JIYONG

I don’t know the exact reason why she left all of a sudden, but I’m sure it’s because of me.

“GD!” Lena called upon seeing me walking in. She’s in the living room, comfortably sitting on the long couch.

“Just call me Jiyong” I told her and settled on the single couch.

Her face lit up. To my shock, she transferred to my couch, sitting on the arm rest with both her legs resting on my lap. This gesture is faster than I expected. I find it very bold.

“It’ll take me some time to get used to calling you by your real name”. Lena. She’s very beautiful. She has this doll-ish features and a statuesque body to match it.

I pulled out a smile and looked straight into her ocean blue eyes. Odd, she’s definitely attractive but I cannot feel a spark. I’ll give this a shot, but will drop out if nothing happens. Honestly, I feel like both of us are just trying things out, that a glitch will instantly tear us apart.

“I have a question” she smiled and stared at me for a while, as if reading me. “Do you think she really loves you?”

This question ticked me off for some reason. What the heck is she thinking? Who is she to question Areum’s love for me when I, not even once, doubted it?

Offended, I removed her legs off my thighs and faced her fully. I will answer her question while looking straight into her eyes so she can feel the intensity. “Yes”. I’m so confident because I know it’s the truth.

Toning down, Lena reached for my hand and intertwined her fingers to mine. “I’m sorry. I’m just curious, you know” she explained and my blood stopped rising up to my head.

This girl is fearless and tackles, traits that I honestly don’t like. I once went out with a girl like her back when I was still too young to even care about a person’s personality. At first I’m all good with it until I cannot handle her anymore, giving me a valid reason to leave her.

“What made you ask that anyway?”

She take a breath and exhaled heavily. “Because I don’t think she loves you enough”. This statement stabbed me. “Look Jiyong, if Areum really loves you, she wouldn’t let you slip away no matter how hard the situation might get. One more thing…” she raised her index finger up, “Best friends don’t destroy you, they build you. But, it seems like in your case it’s not going that way. With your set up…” she pointed at me, “You taking care of her and her son, taking responsibilities that is not yours to have, and giving you false hope that one day you two are still going to have a chance, is destroying you. How come? Because you are doing everything for her. Making the impossible, possible for her convenience. Then what? At the end of the day, you’re still a best friend, someone who picks her up, and while she’s benefiting from you, you’re desperately waiting for her to give back, when she won’t, and you’ll be a total wreck because you just worked hard and gave effort for nothing”

This has gone far. It annoyed me to the core. So, to show her that I didn’t like the way she talked about Areum I decided to fire back in the most wonderful way.

“Nobody’s destroying anybody. Areum and I go way back. She and Yong are family. Our set up is not to her liking but I pushed it because I want them in my life, and taking care of them is what I wanted to do. It is my choice and I’ll continue doing so even with you around. And…” I looked into her eyes intensely. “It’s none of your business if she loves me or not, because as far as I know and based on what I feel when we’re together, she does love me, whether platonically or romantically, it doesn’t matter. As long as it is love, then I’m good with it”. After saying my piece, I stood up and walked out. Lena is showing sides of herself and so far, I’m not digging them, but I’ll give her another chance.

Couple of hours later, I heard laughing downstairs. Appa’s can be heard from my room, maybe he’s talking with a friend on the phone. As for Lena, I’m thinking that maybe she’s with Omma, though I can tell that my Mother is not into her. She might not voice it out, but just the way she moves around her says everything, which I fully understand because if there’s one woman that gets Omma’s full vote to be my girlfriend and even wife, it’s Areum, and it goes with Noona as well.

“Aish!” it’s mid-afternoon and I lost track of time. I’m finishing a song for TOP hyung and I. It’s going to be a part of our new project. “Hyung. I’ll be there a little late. Lena stayed for the night. I will drive her back to the hotel first before going there” I made a call to my manager. I’m expected to be at the studio in an hour and I’m still at home.

