What the heck have I just done?

“Yah! Are you really going crazy now?” Noona woke me up with an angry phone call. Like the rest of the world, she had seen the articles about me. I just saw them when she said it.

My head is throbbing darn hard from last night. It wasn’t really supposed to be a wild night. It’s just a dinner date with Lena, where I planned to break up with her. Things happened very fast. Her friends invited us to go to a club, which she pleaded me for us to go instead of the dinner. What happened after the partying and drinking is not in my control.

“Don’t you dare blame it on the alcohol Kwon Jiyong!” Noona yelled. Her voice is cracking in anger. “How can you do this? Huh? Why do you have to shock us with this?”

To be honest, I don’t know how to react at all. I’m not prepared for this.

“Noona, I don’t know what to do. Really. I’m as shocked as you” I started crying. “I’m not prepared for this. It isn’t what I want. Can you help me instead of getting angry with me? There is a way out of this”

“Idiot!” she sighed heavily. “Yeah! Divorce is the answer. But, have you considered Lena’s feelings while thinking of it? And your reputation, your career, what do you think will people say once you file for divorce after a few hours of getting married, huh? They will definitely think that you’re ed up”

As a matter of fact, I’m ed up. How can I even marry someone who I don’t love nor like? Yes, there’s no one to blame but me. I brought myself a problem, and when I thought I already know how to solve it, I fell down hill, drowning myself in a bigger problem.

“Do I really have to care about my career at this point?” I asked.

Noona hissed. “Hell yeah! You didn’t work your off and spent your whole existence in building a career and establishing a name just for nothing. Use your head! Also, it’s just right for you to face the consequences of your stupidity”

“BUT I DON’T WANT THIS! I have to get out of it!” I exclaimed.

Good thing I walked out of the bedroom where Lena is still sleeping or else I would’ve woken her up.

I’m sure Noona’s anger is being replaced by pity. I know she feel for me.

“Where’s Omma and Appa?” I asked, reminded of our parents who I’m sure is as shocked as the whole world.

She sighed. “They don’t want to talk to you as of the moment. Omma is very disappointed. Like the rest of the world, she didn’t see this coming”

My heart is breaking into a thousand pieces hearing that. If there’s one person who wants me to get married, it’s my Mother, but this isn’t the kind of wedding she pictured for me. Lena is not the girl she wanted to be her daughter in-law.

“I’m trying to reach Areumie, but her phone is off. I called her office and no one’s answering. I even went to their apartment but they’re not home. I think she already know about this, and God knows how devastated she is” Noona brought up Areumie when I’m shutting her off my mind for the meantime.

She’s broken. For sure, she’s is. And I hate myself for breaking her when our relationship is starting to shape up again. I made her expect.

“Don’t let the day end without checking up on her Noona, please” I said, worried.

She nodded. “I’ll try to contact her and drop by her apartment again”

After Noona’s call, come so much more. Of course, Hyun Suk Hyung is one my callers, and like my family, he’s disappointed in me too. I told him that I’ll handle the matter myself to not bother him anymore. TOP Hyung and Youngbae also called, not to congratulate me, but to tell me how stupid I am for letting things happen. Se7en Hyung scolded me for half an hour. These people, my closest ones, know everything. They know that I’m only with Lena because of my desire to move on, that I don’t love her.

“Hey Honey!” Lena wrapped her arms around me and kissed the side of my neck. “Good Morning”

Looking at her, I cannot help but regret everything. From the day I decided to be in a relationship with her, to marrying her.

“Look…” I’m eager to end this marriage. There’s no way I’m going to stay in it for long. “Last night, is a mistake”

“Huh?” Lena is acting innocent. Her favorite act.

I removed her arms around me. “We’re not supposed to get married. We were just so drunk last night to do something crazy”

She hissed. “I know this will happen” she take a breath and exhaled heavily. “Well dear, it already happened. I’m your wife now and you’re my husband”. Her smile is ticking me off.

“Let’s get divorced”. Being honest is my only way out of this.

To my surprise, Lena laughed. “No. I don’t want to”, then she smiled, the kind villains does in movies. “I love you so much to lose you Jiyong. Also, I told myself that once I get married, I will be with that guy forever. I will never be like my parents who are idiots to give up on marriage. We are in this situation for a reason. We don’t know why, but in the right time I’m sure we will”

“But I don’t love you”. These words surely stabbed her. “I care for you, but not to the point where I’m in love with you. This isn’t in our plans”

I’m going to do everything to end this – This is what I keep on chanting in my head, over and over again.

“If I agree to divorce you, what will you do next? Marry Areum?” she laughed as if the idea is one big joke.

Annoyed by her attitude, “Yes” I firmly said. “Did you know that I’m about to break up with you yesterday. If only you didn’t bug me to go with you and your friends, and didn’t ditch dinner, things will not be like this”

Lena doesn’t seem shaken. Maybe because she knows it won’t happen anymore. “I know” she blurted out, confusing me.

“How…”

She smiled. “I looked through your phone”

This is . If she really did, it’s impossible for her to understand anything, for my messages are all in Korean.

