Eun's diary

For the first time...I hugged Soondeok last night. Those words I had said, I really meant it. Soondeok is mine – she's my person. And no one can change that, I will never let anyone change that. I've decided – I will not file the divorce. I will live with Soondeok till the end, I will be there, I will not leave her, I will not abandon her – she is my person. I want to tell her that, today, if I can. I don't want her to bring up the subject of divorce ever again, I will surely tell her that today. Will I be able to find the courage though...after all the bad things I've done to her, I've said to her, will I be able to express my thoughts to her? Will she forgive me? Will she forgive this jerk?

But what if I give her false hope? False hope of me loving her? Me not filing the divorce is an act of obligation, but will she think otherwise? I think our relationship now is like...friends, yes, friends. Will that be alright? Or should I just leave things as it is? Soondeok ah, why do you make me worry so? If my feelings towards Haesoo is love, then I don't love Soondeok. It's...it's just different. I want to be nice to her, I want to see her smile, I want to do things with her, play with her...but there's no spark. Will that change? Will we ignite a spark one day?

Soondeok's diary

I don't feel well today, is it because the weather's getting cold? My cough's still here and the chest hurts like hell this morning. Maybe I should find the doctor today – see if my condition's worsened. I'll go when Eun's not looking.

He...the prince's been weird lately, he's been oddly nice to me, what's happening? He even embraced me from behind last night saying that I'm his person. I swear I could've died of joy at that moment, his embrace was warm, secure, his words were sweet, his breath was soothing.

I wanted to tell him 'I love you' but I swallowed the words before they left my mouth... I was happy, too happy - but in a way scared. I was afraid if I'd said something, he'll change the subject. I was afraid if I had said something, he'll quickly deny what he had said, about me being his person. I was afraid, that he'll...leave me. I was afraid that these moments would come – making it harder for me to leave him after 2 years. I was afraid – I would fall deeper in love with him.

I fell asleep in his arms, I had a wonderful dream last night. I dreamt that Eun and I had lots of kids and we all had a picnic up on the mountains together – we would catch fish by the creek, climb trees, roll on grass together. Eun would let me lean on his shoulder as we watch the sunset, as we watch our children giggle and have fun under the setting sun – he would hold my hand and sing to me until the fireflies come out. It was a dream too good to be forgotten. Oh, if only it were true! In my dream, I saw my horse as well! I miss her so, I think I'll visit her at the stables today. If only I could ride again, but I know I can't...at least not when I'm in this condition. I don't think...I'll last long.

Why is heaven being so cruel to me? Just as I was about to depart, I feel joyous, I feel loved and cared for. Just as things are getting better, my heart hurts...my body fails, my energy falls. Oh, heaven, hear my prayer...just 2 more years. Let me live for 2 more years, then take me to mother. 2 more years...with the prince.

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'Soondeok ah!'

'Oh...prince...I was just...seeing my horse, that's all.'

'Hey! Want to race again like last time? I will surely win this time!'

'No! I mean...no thanks...I'm just here to see her...I don't plan to ride her today...'

'Oh, come on! I want to ride! Please? We can tell the servants to bring them to the fields first and we can go and ride there after lunch! How fun is that?'

'If...if that pleases you...Your highness.'

------------------ After lunch, in the field-----------------

'Soondeok ah! Hurry up and get on!'

'I really am not feeling well today, prince...you go ahead.'

'You scared? Scared that I'll win? No? Then fine, you ride with me! Hey you! Come over here and help my wife up on the horse!'

'Yes! Your highness!'

'Your highness...'

'Take my hand Soondeok ah! 1, 2, 3!'

(Soondeok gets on the horse and sits behind Eun)

'Your highness...it'll be too heavy...shouldn't I...'

'There! Sit tight! I like to feel the wind as I ride so I'll go fast, like you say! You better hold on!'

(Soondeok wraps her arms around Eun)

'You alright at the back?'

'Yes...your highness...'

'Then let's go!'

(Galloping)

'Woohoo!!!! Feel the wind!!!! Don't you just love it? Doesn't it feel like flying, Deok ah?'

'Your highness...please stop...that's enough now...'

'No way! You're enjoying it too, aren't you? It's not every day you get to ride with me! You should treasure the moment! Prince Charming and his horse! Woohoo!!! Over there, there's a pavilion, let's rest there. I have something to tell you.'

'Your highness...I...I love you...'

'What's that? What did you say?'

'Really...I do...love you...'

'Soondeok? Are you alright? Honey? Hey, hold on tight! Don't sleep now! Wait...Soondeok ah! Deok ah! Wake up!'

-------Later-------

(Eun carrying Soondeok on his back)

Eun: 'Father! Father! Something is wrong with Soondeok...I can't get her to wake up!'

General: 'Daughter? Soondeok ah! This won't do. Mindeok ah, rush to get the doctor at once!'

