Soondeok’s diary

Can you believe it? Tomorrow is our 2^nd anniversary!! Wow! I cannot believe it’s been two years already! I remember two years ago I was still yearning for the next day to come, I don’t remember sleeping much the night before our wedding, too nervous I suppose. Did the prince sleep well then night before our wedding? I wonder. Probably not, he hated the idea of marrying me back then, he literally did it only because his father threatened to execute him if he does not. Anyway, I’m just so happy to celebrate our wedding anniversary this year together! Last year we weren’t able to celebrate it together, this year I intend to make it a memorable one for the prince.

He’s still sleeping – guess what he’s been up to recently? I only found out last night that he would secretly practise shooting when everyone’s asleep. I found out when I woke up in the middle of the night yesterday and discovered that he wasn’t there when I woke up. I was frightened, to feel his side of the bed empty, but was relieved by the sight of him shooting in the garden after I had gone out to find him. He’s still not good at it, but at least he’s trying hard, to this I’m grateful.

So I went up to him and gave him a back-hug without him knowing, he sure was surprised to see me there – I guess he didn’t expect me wake up and find him. He seemed a bit embarrassed when I asked him what he was doing, he said he was practising for something. I think there’s something on his mind, something big and troubling to him – why else would he be out shooting in the middle of the night? I know father does that whenever he’s got something on his mind – he would shoot till morning if that’s how long it’ll take for him to figure things out. If there’s anything troubling the prince, I hope he can let me know so I might be able to give him some help. The thing that’s been troubling him distracts him too much, he can’t even have the arrows reach the board – I really hope he’s alright. He doesn’t seem too upset though, just a bit frustrated.

I told him that if he wishes to hit the target, he must have something in his mind – whether it’s a person he hated or something that he hated. And guess what? He got it in right after I told him that! I asked him what he had in mind, hoping he would open his heart to me a bit more about what’s been bothering him and this is what he said. He said, “Soondeok ah, I was targeting at your heart.” I stared at him for a moment, first thing that crossed my mind was whether the prince still hated me and all the old memories flashed back in an instant, yet I knew that the prince loves me so, hence that mustn’t be what he meant.

But then, why? I was puzzled, greatly, he seemed to have seen my expression so he hugged me and said, “I hate your heart, Deok ah, I hate your heart for giving you pain. I hate your heart for making you suffer. I hate your heart for making you take that medicine every day…I just hate it…I don’t want to see you living like this, honey. I want to change this, I want to find a cure for you, I want to get rid of your sick heart for you…if only I could, I would give you my heart.”

My mouth knew not of what I should say, but my eyes responded instantly, tears rolled down fast. It hurts me to see the prince being sad, it hurts me even more seeing the prince being concerned about me. I really regret, every now and then, of wanting to marry him so badly, if only I had picked another prince, then he would’ve been free from all these. Right?

Eun’s diary

Wang Eun! Pull yourself together! You can do it! Heck! For the past few days, I’ve been trying to propose to her, but boy it’s hard! It’s harder than you could imagine! Whenever I’ve summoned my guts to say it to Soondeok, the words will get stuck in my throat and I’ll just end up stuttering like an idiot. I tried it when we were in the market shopping yesterday, I tried it when we were in bed before we sleep, I tried it when we were out riding, I even tried it when we took Mongryong to the park a few days ago, yet I failed, every single time.

Tomorrow’s our 2^nd anniversary, so I HAVE to do it today, I must! I’ve been wishing to do it for so long, it’s always been my wish to propose to her before I really make her my woman, before our 2^nd anniversary. But it’s easier said than done. Gosh! What should I do? That’s what’s been troubling me these days, even shooting at night won’t help, I was hoping that some good idea would pop up, but it failed me. And to make things worse, Soondeok came out to me last night – I really wanted to propose to her there and then, but again, the words wouldn’t come out.

