Sometimes strong emotions rule you, unleashing the beast in you that you’re not even aware is in there.

A week passed and I’m still trying to brush off the rumors about me and Jiyong that’s been spreading out like wild fire, fast and destructive. This is not the first time this happened, for we’ve been linked to each other as well many moons ago that we got out from so easily. But this time, it’s getting so big and twisted that I don’t really know how it will end.

The day I read articles about Jiyong’s alleged infidelity with me as his mistress, I laughed for a moment because the media has made the most ridiculous stories ever. Of course, none of them are true (Yes, not even me being a mistress because we are not in a relationship. We may be sharing the same feelings, but we are not entertaining it yet). The only things they got right from all the lies made was my name, age, and who I’m supposed to be in Jiyong’s life, which is his best friend. They even got my work wrong since I’m not a Doctor anymore and it’s still what’s written on my profile).

Another crazy thing, people are shamelessly dipping their noses on the matter. These people (if they can even be called one) calls me names like, , home-wrecker, desperate witch, mistress, and , that I must admit are hurtful and degrading, most especially when these people doesn’t even have a clue on the battles I’ve fought and still fighting. They don’t know my hardships. Heck! They don’t even know how I crawl back to life every time I fall. I’m in awe on how much they can raise you up because they adore you one day, and how they can drag you all the way down in just a snap. To make it simple, they don’t know a , so how can they judge me that easy?

In all fairness to Jiyong, he’s doing everything in his power to extinguish the ‘fire’ even when he got so much on his plate that is far more important. There’s no day that he doesn’t check on me, reminding me to not give a damn on whatever is going around. He’s consoling me in the best way he knows how and it’s a big help.

As for the kids, they don’t know a thing. We’re lucky they’re still so young to use the internet because if they happen to be old enough for it, they will surely and easily see every written about their Father and I that will haunt them for life. Just imagine reading exaggerated made up stories about your parents, and witnessing people judge the hell out of them.

“This is seriously suffocating me” Dami Unnie removed her face mask and tossed it beside her on the couch in annoyance.

Unnie is going to spend the whole day with us. She finally has time to spend after a busy month at work. Drag is, she needs to disguise coming here just in case there are photographers lurking around. The family agreed to be discreet for the meantime. We are being careful not to be seen together as much, to not flare things up more.

Speaking of photographers, they come and go, and it’s been three days since I last saw one. God knows how hard I controlled myself to not attack them. I still cannot believe how upfront and aggressive they can be at times. They know no respect, no personal space and no mercy, making you lose your right to privacy.

“He still cannot come here?” Unnie asked as I prepare snacks for us.

I unconsciously mushed a biscuit, “Shi….t!” I dust off my hands and get another from the box “Yeah” I replied with a sigh, “Not that I prohibit him from visiting…it’s just that…I really think it’s better and safer for him not to come here for a while”

She walked over to me and watched as I pour my homemade fruit shake in a glass, “How are the kids taking it?”

I sighed, “Let’s just say we are having meltdowns every day” then I pulled out a chair and sit on it, “Jiyong and I explained everything to them…well…” I smirked “More like lied to them” I finished with a fake laugh.

As much as I hate lying to my kids, I don’t have a choice because even if I tell them the truth as to why their Dad cannot visit for a while, they wouldn’t understand, so Jiyong and I made up this lie that he’s working in and out of the country and has no down time to spare. He assured our kids that they will see each other once his schedule clears up (which is once rumors die down). And when the kids insists to go to where he is, I always tell them that he’s so far, our car won’t be able to make it there. Of course, we feel bad about this and we’re truly sorry to our kids, but we are just doing this for their sake.

