I'm sorry, my child

Diary Entry - Eundeok Married Life (Baekhera)

Previously....

(Eun grabs her wrist and drags her back to their room. At last, they’re alone – away from the noise, away from the music, away from the many eyes staring at them. Eun gives Soondeok a kiss as soon as he locks the door.)

-----------------------------------------

‘Oh, Deok ah~’

‘Your highness…’

‘I can’t stand staying there anymore, Soondeok ah…it’s suffocating to not look at you, to not talk to you…to pretend to hate you like an idiot!’

‘Oppa…what if someone hears you?’

(Eun pushes his wife against the wall and mumbles)

‘No one will be spying on us here, they know their limits…it’s just us, just both of us here.’

‘Is that why you got mad? Just so you can drag me back here to kiss me?’

‘Well, one of the reasons…but Deok ah, you alright? You look so pale. What happened to your rosy cheeks?’

‘I…I’m fine. Just a bit tired, that’s all.’

‘That’s why I’m bringing you back here, to rest, Deok ah…when I saw your face, I was worried sick about you. You looked as if you’d collapse the next moment.’

‘Oppa…I’m not that sick…at least, I don’t feel that sick.’

‘When have you ever? Now, let’s get changed and go to bed. It is getting late.’

‘But the party’s not over yet, you sure it’s fine for us to just leave like this?’

‘No one cares…even His Majesty has left, no point in staying. I hate parties…’

(Both of them gets changed, Soondeok jumps onto their bed, their huge, bouncy bed)

‘Oppa! This bed is HUGE!! And it’s so bouncy! Gosh! I love it here!’

(Soondeok rolls around like a little girl while bobbing about, not knowing that her every moment is igniting the fire within her husband, her chuckles is making Eun’s heart skip)

‘Oppa, come on! This bed is so cool! You’re gonna love it! I think I can reach the ceiling if I jump high enough~’

(Eun crawls on the bed, pulls Soondeok close to him and kisses her hard on the lips)

‘Oppa~’

‘Honey, want to have pillow fight?’

‘Oppa, you serious?’

‘I’ve always wanted to have a pillow fight with you, it’s just that our bed at home is too small.’

‘Call!’

(Soondeok quickly grabs a pillow and starts smacking Eun with it. Eun dodges left and grabs a pillow himself, blocking Soondeok’s attack)

‘Ya~ Don’t hit my handsome face!’

‘Too slow, Oppa. Take this! And this! And this!’

‘I won’t go easy on you now, Deok ah! Come here girl!’

(Both of them jumps around on bed while chasing each other around with pillow in their hand. Eun embraces his woman as they roll about, him kissing her on her neck as she laughs hard at his grip. He snatches Soondeok’s pillow from her and sticks his tongue out)

‘Deok ah~ Whatcha gonna do now?’

‘I’ll just use this then!’

(Soondeok grabs the blanket and starts smacking Eun with it, she throws the blanket in the air and it falls right on top of Eun covering him, Soondeok hops right on it and starts tickling her jolly husband)

‘YA~ Ya~ Deok ah~ Hahahaha, stop! HAHAHA! Ya~’

‘Hahahahahaha~ Oppa! What are you going to do? It’s not like you can stop me~ Take this!’

‘Oh, can’t I?’

(Eun flips himself over and pins Soondeok’s arms down, grinning with satisfaction)

‘I’m not that weak Eun you know anymore, Deok ah.’

(Soondeok doesn’t hide her pleasure in being under Eun, she rubs her feet against Eun’s)

‘Well, Mr. Strong, are you so happy with your victory over a woman?’

‘Oh yes, especially when that woman is the woman I love.’

‘Aigoo, you’re being cheesy again.’

‘You like it, don’t you? My sweet words~’

(Eun brings his face even closer to his woman)

‘Wife…you look beautiful tonight.’

‘You too, honey. Oh, you have no idea, I just love your voice…that deep tone…and your eyes…this moment, right now.’

