Staying in-love with a person you cannot be with can be dreadful, but if you’re doing this to show how much you care, there’s nothing wrong with it. After all, nobody, not even that ‘person’ can control your heart. It’s only you and you alone who can dictate it.

It’s still a bit awkward to hear Jiyong talking about his love for me. I know very well that it didn’t waver, didn’t lessen, and I’m grateful for it because if he stopped loving me the day I broke up with him, I wouldn’t go through this crazy journey with a smile on my face every waking day.

After lunch, I’m not as dramatic anymore. Jiyong and I are once again bumming in the living room with loud music banging the speakers.

“Yah! Why did you turn it off?” I protested when the music suddenly stopped.

Ignoring me, he ran to his room and walked out after a few minutes with his headphones and Ipod.

Weirdly watching him, “What are you doing?”

He joined me on the couch, put the headphones on my stomach and played a song. I can hear it, but I can’t recognize what song it is.

“I’ve read that music is good for the baby. It can help its mental growth”

True. During the last trimester, it’s recommended that parents should play classical or relaxing music to their babies. Not only will it help their mental growth, but will also make them feel calm. Believe it or not, there are babies who can recognize the songs that were played to them while inside the stomach once they’re already out.

I looked at him in disbelief. “Are you reading my pregnancy books?”

He smiled widely. “The diaper diaries. Yeah”

It’s one of the books I bought a few days after learning I was pregnant. I told him he can read it if he has time, for him to be knowledgeable about pregnancy and newborn care but he’d rather listen to what I feel like sharing than reading. Looks like he really got a lot of time in his hands these days.

“You didn’t know, I got the book from your case and brought it to Japan with me the last time I went there” he said, making my jaw drop in surprise.

“Are you serious?”

He laughed and nod. “Yes! It’s what I’ve been reading the whole trip. There are nights when I stay up late just to finish a chapter and the giving birth part didn’t make me sleep for days”

“Why is that?” I asked curiously when I felt the baby move. I rubbed my stomach gently and as if on cue, Jiyong followed.

He sighed. “I just can’t imagine it happening to you. Like seriously, if you go natural birth there won’t be any pain medication, you’ll be able to feel the baby going out of you, RAW”

This is so funny! Jiyong is going pale. He’s nervous, as if he’s the one who’s going to go through it.

Holding back my laughter, “Yikes!” I fooled around.

He shook his head, maybe trying to shake the thought out. “Then there’s the C-section which is crazier than ever! Just imagine being split in half!” he slashed his hand on air as if chopping a fruit using a samurai. “Yong is going to be pulled out from you. Aigoo. It’s stressful”

I can’t help it anymore. I burst out laughing until I tear up. “You’re overthinking, Jiyongie!”

He looked at me in disbelief. “You’re not scared?”

I rolled my eyes. “More than being scared, I’m worried for Yong because there are a lot of things that can happen throughout the process. But, I’m positive that nothing bad will happen since he’s healthy”

Worrying for my baby is just normal. As they say, until he’s not in your arms yet, there’s no relaxing.

“What birthing method do you want anyway?”

There’s nothing more shocking than hearing Jiyong use the words labor terms. He really absorbed everything he read.

“As a matter of fact…” I smiled at him and excitedly said, “I want a water birth”

Wide eyed, “What? No!” he screeched.

“Why not?”

He take a deep breath and exhaled heavily. “Because that’s….unusual”

“Aren’t you the one who wants Yong to be unique?” I asked.

Dumbfounded, he nodded. “Yeah”

“He’s way out of this world is going to start it off! He’s going to be one of the few babies here in South Korea who will be delivered thru water birth. How cool is that?”

Call me crazy by going out of the box, but I really want to try a different birthing method to just be different. Of course, I’ll discuss this first with Dr. Lim. All I’m praying is for her to give me a go signal.

Well, not all hospitals around the country are allowing water birth, only the big ones does. There are risks as well. It just looks scary and dangerous because it’s (according to Jiyong) unusual, but when it’s done right (which I’m sure Dr. Lim and a midwife will not fail), there won’t be any problem.

“Ah!” Jiyong snapped all of a sudden and rushed to his room again.

My baby moved again and I felt it intensely. He went from my left to right, just under my rib cage, making it a little harder to breathe.

Jiyong came back with his lyric notebook and a pen. “Go here” he walked to the dining are.

I pulled myself up from the couch and slowly walked to where he is with my hand supporting my back. My stomach is really heavy already, that even short distances feels like a workout.

“What do we have here?” I asked as he helped me to the chair beside him.

Sliding the notebook to me and giving me the pen, “It also says in the book that you should have a birth plan. I already wrote the guideline questions to make it easier for you”

Honestly, I don’t want to make a birth plan to think that I’m called a Doctor (we recommend this to expecting mothers). The main reason why I don’t want to make one is because I want my delivery to be free-flowing. I don’t want to follow anything coz chances are, I’m just going to be disappointed once things don’t go the way I planned them. Now, it seems like I don’t have a choice but to do it, to not disappoint my best friend whose efforts are up to heaven.