Mindeok: 'Yes father!'

General: 'Your highness, get her to her room now!'

Eun: 'Yes father! Soondeok ah, hang on!'

General: 'Maid, you fetch Soondeok's emergency pills.'

Maid: 'But sir...the doctor said she cannot take them if she's unconscious.'

General: 'Prepare it anyway, and her usual medicine...'

(Putting Soondeok on her beddings, Eun holds her hand while kneeling on the floor)

Eun: 'Wife! Soondeok ah! Wake up! I'm sorry...I should've listened to you...I...don't do this to me! Deok ah, wake up! That's an order!'

Maid: 'The doctor is here!'

General: 'Son, take the prince out for a while...he needs to calm down.'

Mindeok: 'Yes father.'

Eun: 'No! I'll stay with her!'

Mindeok: 'Your highness, you need to stay calm. I promise you, my sister will be fine. Let's come out for a while, I have something to tell you.'

(Soondeok's brother Mindeok and Eun leaves)

Mindeok: 'Did my sister ever mention her illness to you?'

Eun: 'Her...what?'

Mindeok: 'I guess not then. So, I suppose you made her ride with you today even though she said she's not feeling well, is that right?'

Eun: 'I'm sorry...I didn't know...'

Mindeok: 'It's fine, your highness. It's not your fault.'

Eun: 'I can't believe it! She's supposed to be strong! I mean, she can beat any guy on the street, she even won Jung in wrestling! It's impossible that she'll be sick!'

Mindeok: 'Our mother...had this condition of heart, and sadly, she passed them on to her children. She had 9 children...but only 4 of us survived. All other siblings died before the age of 5...and mother died while having Soondeok. We thought Soondeok would be a healthy one when she reached the age of 5, but we were wrong. When we finally allowed her to ride on the horse on her 6th birthday, she suddenly collapsed and the doctor told us she has that condition as well, just not as severe.'

Eun: 'How could she not have told me? I am her husband...'

Mindeok: 'She didn't like mentioning it to anyone. As long as she keeps taking the medicine every day, she should be fine, but occasionally she'll have some attacks, especially after catching a cold or something. Did she?'

Eun: 'She stayed at the temples for a month after taking care of mother who was sick with pneumonia...Hold on! Did she catch that as well? That's why she left?'

Mindeok: 'That would explain it... that probably increased the stress to her heart. Don't worry, she's survived all the previous attacks, I'm sure she'll survive this one as well – with you by her side, your highness.'

Eun: 'Brother...I'm really sorry for what had happened. I should've paid more attention to her...how could I not even know she's been taking medicine every day?'

(Someone running towards them)

Bogum: 'Soondeok ah!'

Mindeok: 'Oh? Sounds like Bogum is back! Bogum ah! Over here! They're inside with the doctor now, don't go in.'

Bogum: 'Hyung! What happened? How could Soondeok? How could she?'

Mindeok: 'Soondeok and the prince were riding when the attack came. Luckily, he got her back on time, you don't have to worry too much about it.'

(Bogum grabbed Eun by his collar angrily)

Mindeok: 'Bogum! Don't do that to the prince!'

Bogum: 'It's you, isn't it? You forced her to ride, didn't you? Soondeok would've never got on the horse if she feels she can't handle it!!!'

Mindeok: 'Bogum ah! Let go of the prince now!'

Bogum: 'Is that how you treat your wife? I know you don't like her, you hated her, but still! How can you do this to her?'

Eun: 'Look here, Mr. Bogum! Soondeok is my wife and I said I was sorry! I didn't know, alright?! Seeing that you're worried about my wife as his friend, I won't let anyone know you did this to me – if anyone finds out you dare grab a prince by the collar, what do you think will happen?'

(Bogum reluctantly lets go)

Bogum: 'I've got my eyes on you! You dare hurt her one more time! You dare break her heart! You dare make her sick! I swear, even if they execute me, I'll punch that pretty face of yours! How dare you do this to my Soondeok?'

(Soondeok's brother pulls Bogum back)

Mindeok: 'Enough guys! Bogum, calm down!'

Eun: 'Wh- what?! "My Soondeok"? Hey! Watch your words! Soondeok is my wife!'

Bogum: 'Have you treated her like one?'

Mindeok: 'Bogum! Your highness! Both of you! Please stop now! You two arguing will do no help to Soondeok! Bogum, go to your room now!'

Bogum: 'Hyung! Don't you feel angry at the prince?'

Mindeok: 'Bogum! Room! Now!'

(Bogum stomps as he leaves while Eun shouts)

Eun: 'Why you little! I'll show you what you'll get from doing this to a prince! I'm older than you too! W-What? "My Soondeok"? He had the guts to say Soondeok is his? Ha! Unbelievable!'