(Soondeok touches his husband’s face, Eun can’t help but starts rubbing her thigh with his hand, his blood is boiling)

‘Deok ah…can we, tonight?’

‘Oppa…’

‘Please? Can we? I mean, we’re in this position already~’

‘But…just a few days ago…’

‘Exactly! A few days ago, Deok ah, it’s torturing me~ We were doing so well yesterday morning but then…please? I know you want it too~’

‘Oppa…we can’t be loud here…’

‘We’ll be quiet then.’

(Soondeok fists Eun)

‘Aigoo…I can…but I know you can’t.’

‘Of course I can!’

‘Shh! Stop lying, Oppa. I know you better than you know yourself. Remember last time when we were having fun and the next day we got a complaint from our neighbour…’

‘He wasn’t complaining about us, Deok ah…just…you know…’

(Eun sighs with disappointment)

‘So…is that a no?’

‘Wait a while longer, Oppa, hm? Tomorrow night, when we’re back in our home – with thicker walls~’

(Soondeok runs her finger tip on Eun’s collarbone)

‘Fine…if that’s what you want…aish…’

(Eun blows out the candles, both of them sleep in silence. Soondeok suddenly kisses Eun)

‘Deok ah…’

‘We can still kiss, Oppa~’

‘Ooohh, sounds nice. But don’t be too much, or I really will-’

(Soondeok kisses Eun, the way he likes it. She bits his lips softly, hunger for him to take part in this dance. Eun responds right away, his tongue busy satisfying his wife while he places his hand behind her head to bring her closer. Sounds of their kissing echoes in the room.)

‘Oh Oppa, give me more~’

‘Should I kiss elsewhere, Deok ah?’

‘Naughty~’

‘Just kidding. Let’s call it a day.’

‘Oppa, I’ve got to say, your acting tonight is superb. I love it~’

‘Still, I wish I’ll never have to do it again. Pretending to hate you is way harder than pretending to love you.’

‘Well, do you really, love me?’

‘Baby, you know I do.’

‘I know, I just want to hear it, from you.’

‘I love you, Soondeok ah. I really do.’

‘Good night, Oppa. Sleep well~’

‘You too, my dear wife. See you in my dream~’

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(Next day, Soondeok drags herself out of bed as she feels sick yet again)

‘What’s wrong with me? I didn’t even eat much last night…’

‘Soondeok ah, you alright? Oh heck, what am I saying? Of course you’re not alright! Deok ah, you need to see the doctor now, I’ll call him over.’

(Soondeok halts him)

‘No, don’t. I…I’m fine, just want to vomit, that’s all, no big deal.’

‘No big deal? Look at you honey! This won’t do, I’ll have someone check on you now.’

‘Don’t! Urgh-’

(Soondeok once again tries to empty her stomach but nothing will come out, Eun pats her back for her)

‘There there there…you feeling better?’

‘No…’

‘Deok ah, you should stay in bed today.’

‘But Oppa…the family gathering…’

‘Forget about that! Your health is more important than that stupid gathering.’

‘Still…it wouldn’t be right if I miss it. I have to say hi at least…’

‘Deok ah, why won’t you listen to me?’

‘I’m fine, Oppa, really! I’m feeling better now…’

‘You sure?’

‘I think I’ll skip breakfast though…don’t really have the stomach for it…’

‘Is it really because of my pork belly? It’s been days already, honey…’

‘Well…I think it’s a pretty good lesson. Never eat a pork belly, a whole pork belly, in one go~ Oink oink~’

‘Honey, now’s no time for joke.’

(Soondeok holds Eun’s hands)

‘I’m fine, Oppa. Just fine. Come on, let’s go to that gathering of yours and leave the palace when it’s over.’

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(At the family gathering, Soondeok’s still not feeling too well – though much better than in the morning; she asks Eun, while whispering, if she can retire to their room)

‘You sure you can go back by yourself?’

‘I can, your highness. I’ll wait for you, I promise.’

‘Want me to tell someone to go with you? You know, in case you faint or something.’

