Eun’s diary

Soondeok and I will be staying at the palace tonight. Scared? Certainly. But I should be alright, with Soondeok by my side. Yes, I need to protect her, I can’t let anyone know how much I love her. I keep remember that nightmare I had, that voice that kept ringing in my ears saying whomever I love will die because of me. I just can’t let that happen. Why is it so hard to be with my wife? Why’s everything so hard for both of us? You don’t see other couples going through things like this!

I mean, why me? Why’s heaven picking on me? What have I done wrong in my past life to deserve this? Will this fate end in this life or will it continue to strangle me in the next? I just want to live peacefully with my wife, that’s all, is that too much to ask? I just want to see her free from her suffering, free from her pain, I just want to spend my days with her, away from this city. Is that really too much to ask for?

Soondeok’s diary

We’ll be leaving soon. The prince seems to be very concerned about this festival, I’m worried about him. Initially I wanted to use this opportunity to sneak into the royal library one last time, but with Eun in this condition, I’m afraid I can’t. What a waste of opportunity, but for Eun, I suppose it’s worth it.

I’ve been feeling weird these few days, maybe it’s because I ate something wrong, I keep wanting to get sick, worse in the morning. I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that entire pork belly Eun’s bought a few days ago, I guess it was just too heavy for me. I’ll remember that.

Mother seemed to have sensed my illness, she asked me if I’m feeling alright yesterday during tea. Do I really look that sick? To be honest, I do believe I’m in good shape now, compared with other times. I hope mother won’t find out, I don’t want her to have another thing added to her ‘worry’ list.

Eun will pretend to ‘hate’ me during this time, I know he’s trying to protect me and I really appreciate it. Yet, somewhere in my heart, though I know he loves me so much, I’m frightened. I’m frightened that he really will come to loathe me one day. I know I know, I’m overthinking, but still, I can’t help but remember those times. Those days when I would cry myself to sleep, when I would yearn for a simple gaze from the prince, when I would stay outside the room all night just so Eun would stop yelling at me and go to bed.

I think I have to go now. I’m feeling sick again. Maybe I should see the doctor after the festival, I think there’s something wrong with my stomach – but I don’t want to. Last time I visited the doctor, he advised me that it’d be best if I don’t have a child. He said that it’ll be suicide, for me to carry a baby. I know he only wants what’s best for me, he’s been taking care of me since I was but a little girl. Yet it stabs my heart to hear him tell me that, it’s like a death sentence. And he’ll definitely know I’ve stopped taking medicine, that, he’d not be pleased. Maybe I should just find another doctor. But I don’t trust them either. Oh well, I’ll worry about that when I get back.

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(Eun outside the outhouse)

‘Deok ah! You’re inside? What’s taking you so long? The carriage is here to take us to the palace, Deok ah.’

‘Just a moment- URGH!’

(Eun listens, he could hear Soondeok feeling sick)

‘Deok ah! Are you sick? Oh dear, open the door, are you alright?’

‘No no no, I’m fine…I’m coming out.’

(Soondeok finally comes out and Eun helps her stand straight, looking worried)

‘Honey, you alright? You don’t look so well. Maybe we should just cancel going there.’

‘No…we’ve already missed it for 2 years…we can’t miss it this year as well…’

‘But look at you!’

‘I’m fine, Oppa. It’s not my heart, it’s my stomach...nothing big…vomiting won’t kill.’

‘You sure?’

‘Yeah, I’m sure.’

‘Well then, let’s go.’

(Eun wants to hold Soondeok’s hand but Soondeok pulls it away)

‘Oppa…I mean, your highness…from now on…you should…you know…start acting…’

‘Deok ah.’

‘And please don’t call me that…just call me wife will do…from now on…’

(Eun sighs)

‘Okay, I get it. Come on wife, let’s go.’

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(Festival, royals and nobles chit-chatting in the hall, Eun being that ‘playful, mischievous’ prince once again – Soondeok chatting with court ladies while constantly stealing glances at her husband, wondering what he’s doing. Just then, Eun saw her looking at him, Soondeok quickly looks away, failing to see Eun’s yearning-look for her.)

Jung: ‘Sister-in-law! Come over here!’

(Jung calls Soondeok over, all the princes are chatting together, Eun’s there with them. Soondeok walks over obediently with her head low.)

Soondeok: ‘Yes, your highness?’

Jung: ‘Haven’t seen you for a long time! Ha!’

(Jung pats her on the back)

Eun: ‘Ya, Jung ah, why did you call her over here?’

