xuanmiin: Ga In's point of view. Songfic. Ga In, Kwon and Ga In + Kwon

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The first day with you

You probably didn’t know a person like me

It feels like our awkward

Moments were yesterday

When exactly was my first day with you? When Ong and I happened to bump into you and Sunye? We hadn’t even left the slightest impression on each other, almost as if we never met.

Was it when 2AM bumped into BEG and you declared that you were a fan, much to our disbelief? I remember that pleasant encounter with four genuinely sweet, nice, polite boys.

Or was it today, ten years ago?

That Christmas Eve? I don’t know.

Awkward. I don’t think I’ve felt awkward with you for years. It feels like a different era. Back when we didn’t know each other well, when we weren’t familiar or comfortable with each other.

Do you remember the day when we were apart for awhile

I couldn’t go to sleep,

My heart kept looking for you

I remember when we were apart. I remember just how much effort it took for me to harden my heart and walk away. Because I thought we weren’t right. Because I thought I wasn’t looking for someone like you. Because I thought that you didn’t actually like me.

I remember how when I hung out with other guys, my mind would inevitably drift to you. I remember how I subconsciously used you as a benchmark and everyone else would invariably fall way short. I remember how I would feel so alone while in the company of those guys.

How do you feel, you and I

Are we feeling the same, you and I

I’ve struggled with this for a long time. I struggled with myself—I wasn’t convinced that the racing of my heart was really because I fell for you, for real. I wasn’t convinced that I could fall for someone who I always treated like a younger brother. Much less so hard.

One thing we know

Is together we smile

How can I not be happy when you try so hard to make me happy? I’m always happiest when you’re with me.

Is this love?

You and I

I realised, yes. It is indeed the elusive feeling people hanker for.

Are we feeling the same?

You and I

I realised, yes. After all the ups and downs, we finally feel the same about each other.

Is it okay to say we fell in love?

There is no way to put it across more succinctly. I refused to acknowledge it when it in fact happened so long ago. Before, I would have flatly denied it. Even after we did get together, I would only offer people vague sketchy answers. But I don’t want that anymore, I want to say it in no uncertain terms.

As our memories went by one by one

I got used to being next to you

I started looking for you

I started trusting you, opening up to you, leaning on you. Somewhere, without me knowing, I started wanting your presence in my life, permanently. I knew you were coming up with excuses to meet up with me and call me deep in the night. I didn’t say anything because I wanted it too, and I realised I was unconsciously doing the same.

After that though, I remember myself swinging to the other extreme. I avoided you if I could, ignored your attempts to try and get to me. To prevent myself from falling any further, I was trying in vain to claw at whatever remained of my heart, so that I still could piece myself back together. 

The moments I prepared for you

They weren’t that fancy

But you deserve the best, and only beautiful things

I discovered I prefer it this way. Everything you do is always heartfelt,