Soondeok's diary

I've just returned from the clinic, a place I shouldn't have gone myself. But in a way, it's a good thing I did. Yes, I believe the time has come for me to step up and do what I must, Eun needs another woman to give him a child, this is his grandpa's final wish, and I'm sorry I cannot fulfil the old man's wish myself. True, we have not started making kids yet, but what difference would it make? I know it'll be hard, and I know I won't have it in one year – if Eun having another wife is inevitable, I intend to let it happen sooner, to give Eun his child sooner, to give him joy sooner – no, joy to all, Eun, mother and grandpa.

I believe I've brought enough misfortune to my dear husband's life already, now it's my turn to mend things. Because of me, he's suffered a lot and I will no longer let it carry on. It pains me to think that the only way to express my love to him, is by separation. I must leave him, only then will he accept his new wife, only then will he forget about me and eventually, find his own happiness.

It'd be selfish of me to spend my entire life with the prince, I should've known, if only I'd thought about this earlier, maybe I would've married someone else and not bring these troubles to the prince. If only I can travel back in time and tell father I will marry someone else, if only I make Eun get a second wife as soon as we got married, before he gained feelings for me, then all these wouldn't have happened. Yet now, he has come to a point of which he'd die just to stay together with me, this is something I will not allow to happen.

I will mend things, and I will do it right. No matter how painful it may be, no matter how much Eun says he loves me – I will do what I must. That way will he truly be happy. But will he listen to me? Will he let me go in peace? Certainly not. I need to disappear without him knowing, I must leave this place – just as Eun left me in my dream – yes, my subconsciousness has seen it coming, I had seen it coming but was only too blind to realize this fact sooner, blinded by love.

I'm sorry, your highness, but I must leave you – before you make me yours, before you form a deeper bond with me, before our love gets any deeper.

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(Soondeok done packing things up – she's going to leave for good, right after the party ends the next day)

'Deok ah~ I'm back~'

'Oh! Your highness! You scared me!'

(Eun goes up and hugs Soondeok)

'Sorry dear, did I scare you? My bad...'

'Where...where have you been, your highness? You weren't here when I woke up.'

'Ahh...I...I went to buy something! I bought food~ Pancake combo from that restaurant you like! There's seafood pancake, spring onion pancake, shrimp pancake, beef pancake...oh! And they have this new one, it's called kimchi pancake! It's in the kitchen, want to have some before you leave?'

'We'll have lunch at the party, Oppa.'

'I see...oh well, maybe I'll save it up for you so you can have some when you return tomorrow!'

'That...that'd be nice.'

(Eun looks around)

'Oh~ I see you're done packing. Wow! That sure is a lot for one night's stay, Deok ah.'

'Well, you know we girls...we need a lot of things for one night.'

'Still...if I hadn't known any better, you're planning to go on a trip!'

(Eun laughs, Soondeok tries to laugh with him)

'Aigoo...I wish I could go to a slumber party too...It'd be fun! Deok ah, what say we plan one next year?'

'That...that's be nice, your highness.'

(Eun looks at Soondeok, concerned)

'Deok ah, you okay? You don't sound okay...is it because of your nightmare?'

(Soondeok wants to tear up but she tries her best to hold it in)

'No...it's not that, your highness...'

'And here we are, you calling me "your highness", I mean, Deok ah...really, you can tell me what's wrong.'

'You must've been hurt...your grandpa must've hurt you so...you must be sad and angry right now, yet you're here trying to make me feel better...'

'Really, Deok ah, you can tell me anything.'

'I'm going to leave you, Oppa...I love you dearly...that's why I'm leaving you...please be happy...'

'Soon...Soondeok ah, did you dream about your Onni last night? Is that why?'

'Thank you for everything, for loving me, for giving me all those memories I'll treasure for the rest of my life...'

'I see...well, Deok ah, I hope you can enjoy yourself tonight, hm? Boost your mood up a bit, then come back with a smile on your face~ Okay?'

(Soondeok smiles and nods)

'I...I will.'

'Well...maybe you'll want some time alone...I think you do. I'll be in the library, if you need me.'

(Eun turns to leave, Soondeok rushes forward and gives him a back-hug – embracing him real tight – for the last time)

'Deok ah.'

'I love you, Oppa. I really do.'

'I know you do, Deok ah. I love you too.'

(Eun touches Soondeok's hand)

'Oppa...my heart feels like it's going to tear into pieces now...'

'Deok ah, you alright? Is it hurting again?'

(Eun turns around to look at Soondeok)

'No, your highness, I'm fine. I'm just...broken-hearted...that's all...'

'Oh darling...you shouldn't be upset, you have every reason to be happy right now!'

'I want to, Oppa, I really do...'

'I'll make you happy, Deok ah, I promise.'

'Make me happy now, please.'

(Eun then kisses Soondeok on her lips – Soondeok receives it as much as she can, thinking that it's going to be her last time)

'Deok ah~ You're responding well today~ I can't wait till tomorrow night – you're going to be a killer man...'

'Tomorrow night...'

'Have you forgotten already? We were going to do it last night...on our 2nd anniversary...but now...anyway~ You can look forward to it.'

'I sure will...I'll dream about it...'

'Aigoo~ Our Deok is all grown up now, huh?'

'Oppa...I must go now...the carriage is waiting outside to pick me up...'

'Carriage? But the hotel's not too far off! You can walk there!'

'It's...it's all part of the party, Oppa...you know...rolls of carriages lining up...people like to make it as grand as possible...'

'I'll see you off then!'

'You don't have to, Oppa...'

'Why not? It's not like I have anything to do myself...it's all so boring being here without you...how do you expect me to survive tonight without you next to me?'

'You'll pull through, Oppa, you must. I know you will...'

'Come on, I'll carry your stuff for you~'

(Eun heads out with Soondeok's stuff, Soondeok looks around the room one last time)

---------------------------- to be continued