Soondeok’s diary

Eun’s still sleeping, I love to watch him sleep, I love to listen to his breathing and his occasional soft snores – when I look at him sleeping, he looks like he’s someone I need to protect with all I have, like a little kitten. This morning when I woke up, Eun’s arm was embracing me, his right hand slightly touched my , I was stunned the moment I felt it, but I couldn’t bring myself to remove his hand, fearing that I’ll wake him up. Funny, isn’t it? I kind of liked this feeling, of being close to him – I promised I’ll take bath with him on our 2^nd anniversary, come to think of it, why in the world did I make that promise? I said it easily last night, but this morning when I remembered I had said it, it worries me, yet my words were my words, there’s no taking them back. Let’s just hope my husband will forget it, no matter how faint a hope that is.

Something weird happened this morning as well, besides him being close to me. As I laid there motionless this morning, hoping not to wake Eun up, I felt something poked at me on my back. At first I thought I had felt it wrong, but when I slowly moved my hand to the back and I felt it – I can’t make out what it was, I felt it all over and still can’t come up with an answer so I slowly turned and tried to have a look at it under the blanket. It was quite dark so I couldn’t make out what it was, I thought it was one of Eun’s toys he had failed to pack up before bedtime, but it wasn’t. That something, whatever it was, bulged out from Eun’s pants, I still don’t know what it was, will Eun know? I wanted to take a closer look but then Eun turned to his other side, still deep in sleep. Not wanting to wake him up, I just climbed out of bed and came here to write my diary. Oh listen! Eun’s awake now, he’s whining for me like a baby waking up calling his mother. Such a kid – still, I like him for it, the very fact that he can be himself around me. He’s growing impatient, I better go.

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(Soondeok walking towards the bed)

‘HONEY!!!!!! COME HERE!!! Oh! Deok ah, good morning.’

‘Aigoo, my dear baby prince~ Did our baby prince just woke up, hm?’

‘Mama~~~’

‘Aigoo, Oppa…Good morning.’

(Soondeok kneels on the side of the bed and gives Eun a kiss on his cheek, Eun embraces her)

‘Honey, how did you sleep last night, hm?’

(Eun kisses Soondeok on her cheek and invites her to lay next to him on the bed)

‘I slept well Oppa, and you?’

‘Well too, because you’re next to me, my darling.’

‘That’s good to hear.’

(Soondeok slowly pulls the blanket away and tries to steal a glance at Eun’s pants)

‘That’s weird…Where is it now?’

‘Oh? What did you say? Deok ah, what’s wrong? What are you staring at?’

‘It was just…there and…now it’s not…’

‘Soondeok ah, what’s wrong? Tell me~’

‘I…never mind, Oppa. I think…maybe I was just seeing things, that’s all.’

(Eun sits up on his bed)

‘Hmm…you seem to be looking for something, what is it? Did you lose an earring? Do you want me look for it with you?’

‘Oh, no! Oppa, not at all! It’s not an earring…you know I don’t wear earrings when I sleep. I guess…I mean…never mind. Kkkmm…Oppa, the servants said that Mongryong needs to exercise more because he’s gaining weight. What say we take him out for a run in the park today? The weather is nice as well.’

‘Sounds excellent to me, Deok ah, let’s go there after breakfast. What are we having?’

‘I haven’t checked yet, I’ll go to the kitchen now, wash up before I return, alright?’

‘Alright, my wife~~~ I love you~~~’

(Eun winks at Soondeok, she grins then leaves the room, Eun laughs)

‘Aigoo…she was looking for it, hahahaha…’

(Eun sighs)

‘Little brother, just wait for a while longer…you waited for this long already haven’t you? Just a bit longer, you can hold it…’

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Eun’s diary

Soondeok said it herself! She promised to take bath with me on our 2^nd anniversary last night!!! I’m over the moon right now, I can’t believe this day would come! We’ve come quite close last night as well, I almost wanted to keep going, but I stopped. I don’t want to just yet, I want it later – when everything’s well prepared, when the mood is even better, when I’ve officially proposed to her. Yes, I will propose to her – it had occurred to me a while ago that I hadn’t done that to my wife, though it’s an arranged marriage, I want to propose to her before our 2^nd anniversary arrives. I’ll pick a good date, I have yet to prepare for it. Only after my proposal will I truly maker her mine, but before that, I can only hold it in. Oh, that girl, she’s outside now but I feel as if she’s right here in the room with me. Is this what love is like? Even with Haesoo, I haven’t felt like this, this feeling of not wanting to separate with your love for a split second.