Unnie sits on the chair across mine “I must say…Jiyong awed me on how good he is in handling this. He’s been on this road so many times in the past with this as one of the biggest…cheating in marriage is looked down so much…not even the biggest celebrities can cross the fire without being burned…but he’s fighting real good and hard….I’m damn sure he’ll get out of this a victor”

To be honest, there are moments when all I want is to come clean to the public. I will admit to having a relationship with him years ago prior to Lena (the media wrote something about this a few days ago). Also, I will admit that I still have feelings for Jiyong and how I’m looking forward to the day he’s free from his wife. If it weren’t for our kids whom I know will be greatly affected once I come out, I’ve already speak up without any care if I’ll be stoned to death.

“I really want to help him Unnie…I just don’t know how” I told her and she looked at me with pity in her eyes.

She smiled, “Areumie…all you have to do is stay with him…cheer him up when he’s too tired to fight…hold him up when he’s too weak to stand…and give him love whenever he feels like the world is being too cruel to him”

And that’s what I’m trying real hard to do. We may not see each other like we used to, not talk personally either, but he’s always in my mind and prayers. We talk on the phone and facetime. I listen to him rant about all the crazy things people do to trash him out. I know it isn’t easy, but I have faith in him. He will get through this without burning himself too much.

It’s mid-afternoon and I was able to take a nap after picking the kids up from school. Unnie is babysitting and I can hear them laughing over a kiddie gag show on TV. I don’t know, but I suddenly feel nervous minutes after waking up. Spooky, but Jiyong entered my mind, so I decided to send him a text message to check on him.

TO JIYONGIE:

How’s your day going? Where are you?

You know this thing elders say about premonitions? I feel like I just had it, and it’s freaking me out.

FROM JIYONGIE:

Aigoo…can’t you ask questions one at a time?

TO JIYONGIE:

I feel uneasy

Minutes passed and he didn’t reply back anymore. My head is swirling and my heart is beating so fast. Did something happen to him?

*JIYONGIE CALLING*

Oh!

“Hey!” I giddily answered the call. My voice is so loud, it rings my own ears.

He chuckled, “Yaaa….are you missing me so much that you can’t contain your excitement?”

It seems like I’m just overthinking, for he sounds fine he can even joke around.

“I was so worried” As much as I want to relax, I can’t pull out yet because I keep on recalling my dream, “I had a bad dream that I cannot remember” I rolled my eyes and he chuckled “I woke up feeling nervous and out of nowhere…you pop in my mind” I follow up, making him smirk “You know what they say about things like that? It’s something about bad omen or a premonition of something not good about to happen” I started tearing up for some reason and it weirds me out.

It didn’t take long until I’m full on crying. This is so unexpected, making not only Jiyong confused but I am too.

“Yah! What’s up with you?” he asked, worried.

Holding back my hiccups is painful but I’m doing it anyway. “Just…be careful…please!” I begged, sounding like someone is choking me.

“Areumie…” Jiyong called as I try to stop my tears from falling, “You are scaring the out of me” he sounds annoyed.

I shouldn’t be like this! How stupid can I be for disturbing him from a sure busy day? And, how can I talk to him about bad omen and stuff when I know he’s not the bravest person to deal with things like this? Oh well, I guess I’m just too worried that I didn’t consider the consequences of my sudden freak out.

Couple of minutes in and I’m not calming down still. Jiyong have said every consoling word he knows and none worked on me. I think I’m having a nervous breakdown or an anxiety attack.

“Areumie!”  Unnie suddenly barged in my room and she’s on the phone. “Shocks!” she sits in front of me in bed and holds my hand that is clutching the duvet too tight, my knuckles already turning white. “Jiyong…she’s trembling…so bad!” Unnie is frantic as well.

Jiyong? How is it possible that they’re talking when I’m the one on the phone with him?

“Let go of your phone for a while Areumie” Unnie carefully gets it from me.

Totally confused, “But….” I am chasing my breath “I’m still…” I cannot finish a sentence.

Unnie met my eyes and her eyes widened, like she’s seen a ghost or something. “I’ll put you on speaker Jiyong” she said then climbed out of the bed “Talk to her first!” she called and speed out of the room.

