xuanmiin: Kwon's point of view 

-

I chuck the box of diaries on the floor and flop onto Ga In’s bed, while she takes the goods from her drawer. She sits propped against the headboard and starts flagging them with post its. I prop myself on the opposite end, but soon I decide that tickling her feet with my toes is a good entertainment while I flag diary pages.

“Only recent things that will directly affect me.” I warn, cautious of the situation where Ga In just flags everything as inappropriate for consumption.

“You didn’t think I was going to come this far only to disagree right?”

“How would I know?”

I flip through the pages, making sure that I’ve flagged everything that definitely cannot see the light of day. Which basically includes whenever I dream way too far into the future, anything that will throw a spanner in my future plans, and instances where I fantasize (way too much) about her. No, I don’t think it’s shameful at all to write it down. I have self-control to maintain, and writing it down helps me calm myself when my hormones riot.

“I won’t flag anything that’s more than two years ago. So don’t you dare.”

My fantasies of her go much further back than two years ago. Crap.

“Not afraid to let Kwonnie see all of it?”

“I’m just lazy to flag everything all the way back. But I’d advise you to read with discretion.” She clicks her tongue, “Seriously, I really don’t know why you want to read about me swooning over my ex-boyfriend.”

“It’s not that I’m hung up over the past. It’s that I’m totally clueless about it, and I just wish to understand.”

“I know, you don’t have to keep defending yourself. You probably deserve to know, though I don’t know if this is the best way. But it probably offers the best perspective, I guess.”

“But please, can I flag all the way back?”

“Who was the one bugging me, Kwon-ah?

“Seriously, I really don’t know why you want to read about me having inappropriate fantasies about you.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll skip over those myself.” That’s a relief.

All the flagging done, we eye each other suspiciously and exchange piles of diaries on her bed after multiple failed counts of three. In some ways, we’re really like little children.

“Why is this actually fun?” Ga In finds this amusing. “Whenever I’m with you, I feel like a teenager. Now, I think I’m a teenager acting like a kid when you discover your best friend’s secret diary recording their alternate life.”

“Do you mind?”

She chuckles, “Being a kid is fun! I think I grew up way too fast. If my childhood was as happy as this, I wouldn’t want to grow up at all.” She’s not saying it just for the sake of, I know from the sparkle in her eye. I wonder why we always end up like that.

“Funny don’t you think. Children wish to grow up, but grown ups want to be children again.” Maybe it wasn’t a case of wanting to grow up, but a case of being forced to.

“No, Kwonnie. When we chose this route, we didn’t have a choice, it was upon us. I don’t regret it, but I don’t wish to be a child again.” She shrugs, “ I just want to be like this, being all childish, with you.”

Even if I’m not grinning like a stupid fool, I’m smiling so much inside. I snatch my current 2019 diary back from Ga In, fumble to produce a pen, flip it open to fresh page. Thank goodness I wasn’t fantasizing on the opposing page about her, and I write:

Just now my cutie girlfriend said that she just wanted to be like that, being all childish, with me!

Ga In laughs, takes the diary from me and adds on:

I wish to be with you forever, no matter what. Never forget that.

I can’t help but slide over to muss her hair. She crosses