My birthday was awesome, the best day of my life probably! Well, the best day so far. Soondeok bought me a gayageum, she knows how much I love playing it and I played it in front of her. On one hand, I’m glad I could play it in my house at long last, yet on the other hand, I’m afraid. I’m afraid mother will break it once she returns, I’m afraid she’ll find out I’ve been learning it in secret after she gets back, I’m afraid she’ll drag my talent again, and most importantly, I’m afraid she’ll hurt Soondeok for it. But will she? I hope she can understand me, I hope she can let me decide what to do with my life – I’m no longer a child now after all.

Soondeok’s getting things ready for our lunch in the park today – she said she’ll pack some cookies, as well as my favourite snacks along with other food. She couldn’t bring herself to look at me for long since I woke up, probably of what happened last night and this morning. This morning when I woke up, I found myself hugging Soondeok, with one hand on her – I tried to move my arm away but it was kind of stuck underneath one of her arms, stopping me from moving so I had no choice but to keep it there. I stayed in that position for a long time in hope I will not wake Soondeok up, but then I started having these naughty thoughts. I kept battling against them, yet with Soondeok sleeping in my arms and the awkward position we were in, my body can’t help but react. Damn it! For once I wish I wasn’t as big – because unfortunately it touched her back. I guess Soondeok’s been awake the entire time actually but she didn’t want to wake me up because she moved her hand slowly and actually put it on my little brother! I swear, my heart was thumping so hard back then, I was afraid Soondeok could hear it! She felt it all over, guessing what it was – I wanted to laugh so hard but I held it all in. Heck, her grip was tormenting. Eventually she climbed over me and got out of bed after I pretended I was still sleep and turned to my right, only then was I able to breathe with ease. And what made it even more funny was that after a while, that is, after I called her to bed making her think I had just woken up, she was looking for it! She was looking for it and gave off a confused expression, my wife really is so cute! She’s the cutest when she looks lost.

Anyway, today, I will give it to her – my gift, one I’ve been thinking hard on. Hope she’ll like it.

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(After they had a nice time with Mongryong in the park and finished having lunch, Eun told the servants to take everything home first while he and Soondeok stay there for a while longer.)

‘Deok ah, I’m glad you suggested coming here, the pond looks beautiful today. Such a gorgeous day for a walk in the park.’

‘I’m glad the weather’s fine today, Oppa, I know you hate rainy days. By the way, did you enjoy the cookies?’

‘Oh yes! Oh yes I did! Soondeok ah, what say you teach me how to make them next time?’

‘Really? You want to learn it? It’s not easy.’

‘I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, that’s why I would like to learn from you, Deok ah.’

‘You can count on me, Oppa.’

(They walk along the pond then stop at a tree, Eun turns to face Soondeok.)

‘Soondeok ah.’

‘What-what’s wrong, Oppa?’

‘I have something to give you, Deok ah. Actually, I should’ve given it to you a while ago but I couldn’t bring myself to. Today seems like a good day.’

‘Oppa, what is it that you want to give me? You don’t have to really, I don’t need anything…being with your highness is already a gift too great to miss.’

(Eun holds Soondeok’s hands)

‘I’m glad you thought so, but I really want to give this to you.’

(Eun takes out a hairpin and puts it in Soondeok’s hand)

‘Here.’

‘Wow! It’s precious! I don’t think I can accept this, Oppa.’

‘Take it, and don’t worry, I didn’t spend a lot buying it, it was a gift to me.’

‘Oh? Who would give Oppa a hairpin as gift? Oh dear! Oppa! Don’t tell me you’re actually a girl!’