‘I won’t, don’t worry. Besides…if you really hate me…you don’t do that would you?’

‘Alright, take care. I’ll go back as soon as this is over. It won’t be long now, His Majesty will give the final toast then it’s done. You can last that long, can’t you?’

‘Of course I can. I’ll wait for you there.’

(Soondeok gives Eun’s hand a little squeeze under the table before she pardons herself and leave)

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(2 maids mumbling outside the venue, Haesoo walks pass and catches them talking)

‘What are you two doing? What were you two mumbling about?’

‘Lady Haesoo…we…we were…’

‘Didn’t I tell you all not to chit-chat while on duty?’

‘I’m sorry, my lady.’

‘Tell me, what’s going on.’

‘Well…it’s that…we were sent to deliver a message but…neither of us wants to…’

‘How dare you two? Don’t you know it’s against the law to withhold any message sent?’

(Both maids fall face-down on the ground)

‘Forgive us, my lady.’

‘What was the message?’

‘It’s…you see…it’s for the 10th prince…it’s about his wife…but we know how much he loathes his wife, my lady. We were afraid that, if we deliver the message, he’ll…grow grumpy and all.’

‘What about his wife?’

(Haesoo starts to grow concerned)

‘Speak up!’

‘She…Lady Soondeok fainted on her way back to her quarters…the royal physician is seeing her now…’

‘You two must be out of your mind! How can you hesitate in delivering this important message? I’ll get back to you two later, but right now, I think there’s not a minute to spare.’

(Haesoo hastily rushes into the venue and finds Eun)

‘Oh Haesoo ah!’

‘Your highness! You have to go at once!’

‘What’s wrong?’

‘It’s your wife, your highness, I’m afraid-’

(But before she could finish her sentence, Eun’s already dashed out of the venue)

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‘Soondeok ah! Deok ah! Deok ah, are you alright?!’

(Eun runs towards his wife and kneels beside her bed, he looks at his wife – worried. The royal physician greets the prince upon his entry)

‘Your highness.’

‘Yes, how’s my wife doing? Is she alright?’

‘Your highness, it’s fortunate that she’s stable now. I’m sure she’ll wake up in no time.’

‘Oh, thank goodness!’

(Eun sighs while holding his wife’s hand)

‘Oh Deok ah…I thought you said you’ll be fine…’

‘But…your highness…’

‘Hmm?’

‘May…may I have a word with you, outside perhaps?’

‘Me? Oh…I see…okay, wait for me outside.’

(Eun wants to spend just a moment with his wife alone, then he kisses her on the forehead and goes outside)

‘What is it that you want to speak to me about?’

(Silence. The royal physician keeps his head down)

‘It’s alright. You can be honest with me…my wife…how’s her condition? Is it…is it really bad?’

‘Your highness.’

‘Yes?’

‘As the royal physician, you can rest assure I will not disclose my lady’s illness to anyone, but I’d need your help to know what kind of treatment best suits the lady.’

‘Sure thing. Is she…is it, serious?’

(The royal physician sighs. Eun starts to get annoyed)

‘Oh just speak up! I’m dying to know! What’s wrong with my wife?’

‘Your highness. First, your servant would need to get some things straight…’

‘Go ahead. Ask.’

‘Does…does the lady have any…say…heart problem in the past?’

‘Yes, yes she does, she still do now actually…she’s taking this medicine every day because of it.’

‘I see…just as I thought. Do you, perhaps, know which medication she’s taking now?’

‘I…I’m not sure about the name but…the doctor said that if she takes the medication, it’ll be difficult for her to-’

‘Carry a child, right?’

‘Yeah…right…do you know which medication it is, sir?’

‘I’m afraid I do, your highness…’

(Silence)

‘And… may I ask when’s her last menstrual period?’

‘Ex-excuse me?’

‘Pardon me for asking but, I mean…her period, last time…may I know when it was?’

‘Hmm…I don’t know…wait…hold on…let’s see…’

(Eun tries to think hard)

‘1…month…wait, no…2 months ago? I don’t know…something like that. Why?’

