Noona shrugged, “I don’t know. You’re the one who can tell”

Yeah. I certainly can, and yes, I think she likes him, but she hasn’t realized it yet.

“She does” I told her bitterly.

“As a friend…or…” my sister knows right off the bat that I’m jealous, but here she is draining me dry.

“Not sure” I reached for another glass of wine and chugged it down in one go. I feel horrible. As much as I want to tell Areumie to stop talking to her Doctor friend, I can’t, because I’m in no position to. Also, I’m not the type who tells her who to talk to or not. I cannot tell her who she can be friends with.

“Darn it!” I spilled a glass of wine on the table where my friends are, “I’m sorry” scrambling, I wiped off the wet area and was surprised when Lena hold my hand.

“Let me do it” she said and smiled beautifully.

Xin nudged me with a smile, as if teasing. Sitting in between him and Lena, “It’s not what you think it is” I whispered in his ear.

He smirked “She likes you. Isn’t it obvious?”

Mind you, we are talking about the girl who is just inches away from me. Good thing another friend of ours is chatting with her.

In a low key, “I feel it, but I don’t know. I’m not sure if I’m ready for this”

“Ready for what?”

I nearly brutally covered Xin’s mouth because he’s being loud already. In a whisper, “Dating”

He playfully punched my arm, “Just try it, dude!” he said then looked at the table where Areumie is, “After all, it seems like Areum is trying it as well”

Is that what people are really seeing? Alright. I’m going to play this game too. I’ll try to be comfortable with Lena and see if Areum is going to react to it.

And I begin….

Well, Lena is really a great girl. She’s very approachable and easy to be with. Her personality is so far from Areum’s. Aside from the big difference on how she interpret things, Lena still acts like a child sometimes. Areum on the other hand, has her fair share of childishness, but is mature in so many ways. Appearance wise, I’m sure Areumie will concede in a snap of a finger because she’s up to a model, but honestly speaking even if Lena has a banging body and a pretty face to go with, I still dig Areumie’s beauty, simple yet classy.

In all fairness to Lena, she’s extra funny tonight. Her jokes cracked me up without fail. There must be two reasons: 1. Her jokes are that good. 2. I’m already drunk that I laugh even when it’s not funny at all.

“The baby is so cute” she said when Noona passed by us, carrying Yong who is giggling because of the dancing lights.

I watched them reach the table where my family is, with a smile on my face. “He is a blessing. A wonderful blessing”. Here I go again, I’m being emotional just by talking about Yong. That child, he’s really special. I really don’t mind playing as his Appa.

Lena changed the topic into my music right after that. I can feel she wanted to ask more questions, not just about Yong but Areumie as well. Whatever her reason for restraining is, I actually don’t mind being asked. I even will tell her about my short relationship with Areum.

“Talk to the guy” Youngbae appeared all of a sudden while I’m absent mindedly watching a performance on stage.

I looked at him and hissed, “Why would I?”

He take a deep breath and exhaled heavily, “For the mind game to be over. Know his motive. Ask what he really feels towards Areum” he wrapped his arm around my shoulders, “You see, it’s the only way for you to be at peace”

“Or to be alarmed” I added, making him laugh.

“What are you waiting for?” he pointed at the Doctor “The guy’s all alone. This is the perfect time”

Should I talk to him? What will I tell him? How am I going to ask him about Areumie without coming off jealous? Am I ready for his answers?

My head is filled with so many questions. So, to at least cross out some of them, I decided to talk to Dr. Miller without much thinking on how I’m going to approach him. First, I have to distract Areum, and the best way to do that is to give her someone to entertain, in the person of Lena.

Actually, I don’t know what Areum really think of Lena and vice versa. The girls haven’t hangout yet and was just formally introduced a while ago, but knowing how hospitable my best friend is, I’m sure Lena is in good company.

Walking to the other side of the yard where Dr. Miller is, I gathered my thoughts and composed myself. I have to come off cool and superior.

“Hey!” with a glass of wine in hand, I finally approached him.

From the way he looks I can tell that he doesn’t drink, for I haven’t seen him holding a glass of wine yet. Doctors, they really can be boring at times.

“Oh, Hi!” he sound so professional, like Areumie whenever she’s explaining something serious to me. “Happy Birthday!” he greeted and I patted his shoulder.

“Thanks!” I said and took a sip of wine. “Good thing you made it”. I’m wracking my head of what to say. I want to get to the point right away, but it’s going to be off for sure.

He cleared his throat. “I told Dr. Jeong that I’ll come no matter what”

Cutting the chase, “How old are you?” I asked, while looking at him intently.

“I’m turning thirty-one in a few months” he answered coolly.