(Both laugh for a bit)

‘Aigoo, Deok ah, rest assure, I’m not a girl. You’ll never guess who it was – the one who gave it to me. It’s So hyung.’

‘So Oraboni? He gave it to you?’

‘Yes, he got it from a Persian merchant, he said that even the Queen of Persia had one of this.’

‘Still…giving your highness a hairpin is just…’

‘It was on my birthday, that same birthday you scared me with the bear.’

‘That birthday? He gave it to you then?’

‘Yes, everyone got confused then he said he gave it to me because he didn’t have time to get me a better present. He told me to give it to anyone I love in the future. Back then, I said…I said…’

‘Did you say you would give it to Haesoo?’

‘Well, no, actually…I said I would give it to my daughter.’

‘Then, Oppa, why are you giving this to me?’

(Silence)

‘Oppa, do you now want me to be like your daughter? Not as your sister, not as your girlfriend, not as your wife but as your daughter?’

‘What the heck are you talking about?’

‘You said you would give this to your daughter, didn’t you? I just thought…’

‘I had wished I could give it to my daughter back then, but right now, I want to give it to the woman I love.’

‘Still…this is just too valuable for me to wear, Oppa.’

‘Are you refusing to accept my gift? You dare? You accepted Bogum’s hairpin but not mine?’

‘No! Not at all, it’s just that…’

(Eun gets grumpy)

‘You can accept it if you want, you can reject it if you want to too – since it’s yours now. Throw it into the pond if you hate it so much. Do whatever you want! I don’t care! And don’t bother following me back home!’

(Eun walks away in anger like a little kid)

‘Oppa! Wait up!’

(Soondeok catches up with Eun)

‘Oppa! Oppa~~~’

(Soondeok holds Eun’s arm)

‘Oppa, thank you for the gift. I really love it. Really.’

(Eun stops walking and turns to look at Soondeok)

‘You didn’t seem happy back then…’

‘Oppa, I really love it! Really really really love it! I was just too shocked to receive this from you, that’s all. Oppa~’

‘Deok ah, I want to put it on for you, here, give it to me.’

(Eun helps Soondeok put on her hairpin)

‘There, beautiful! Wa, Deok ah, you look absolutely wonderful.’

‘No I don’t…’

‘Well, how do you plan to thank me, hm? What will you give to your Oppa in return?’

‘I…I thought you gave it to me for free…’

‘Deok ah, I’m not asking for you to pay for it or give me something in exchange. Rather, I’m asking for your gesture of gratitude…’

(Soondeok laughs)

‘Oppa! Your excuses are getting better and better by the day! Gosh! Well, wh…what do you want, Oppa?’

‘Well…I’d say a kiss is the bare minimum.’

‘What, now? Here? Oppa! You out of your mind? What if someone walks by and sees us?’

‘Like who?’

‘This is a public area, Oppa…’

‘So? Let them see then, let them get jealous, I don’t mind.’

‘But-’

(Eun pulls Soondeok by her hand and kisses her on the lips, Soondeok attempts to break away)

‘Oppa!’

‘Please, Deok ah, just one more.’

(They kiss for a while longer, luckily no one passed by. Eventually they continue their walk, hand in hand)

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(After the candles are put out, both of them in their bed, ready to sleep)

‘Oppa.’

‘Hm? What is it?’

‘We’ll resume training tomorrow.’

‘Training what?’

‘For the hunt of course! Oppa, have you forgotten?’

‘Ahh…that…’

‘You promised, Oppa.’

‘Aish, but I don’t want to! I hate shooting under the sun, the sun’s so bright I can barely open my eyes, let alone look at the target! And I hate running lapse, I hate doing sit ups and push ups, Deok ah.’

‘Oppa, are you even a man? Why can’t you even do these things? Even I can do it!’

‘Deok ah~ Please? Please just spare me…’

‘The thing is, Oppa, if you don’t toughen yourself up, father will not be happy. You know why he was against our marriage from the start? Because he didn’t think you could protect me, nor our children, Oppa…’

‘Well, what did you say back then, when he told you that? Why didn’t you listen to him?’

