Soondeok’s diary

The sun’s up, air’s starting to warm up, and our room still smelt of strong alcohol. Eun must’ve drunk heaps last night, he’s cute when he’s drunk, his rosy cheeks, his deep voice and his peaceful face, I can’t help but remember our first night. Time truly flies. I can’t get something out of my head though, the word “Byul” – Eun uttered it a few times last night before he fell into deep sleep. Who could it be? Is it a person or did he just meant it as a star? Somehow my heart don’t feel so good after hearing it. Am I jealous? I don’t know, I think it’s this uncertainty that made me feel a bit uncomfortable. I should just let it go, shouldn’t I? But something’s not right. Eun told me his story yesterday, I should feel even closer to him right now, but why’s that not the case? It would seem that Eun didn’t remove a mask but simply changed it to another one. Is there something upsetting him but he can’t let me know? I’m not asking him to tell me but I do wish I can somehow help him feel better. Still, he never forgets to smile and cheer me up whenever I feel down or tired, at times, he’s still the same old playful prince I’ve fallen in love with.

Oh what should we do today? I heard there’s a waterfall nearby, I’m dying to see it for myself! Does Eun know where it is? This place is nicer than I first thought actually. Our bedroom is much bigger than the one in the capital – we have bath indoor and a closet double that we had at home. The bed is much bigger too! There’s this window that gives this awesome view of the mountain behind our residence, oh I’m sure it’ll look lovely when snow starts to fall.

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(Eun’s sweating hard, he’s having a nightmare again)

Soondeok: “AAAAHHHH!!!!”

Eun: “Soondeok ah, you’re doing great! Just one more push! Just one more! You can do it!”

Soondeok: “AAH!!! I…Oppa I…”

(Soondeok pants as she pushes yet another time with all she can)

Midwife: “Your highness, please leave the room! This is no place for men! We can handle-”

Eun: “Shut it! I’ll be with my wife! Can’t you see she needs me? Why is she taking so long? It’s been an entire day!”

Soondeok: “I…I don’t think I can do it…I…I…ah…”

Midwife: “My lady, when the next contraction comes, please try to push and hold. It’s almost over!”

(Soondeok nods weakly, barely able to open her eyes. Eun keeps uttering sweet words to cheer her up.)

Eun: “Deok ah, I’m right here. Your cutey cutey Oppa is here~ Don’t you worry, Soondeok ah, everything will be alright. You’re doing awesome!”

Soondeok: “I’m scared…”

Eun: “Honey, you’re the bravest person I know! And-”

(Another contraction comes and Soondeok’s scream tears through the house, Eun holds onto her hand even tighter and wipes off her sweat for her)

Soondeok: “UUUHHH!!!! Mommy!!!! AAAAAHHHH!!!!!”

Eun: “Honey! Come on, just one more! You can do it!”

Midwife: “One more my lady! Just one more! The head is almost out!”

Eun: “Deok ah! I’m here, don’t worry, you can do it! One more! Just one more than our beautiful baby will be here with us!”

(Soondeok pushes one last time with her last bit of strength left, the room instantly fills with the cry of the newborn)

Midwife: “Oh it’s out! Congratulations! It’s a boy! Your royal highness! It’s a boy!”

(Eun kisses Soondeok on her forehead, both of them tears up, Soondeok’s lips tremble as she tries to utter something but is too weak to make it heard)

Eun: “You did well honey. I’m sorry for making you hurt so much…”

Soondeok: “Is…is he alright?”

Eun: “Yes, can’t you hear his cry? He’s one strong fella…Just like me!”

Midwife: “Your highness, here’s your son.”

(Eun stands up and holds his son in his arms, smiling down at him with his fatherly smile. This bundle of joy, so warm, so delicate, the love of his life right here in his arms.)

Eun: “Aigoo, look who’s here? My dear boy, you gave your mother a hard time today…You look as handsome as your father, huh? Am I right Deok ah?”

(No response)

Eun: “Deok ah, look at our son. He’s got your cheeks~ Isn’t he adorable?”

(Silence)

Midwife: “Your highness…her bleeding won’t stop! And her pulse is really weak! I need to get the doctor!”

(The midwife runs out to find help. Eun bends down and starts shaking his wife, trying to get her to open her eyes, his voice quivering as he panics)

Eun: “D-Deok…Deok ah…Soondeok ah, open your eyes! Soondeok ah! Don’t sleep yet! No no no no, you can’t, you can’t just leave me, I mean us, like this!”