Jung: ‘Well, she didn’t seem to have anyone to talk to so-’

Soondeok: ‘Oh no no no, I did, over there with the ladies.’

Jung: ‘I wanted to talk to you sister-in-law. I miss wrestling with you…we promised to wrestle after your wedding, but…’

Soondeok: ‘You can come over any time you like, your highness.’

Jung: ‘Really?’

Soondeok: ‘Oh! Also, this coming spring, would you like to join us for this trip?’

Eun: ‘Ya, wife. Just leave us now, won’t you? How annoying.’

Wook: ‘Eun ah, don’t talk to your wife like that. She’s a wonderful young lady, you should learn more from her – learn to be more mature like her.’

(The brothers laugh. Wook turns to look at Soondeok)

Wook: ‘Our brother here, is a bit shy towards girls, so bear with him.’

Soondeok: ‘I know, your highness. And he’s cute like that.’

Eun: ‘Ya Park Soondeok!’

(Wook pats Eun on the shoulder)

Wook: ‘You’ve got yourself a fine woman as your wife, Eun ah. You should be thankful for her. Don’t be like me…only realizing it too late.’

Eun: ‘Hyung-nim…why are you bringing this up again? Aish, it’s all your fault! Just leave us!’

(Eun turns to Soondeok angrily and shoos her)

Soondeok: ‘I…I’m sorry, your highness…princes…if you’ll excuse me…’

(Soondeok leaves with her head down)

Eun: ‘Darn it! She’s ruined the mood! I hate her!’

So: ‘Eun ah, what’s wrong? I thought you two were-’

(Eun stops So just in time)

Eun: ‘That’s what couples do! We argue! Aish, now I’m all down. I wish I’ve never married in the first place. Stupid marriage…Jung ah, you should stay out of it, okay? I ought to teach her a lesson. Aish!’

(Eun storms out of the hall)

Jung: ‘Ay…Eun hyung-nim shouldn’t treat her like that…Hyung-nim, talk to Eun hyung-nim…I feel bad for Soondeok.’

Wook: ‘There’s nothing we can do about it, Jung ah. You know how he is…’

Won: ‘Come to think of it…how long have they been married again?’

So: ‘2 years, why?’

Wook: ‘2 years? Already? Then…they should at least get along a bit better now, don’t you think so?’

Jung: ‘If only Soondeok carries hyung-nim’s child…maybe he’ll start to like her.’

Won: ‘Aigoo, Jung-ah, don’t be so naïve. That’ll never happen.’

Jung: ‘Uh? Why?’

Won: ‘Because Eun will never sleep with her, stupid.’

Wook: ‘Ay, that’s not true. I mean, Eun’s still a man after all, right?’

Won: ‘I’m telling the truth man! I mean, think about it. Soondeok, the grand general’s daughter, she’s like strong and all, right? So, she’s capable of giving Eun at least a dozen of kids. But WHY hasn’t it happened? WHY?’

So: ‘Well…’

(Won claps his hand and whispers)

Jung: ‘Because they’ve never slept together?’

Won: ‘BINGO! And guess what? I’ve heard that Eun’s grandfather is looking for a second wife for him.’

So: ‘What?’

Won: ‘Unbelievable right?’

So: ‘It’s just a rumour, Won ah.’

Jung: ‘But it does fit together…Now that hyung-nim explained it…it does make sense…’

So: ‘Still…it’s been 2 years. I think Eun will start having feelings for her…’

Wook: ‘So hyung-nim, that’s because you don’t know Eun. Eun can be stubborn in some way… I suppose you’re right, it is possible. Poor thing…’

Jung: ‘Aigoo…now I feel even more sorry for her…’

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(Eun’s outside the hall, trying to find Soondeok; Soondeok’s sitting by herself in the garden, enjoying the night sky)

‘Wife.’

‘Oh, your highness…I’m sorry for what happened just then. I should’ve kept myself far FAR away from you.’

‘It’s a good thing you know! Well, why didn’t you?’

‘Because…I don’t want to lose you, your highness.’

(Guests are starting to stare at the couple)

‘Aish…you’re so annoying! I should’ve just left you at home with mother, I shouldn’t have brought you with me!’

‘I’m sorry, your highness…’

‘Come with me, I’m taking you back to our room! You’re staying there tonight! Don’t you dare step out of our room!’

(Eun grabs her wrist and drags her back to their room. At last, they’re alone – away from the noise, away from the music, away from the many eyes staring at them. Eun gives Soondeok a kiss as soon as he locks the door.)

----------------------to be continued