“In the dark?” she asked as if teasing me. She exhaled heavily, “I screenshot your exchange of messages with Areum and sent them to my phone. Then, I asked a friend who is Korean to translate each one of them. With the messages translated, I discovered that you’re back together again and that you’re already planning to break up with me. So, to not let that happen, I plotted the whole night together with my friends for your plans not to push through”

There goes the timid Lena. It looks like I’m victimized by her. Good thing, I’m ready to fight.

“So the rumors are true…” I composed myself to show her who’s on top of all this. I shouldn’t show her that I’m shaken.

“I don’t get you” she is acting cool, like she knows she got me running around her palms.

I sighed to let off steam and smirked. “You don’t go off without a fight. You ruin your ex-boyfriends’ life in ways you perfectly know how”

She chuckled. “Well, I do it, sometimes, especially when I like the guy so much, but even after all that I’ve given him, he still wants to leave me. Let’s just say that it’s my way to get even. You hurt me, I’ll hurt you too”

Women does have unique ways under their sleeves, but Lena is one big dirty player. One way or another, I know where she’s coming from. She grew up alone. Her parents separated when she was twelve. They gave her all that she wants but never spends time with her. According to her friends, she’s always desperate for attention, hungry for love. She manipulates the people around her, to be able to keep them. I actually thought that I’m capable of changing her, but I failed.

“I don’t want to be married to you”. I’m being harsh, hoping that she will somehow realize things. “I admit, I’m a foolish guy for entering a relationship without deep feelings, but I’m telling you, I tried loving you. Like you, I worked hard to get to know you, but I really cannot force my heart to do so. We got married out stupidity. We were drunk during that time. I, personally, cannot even remember what happened”. Feeling really bad for her, I reached for her hand. “I’m sorry, but this isn’t right. Just think of the many things you can do, single, and the limited things, married. You want to be bigger in the industry, right? Being married might hinder that”. I’m looking deep into her eyes but can’t see sympathy and understanding in them. “One more thing, people get married for the right reasons. And that is, they love each other and want to be together forever. We’re far from that, and I’m sure you perfectly know it”

Talking her out of this is really hard. This woman is not easy.

With a small smile, “No. I don’t want to give you up. Most especially, I don’t want to give you back to Areum”

“This isn’t about her, Lena. It’s about me. I don’t want this. I don’t want to be married yet” my voice is starting to shake. I feel all kinds of emotions.

She smirked. “You can’t fool me no more, Jiyong. We’re husband and wife now, and that’s how it’s going to be for the rest of time”. Coldly, she stared at me for a while before walking out.

The day is very long to me. I’m on my phone most of the time, talking to my friends, who said the same things, over and over again. ‘That’s such a dumb move!’

I’m yet to deal with the media and fans. As far as I know, VIPs are shocked as I am with the news.

“Areum is here” Noona told me when I called her through video chat. My desire is to talk to Omma and Appa, but they are still not ready to face me.

The other person I’m dying to talk to is Areum, even if I don’t know how to explain myself to her at all.

“Can I talk to her?” I asked, wishing that she will.

Noona sighed and looked beside her.

“Fine!” I heard Areum say, and next thing I know it, she’s already in front of me.

My love. My heart aches for you.

“Congratulations on your unexpected marriage!” she greeted cheerfully. “You should’ve told me! You know I badly want to be there to witness it!”

Her sarcasm got me crying. For the first time the whole day, I let myself break. “It was all a mistake” I told her in between sobs.

“You know what? Maybe it’s really bound to happen” she said, plainly.

I shook my head. “I’m such an idiot! I hate myself for it. Areumie, I love you. You’re the one I want to be married with”

And she laughed. “How do you want me to react to that, huh? Do you want me to say, I love you too Jiyong!” then she smirked, “If you only know how miserable I am right now, you’ll flip”, and tears started rolling down her cheeks. “Just the thought that the man I want and loved for the longest time is already married, is enough to kill me. I cannot even force myself to think about last week, your promises, your plans for us, OUR FUTURE TOGETHER, all because those kept me hoping that once you come back to me, it’ll all going to become reality. If I only knew it was the last time I can be with you, I would have held you tighter. I hope you know what you have let go”

Her words are like daggers deeply stabbed in my heart.

“Lena is one lucky girl” Areum is trying to be strong, but she’s breaking into bits in front of me. “She gets to call you her husband and brag that you’re hers. Things I’m hoping to say one day. Unfortunately, I can’t anymore”

“Hey! Hey!” I need to tell her that I will fight for her and make her believe it. “I will get myself out of this. I promise”

She sighed. “Don’t. That would make you look bad, and that will seriously hurt your….” she paused “Wife” she continued. “I’m good with the pain. Don’t worry about me. I’ll get over this”

“No! Please, Areum…”

“Jiyong, let’s not hurt each other anymore” she looked at me with so much intensity. “Listen to me” she take a breath and exhaled heavily, “Our lives no longer fit together. The universe just don’t want us to be together. We’re meant to only be friends but not lovers. We’ve tried twice but there’s always something that stops it. I’m tired of loving you. I’ve reached my limit, and I’m ready to let you go. This time, there’s no turning back. I will be on my way and you will be on yours”

She was the one I wanted most to stay, but I ended up driving her away.

“Areumie, I’ve never wanted anyone or anything in this life than I want you. You know that. I WANT YOU. I LOVE YOU. I always did and I always will”

“Jiyong, I thank you for your love. But from now on, I will make myself realize that the person I’m going to be with will never be you”

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