‘I loved you too much then to think otherwise so I just answered him that I will be the one protecting my family.’

‘There you go! Deok ah, you can do it, you’ll be the one protecting us. As for me, I’ll just work on the family’s finance, how’s that? Sounds fair, doesn’t it?’

(Soondeok gently slaps Eun on his forehead)

‘Ouch!’

‘Aigoo, Oppa, stop coming up with excuses.’

‘Deok ah…did…did you just hit me? I’m sad…I’m not talking to you!’

‘Oppa…’

‘Don’t talk to me Deok ah, I’m punishing you tonight – I won’t say anything to you! NOTHING!’

(Eun turns around with his back to Soondeok)

‘Oppa~~’

(Silence)

‘Oppa~~’

(Still silence)

‘Oppa, I promise I’ll go easy on you tomorrow, it won’t be as tough as the previous few trainings, really! Instead of 20 lapse, just run 15. And for push ups, instead of 50, just do 40. Oppa~~ Please don’t be mad.’

(Silence)

‘Then, Oppa, what say we cancel the training?’

(Eun turns around in excitement)

‘Really? That’s great! I knew you’re kind, Deok ah-’

‘You’ll be memorizing books in the library instead.’

‘Ya! Park Soondeok!’

‘Either that or training, pick one.’

‘Aish! None! Why are you doing this to me? Is it fun watching me suffer, huh? Is it fun seeing me under stress? Deok ah, why are you doing this to your man? Why??? Oh forget it! I’m not talking to you.’

(Eun turns again with his back towards Soondeok)

‘Why? You’re asking me why? Well, Oppa, let me ask you something…why don’t you like it?’

‘It doesn’t matter why, I just hate it, that’s all!’

‘There’s got to be a reason, Oppa.’

‘What’s the point of doing something I’m not good at, Soondeok ah?’

‘Oppa, it’s never too late! If you put in a lot of effort, you can do well!’

‘Deok ah, no matter how hard I try, I’ll never be like my brothers…No matter how hard I try, I’ll just be me…someone useless, someone brainless, someone not wanted…’

‘Oppa…’

(Eun sighs)

‘I can learn martial arts, but I’ll never be like So hyung. I can learn literature and memorize books, but I can never be like Wook hyung. I can learn painting, but I can never be like Baek Ah. Deok ah, you won’t understand…’

‘But you’re good at music, aren’t you, Oppa?’

‘So? Who cares if you’re good with music? No one cares. Do you see mothers going around the market bragging how good their son is in playing music? No! You see anyone praising musicians? No! Deok ah, just give up on me, okay? Just let me fool around all I want, alright? I’ll come to the hunt with you…but don’t expect me to get anything. Don’t expect your husband to do anything, to succeed in anything, because I can’t…’

(Silence. Soondeok gives Eun a back hug)

‘Oh, your highness…I didn’t know…it must’ve been hard for you… but you know what? Oppa, you’re number 1 in my heart, always, and it’ll never change, you know that, right?’

‘You don’t have to cheer me up like that, Soondeok ah…I’m used to it.’

‘But I really mean it, don’t compare yourself with others, it’ll only hurt you more.’

‘I suppose you’re right – at least I have a wife who loves me, that’s all that matters I suppose. But I really don’t deserve you, Soondeok ah…’

(Eun touches Soondeok’s hands)

‘At least I have you to be proud of, Soondeok ah. At least heaven gave you to me…thank you, Deok ah, I’m feeling better now.’

‘You don’t sound better though, Oppa.’

‘Sad thoughts tend to stay a bit, it’ll pass. Like what you’ve said before, wind will come, will stay and will go – pain too will come and will stay, but eventually it’ll go…’

‘That won’t do, Oppa, I can’t let you sleep upon sad thoughts, you need to cheer up first.’

‘Soondeok ah, you don’t have to worry about me, I’m fine.’

‘But it’s my job, Oppa, I’m your wife.’

‘You being by my side is already good enough, my dear wife.’