After that, I went down to have a late lunch. “Jiyong-ah!” Appa called upon seeing me coming down the stairs. He’s with Lena in the living room. “You woke up late!”

I looked at him weirdly. “Actually, I’ve been up early morning. I was just finishing a song”

He looked at Lena. “You said he’s sleeping”

She shrugged. “I thought he was”

You know what’s funny? Lena didn’t even try to reach out to me after I walked out on her, which I’m not used to because my exes, most especially Areum will do so and will even do everything to woo me back. This got me thinking, did I gave myself a challenge? That is, to tone down an aggressive and over-confident, tackles woman?

I eased up that moment I stepped in the kitchen where Omma is cutting fruits. “Omma” I affectionately called her. She turned to me with a sweet smile on her face. “We have Kkanpung saeu (sweet and spicy shrimp), Haemul jeongal (spicy seafood hot pot), Goguma mallaengi (Dried sweet potato)”

A smile instantly appeared on my face. I remembered when we still have a small restaurant, Omma will recite almost everything on the menu to the customers and whenever Areum and I are on vacation, we would help her, getting orders. We will memorize the menu as well and recite them to the customers, competing on who will not forget a single dish. Of course, she always win. My normal brain is nothing to her super brain.

“Thank you, Omma” I’m drooling seeing the food in front of me. Omma prepared everything for me and watched me eat happily. “Waaa….” My first bite is glorious.

She giggled. “If only Areumie’s here, I’m sure she will enjoy the food”

Hearing her name is making me sadder. Whatever her reason for leaving earlier than planned is making me lose my mind. As much as I want to believe that she’s just not comfortable being in one roof with Lena, I have a strong feeling that there’s something more than that.

“Omma…” I called and she looked at me with a Motherly smile on her face. “Do you know why she left all of a sudden?”

Nervousness washed her face. I don’t know why, but she suddenly looked off. She knows something, and I need to know what it is. Her sigh alone tells a lot already. “Areumie wants to give you space”

“Huh?”

“She told me about looking for another apartment, far from where they’re living now. I reacted the way the family would, asked her why she has to live far and why she’s making this a big deal, but after hearing her reasons, I let her be” Omma is tearing up while talking and my head is filling up with so many questions.

What does this mean? What exactly happened that made her think this way and decide on things that I never thought she’ll jump in to? She’s doing all this because…? We are now, what?

“Are you allowed to tell me the reason?”

Omma gave out a small smile. “Now that you have Lena, she wants you to fully bond with her, spend time and get to know her better. According to her, she’s now living up to the reason why she broke up with you, that is to give you your freedom that is long due”

!

“Why is she doing this to me?” I am on the brink of breaking down, simply because I feel like I’m losing her. Actually, I might’ve lost her already. “I didn’t ask for my freedom in the first place. The reason why I stick with her all this time and did everything I could to show her that I don’t need to be free, is because I want to keep her”. I’m holding back to not punch the wall or the table. Emotions are really taking over. “I thought me, entering a new relationship will be good for me because in one way or another, I want to see if I can love someone else, and also have someone to focus on when she get things running with Dr. Miller”

My Mother is hurting for me and I hate when this happens. But, out of all people, she’s the only person who can give me the comfort I badly need right now.

“Son…” Omma reached for my hand on the table. “Maybe it’s time for you and Areumie to have some space. Make time for yourselves because you both need it. I’m a hundred percent sure that after some time, the two of you will go back to normal again. For now, explore new things and go on with life separately”

Honestly, I’m not good with this advice, simply because I don’t know how to live every day without Areum and Yong. Those two are a big part of me and it’s not easy to drop them off, especially when I don’t want to.

“It’s actually very nice of Areumie to give you space for you to focus on your new relationship”

I haven’t asked my parents what they think of Lena yet. They don’t even know how we started. Noona is going to flip out once I tell her about it, and I’ll prepare myself to be scolded till my ears can’t hear anymore. She’ll probably ask Areumie’s opinion, who I’m sure is going to be silent of what she really feels.