She told me to think of something as the target to help me get it in, initially I thought about father – and Queen Yoo, how they’ve ruined my life, how they’ve treated mother, but then I’ve come to realize that these things don’t really bother me anymore. What I really hated was Soondeok’s heart. Think about it! If she has a healthy heart, she wouldn’t be sick so often! She wouldn’t have to take that stupid medicine and we won’t have trouble having kids! However, I suppose it’s childish of me to think this way – to hold grudge against the things happening around me. My wife’s response pieced my heart even more, she said, “Honey, it’s alright, I have gotten used to it. In fact, I have come to thank my heart, I thank my heart for constantly reminding me that life has a limit. Death adds value to life, Oppa, it reminds us that it as an end, that we should treasure it when we can. Darling, I hope you can look at it the way I look at it, because it grieves me to see you like this…”

What more can I say? I suppose she’s right, again. The thought of having Soondeok taken away from me any moment is actually what made me love her more and more each day. I don’t think I would’ve cared for her as much if it weren’t for her illness, and frankly, I believe it is this illness that brought us together. No matter what happens, I will be there for her. Whatever happens, I will not let her be alone. I vowed to stay with her, and with her till the end I shall stay.

Man! It’s so easy to confess everything here, why is it so hard to do it in front of her? Wang Eun! You have to do it today no matter what! Understand?

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(Afternoon, Eun and Soondeok having lunch together)

‘Soondeok ah. Here, have some meat.’

(Eun puts a piece of meat into Soondeok’s spoon, Soondeok eats it then looks at him)

‘You…you have something to tell me, Oppa?’

‘Me? No! No, not at all…why…why would you think that?’

‘That’s what you always do before you tell me something.’

‘Come on honey…there’s nothing wrong with a husband trying to make his wife eat more, is there?’

‘I suppose not.’

(Both eat in silence)

‘D…Deok ah.’

‘Hm?’

‘I…I’ve been thinking…’

‘About what?’

‘I…Would you…me?’

‘I…I beg your pardon, your highness. What did you just ask?’

‘I…nothing.’

‘What’s wrong?’

(Eun clinches the rings in his palm then smiles)

‘Never mind.’

‘You sure? Didn’t you say you have something to ask me?’

‘No, not…not really. Let’s just eat. Oh wait, you have something on your lips.’

‘Hm? Where?’

‘Rice…there, corner…no, not that corner, the other side…aish…’

(Eun leans over and kisses Soondeok)

‘There. Gone now.’

‘Oppa…’

‘You do get fooled easily, don’t you, Deok ah?’

‘Oppa…you have something on your nose.’

‘Oh, do I? Well, what should I do, my dear wife?’

‘Come closer. Come on, lean closer, let me help you with it.’

(Eun closes his eyes and leans closer, waiting for another kiss. Soondeok pinches his nose.)

‘Ya!’

‘You naughty boy. Try tricking me again, I’ll be sure to make you pay.’

‘Oh? You will? Well, honey, then make me. I’d love to be punished by you.’

‘Oppa, there’s people watching…’

‘You’re right. Should we go to our room now?’

‘Oppa!’

‘Just kidding. Let’s finish up before the food gets cold.’

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(Soondeok in their room at night, painting. Eun paces back and forth outside their room, trying to think of a way to propose to Soondeok who’s inside.)

‘Darn it. Why can’t I just do it? This afternoon…it was so close! Okay…Eun ah, you can do it! You! Can! Do! It! Here I go…here I go…it’s now or never! Power up!!!’

(Eun walks into the room and sees Soondeok painting on her desk, Soondeok smiles as she sees Eun walking towards her)

‘Oppa! I’m almost done with this, you see this?’

‘It looks…nice! What…what is it?’

(Soondeok puts down her brush to explain)

‘See this bird nest? The mother bird is looking down at its baby, watching out for him…’

‘The way you will when we have our own, Deok ah.’

‘Will we?’

‘Of course!’

(Soondeok grins back at Eun and finishes off her painting. Eun clears his throat.)

‘Kkmm…Deok ah…I…I have something to…to say to you…’

‘You do?’