‘Are you underestimating me, Oppa? You think I can’t make you happy again?’

‘Deok ah, that’s not what I meant.’

(Soondeok gets her hands inside Eun’s pajamas and starts sliding them up and down his tummy and chest)

‘Yaa~~ Deok ah, what are you doing? Get your hands out!’

(Eun tries to get Soondeok’s hands out but she clings tight to him)

‘Oppa~ Let me~ I’m making you happy again. Honestly, you’re loving this now, aren’t you? Aren’t you?’

‘Naughty, you-you think I’ll like this kind of stuff? What an absurd assumption! Ha! Forget it, I don’t like this! People touching me means nothing to me.’

‘Oh really? Then I suppose you won’t mind if I do this.’

(Soondeok kisses Eun behind the ear then slowly moves down to his neck and his collarbone)

‘D-Deok ah…’

‘You love it?’

‘Why are you doing this to me? What’s gotten into you tonight?’

‘Well…I just thought…since I liked it…I suppose you’ll like it too, that feeling…that’s all…’

‘Aigoo…You girl…sometimes I doubt your innocence, Soondeok ah.’

‘My what?’

‘Nothing, give me more.’

‘Are you feeling better now?’

‘Yes, Soondeok ah, thanks to you – yet I have to be honest with you, you’re making things worse for me in other aspect.’

‘Oh? What is it? I’m sorry…I thought.’

‘Oh no, Deok ah, it’s not your fault…’

‘Maybe I should stop then, Oppa…’

‘Soondeok ah, say if I want you to continue, to level it up, what will you do?’

‘I…’

‘Try it, Deok ah – what do you think I’d like?’

‘For all I know, Oppa, you like to be kissed – I don’t know why, but from what I’ve observed, you like it. Why’s that?’

‘Not just me, Deok ah, all men love it.’

‘Then are you asking me to kiss you more now?’

‘Sure, if you can. Do it – I’d like to see how much you can do.’

‘Is this a test?’

(Eun laughs)

‘Kind of! You can think of it that way. I want to see how much you can do.’

‘You’re making me nervous, Oppa…what am I suppose to do anyway?’

‘Follow your instincts, Deok ah.’

(Soondeok sits up)

‘Deok ah, what are you doing?’

‘I need to light a candle.’

‘What for? Deok ah, don’t look, feel – feel it.’

‘H-how?’

‘You want me to demonstrate?’

‘Oh yes, Oppa, dearly. I missed that feeling last night, Oppa, I want more.’

‘Say no more.’

(Eun flips Soondeok and hovers over her, he kisses her on the lips vigorously while his hands are busy untying her top. Soondeok has become accustomed to it already, she lets him and just enjoys the moment)

‘Oppa~’

‘Like it?’

‘Mmmm…love it…’

‘Deok ah, I’m moving down, you alright with that?’

‘Oh yes, Oppa, please do~’

‘Ha! Deok ah, you don’t sound like yourself now.’

‘I know right? Oppa…why’s that? Why am I feeling different? What’s happening to me?’

‘Don’t worry, Deok ah, you’re just feeling so because your body reacts this way…Stop me when you feel uncomfortable, alright? I’m moving down.’

(Eun starts pecking her neck then collarbone, slowly and deeply, allowing Soondeok enjoy every single one of them.)

‘Oppa, I want…’

‘What do you want?’

‘I don’t know…but I want more…’

‘But I can’t give you more…not yet, I can’t.’

‘Please?’

(Eun sighs. Every moment kissing Soondeok adds a bit more hardship for him to withdraw later.)

‘Fine…for you, but only this, that’s all. I won’t do more tonight. Promise?’

‘Promise. I won’t ask for anything else, just one more…’

(Eun leans down and opens up Soondeok’s top more, he runs his fingers down Soondeok’s neck and to the sternum, he touches it gently. He kisses Soondeok’s sternum – from the top then slowly to the bottom of it, yet not straying a bit to the left nor to the right. Soondeok holds Eun’s head gently to make him stay there, obviously, she loves it)

‘Oh, Deok ah, seems like you like it here. I’ll remember here.’