Going for it, I decided to ask Omma since we’re already in the moment. “What do you think of Lena, Omma? Please be honest”

Her eyes that are fixed on mine are saying a lot. “Well…” she take a breath and exhaled heavily, “She looks like a good person. Very beautiful…” then she smiled, “All I want to know is if she’s serious with you. That she’s just not going to be in-love one day and leaving you the next, which I hope not because that’s going to hurt you and I’ll feel worse”

This made me doubt. Not only myself, but Lena as well. Are we even going to be serious about each other? Can we be serious? I wonder how much she can love me and how long will it take for me to reciprocate the love.

“But if she’s Areumie, it’s going to be really different” I said, half-conscious. “Up until now even after all that happened, I still believe that we were meant for each other in every way. Yes, the possibility of us not ending up together is huge, but I know I found my soulmate in her”. Tears started rolling down my cheeks. Crying is inevitable, especially when my heart is filled with too much emotions that I don’t know how to release. “She’s my happiness, Yong too. Just by thinking that they’re going to be out of my reach is really killing me inside”

Rare, but Omma is crying as well. Her heart is bleeding for me. After wiping my tears, “Ya! Your happiness is not dependent on other people. Hearts get broken and people fall apart. They’re going to drive you insane. All you have to do is go with the flow. Move with the wind” she cupped my face with both hands, “You’ll see by the end of it all, you will find yourself in the most wonderful place. A place where you’re really meant to be”

I can still remember, the last time I showed weakness in front of my Mother is after Areum and I broke up. We’re also in the same room.

An hour passed and I’m already calm. Appa told me that Lena is at the pool area, and that they were able to bond, chatting about random things. I guess it’s not only me who is open to change, my Father is starting off as well.

“Hey!” I sit beside her and she looked at me sweetly.

After a while, “I’m sorry for talking about Areum” she said. Oh, Lena is humble enough to admit her mistake – a turn on. She may be tackles, but sensitive at the same time.

I smiled at her. “It’s all good”, then I faced her. “You know what? Thinking of it, you’ve got a point. There’s really a glitch in my relationship with Areum that has to be fixed”

Affectionately, Lena reached for my hand and hold it in between hers. “Limits. You just have to put limits on her, and I want you to do the same with me”. Our eyes met. “Setting your limitations will make things easier for the both us. This way, we know up to where we can only go”

Putting a limit on Areum is out of my mind. I’m used to being all out on her, just like her to me. Putting a line in between us is going to be difficult, but maybe I can try.

“Be honest with me”. This is the right time to know if she is serious with me. “Are you sure of this? You know, of being in a relationship this fast?”

She looked straight into my eyes. “Yes”. Her answer just made ‘our thing’, real. “I am and I’m telling you, I’m ready to commit and by that you won’t have to worry whether or not I mean it, because I stand by my word and has never bended it”. Lena is sincere. Her eyes tell it so. “Jiyong, let’s be different. I don’t want to fall into tired old routines. Let’s explore together and not be stagnant. I know you don’t love me yet, but I like you, very much, that I know will turn into love in no time”

I’m ashamed that she know my real feelings for her. A good woman shouldn’t go through this. “That, I’m truly sorry for” I told her and she caressed my cheek and kissed it.

“It’s not to apologize for”. She is so calm and collected that if I’m on her place, I will be too wrecked to even function. “I’m letting you love me less than what I’m entitled to”

Unbelievable. Lena is good with this set up when I’m sure most women will back off right away. I guess she really is a trooper.

“I don’t want to promise you anything, but I’ll try my best to make us work. I can see that you’re putting a lot in this and I hope I can give you the love that you truly deserve” I told her with my utmost sincerity.

Maybe this is the end of the game for Areumie and I. I’m the one who raised the white flag and surrendered, because I now realize that waiting for her is like waiting for an apple tree to bear mangoes.

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