‘I…’

(Soondeok puts her paint brush down and looks at Eun, Eun begins to stutter)

‘I…to say…I…will…will you…I…’

‘Aigoo…Oppa. What is it? Tell me already!’

‘I…hmm…it’s…’

‘Come on Oppa, let’s talk about this while sitting on our bed, I have a feeling it’ll be a long talk.’

(Soondeok stands up, takes him by the hand and brings him to bed)

‘Oppa, is it important? Is there something bothering you? Don’t worry, whatever you have to say, I’ll listen. You can tell me anything. Even if it’s…wanting another wife.’

‘Ya! Soondeok ah, stop mentioning that already!’

‘So it’s not about that?’

‘No…Deok ah. It’s just that…I…hmm…HERE!’

(Eun gives Soondeok a book, Soondeok stares at it)

‘What…what is it, Oppa?’

‘It’s…can’t you…can’t you see it? It’s…it’s a book…’

‘Yes, I know it’s a book…but what book? And, why are you giving it to me?’

‘You…you like to read…don’t you?’

‘I do, Oppa, I love to read. But, why suddenly…’

‘Uh…yes…I…read, just read it, Deok ah. I bought it…I mean, I found it at the book store and I thought…you might like it.’

‘You actually set foot in a book store? You! Really? Gosh…Oppa. Thank you for the present. I’ll read it when I have time.’

‘No! I mean…read…read it now.’

‘Now? I thought you hated me reading at night, you said if I read at night you’ll be lonely and all…’

‘Tonight’s different, Deok ah…just…read it…’

‘You sure that’s what you wanted to say to me? Didn’t you give this to me to brighten me up and then drop some bad news?’

‘Y-yes… I mean…no! No…aish…I mean…’

‘I see…’

(Soondeok admires the cover of the book, Eun clears his throat.)

‘Well…if you don’t want to read it yet…what say we… play a game of chess first?’

‘Nice! That sounds great, Oppa! It’s been quite a while. Yes, a game of chess sounds nice.’

‘Good! I’ll go get it!’

(Eun dashes across the room to get the chess set)

‘What is wrong with him tonight?’

(Soondeok opens the book out of curiosity and finds a letter between the pages. She takes the letter out.)

‘Oppa…this letter…is it yours?’

‘What?’

(Soondeok begins to read the letter aloud)

‘To my beloved wife Soondeok…Oppa…’

(Eun comes back with the chess set and sits on the bed, looking at Soondeok, smiling)

‘Go on, keep reading it.’

‘Oppa…did you write this letter? For me?’

‘Of course! Didn’t I write it here? To my beloved wife Soondeok. I think you’re the only person in this world fitting this title.’

‘Oppa…’

(Soondeok starts to tear up)

‘Deok ah…don’t cry. Just read it, you haven’t even read it yet!’

‘This is just…I can’t believe you would actually write to me...’

(Eun crawls across the bed and sits next to Soondeok, putting one arm around her)

‘Go on, keep reading it, Deok ah.’

‘To…To my beloved wife, Soondeok…hard to believe, right? That I would be writing you this letter. But know that, every single word I put down here, comes from the bottom of my heart. I know not of what great deeds I’ve done in my past life to deserve such a perfect woman like you. Your smile makes me bright all day long, your laugh gave me reason to live, your words taught me how to behave as a man, your man. Though we’re brought together by force, I do not think it’s just a coincidence, it’s fate – fate has brought us together, and I pray every night that it will do so in our next life as well. You asked if I’ve ever loved you. My answer to you is yes. I’m going to keep telling you, so listen well every day. I love you. I love you. I love you. I’m sorry for realizing that too late, I’m sorry for hurting you when we first got married, I’m sorry for making you shed much tears. I regret what happened on our first night, I regret not telling you I love you enough, I regret not spending more time with you before our wedding. And most importantly, I regret not asking you to marry me…If we can start all over again, I would choose to hug you when you came to my birthday party, I would choose to spend all day with you catching birds instead of running away, I would choose to smile on our wedding day…’

(It has come to a point where Soondeok could no longer read aloud, her tears blur her vision, her shaking voice makes her choke on her words. Eun hugs Soondeok and recites the last part of his letter.)