(The physician’s eyes widened)

‘Your…your highness…do you not know what this could imply?’

‘What…what does it mean? Is it bad? Is she sick?’

(The physician sighs as he tries to gather his thoughts. Silence.)

‘Unfortunately, I’m afraid I have some…bad…and good news for your highness. Which…which would you like to hear first?’

‘I…the…the good news first…’

‘Well, the good news is, your highness, the lady will be well once she takes the medicine again – back to her previous condition.’

‘So if she keeps taking the medicine, her illness won’t deteriorate?’

‘Yes, your highness. I can guarantee that. Her condition may even improve to a certain extent. She can continue to run, to ride, to do whatever she has been capable of doing previously.’

‘Oh good! Wait…take the medicine again? What…what do you mean? She takes it every day already.’

‘I’m afraid… it hasn’t been the case, your highness. From your wife’s current condition, it would seem that she’s stopped taking the medicine quite a while ago. A month at least, for her heart to reach such poor state.’

‘Poor…poor state? Stop the medication? How? I mean…why? Wait…so you’re saying that she’s stopped taking them on purpose? W-why? Why would she do that?’

‘Why do you think, your highness?’

(Eun freezes on the spot)

‘Oh don’t…don’t tell me…it’s because…I mean, come on. My wife wouldn’t do such a thing.’

‘I do hope you’re right, your highness…but that leads us to the bad news…’

‘Go…go on.’

‘Your highness…Lady Soondeok is in her first trimester.’

‘Tri… what?’

‘I mean…the Lady is with child, your highness.’

(Silence, Eun blinks as he lets the news sink in)

‘Ch-child…child, you say? Did you say…so you’re saying that…’

(The doctor bows deeply)

‘Yes, your highness, your wife is pregnant.’

‘P-pregnant? You…you sure?’

‘Yes, I’m sure. The child’s pulse…is...your servant…I myself… can feel it.’

‘Really?! A…a child?!’

(Eun can hardly believe it, he yells with joy and exclaims with astonishment.)

‘So, I’m going to be a father? Me? Father? Wow! Really? YES!!! Soondeok ah! We did it! WOOHOO!!!!’

(But then his smile slowly disappears)

‘Wait…you…you said this was bad news. W-why?’

(Silence)

‘Is…is the child…problematic? Is it…weak? Is our child-’

‘No, Your highness, on the contrary, the child is strong and healthy-’

‘That’s good then! Gosh, you got me worried back then.’

‘Your highness…it’s not the child…it’s the mother.’

‘M…mother? You mean, my wife?’

‘The…the burden is too great for the lady to carry; her heart cannot deal with this…this new life.’

‘What…what are you saying?’

‘What I’m saying is…if this continues, I’m afraid the lady’s heart will…fail, long before the child is born. The first thing we must attend to is the health of the mother…but…’

(Silence)

‘Then…just give her that medicine you said earlier, doctor. You can do that, can’t you? You said she’ll get better once she takes it again. And now she’s got our child, it’ll be okay for her to take the medicine, right?’

‘Your highness…Please just punish me…Forgive your servant of his incompetence!’

(The royal physician falls on his knees)

‘What are you saying? Why are you like this? Don’t…get up now, you did nothing wrong.’

‘Your highness…I’m afraid…once the lady starts taking the medicine…the child…the child will…’

‘The child will…will what?’

‘Will…cease to be...I know it’s hard, but you must make the decision now, your highness.’

‘Oh come on! You don’t know what you’re saying, doctor. You’re not making sense!’

‘I only wish that’s the case, your highness.’

‘Wait…so…you’re serious? No, no, no! No! There’s got to be another way!’

(Eun falls to the floor and begs the doctor)

‘You…you’re the best doctor in all of Goryeo! Surely you know some other way! Some…some other medication! Yes, medication, some other herbs or whatever! I mean, you must! Surely! You know how…to save both my wife and our child! Oh please tell me you do!’