“Areumie!” Jiyong is calling me but I cannot bring myself to respond “Yah!” he yelled “Yah, Jeong Areum!” his voice is cracking. He’s loud. “Yah! Talk to me! Damn It!” he shouted “YAH!”

“Here” Unnie walked in with a brown paper bag in one hand and a glass of water in another, “Breathe in this” she gave me the bag and I take it with shaking hands.

“How is she doing now, Noona?” Jiyong asked, as I try to relax myself.

Unnie is massaging both my arms and hands, trying to stop my trembling. The room is filled with tension. “She’s not that good” she answered him, then looked at me, “Jiyong hanged up on you a while ago to call me because he feels like something is happening to you” she finally cleared out. At one point I thought I was still dreaming where twisted and freaky things happens.

“Hey…Areumie…” Unnie positioned herself in front of me, holding me on both arms while looking straight into my eyes “Calm down…clear your mind…and don’t think of anything…okay?” her voice is soothing in the ears.

“But…Jiyong…” I don’t know what’s up with me, but I’m finding it hard to snap back to normal. My mind and my heart are battling with each other. One is feeding me unnecessary thoughts, while the other is fighting hard to bring me back to my senses.

“Areumie…” Jiyong called, making me look down at the phone beside me “Stop worrying about me…I’m all good…I promise”

It took me some time to snap out. Unnie and Jiyong teamed up in getting me back to normal, which I’m thankful for. I cannot imagine it happening with only my kids around to attend to me. More than being frightened, I’m sure they’ll be traumatized by the mere sight of me. They don’t even know a thing about what happened, for Dami Unnie made them go to Ethan’s room to play video games, strictly telling them not to go out if not needed.

When they saw me, I instantly acted like nothing happened. I pulled out a smile and strive really hard to give them their normal Mom, even when deep inside me I’m still bugged by things that I’m aware are only in my mind, but cannot move on from.

“I’m staying here for the night” Unnie said, finalizing her decision. She has plans tomorrow but for me she cancelled it. “I’ll share a room with Emma” she said, smiling sweetly at me.

I’m really grateful to her because she’s the one holding me together as of the moment. She’s also a big help with the kids and the rest of the house chores I wasn’t able to do because I cannot focus.

The night ended with me still clouded and disturbed. Jiyong called a good number of times throughout the day to check on me and chat with the kids. He can also tell right off that I’m not yet in my element, and it worries him.

“Yaaa…” he’s been diverting my attention to other things, like, telling me a story about the naughty gift a fan gave to him and the Big Bang boys during a filming. It’s a box with edible underwear and man thongs in it “The members and I were floored!” he laughs “We even bet on what’s in it...only to be surprised of how bold and crazy the things in it are” he is laughing his off and I kind of faked mine “Our reactions are hilarious” he is snorting.

I love hearing him laugh. I love the fact that he can still give out genuine smiles and laughs even in the messy situation he’s in right now. Before, whenever he’s in the midst of controversies, there are moments when he’s so close to giving up already. He had thought of insane ways to put an end to everything, but his drive to live in peace is stronger than anything. He gets strength, courage and motivation from the people he knows will never give up on him no matter what. I guess it’s what’s going on now. He’s secured that even with all the crazy things going around, there are still a lot of people who he’s sure will hold him up and not make him fall flat.

“Try not to think so much” Jiyong and I have been on the phone for three hours already, not minding the time. It’s past midnight now. “Don’t stress yourself just because of all this. Leave this battle to me” he said, almost pleading.

How I wish it’s that easy. I mean, things will not be as ed up and messed up if we’re careful enough not to be caught. Heck! It wouldn’t be this way if I chose to stay in America instead of coming back. Maybe his divorce will be easier, for Lena won’t be as triggered by me as she is now.

“What do I do then?” I asked.

He sighed, “All I want you to do is take good care of yourself and our kids. I need you in good shape once I get over all this…do what you always do for me Areumie…” he paused as I anxiously wait for him to continue, “Be my source of strength because you know so well how draining this can be” he said and I nod my head in agreement.