(The baby cries again, Eun tries to hold back his tears while rocking his son to sleep)

Eun: “Soondeok ah, please open your eyes! At least have a look at our son! He’s your son too! Deok ah! Soondeok ah!”

“SOONDEOK AH!!!!!!”

(Eun shouts the name out as he bounces up on his bed, gasping for air, looking around for Soondeok, feeling for her)

“Deok ah! Deok ah, where are you? WHERE ARE YOU?”

(Soondeok comes to the bed with a candle as she leaves her diary lying on the table)

“Oppa! What’s wrong? Oh dear, did you have another nightmare again?”

(Soondeok looks into her husband’s eyes while wiping his sweat with her sleeves, Eun feels Soondeok’s face with his hands, persuading himself that he’s finally out of his dream, he then pulls Soondeok towards himself and won’t let go, holding her tight)

“Oppa…”

“Oh Soondeok ah…oh my Deok ah…thank goodness it was just a dream…”

“There there Oppa, it’s all over now…it’s just a dream. I’m here with you, don’t you worry.”

“Deok ah…I…I was…you were…oh I…”

“You don’t have to tell me, Oppa, take your time. I’m here…I’ll be right here…I love you Oppa.”

“Oh I love you too honey. Don’t go…”

“I won’t go, I promise.”

“Deok ah, I’ve been wrong, I’ve been doing the wrong thing! I’ve been so stupid! I…I…”

(At once, Eun runs out of their room, Soondeok follows him to the library, to his secret study, only to find Eun throwing all the herbs to the floor, smashing the trays and ripping the books apart.)

“OPPA! Oppa, what are you doing?!”

“I won’t, I won’t do this anymore, I won’t let it happen!”

(Soondeok presses Eun’s face with her palm to make him calm down and look at her)

“Oppa, why are you doing this? You need to calm down first.”

“Deok ah, I can’t cure your heart, I can’t, I won’t! Let’s just keep things the way it is now, you can just keep taking that medicine and continue to live well and-”

“But Oppa, if we were to have a baby-”

“You can’t! You won’t! And I’ll make sure of that…let’s just live like this, Deok ah, hm? If you want to be a mother, we can adopt kids! As many as you want, I’m fine with that, just…we can’t have kids, Deok ah, we can’t…”

“Oppa, what’s gotten into you? I thought we said…the past few months you’ve been trying to-”

“That’s why I’m saying it’s a mistake, Deok ah! I’ve been wrong, this whole thing I’m doing…I was so blind!”

“No you’re not, you’re doing it for me and I thank you for it. I’m sure the heaven is touched too and sure enough I believe they’ll give us a child soon.”

“That’s exactly what I’m trying to stop! You’ll die, Soondeok ah, you’ll die if you have a child! You’ll die!”

“Oppa…”

(Eun sobs)

“You’ll…I can’t have our child take away your life…not again…I…”

“What do you mean, ‘not again’? Oppa…”

(Eun kneels in front of Soondeok, sobbing his heart out, he wants to tell Soondeok everything, but his mouth won’t let the words come out, all he can do is cry)

“Oh Oppa…is this what your nightmare’s about? Oh my dear husband…there there…I’m fine…and even if I have to die-”

“Deok ah…you once said, you’ll die for me, right?”

“That’s right, my heart hasn’t changed, like what I’ve just said, I’m willing to die for you…and for our child too.”

(Eun looks at his wife)

“Honey, I won’t ask you to die for me…but can I ask you to live for me? Stay alive for me… Please…I don’t want to be left alone…in this world.”

“I’ll try, Oppa, I’ll try. But if heaven really decides to give us a child, then it’s only right for us to accept that. But let’s not talk about that now. Oh dear, please stop crying~ Where did my husband’s handsome face go, hm? Oppa, you’ll look ugly if you keep crying…aigoo…”

(Eun smiles a bit)

“Soondeok ah…”

(Soondeok looks around trying to cheer her lover up)

“Tsk tsk tsk. Look at all this mess! Oppa, you’re cleaning this up!”

“Ya…”

(Soondeok pecks Eun on the forehead)

“You clean this up while I get our breakfast ready. Okay?”

(Eun nods obediently, then, as Soondeok walks out he yells from the back)

“Honey! Try not to burn down the kitchen!”

“I’ll try!”

---------------------------------to be continued