‘Your highness…Please just…please just punish your servant…there…there is no other way…none of which your servant knows of…Your servant has been a doctor for half a century and…oh Your highness, please just punish me!’

(Silence. Eun gets up and looks far out – trying to hold back his tears, trying to think calm, trying to look alright, trying to think better of the situation)

‘I mean…It can’t be that bad…like…’

‘Your highness…’

‘Let…let me get this straight, doctor. So now…right now…’

(Eun starts to choke on his words though trying to get his words out)

‘You’re asking me to choose… between my child and my wife…am I right? That…if my wife do not take the medicine, she’d die…am I right? To save…either my child, or my wife…right?’

‘No…no your highness…it’s…not choosing either one… Your highness, it’s whether to let your child go…or let both your child and your wife go…There…there’s no way…the lady can last till the child is born, your highness.’

(Silence. Eun still refuses to accept this.)

‘How…how long, if she doesn’t take the medicine, can she last?’

‘Your highness…’

‘It’s alright. Tell me what you think. Tell me truthfully. How long…how long will my wife…stay with me, if she doesn’t take the medicine?’

‘Judging from her condition right now. At best…a month…but if my lady is not lucky…about…1 week…at most…your highness…I’m sorry…’

(Tears roll down Eun’s cheeks, he closes his eyes, wanting to shut himself out of the painful truth. He could picture Soondeok sobbing in his embrace at the lost of their child, the child they’ve never met. He stumbles forward to lean on the pillar, stopping himself from falling down, from getting caught in this whirlwind of tragedy. At last, he opens his eyes and says firmly)

‘Prepare the medicine.’

‘Yes?’

‘Go and prepare the medicine now! I must save my wife. Save my wife at all costs. You must save her, no matter what. I don’t care if you use expensive medicine, I’ll pay for it! Just save her! Understand?’

‘Yes…your highness…I also do think it'd be better for you to tell her than I myself- ’

'She won't know. I won't tell her.'

'I...I beg your pardon, your highness?'

(Eun takes a step closer and stares at the physician with his red teary eyes)

‘And you…don’t…don’t let my wife know that she’s with child, that she is carrying our child.'

'Oh but your highness! Do you intend to keep this a secret? But surely, the Lady knows.'

'I’m pretty sure she still hasn’t realized this fact yet, doctor. But! If you dare utter a word to her about it, I swear, I’ll have you and your entire family executed the moment I realize it, understand?’

'I...'

'She'll refuse to take the medicine, if she ever finds out she's pregnant. I can't let that happen. I can't let her know. No one can let her know. Understand?!'

‘Yes, your highness! I’ll bring in the medicine once it’s ready.’

(The physician hurries to prepare the medicine while Eun wails alone outside before going back in to be with his wife)

 

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(Soondeok slowly regains consciousness, she could feel Eun’s hand holding hers. She looks at her husband, who’s been with her for a long time without her knowing, kneeling beside the bed, praying for a miracle to happen.)

‘O…Oppa…’

(Eun looks up in a flash)

‘Deok ah! Oh Deok ah, you’re awake! Oh thank goodness!’

(Eun forces a smile through his tears as he kisses his wife’s hand)

‘Oppa…I’m sorry…I must’ve worried you so…again…’

‘Oh don’t be, honey…I’m glad you’re alright. Are you feeling better?’

(Soondeok nods slightly. The royal physician calls from outside)

‘Your highness, it’s me.’

‘Come in.’

(The physician comes in with the bowl of medicine and places it on the table)

‘I see my lady is awake. How are you feeling, Lady Soondeok?’

‘Fine, thanks to you.’

‘Well, forgive me but I’d need to take your pulse one last time before giving you the medicine.’

‘Oh sure.’

(Soondeok holds her wrist out. The doctor didn’t say anything while taking it.)

‘Yes, My Lady, you’ll be all well after taking the medicine, I can reassure you that.’

‘Thank you, doctor.’