‘I uttered our vows with contempt on our wedding day, but know this now, my darling – I will do what I have vowed to do. And this moment, I will say my vow again, this time out of love – with my whole heart…’

(Soondeok looks into Eun’s eyes)

‘Oppa…how…how’d you managed to recite all these?’

‘I told you, didn’t I? Every single word I’ve written here comes from the bottom of my heart, darling.’

(Eun wipes away Soondeok’s tears and said)

‘My darling, my dear wife, Soondeok ah.’

(Eun gets on his knees and kneels in front of Soondeok on the floor)

‘Soondeok ah. Will you, accept this man in front of you, this useless, brainless, mischievous man…unworthy of your love…as your husband?’

(Silence)

‘I will not.’

(Eun’s smile vanished)

‘I…I beg your pardon? Soon…Soondeok ah…’

(Soondeok holds Eun’s face in her hands)

‘But I will accept this man in front of me, this handsome, courageous, kind man…this man who loves me and whom I love…as my husband.’

‘Deok ah…so…is…is that…is that a yes?’

‘Yes! Oppa! YES!’

(Both of them grins at each other)

‘Deok ah, be more specific, just so I know I’m not dreaming.’

‘I will be your wife, Oppa! I accept!! I accept your proposal, Oppa!!!’

‘WOOHOO!!!!!’

(Eun gets up and starts dancing around with joy)

‘Deok ah! Let’s play chess now!’

‘You just proposed to me and now you want to play chess?’

‘Open it, Deok ah, open the chess set.’

‘This?’

(Soondeok opens the chess set and sees a pair of ring in it)

‘Oppa…this…’

(Eun gets jumpy as he sits down again, he grabs one of the ring and said)

‘I know mother gave us our wedding ring already, but this is our engagement ring…I always feel bad for not asking you to marry me before we did…I’m sorry it took me so long, Deok ah…I wanted to propose to you days ago, even this afternoon when we were having lunch… but I can’t bring myself to.’

‘So that’s what it’s all about. I thought you’ve got something stuck in your throat.’

‘You…you did?’

‘You’ve tried. And I love how you did it, Oppa.’

‘It wasn’t something fancy…I should’ve took you to somewhere beautiful…’

‘Oppa. This, is perfect. This, what you just did, it’s perfect. I love it.’

‘Well…I’m not done yet, actually. Here, let me put this ring on you.’

(As Eun puts the ring on Soondeok’s finger, he says his vow again.)

‘I, Goryeo’s 10^th Prince Wang Eun, hereby wed thee – making you my wife, whom I will love and treasure all the days of my life. In good times, in bad times, in times of abundance, in times of lacking, in times of illness, in times of health, in times of suffering, in times of joy, I will stay with you till our time comes. Until then, I shall cherish you every day, I shall be the husband you can lean on, I shall be the shield that will defend you.’

(Eun kisses Soondeok on her forehead, then it’s her turn)

‘I, Park Soondeok, hereby wed thee – making you my husband, whom I will love and treasure all the days of my life. In good times, in bad times, in times of abundance, in times of lacking, in times of illness, in times of health, in times of suffering, in times of joy, I will stay with you till our time comes. Until then, I shall treasure you daily, I shall be the wife you can trust, I shall be the fortress where you can find love in.’

(Soondeok kisses Eun’s hand, then Eun holds Soondeok’s hand with his)

‘Deok ah, we’re now man and wife – you’re mine, forever. I love you, you know that, right?’

‘I love you too, Oppa.’

‘Don’t call me Oppa, Deok ah, call me honey.’

‘Honey?’

‘Well…I suppose you have to call me that from now on. Before I start calling you our child’s mother.’

‘Our child’s…mother?’

(Eun kisses Soondeok on the lips)

‘Yes. You will, Soondeok ah, you will bring forth our child. I promise you that.’