“I will…for you…Jiyongie” I promised, slowly pulling away from the misery I’m in for quite some time now.

“And…” he followed up “Don’t stop loving me please”

It made me giggle, “Jiyongie…you don’t need to tell me that anymore” I tell him “You have my love with you anytime…anywhere” I said, and for the very first time, I was able to pull out a genuine smile.

In moments where you’re being attacked and judged blindly, sometimes all you truly need is love to get you by, for it makes you stronger, inspired and motivated to go to battle again. Love is that one powerful tool that can give you a huge chance of winning among others.

There’s no need to say I love you, for we both know how much we love each other even without words. I was able to sleep through the night with a sweet dream that I cannot remember (as usual), but I woke up with a huge smile on my face the next morning. Funny, but I think I’m being played at by these freaking dreams.

*phone ringing*

I wonder who it is. I doubt it’s Jiyong because he’s still too early for him to function.

“Oh!”

It’s Dr. Nam.

Lazily, I pull myself up to sit and clumsily clicked the answer button. “Good Morning Doc!” my voice is full of air, I don’t think she can get what I said.

“Areum” her tone is exactly like when she’s calling for an emergency. This is strange.

I swallowed hard and forced myself to fully wake up already. “What can I do for you?” I asked, sounding cheerful.

This must be an emergency call or a reference call. Maybe she’s going to ask about a patient that I handled way back or she wants my opinion about a certain thing. Tsk! I really don’t know anymore.

You see, Dr. Nam rarely calls for a simple chat or gossip. She’s the kind of person who’d rather meet your for a meal to do that than be on the phone. That’s why this call is really strange to me.

“Have you seen the gossip sites already?” she asked and my body automatically snapped as if it was grounded.

Without a word, I grabbed my laptop from the side table. Instead of checking a specific site, I typed G-dragon on the search bar.

I gasped, “What the!” my jaw dropped upon seeing pictures of our kids in their school uniform.

[G-dragon’s secret children, revealed]

[Big Bang’s G-dragon, a Father of two]

[It’s a Son and a Daughter for Big Bang’s G-dragon]

                A few weeks ago, Big Bang’s G-dragon is accused for cheating on model/actress wife, Lena K. after the legendary singer was seen on a date with his childhood bestfriend, Jeong Areum. YG Entertainment released an official statement a day after the news spread, stating that the said rumors and stories are all made-up and fake. There are no clearance about G-dragon’s marriage, although based from Lena’s recent interview, it seems like they are on rough roads as of the moment.

                Now, another secret is revealing itself. G-dragon is said to have two children, a boy and a girl, ages 5 and 3 *as seen on the photo*, to his bestfriend, Jeong Areum. According to some sources, both pregnancies are kept not only from the public but from Lena K. as well. The children are studying at The Korea International School in Gangnam. G-dragon has not been seen with the two yet, but our sources say he visits them at their apartment often. 

               We are yet to get a confirmation about this matter. So, stay tuned!

“This isn’t real” I said in belief.

How did this happen? I cannot believe this. They were able to take pictures of me and my kids, a block away from their school. As far as I can remember, we are on our way to a convenience store when the photos are snapped. This is bigger news than the so-called infidelity.

Because of shock, I wasn’t able to properly say goodbye to Dr. Nam. I actually hanged up on her. I’m shaken by the thought that my kids are now exposed to the public. My fears are beginning to creep up on me and I’m not prepared to deal with all them yet.

In a hurry, I bolted out of my room to Emma’s to see if Dami Unnie is already awake, but they’re still in deep slumber with my daughter’s arm and leg wrapped around her Aunt.

“Screw it” I muttered then rushed out of the room, to the bathroom where I took the shortest and fastest bath I’ve taken in years.

This may be trouble, but I will go to Jiyong and Lena’s house right now. I don’t have an agenda. All I want is to talk to Jiyong about the actions we can do to get them out of the mess.