“This is your lyric notebook” I told him while scanning the pages.

If you could only see it, you will be amazed by the number of songs he has made and how beautifully written they are.

“I can’t find a paper. The notebook will do” he said.

If he asked me for a paper, I would give him a ream. Oh well…

“Let’s start!” his enthusiasm is so motivational.

                                                                                                                                                 BIRTH PLAN

1. Who do you want to be present during delivery?

Married women will automatically write their husband. Some women, even married, doesn’t want any company. While some want their Mothers (if mine is alive, she’s the one I’m going to write). Unfortunately, I don’t have a husband, my Omma is already long gone, and it’s going to be so much better to have someone beside me during delivery. Question is, who?

• No one

“Yah! Jiyong yelled, making me look at him.

“Why? Any problem?” I asked innocently.

He snatched the pen from me and slide the notebook to him.

• No one Kwon Jiyong

Seriously? He really wants this?

“Do you know what you’re signing up to?”

It looks like Jiyong is going to eat more than he can chew once he insists in accompanying me. I know his limits. The man couldn’t stand too much blood.

“Look, I know you’re doubtful if I can make it till the end of delivery. I’m telling you, I can” He sounds pretty confident that it’s enough to convince me.

“Aren’t you going to ask me if I want you there?”

Jiyong just stared at me. Reading me.

“I want to be there”. I can clearly see sincerity and dedication in his eyes. “It’s not that normal for a best friend, not to mention a guy that is not the father, to be present during that moment but I cannot let you go through it alone. I know how hard it’ll be, and the only comfort I can give you is my presence. Don’t worry, I won’t pass out. You can squeeze my hand as tight as you want. You can pull my hair, or shout your lungs out in pain. I don’t care. Just let me be there with you”

Once again, he’s proving to me how a great man he is. Being with me during delivery isn’t his responsibility, but he stepped up to do it. Whoever Jiyong’s going to marry in the near future, she is very lucky for she got a very good man to spend the rest of her life with.

Touched and thankful, I hold his hand and smiled at him. I’m speechless.

He smirked. “The things I’ll do for you”

I chuckled. “All because you love me. Thank you”

Oh, what?

Smiling, “I really do” he said while nodding his head.

AWKWARD.

How I hate it when my tongue itches. It speaks madly.

Next question…

2. Do you want mobility or do you wish to stay in bed?

This, I can answer in a blink of an eye.

• Mobile.

“Why is that?” Jiyong asked, while biting his nails.

I sighed and removed his hand away from his mouth. Ever since, I’m always the one telling him to drop the habit because it doesn’t look good but as they say, old habits die hard.

“AISH!” he protested, but didn’t do it again unlike when we’re much younger. He’s so fond of pissing me off by biting his nails over and over again in front of me.

“Walking around can reduce labor by an hour. It can help the baby to move downward, making it easy to push”

3. How do you plan to stay hydrated?

• IV

4. Do you want to take pain medications or not?

• NOT

“What?” Jiyong squeaked, shocking me. “Yah! Don’t torture yourself!”

I giggled. “I’m not going to torture myself. I just want to experience it raw”

“Why? You’re nuts!” he said as if what I said is breaking the law.

I faced him fully. “To really feel what it’s like to be a woman”

“Why do I have a feeling that, that day is going to be a rollercoaster ride for the both of us?” he asked, hopeless.

I patted his shoulder “Because it will be”, and he shove my hand away playfully.

5. What are your preferences for your baby?

• Baby’s going to stay with me in the room. Feeding every two hours.

6. If you need a Cesarean, do you have any special request?

• I WILL DO EVERYTHING TO GIVE BIRTH NATURALLY!

C-section is not on the list. It can’t be. Why? Because it’s going to need a lot of time to recuperate. I won’t be able to take care of my baby in full swing for I need to also nurse myself. But, if it’s really needed (which I’m praying hard, not), I will give in. After all, the main agenda here is to get the baby out safely.

“Done!” I happily put the pen down.

Jiyong got his notebook, read the birth plan once again and smiled in satisfaction.

“Tomorrow, we’ll have a full schedule” he said.

Curious, “Huh?”

Resting his head on my shoulder (acting cute again). “We’re going to attend a birthing class” he makes it sound so casual, like it’s not a big deal at all.

Nervous at to what he’s getting us into, “What class?”

He smiled. “Bradley Method”

“For the second time this day, I will ask you, do you know what you’re signing up to?” I asked, while thinking how crazy he is.

With so much confidence, “Of course I do!”

Alright Jiyongie. You said so. We’ll see.

                                                                                                                                                   ****