‘Then…honey…does that mean we can make babies now?’

‘Hm? What did you say?’

‘Have you been waiting for this? You think that we should only start making babies after we’ve truly become man and wife…right? Isn’t that why?’

(Eun Soondeok’s hair)

‘Would you like it? For us to make babies now?’

‘I don’t see why not…does it take long? If you’re tired, maybe we can do it tomorrow.’

(Eun chuckles)

‘Well…it really depends…but Deok ah, let’s not do it tonight, hm? Let’s do it after you’ve come back from the party, sounds good? We’ll have plenty of time then.’

‘Really? Do you really mean it?’

‘Of course! You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for it.’

‘Then…what about love. When will we start making that?’

‘Hm? Oh…right…about that…well…that night as well.’

‘That night as well? Boy, it’ll sure be a busy night, wouldn’t it?’

‘You have no idea.’

(Soondeok yawns)

‘Hmm, looks like you need to sleep now.’

(Eun blows out the candle and both of them gets ready to sleep)

‘Oppa, tomorrow’s our 2^nd anniversary…’

‘That’s right.’

‘What…how should we celebrate it?’

‘Bath.’

‘Yes, Oppa…I mean, honey, I know that…but what ELSE?’

‘Well, what do YOU want to do?’

‘I asked you first.’

‘No idea. You?’

‘No idea either…’

‘Hmmm…what say we ride out of the city? Go to some new places…’

‘Honey, you’re not going to make us go to the sea again this way, right?’

‘Not a bad idea actually…I would if it weren’t for that party…’

‘Maybe we can go after that. And mother, we should visit her…I know she had told us not to mind about her, but still, I think it’d be nice to visit her once.’

‘Deok ah, she left so that we could spend more time together…’

‘Still…’

(Soondeok hugs Eun, Eun makes her sleep in his arms)

‘I want to catch birds, Deok ah.’

‘Birds?’

‘Yeah. Remember that time? There was a drought and I had nothing fun to play with…that’s when you took me somewhere to catch birds, right? That was kinda our first date…I missed that.’

‘Ahhh…that time…it was the first time I touched you…your hands…you have no idea how much that meant to me back then.’

‘Then what about now? How do you feel when I touch you now?’

‘Well…you know…you know how first love is…it’s like an explosion. But now, it’s like a warm camp fire – yeah, like that.’

(Eun starts to pout)

‘So… I don’t flatter you as much now, is that what you’re saying?’

‘Oh no, Oppa! That’s not what I meant at all!’

‘That’s exactly what you meant, Deok ah.’

‘No! Really, no…it’s just that…’

‘Forget it. Before long, you’ll stop loving me and start loving other guys…then they’ll all stand in front of our gate just to see you!’

‘Honey~ You know I won’t…besides, who will like me?’

‘Many people will! Look how pretty you are!’

‘Me? Pretty?’

‘You…you have no idea how beautiful you are, do you?’

‘I…I’m not pretty, honey…now Haesoo, she’s really a true beauty.’

‘Ya! Soondeok ah! What did I say about it? Stop mentioning about Haesoo! Heck!’

‘Sorry…I forgot…’

‘Apologize.’

‘I…I just did…’

‘With a kiss.’

‘Oppa~’

‘Come on, with a kiss.’

(Soondeok kisses Eun softly)

‘There. Apology accepted?’

‘Accepted.’

‘Oppa…I mean, honey…do you remember what you did the night before our wedding?’

‘Me? I can’t remember much…drinking…probably…It’s okay for me to say it now, Deok ah, but that WAS the worse night of my life. Stupid of me back then, right?’

‘That’s what made you, you – Oppa.’

(Soondeok yawns again, Eun kisses her on the cheek)

‘That’s it, enough chit-chat tonight, you need to sleep, my angel.’

(Just then, the mid-night bell rings. Both of them kisses each other at the same time, then giggle)

‘Happy 2^nd anniversary, Oppa.’

‘Same to you too, Deok ah. Night.’