“Calm down…calm down…calm down” I keep on telling myself like a mantra while driving. The last thing I need is a breakdown, definitely not in the middle of the road.

Now in front of the “Kwons’ house”, I ring the doorbell with a shaking hand. I’m aware that I’m not welcome here, but I have to do what I got to do. I must say, I’m not in my element. Heck! I’m not in my right mind as of the moment. Last thing I want is Lena ing out on me, so I’m praying that she stays out of my way even just for today.

“Good Morning” an elegant looking woman opened the door. By the way she looks, I can tell that she’s Lena’s Mother. They resemble each other a lot.

The moment our eyes met, I know she knows who I am. Her face that is bright like the morning sun turned dark, and the smile she has was replaced by stiff lips that I’m sure has a lot to say about me.

“What are you doing here?” the tone of her voice isn’t welcoming either.

I think now we know where Lena got her stinky attitude. Totally from her Momma.

I cleared my throat and pulled out a smile even when I’m starting to get annoyed, “Good Morning!” Of course, I didn’t forget my manners. It doesn’t mean that because she’s giving me an attitude, I need to reciprocate. I’m going to be the better person here.

“I want to talk to Jiyong” I said in the kindest voice.

She shakes her head, “He’s not here”

Oh c’mon!

Calm down. CALM DOWN.

I have a strong feeling that she will not let me in no matter what happens. For a second I thought she’s going to violently throw me out (which is so possible. She can actually lift me in a swish). I considered pushing her aside to let myself in, but dropped the idea after realizing how rude it is.

That’s why, I just bombarded Jiyong with endless calls and messages. Next thing I know it, he’s already in front of me in his usual bed clothes (loose shirt and sweatpants), hair in a mess and eyes still half-closed.

“GD…” his Mother in-law (that I officially name as Cruella Dev-il) looked at him, her arms crossed on her chest “Lena doesn’t take visitors in the morning, you know that”

Oh please! Since when did this house have rules? As far as I know, I’m a regular in this house before it was taken over by witches, and not even once was I not welcomed.

Jiyong turned to Cruella, it’s obvious on his face that he’s not in the mood for this morning. “Areum is no visitor…she’s been going in and out of here even before you guys came. And…” he brushed his hair with his fingers in annoyance, “This is my house…too…I have the right to accept visitors anytime I want” he just -slapped Cruella and it’s satisfying.

And just like that, she shut up. All she can do is roll her eyes at me when I passed by her.

Finally in the house that I haven’t been to for years (by the way, it looks so different from the last time I’ve been here. Lena really flipped it to fit her taste and to be honest, it lost its uniqueness). Jiyong led me to his bedroom and that’s when I confirmed he and Lena are really not sleeping in one room anymore. Actually, they are good to be called as housemates than husband and wife now.

“Read this” I don’t want to waste any more time. I get to the matter right away. After all, it’s what I’m here for.

“They dragged the kids now” my blood is boiling. I’m so angry, I can feel it in every fiber of my being. “Jiyong! They dragged my kids into this already!” I yelled.

Originally, I’m just really going to talk to him, not to lash out on him. I want us to come up with a plan to lessen the damages. But for some reason, I lost my , so sudden, Jiyong didn’t even see it coming.

“Areumie…” he made me sit on the foot of his bed and crouched down in front of me, holding my hands that’s on my lap “I know you’re angry because this is what you’re preventing to happen since all of this began” he said, receiving a smirk from me “But…you need to calm down. Your anger will not do any good”

“Jiyong! There’s no more time to chill!” my loud voice echoed in the big room, “We are talking about MY KIDS now!” I shouted at him.

