Eun’s diary

The sea. We’re at the sea now, spring here is really different – I wish I could just live here, this is a paradise! Merchants coming in all over the world, delicious food all over the market, wonderful views – this is my dream home. How long have we been here? I think we’ve been here for a week now, Soondeok said she should be able to finish her painting by sunset today, so we’ll leave tomorrow. I’ll sure miss this place. I’m so happy to have Soondeok by my side again – she’s letting herself out more and more now, doing crazy things with me. I like that. Last night she even suggested having a date in the market, we went of course, the entire market is full of energy – many things to see, many things to admire.

Should I buy something for mother? I saw this nice bracelet made of shells last night, maybe I should get her one. Has mother ever been to the sea before? I don’t remember ever hearing her talk about the sea…maybe she hasn’t.

I had the nightmare last night again. I woke up in cold sweat – I must’ve screamed because Soondeok woke up and asked if I was okay. I was shivering then, I didn’t know how to react – yet Soondeok didn’t say anything, she just told me to breathe slowly. When I’ve finally calmed down, she hugged me and told me that she will not close her eyes until she’s made sure I’ve fallen asleep. Thanks to her, I fell asleep soon after that and had a nice dream. I dreamt that I was carrying Soondeok on my back as we walked up the hill – with lots of flowers blooming all around us. Maybe we should do that when we get back, that’d be really nice.

Soondeok’s diary

The prince had a nightmare last night, I’ve never seen him like this – he was frightened, he was sweating all over, like a little child. Did he dream about the past? Did he think of it as a dream…not realizing that what he dreamt about actually happened in real life? Or did he realize his memories, the memories he had tried to push aside, had made its way back to him through his dreams? I wish he’s alright. He looked all normal this morning when we woke up, I’m glad he’s smiling again…but it pains me to know that he’s forcing this smile for my sake.

Does he not trust me? Is that why he haven’t told me of his past yet? Or…like I fear, he’s not telling me for MY sake? I want to tell Eun that he can trust me, that he can tell me everything, that he can share his worries with me. But how can I? Just…how can I? So Oraboni was right…it’s hard for one to spot a person with a shattered heart because they tell everyone that they’re okay…My prince, I’ll wait for you to open your heart. I will wait.

Onni’s painting is almost done, I got to say, this is the best work of my life! All that’s left is adding some colours then I’m done! I can’t believe we’ve left he capital for half a moon already! I sure do miss Onni. I hope my gifts will help her get well faster – I want to see her walk again so badly. People say when one prepares gift with sincerity, it brings good luck to the one who receives it. Will my gifts bring her good luck? I hope so!

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(On the beach)

‘Soondeok ah, you said you’ll be done by today. Why is it that you haven’t even coloured it in yet?’

‘Oppa…this is really frustrating! I just can’t get the colour right! Look over there, the sea – that green…no matter how hard I try…I can’t find the right colour for it…’

‘Deok ah…rather than finding the right green, why don’t you just mix it?’

‘Mix it? How?’

‘Ya, are you a fool? How can you not know how to mix colours?’

‘We can do that?’

‘Wa…looks like I’m here to save you today!’

‘Oppa, you know how to mix colours? Really? Show me!! Please show me!’

(Eun takes a paint brush then starts adding yellow and blue to an empty dish)

‘Here…a bit of blue, and a bit of yellow – ah, maybe a bit of white.’

‘Wow! Look at this green! Oppa! This green! It’s similar to that of the sea!’

‘Hmmm…something’s just not right…maybe a bit, just a bit more of light pink.’

‘Pink?’

‘Here, Soondeok ah, what do you say?’

(Soondeok tries a bit of the paint on scrap paper)

‘Oppa! You’re amazing! How did you know which colour to mix?’

‘Well…I may not be good at studying, but I’m pretty good with things like this.’

‘Absolutely fabulous! Oppa, can you make more? I need just a bit more for my painting – it’ll be finished after adding this green! Come on! Hurry up!’

(Eun shouts in soldier tone)

‘Yes sir!’

‘Ya~ Oppa~ It’s not funny…’

‘Well, how should I say it? Yes madam! Like that? Or…YES MY LITTLE DOVE!’

‘Ya! Oppa, people will hear you!’