‘I feel weird, Oppa…can you kiss me more? Can you…touch me more?’

(Eun smiles then holds her hands)

‘I’d love to, Deok ah, but not tonight. I promise, I will, but not tonight.’

‘Why not?’

‘If I give it to you all at once, what fun is there to that, hm?’

‘Oppa, you’re doing it on purpose? To make me yearn for more? You’re mean…’

(Soondeok fists Eun, Eun smiles then sighs – he’s trying his best to hold it in.)

‘S-Soondeok ah, I’m done demonstrating, now do this to me.’

‘But Oppa…’

‘Come on, do it before I regret it. Exactly the same as what I’ve done to you. Got it?’

(Eun lies on his back, Soondeok feels for him in the dark then sits on him comfortably. She slowly feels for the ribbon and then unties his top, exposing Eun’s front, a sight she wishes she could see. She presses her ears upon Eun’s chest and listened to his heart.)

‘Oppa, your heart’s beating fast, I can feel it and hear it now.’

‘Look who’s responsible for it. If I die of a heart attack tonight, Deok ah, you’re responsible.’

‘Oppa~’

‘Come on, hurry up.’

‘Why the hurry, Oppa? We’ve got all night, don’t we?’

(Soondeok smiles then pushes herself up to kiss Eun on his lips, her hands busy exploring his chest)

‘Good girl. You’re doing well. Not bad.’

(Soondeok does not reply, she’s too busy spreading her affection down Eun’s neck and his collarbone – followed by his sternum, which is just as sensitive as Soondeok’s – she did everything as he’s done to her, only in a much slower, much torturing manner)

‘Oh man~ Aish…’

‘Oppa, you alright? Did I do something wrong?’

‘You’re doing great, Deok ah. I feel great. Heck, I didn’t expect you to learn it so fast, I kind of regret it…’

‘I can continue, right?’

‘I’ve never told you to stop~ Give me more, girl.’

(Soondeok works her way upon Eun’s chest, kissing softly – Eun grows impatient and moves her head to his right , Soondeok pauses for a moment after she felt her lips upon it)

‘Oppa…’

‘Go on~ You’re doing wonderful, Deok ah.’

‘I…I don’t think I can…’

‘Try your best, Soondeok ah.’

(Silence, Eun touches Soondeok’s face)

‘Soondeok ah, you’ve worked hard today, well done. I guess that’s all we should do tonight – let’s sleep.’

‘Oppa, I’m sorry. It’s just that…I’m sorry…’

‘About what?’

‘I should’ve…you know, when you wanted me to…’

‘This is not something I can push, Deok ah. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready, it’s not your fault. It was too much of me anyway…I didn’t do this to you yet, so…it’s not fair for me to ask this of you. I was too impatient, sorry about that…’

(Soondeok gets off from Eun, Eun kisses on her lips, patting her shoulder to put her to sleep)

‘I love you, Deok ah.’

‘I love you too, Oppa. I’ll try my best next time…’

‘Take your time, Soondeok ah – we’ve got all the time we need.’

‘Oh, right, Oppa, I’ll help you tie your top back up.’

(Eun stops her)

‘Leave it like this, Deok ah, I’m hot. You need me with yours?’

‘No…just leave it like this…I’m hot too…’

‘How’d you feel tonight, hm?’

‘Much more exciting than last night, Oppa. Why’s that? Why am I having these feelings?’

‘That’s love, Deok ah. I’m sending you my love with my kisses.’

‘Then…Oppa!’

(Soondeok gasps)

‘Were we making love? Just then?’

(Eun laughs his head off)

‘Oh dear me! No, Deok ah, we weren’t, but I assure you, we’re close.’

(Soondeok sounds disappointed)

‘Oh…I thought…’

‘When you’re ready, Deok ah, I’ll teach you. And Deok ah, I’ll train with you tomorrow, I promise. Now, enough talk, let’s sleep. Good night.’

(Soondeok hugs Eun tight)

‘Good night, Oppa. I’ll try to come to your dream tonight as well.’