(Soondeok's brother falls on his knees)

Mindeok: 'Your highness! Please, forgive him. He's been a good friend to my sister...he acts like this sometimes...don't take it to heart.'

Eun: 'Brother, you don't have to be on your knees. It's him who should be on his knees!'

Mindeok: 'Your highness...I beg of you...please show your grace and mercy.'

Eun: 'Brother...'

Mindeok: 'And please give my sister a happy life.'

Eun: 'I...'

Mindeok: 'I know you don't like her...we all know that. But my sister is a poor child, she never had a mother and always lived in fear – fear that she'll die any moment. I won't ask that you like her...or love her...but please, just make sure she'll wear a smile on her face every day. Give her something to be happy about every day till her very last. This is the first and last request, I, as your brother-in-law, have for your highness. Please show your grace towards my sister.'

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Eun's diary

I'm writing this by Soondeok's side in case she wakes up any moment. It's all my fault...I wanted to give her a ride then apologize to her and tell her that I'm done with Haesoo for good, that I won't file a divorce and that we'll live happily forever. But then...I didn't know she has a weak heart...and all this time I didn't know! I've never seen her take medicine nor talk about her chest pain. What kind of husband am I? Bogum was right in a way...I'm not fit to be her husband. She was talented, kind, charming...while I was...just a dumb selfish prince.

I think I hated her because...I know that I don't deserve her. I've heard grandpa chatting with the general once, and grandpa apologized to him for having this marriage, saying that it's a waste for a perfect girl like Soondeok to marry someone like myself. I guess grandpa was right, I really don't deserve her, but that's about to change. From now on, I'll do my best to make her happy. Her hands are so cold...her lips so pale, her face has lost its shine. Oh, please be alright, Deok ah...

I will stay by her side all night – I need to let her know the only man who cares this much about her in this world is her husband. Father wanted to stay with Soondeok as well, but the king called him to the palace – urgent matters, I'm told. I hate the king even more now – what if Soondeok wants to see her father when she wakes up but he's not by her side? I remember mother used to put the things I like around my bed when I'm sick saying it'll make me get well sooner, maybe I should do that for her. I'll check her stuff now.

------------- Later -------------

I cannot contain my emotions as I am writing this. I had just gone through Soondeok's stuff and found her sketchbook, the pictures it held within stabbed me to the heart. My wife has been drawing me in this book all this time – there were sketches of the time we got married, our first night, our trip to the East sea, our first sunrise, our trip to the temples... I've put the book next to her pillow – hope she will get well soon with this by her side, our memories together, our happy times together. The notes which she wrote pains me as I read them.

'Destiny put us together, I'm sure there's a reason.'

'Thank you, prince, for making me have something to look forward to every day.'

'I chose you, and if I were to choose again, I will still choose you – over and over and over again.'

'Being with you made me forget the things I've feared inside.'

'I don't care how you treat me, I just want to be with you. Your presence alone fills me.'

'I love my life, because there's you. I love you, because you are my life.'

'Love is another person's happiness more important than your own.'

'Out of all the time and space to be in, I've met you – I think I'm the luckiest person in this world.'

I had been a total monster to her...how could I have possibly treated her so coldly? Yet she wrote all those lovely words praising me in her book. I wanted to be good to her, but...I still do not love her – affection arising from pity is not love. I'm sure this is not the love Soondeok's looking for either.

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'Prince...'

'Soondeok ah! Deok ah! Are you awake? Can you see me?'

(Soondeok nods, Eun embraces her on bed)

'Honey! You're finally awake! You scared me! I thought I'd lose you!'

'I'm sorry...you didn't. I apologize for staying alive.'

'What in the world are you talking about?'

'If...if I go like this...then you won't have to...won't have to wait for 2 more years...to get married again...You and Haesoo can...'

'What did I say about Haesoo? I told you, we're over, Deok ah.'

'Your highness...you don't have to lie to me to make me feel better. I'm okay. Now that you know about my illness...I will make it as an excuse for me to live in the temples for the next 2 years, mother will understand. That way you can return to your free self. Sounds nice?'

'I won't let you. I told you, you're my person. Who'll let you do that?'

(Soondeok smiles then turns her head. She sees the book.)

'You fool...how can you keep this away from me? All your pictures of your handsome husband – you should've shown them to me.'

'I was afraid you wouldn't like it...I wanted to respect your privacy...but I can't help myself drawing you and putting it down here. I'm sorry.'

'Don't be sorry. Thanks for asking me first before showing anyone...what did I do to deserve you? Oh, I'll tell the others that you're awake!'

'No...please...can you please just stay here with me? Tonight? I...I'm afraid if I close my eyes this time... I won't be able to see you again.'

'Nonsense!'

(Eun sleeping next to her)

'Here, I'm right here with you. I will hold on to you all night, don't worry. If you feel unwell, be sure to wake me up, got it?'

(Eun leans close and kisses Soondeok on the forehead)