(Eun smiles at Soondeok as he mixes the colours for her. Finally, the painting’s finished. Both sits on the beach, enjoying the sunset.)

‘Gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous.’

‘I know right? I love the way the entire sky explodes with colour, a bit of blue over there, a bit of purple over there…’

‘Idiot. I was talking about you.’

‘Oppa…what’s wrong with you these days? Why do you keep saying things like that?’

‘You happy?’

‘Yes…so happy that I think I will die with a smile on my face right now.’

(Eun chuckles)

‘But you’re right, the sunset looks magical. Isn’t it beautiful, Deok ah? Just look at it. Man, my mood’s all better now…’

‘Oppa…last night, you alright? Did you have a nightmare? You care to share the nightmare with me?’

(Silence)

‘You don’t have to if you don’t want to…it’s just that…I tell my father my nightmares whenever I have them and after that…it’ll feel all better, that’s all. I just thought, if you needed it…I should stop talking now shouldn’t I? Right…’

(Eun brings Soondeok to sit closer to him.)

‘You can keep talking, I’m listening…’

‘Oppa, what are you thinking about? You seem to be deep in thought.’

‘Soondeok ah.’

‘Yes, Oppa?’

(Silence)

‘Did…did I do something wrong, Oppa? Are you mad at me? I’m sorry…please forgive me.’

‘Why are you apologizing when you didn’t do anything wrong?’

‘I…I don’t know…you weren’t talking and…I thought…’

‘I’ve been thinking…’

‘About what?’

‘Of you.’

(Eun looks at Soondeok)

‘Oppa… What about me? Are you…thinking about the divorce?’

‘Ya… I told you I won’t.’

‘Just…just asking…your mood changes like the weather, I was afraid…never mind…I talk too much don’t I, Oppa?’

(Eun sighs.)

‘Recently…I’ve come to hate the word “Oppa”…’

‘Hm? You hate it? Why?’

‘I hate it when you call me Oppa…’

‘But…that’s how you wanted me to call you…should I call you Oraboni then?’

‘Soondeok ah, that’s not what I meant.’

‘Then, are you going to come up with a new word? I can call you…hmm…Obbang~, it sounds cute, don’t you think? Or -’

(Eun stares at Soondeok, Soondeok stops.)

‘You can still call me “Oppa” – yet not as your ‘brother’, but as your boyfriend, Soondeok ah.’

(Silence)

‘But…Oppa…you’re the one who said you wanted us to be in this brother-sister relationship.’

‘I know I did…and I was comfortable with it.’

‘Then why?’

‘Because I’ve changed. Right now… it would seem…in my heart…somewhere in my heart…you’re there.’

(Silence)

‘Your highness…can’t we…just be brother and sister? Things have been going well for us now… Like what you’ve said, you’re comfortable with it. Who knows if we’ll hurt each other again unintentionally if we see each other as…our lover?’

‘Brother and sister…Deok ah, is that what you really want? I thought you wanted me to become your lover, your husband…’

‘Sure I want to…it’s my dream…but more than that, I want to see your highness being yourself, your happy self. If you’re forcing yourself to be my lover just because you think I’ll like it  – what meaning is there to that?’

‘My happy self…so you want me to stay being “just your brother”?’

(Soondeok nods)

‘Oppa…I believe that’s what’s best for both of us.’

‘Brother…just brother…you want me to be just your brother…’

(Silence)

‘I want to be just your brother too, Soondeok ah – but how can I, when my heart beats like crazy whenever I think of you?’

‘Oppa…’

‘Soondeok ah, from now on, I’ll be your boyfriend. Today – DAY ONE!’

(Soondeok’s eyes starts to get wet)

‘Your highness…’

‘Until the day when I can live up to the role “husband” comes, I will be your boyfriend, you can still call me Oppa. I mean…we didn’t know each other well when we got married…we didn’t even date. What say we work our way up the ladder, Deok ah? Say…marriage is the tip of the pyramid, we’re now at the base, we need to work our way up, that way will we be able to stay together forever. Sounds good? We will spend more time together, understand each other more…In fact…nothing much have changed! Just that…I…I…’

(Soondeok touches Eun’s face, Eun stops.)

‘Oppa, I understand, I understand. Sounds good to me, let’s work our way up. We have time.’