He takes a deep breath and exhaled heavily, “They are OUR kids, Areumie. They are mine too”

Brushing him off, “Have you thought of how this might affect them, huh?” I leaned forward, closing the gap between us “They are in the middle of adjusting…that by the way is so damn hard and complicated for them” I rolled my eyes “And now what?” I move my hands away from his “They’ll be feasted on by the whole world without any fight…Jiyong…Ethan and Emma are still too young for all of this…they are too fragile…too young to deal with people who wants to rip them off their privacy”. I am on the verge of crying and as much as I don’t want to show him that I’m breaking, there’s no way I can control it. I’m bursting in frustration, disappointment and regret.

“I’m sorry that it has to be this way” all he can do is apologize. Like me, I’m sure he didn’t expect this to be so twisted and crazy.

“You promised me that they won’t be dragged in this Jiyongie” I may be too angry, that for the first time, I’m madly pointing a finger at him.  “I put all my trust in you… I hold on to your words even when it’s too good to be true”

All that’s coming from my mouth are piercing right through his heart. I can see disbelief, shock and pity in his eyes. This isn’t the usual mornings we share. In fact, this is the worst we’ve had.

“You said you will protect them with all your might…well...” I stared at him for a while “If this is the protection you’re talking about…I must say…it ” I’m spitting out fire that none of us expected to come out of me.

It’s strange, but all Jiyong does is listen when he normally responds whenever he hears something not right. He’s taking everything like a sponge to water. I wonder what will happen once he’s tightly squeezed.

“You !” I shouted at him “This !” I completely lost it already.

“SHUT UP!” Jiyong finally exploded. He stands up and walks to a corner and faced the wall. He’s probably letting off steam.

After a while, he walked over to me, with a cooler head. This is typical Jiyong. He really doesn’t snap out right away. He has this wonderful ability of stabilizing himself when I’m his total opposite.

Standing in front of each other, no words are being said. It was so silent I can hear my heart banging my chest. I feel really bad for lashing out on him. This is what really happens when you let emotions rule you.

“Jiyongie…” I looked straight into his eyes that have been staring at me sharply “Get the kids out of this and we won’t have a problem” I said calmly “If you…”

“What Areumie…” he butted in, moving closer as if triggering me “What?” he asked again with so much angst.

With my head held high, “I will hide them to a place impossible for your toxic industry to follow” I replied.

He smirked, “I knew it!” he said, throwing his arms out.

Confused, “Knew what?” I asked.

He leaned in closer, our faces so close I can pucker my lips and it will perfectly touch his. “You’re going to run away again” he answered and turned his back at me, and faced me again after a while “Running away is your solution to everything…huh?”

Once again, tears are charging, one blink and it will fall effortlessly on my cheeks again. “It’s the best way to pull out from a threatening pain…danger and a lot of other ” I told him.

He faked a laugh, “Areumie!” he yelled “Running away worsens things!” it’s his time to spit out fire and I’m all for it. “You running away years ago is the most horrible time of my life” he is pointing a finger at me “I almost lost my mind thinking endlessly of you…of OUR KIDS…” he paused and just stared at me until he snapped back to his senses. He points a finger at me again “You don’t know how bad I suffered Areum” he throws his head back and shakes it upon looking at me “You don’t know how hard it is to wake up every damn day clueless of where your family is” he is crying now and it’s breaking my heart in pieces “If for you running away is the easiest escape…for me…running away is the weakest and dumbest thing to do…especially when it’s not just you who’s going to be affected by it” he sighed “Whether you like it or not…I am part of your family...I am the Father of  your children…I have the right to them…so you don’t have the right to decide alone on what to do”

This is really going too far. I’m getting sick of it.

“I will not let you take away my kids from me again” he said firmly “Run away as you wish…hide in some cave I don’t care…but don’t even think of bringing my kids with you because I swear Areumie…once you do it again…I’m going to fight you anywhere”

“Dumb ” I whispered to myself.

He moved closer to me, “Yeah. Whatever you say” he countered and walked to a corner across from me.

I’m so angry right now that I can fight whoever blocks my way.

“And the is really here” Lena suddenly appears.

 

                                            ****