(The doctor nods at Eun, Eun’s heart almost stopped – nothing can be done now, it’s all set, a miracle didn’t happen as he’d hoped it would. Eun returns a slight nod to him.)

‘Then…I shall leave you two to it. Your highness, my lady.’

(Physician leaves. Eun holds the bowl.)

‘D…Deok ah…here…’

(A tear drop fell into the bowl)

‘Oppa…why are you crying?’

‘I’m not…not crying…’

(Eun sniffs, trying to sound alright)

‘Oh dear me…did I scare you because I fainted? I’m sorry, Oppa…You must’ve been worried sick…I really am sorry…’

‘No, it’s not that…I…’

(Eun puts the bowl back on the table in fear that he’d drop it, he weeps uncontrollably – sadness tears his heart to pieces. And what’s worse is that this time, he can’t share his feelings with his beloved wife, he has to deal with it all by himself.)

‘Oh honey…I’m sorry…Deok ah…I’m so so so very sorry…’

(Soondeok sits up and hugs her husband who’s crying hard like a child)

‘Oppa…what do you have to be sorry about? It’s not your fault…really…I stopped taking the medicine…which is probably why I’m like this now…there there, stop crying, hm? Be good and stop crying, Oppa…’

‘Oh darling…it’s…it’s not that…I’m not crying because of that…it’s our…our…oh Deok ah…aaaahhhh…Deok ah… I…I’m sorry I can’t do anything…’

(Eun hugs Soondeok tighter, mourning for the loss which is bound to happen – the loss of his first child, one he’s been longing for, one he’ll never meet, one he’ll never talk to.)

‘My child, I’m sorry…please forgive your father…’

‘Oppa…something must’ve upset you today…there there, cry all you want…I’m here for you.’

‘My dear child…I’m sorry your father can’t do anything for you…you’ll forgive your father, right? No, don’t forgive me, don’t forgive your father…I don’t deserve your forgiveness, my child…’

‘Oppa, once I’m done with the medicine, let’s go home. I don’t want to stay in the palace…I’m sure you don’t either. These past few days must’ve been tiring for you.’

‘Goodbye, my child…I love you. I’ll love your mother, I’ll love her with all my life, you’ll save her…it won’t go in vain…I promise…dear child…’

(Eun looks at his wife)

‘Soondeok ah…can I…can I take your pulse?’

‘Hm? My pulse? Sure…but, why?’

‘Because I want to feel my child…I’d like to touch his pulse, at the very least…to tell him how much I love him…’

‘Oppa…’

‘I…I’m just curious…that’s all, Deok ah.’

(Soondeok smiles.)

‘Here. Place your fingers like this.’

(Eun tries to fight back the tears which were bound to flood out from his eyes the moment he feels his child’s pulse – small, delicate but present. Soondeok grins weakly as she watches her husband taking the pulse seriously)

‘Oppa…what’s wrong? Did you leave your tear-tap on or what? Why’re you crying this hard? Aigoo… I mean…it’s not my first time being sick…’

‘Oh honey, I wish it’ll just end…everything…this…sadness…pain…’

‘It’s alright, Oppa…I’ve grown used to it. Death’s my friend now, we see each other every now and then…and once you get to know death more, it’s not as scary as you think.’

‘You still have to heart to joke around, Deok ah?’

‘If it can make you stop sobbing…’

(Silence. Eun give Soondeok her medicine and she gulps it down in one go. It is finished.)

‘Ooohh~ Bitter. Boy, I’m starting to miss the days I skipped the medicine…’

‘Why did you, Deok ah…you want to die or what?’

‘Well…at first I just wanted to try a day or two but then…you’re not mad, right? I’m sorry, Oppa…’

‘No…don’t be. Now that you’re alright…that’s good…that’s all that matters…as long as you can stay by my side…’

‘Oppa…’

‘Soondeok ah. I’ll save you, no matter what. Nothing can take you away from me – I won’t let you die, Deok ah. I’ll find a way, I’ll definitely find a way, I’ll find another medicine for you – then…finally, we can have our own child. I promise, Deok ah, I will find a way to cure your heart, I will…trust me honey…I will…’

(Soondeok dries Eun’s tears and gives him a peck on the lips)

‘My dear husband, I’m not going anywhere, you can rest assure. I love you. And if there’s one breath in me, I’ll stay right next to you.’