‘Deok ah…I’m sorry it’s been taking so long…I’m scared…’

(Soondeok hugs Eun)

‘Oppa. Whatever your choice is, whatever you want me to be to you, I’ll accept it gladly. Just promise me you’ll be happy. Let go of your past, let go of the things that happened in the past, because it doesn’t matter now.’

‘S…Soondeok ah. There’s something I want to tell you…’

‘I’m always listening.’

(Silence)

‘I…I can’t…I’m sorry…I thought I had the courage to tell you…I guess not. I’m hurt, Soondeok ah…I’m hurt, sometimes I feel like I’ll die because of it. I want you to know, I want to tell you…but I can’t, I’m sorry.’

(Soondeok looks at Eun)

‘That’s alright, Oppa. When you’re ready, I’ll be here.’

‘Will you? Promise?’

‘Sure! Oppa, you feel this wind? It comes, stays then goes. Life comes, stays then goes. Oppa, pain too will come, pain too will stay – it may stay for a very long time, but eventually, it will go. I can’t bear your pain for you, Oppa, just like you can’t bear mine – but I’ll be here next to you to make sure you’ll fight your way out.’

‘Deok ah…thank you…thank you…really.’

(Eun hugs Soondeok tight, Soondeok tries to bring the mood back up)

‘Oh! Will you look at that? Isn’t that the moon?’

‘Where?’

‘Oppa, look! Over there! The sun is setting, and the moon is rising – looks like they do meet after all, even though it’s only for a brief moment. I used to think I’m the moon…waiting for the day to finally meet the sun…I can’t believe they actually can meet in the sky.’

‘Am I the sun?’

‘Yes…You were the sun that I wish to get close to but we were always separated…I had wondered, will they ever meet in the sky. Looks like they do.’

‘Deok ah. The moon may feel lonely at night thinking the sun doesn’t care about her, but in fact, it’s the thought of meeting the moon that causes the sun to rise every morning.’

‘Oppa…’

(Eun smiles)

‘I feel wonderful now. Soondeok ah. Since you’ve just finished your painting, and it’s our first day today, what say we celebrate it with a kiss?’

‘Oppa! Why are you always after a kiss like going after a present or something?’

‘Please? A kiss. I mean, seriously! The beautiful sunset, the happy moment, this is the best time to have our first kiss, Deok ah! Our first day! Day one! Come on Soondeok ah!’

‘I...I’m not ready to be a mother yet…’

‘What?’

‘If we kiss now…then our child will be born in winter, is that right?’

‘Soon…Soondeok ah…don’t tell me…you think kissing on the lips will make you pregnant!’

‘I figured it out myself. You would kiss my neck, my cheek, my forehead, my hand – but you will always avoid the lips…because I said I didn’t want kids yet. Isn’t that why? Because once we kiss on the lips, I’ll get pregnant.’

(Eun freezes for a moment)

‘Wa…you really…your deduction’s really impressive. It doesn’t make sense at all, but you made it sounds like it does…’

‘So…am I right?’

‘Forget it, forget about the kiss. Aish…what did I expect?’

‘So I was right!’

‘I’m not saying you are.’

‘If not, you’d kiss me by now!’

‘I…my…this is getting funnier and funnier! I wonder how this will end…’

‘Oppa, what about this? On our 2^nd wedding anniversary, we’ll share our first kiss, how’s that?’

‘Why? That’s like months away!’

‘But you have my guarantee of a kiss. Please? On that day, I really WILL let you kiss me, really! Until then, don’t ask about it anymore, deal?’

‘Something smells fishy about it, Deok ah…it’s not one of your pranks, right?’

‘Of course not!’

‘Why did you pick that date? Why?’

‘Because…it’s special.’

‘Fine, deal! You better not change it!’

‘Deal!’

(Eun tries to hold back his smile)

‘So…Deok ah…after that night, we can have kids too, right?’

‘Of course! Why else would I allow you to kiss me?’

(Eun laughs)

‘When you find out the truth, Soondeok ah, you sure will punch me.’

‘Truth? What truth?’

‘Not telling.’

‘Oppa!’

‘My my! It’s getting late, let’s go back – I wonder what we’re having for dinner.’