“Great!” I’m technically still older than him. “Look”. This is it. Enough of the non-sense. I’ll get to the business. “I can tell you’re close with Areumie. Well, she told me about you once and don’t worry, they’re all good words” I continued and he seem to like it. “I just want to ask…”

“Yes, Mr. Kwon. I like her”

Upon hearing this, my heart dropped to my feet in a snap. I guess I’m so readable that he doesn’t even need to wait for me to finish the question.

“You do? I mean, how do you know?” If I need to squeeze the truth out of this man just to know if he’s serious or what, I will.

He sighed then smiled as if he’s day dreaming – the exact look I have whenever I talk about Areumie. “Dr. Jeong is a great woman. We just met and have been close for a short while, but she’s really a good person. Her heart is pure. Her view in life is a bit dark, and that’s what attracted me to her. Hearing her stories, all I want is to take care of her, give her the positivity she needs in times she lose it. And, give her the love that will hopefully make the wounds of her heart heal”

To be honest, I’m not sold by how this Doctor know Areumie. Yes, she can be dark sometimes. Her insecurities get in the way, but she’s filled with love. I showered her with it, or so I think.

“Don’t get me wrong Mr. Kwon, Dr. Jeong is really full of love and I definitely believe it’s because of you and your family. What I’m saying is, maybe she needs another person to love her, to heal the wound she intentionally made caused by heartbreak”

For easy understanding, he wants to help her get over me. Nice!

“Your intentions are good”. What can I say? I really appreciate his answer. “I must admit, Areumie really needs someone to boost her up” then I sighed, “I’ve been doing that for nearly twenty-one years already, and it’s never easy. That girl is a tough cookie with the softest heart. She doesn’t know it, but she fills my weakness with her strength. She knows how to keep her together, but always be ready to clean after her mess because sometimes she spills all over the place”

Yes, this is me, Kwon Jiyong, talking as if giving away the only woman I love more than myself.

“I’m going to be honest with you” my voice is getting deeper, more serious “I have every intention of keeping her. Drag is, she doesn’t want to be kept, and I’m a fool for obeying that order. I know she’s just giving me options, she doesn’t want to lock me down coz I still have a lot of things to do. She’s selfless and selfish at the same time. Anyway…” I clasped my hands and pull out a smile, “I can see and feel your sincerity. You seem to be a great man. I don’t mind you pursuing her, but please do these things for me…”

A huge wave of relief showed on Dr. Miller’s face. I really can’t say anything bad about him because even without opening his mouth, just by looking at his eyes, I can tell that he’s a good man.

“Sure, Mr. Kwon. What is it?” his voice is not as tight as before.

I take a breath and exhaled heavily. “Help her learn how to love herself more. It’s always been a project of mine. I’ve done half of it, maybe you can do the other half”

“Sure!” he agreed.

“And most importantly, I want you to love her as much as I love her. If possible, give her more than that” my heart is throbbing while uttering each word. “I love Areum with all my heart and being, and if you ever hurt her, I will not think twice and make your life a living hell”

Dr. Miller chuckled. “But, you are everything I could never be, Mr. Kwon. You’ve done the impossible when it comes to Dr. Jeong, even giving her away just for a shot of happiness and a different kind of love other than yours. Also, keep in mind that….” He put his hand on my shoulder, “She will never love me the way she loved you”

Hearing that made me weak.

Faking a smile, “That’s your challenge. Make her love you more”

Unable to close the conversation, I walked away and headed to the pension. I just want to be alone and my feet brought me to Areum’s room where Yong is.

“Oh, Jiyong-ah! Why are you here?” Omma asked upon seeing me.

I walked in and sit beside her. “I just want to check on Yong” the moment my eyes landed on him. I felt half of the heavy weight I’m feeling, lifted. The baby really makes me feel good in so many ways.

“Omma” I smiled at her when she looked at me “If you want to go back to the party for a while, you can”

She gripped my shoulder and warmly smiled. I know she can feel me, she’s just being discreet about it.

“I’ll just check on your Appa” she leaned closer and hugged me.

Alone with Yong, I hold his little hand and kissed it. He’s sleeping peacefully. Sometimes I envy him, he has this power to make everybody happy with just a simple smile. He doesn’t need much, just food, milk, and some toys. Also, he doesn’t need to exert effort just to make people love him. Life as a baby, as a kid, is definitely fun.

“I don’t think I could bear to watch her fall in love with someone else” my heart painfully beat along with these words, “But Appa has to. I have to give your Omma the freedom she gave me with the same hope that one day, she will get to live her dreams for you and for her”. Tears rolled down my cheeks in an instant.

I now let go, even when I have never been good with it.

                                                                                                                                                   ****