‘Soondeok ah. I’ve just killed our child…would you say so if you had known? Would you still love me…if you know what I’ve done?’

---------------------------------------------

Eun’s diary

Today, I mourn for the loss of my first child.

Yes, it all happened so quickly, it was stupid of me not to have realized, there were so many signs. But it’s all in the past now, our Byul will be happy in heaven. I’ve decided to name my first child Byul – “star” – after all, it was the shooting star which has granted Soondeok’s wish. Why did I even bother naming our child? I suppose it’s because I don’t want to make it as if our child never existed. No, to me, it was and will always be, my first child.

How long will I be able to hide this fact from my wife? Will she hate me if she had known? No, I’ve done what I must, I have no regrets. I did what I promised, I did what I could to save her, and that’s what’s most important. If I were to make the decision once again, I too will do the same thing.

Mother has agreed, Soondeok and I will be spending our time till spring at Grandpa’s residence in the mountains – I hope Soondeok will heal better there, away from the city, let the healing energy of the mountains mend her body. I sure hope it’ll do her good. It’ll also be a great opportunity for me to study medicine – though I hate reading and all, I’ll do it for my wife. There’s got to be another way, for her heart to stay healthy and well while not having all those side effects. Till the day I die, I shall pursuit this medicine. Maybe I should send a letter to Yixing, who knows? Perhaps the Chinese physicians do know how to help my wife. I’ll send him the letter tomorrow. I miss him so, I hope he’s doing well and taking care of himself in the middle-lands.

My wife’s now sleeping, occasionally groaning in pain due to her cramps. If only I could share the pain, if only there’s something I can do to help her, if only, I’m not dumb as I am now.  Never before have I felt so useless in my life.

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[What Eun doesn’t know is that if it weren’t for this incident, him and his wife really would then never be able to hold their child in the future. If it weren’t for this, he wouldn’t be able to see any of his beautiful children years later. But as for now, there is a pain he must endure, a pain which will motivate him to make this dream come true. Pain, is not as bad as it seems. Time, will prove what’s right, right. Love, will help him pull through it all. Challenges, will strengthen love once it’s over.]

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SPEEEDYGONZALES #1
Chapter 131: Thank us for reading? Thank YOU for creating a story as consistent and well-fitting for the characters Baekhera were able to portray. You write so well and stay true to their personality from the start to the end, I enjoyed reading this book so much. Tbh, The chapter count surprised me and I didn’t think I’d be able to finish it because I was only looking for a small fanfic to satisfy my Baekhera fantasies yet you accomplished that and more! Your story was captivating and well paced, I finished the book in three days! I don’t think many got to fully appreciate I you so on behalf of us shippers, I thank you! ;)
KimN97 #2
Chapter 131: Beautiful story. For so long I looked for a story to read for this couple. You gave them the story and ending they deserved 🥰 can’t wait for the sequel
KeemNoona #3
❤️❤️❤️
ezakimsoo #4
I cant believe this ended already
ezakimsoo #5
I cant believe this ended already
Turellia_Del_Rynn #6
Chapter 131: Thank you so much to have written this! I’ve been reading this fic for a month and I sure enjoyed every second of it ?!
SabrinaM
#7
Chapter 131: Thanks to you we, Baekhera shippers, got to spend an amazing time while reading your fiction!
Thanks to you again, a lot ?
PS: WE NEED AN EPILOGUE WITH SOME BABIES!!!!
KimFaSooBaek
#8
Chapter 131: THANK YOU SO MUCHHHHHHHHHH
ezakimsoo #9
Chapter 131: Wheres the baby?? I need spin off?
pandaxonce
1241 streak #10
Chapter 131: Thank you so much for this ^^